Moonlight over the Lotus Pond 荷塘月色 翻译批评 翻译比较

Moonlight over the Lotus Pond

----------on the part of rhetoric and synaesthetic The translation has two versions, one is by YangXianyi, and the other is by ZhuChunshen. I love ZhuChunshen’s translation the best. Zhu’s translation gives a more deep description of the original text, and is more artistic and form-focused. Compare Zhu’s translation with Yang’s translation, Yang’s translation is in a straightway and is more easy to understand, the words he choose is more common. However, in Zhu’s translation he focus on the original version, choose ever word carefully and properly. In a rhetoric angle, Zhu’s version is more based on the original one. Let’s have a look on the translation of the comparison and analogy.

The original text uses a lot of fancy and aesthetic figures of speeches. Zhu chooses proper words to show the image of the original text. For example:

月光如流水一般，静静地泻在这一片叶子和花上。薄薄的青雾浮起在荷塘里。叶子和花仿佛在牛乳中洗过一样；又像笼着轻纱的梦.

The moon sheds her liquid ligh t silently over the leave and flowers, which, in the floating transparency of a bluish haze from the pond, look as if they had just been bath ed in milk, or like a dream wrapped in a gauzy hood. (朱纯深)

Moonlight cascaded like water over the lotus leaves and flowers, and a light blue mist floating up from the pool made them seem wash ed in milk or caught in a gauzy dream. (杨宪益)

“如流水一般”, Zhu’s translation is “shed her liquid light”, give a vivid expression of the moonlight and more apropos with the original one. Yang’s translation is “cascaded like water”, this one even also describe the “流水”, however it lose the implication of the author.

And in describe of “薄薄的轻雾”, Zhu’s translation uses this word “transparency” to depict the obscurity of the haze, and Yang use the word “light”, it shows the haze, however it lose the obscurity feeling of the original text, and it doesn’t come up to the former one to better perform the meaning of the author.

For the description of “仿佛牛乳中洗过”, Zhu uses the word “bath”, it still has the meaning of “浸泡”, so it can better express the implication of the original text, in my opinion the word “bath” is more proper and content-focused than the word “wash”. Another example is “月光是隔了树照过来的，高处丛生的灌木，落下参差的斑驳的黑影，峭楞楞如鬼一般；弯弯的杨柳的稀疏的倩影，却又像是画在荷叶上。”

The moonlight is streaming down through the foliage, casting bushy shadows on the ground from high above, jagged and checkered, as grotesque as a party of specters; whereas the benign figures of the drooping willows, here and there, look like paintings on the lotus leaves. (朱纯深)

As the moon shone from behind them, the dense trees on the hills threw checkered shadows, dark forms loomed like devils,and the sparse, graceful shadows of willows seemed painted on the lotus leaves. (杨宪益)

“如鬼一般”,Zhu’s translation is “as grotesque as a party of specters”, Yang’s translation is “loomed like devils”. We can see that the word “grotesque as a party” is iconic to show the specters. Yang’s translation is more direct to understand, however it lose the sense of beauty.