英语笑话

Teacher: Now, Jonathan, if I gave you three rabbits and then the next day I gave you five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have?
Jonathan: Nine, sir.
Teacher: Nine?
Jonathan: I've got one already, sir.
多少只兔子？
老师：好，乔纳森，假如我给你三只兔子，第二天我又给你五只，你一共有多少只兔子？
乔纳森：一共有九只，先生。

老师：九只？
乔纳森：先生，我本来就有一只。

Knows Better 医生懂得多
A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."
"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院。

他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说：“我想他伤得很厉害。

”
医生说：“恐怕他已经死了。

”
听到医生的话，这个男人转动着头说：“我没死，我还活着。

”
妻子说：“安静，医生比你懂得多。

”
[ti:you never can tell]
[al:grand tour]
you can never tell
你永远无法预测
lrc:donglai.j
to my love yao
it was a teenage wedding, and the old folks wished them well
这是年轻人的婚礼,老人们给他们祝福
you could see that pierre did truly love the mademoiselle
你可以看出来,皮埃尔真的爱这个女孩
and now the young monsieur and madame have rung the chapel bell,
年轻的先生和女士(新郎和新娘)敲响了教堂的钟
"c'est la vie", say the old folks, it go to show you never can tell
"这就是生活"老人们说,你永远无法预测
they furnished off an apartment with a two room roebuck sale
他们用大减价的东西装修家
the coolerator was crammed with tv dinners and ginger ale,
冰箱里都是快餐和酒
but when pierre found work, the little money comin' worked out well
当皮埃尔找到了工作,钱派上了用场
"c'est la vie", say the old folks, it go to show you never can tell
"这就是生活"老人们说,你永远无法预测
they had a hi-fi phono, boy, did they let it blast
他们有个音响,整天震耳欲聋
seven hundred little records, all rock, rhythm and jazz
七百张唱片,全都是摇滚,节奏,爵士乐
but when the sun went down, the rapid tempo of the music fell
但是太阳下山时,音乐的节奏慢了下来
"c'est la vie", say the old folks, it go to show you never can tell
"这就是生活"老人们说,你永远无法预测
they bought a souped-up jitney, was a cherry red '53,
他们买了辆高性能的jitney,是53年的樱桃红色车
drove down to new orleans to celebrate the anniversary
开到新奥里昂庆祝结婚周年
it was there where pierre was married to the lovely mademoiselle
在那里,皮埃尔和可爱的女孩共结连理
"c'est la vie", say the old folks, it go to show you never can tell
"这就是生活"老人们说,你无法预测
--music--
they had a teenage wedding, and the old folks wished them well
这是年轻人的婚礼,老人们给他们祝福
you could see that pierre did truly love the mademoiselle
你可以看出来,皮埃尔真的爱这个女孩
and now the young monsieur and madame have rung the chapel bell,
年轻的先生和女士(新郎和新娘)敲响了教堂的钟
"c'est la vie", say the old folks, it go to show you never can tell
"这就是生活"老人们说,你永远无法预测
--end--
So you wanna be a gangster?
T ell me just one thing
What you know about being a hard-man?
Your mum buys your bling
Your pockets getting bigger but you couldn't pull the trigger if you need to
Cause you haven't got it
So you might as well quit
[ Verse 1: Dizzee Rascal ]
I'm moving, couldn't be losing
Nothing but a success thing, I'm proving Nothing to you half-heart wasters
Standing there yap-yap-yapping on cruising Nobody dictates, I'm choosing
Where I go, what I do with my life, stupid
And I hold my own, I'm Raskit
You better watch your tone, you spastic
'low it, you're not heartless
Nothing but a lot of hot air, you're harmless
I keep getting my paper regardless
Your words don't faze me, I'm marvelous
Age 22, zero tolerance
And I ain't got no time for the nonsense
You wanna see me, come to my concerts
And we can do it on stage with a audience [Hook]
[ Verse 2: Dizzee Rascal ]
Beef, stripes, guts, glory
All these hype bredders in the club bore me
I wish when I'd come through they'd ignore me I really can't deal with another war story Bredders in my face with a fist full of paper Trying to make out they're a big money maker T alking all loud (Better know man a hustler)
I ain't got time, rudeboy, see you later
And I can't forget these groupies following Fronting, raving, ranting, hollering
Yeah, I know I shouldn't be complaining
But these Jezebels do my brain in
(I ain't no groupie, who ya calling Jezebel? Don't chat to me like I'm just any girl)
Ah security, somebody move her
(I don't wanna talk to you anyway, loser) [Hook]
[ Bridge: Lily Allen - 2X ]
That whip don't make you a big man (Nah mate) That chain don't make you a big man (Nah mate) I know you think you're a big man (What mate?) But really you're just a waste, man ('low it)
[ Verse 3: Dizzee Rascal ]
Yo, let me wrap it up while I've still got time
Ain't nobody telling about no Grime
Cause I know where I stand with it, I'm fine Handle your biz, I'm handling mine
Everybody chatting 'bout black-on-black crime All I see is the blind leading the blind
I wanna leave all the pettiness behind
You don't really want to see me cross that line Leave me alone or you'll be sorry
Beef ain't nothing new to me, you wally
Why don't you just kick back, be jolly
Stay at home with a cup of tea, watch Corrie
I'm not listening anyway, man
Who rattled your cage anyway, man
Ain't no slacking with this young man
Do what I gotta do everyday, fam
[Hook]。