雅思5.5分 作文范文参考

●批改By Will
本次批改严格按照ILETS大作文评分标准进行。

ILETS大作文评分项：TR (论证扣题度), CC (连贯性及一致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源)。

文末会进行总评及打分。

●文中标识：
用词不当逻辑错误语法错误修改添加
With the rate of economy and the development of technology, people in the public hunger (表述不当，可改为in poorer condition)to receive more money to improve the level of their lifestyle. Under this background, many people start to doing part-time job. In my opinion, the disadvantages of this outweigh its advantages. There are some reasons to explain it.
First for the most (注意词组不要漏词，first and for most), taking temporary jobs can make bring heavier work pressure. In modern city, there are too much (后面的‘difficulties’是可数名词，改为many) challenging difficulties for people to overcome. It can waste their power (用词不当，改为energy)and let them not dynamic(词不达意，无法理解这里想表达什么意思). Then, part-time jobs usually start on weekend or evening which in this period for people in the public to keep balance in their health (这句话句法结构不完整，其中没有谓语，表达也不太恰当。

改为: in which the body keeps its balance). If people who have part-time jobs still work hard, they will be nervous for main jobs. So, everyone should focus on main jobs because it can help them to achieve a high grade. It’s clear that disadvantages of them (指代不清，应写出‘part-time jobs’) can cause serious mistakes.
In addition to this, part-time jobs are not suitable for some people’s major. Nowadays, diverse kinds of part-time jobs need suitable people to work. If they choose wrong jobs, they will feel terrible and can’t earn respect from others. Just like (just like后加名词作状语，不能加句子或单独作为状语，改为for example，) someone is good at teaching, but he choose a worker for his part-time job. Tried (要用名词作主语，改为Tiredness) dominated his body and take control of his main job. These negative affects can influence the waste of resource (用词不当，不该用’influence’，改为：can induce the waste of resources).
To sum up, people in the mordent city almost suffer from heavier work pressure. Whatever how much money they can receive, people should consternate to their major. In my opinion, this way is not a positive measure to reduce struggles from other aspects. So, I claim that
disadvantages of temporary jobs are more than the advantages.
总评5.5 (TR5.5 CC5.5 LR5.0 GRA5.5)
1.语法问题不多，但是句型变化不多。

2.用词不当依旧是比较严重的问题，可以总结一下你每次哪些词用的不对吧，一起复习。

3.下一次试图写一下问题的双边，不是说你支持一边就不用说另一边的，这样显得比较片面，内容上也不太完整。