英语作文得分16,认为分数不合理小作文

英语作文得分16,认为分数不合理小作文
全文共6篇示例，供读者参考
篇1
My English Essay Got an Unfair Score of 16
I am so mad about the score I got on my last English essay. I worked really, really hard on it and I think I deserve way more than a 16 out of 20. When Mrs. Thompson handed back our graded essays, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw that terrible score written at the top of my paper in red ink. A 16? For all the effort I put into that essay? No way!
First of all, I followed all the directions to a T. The assignment was to write a five paragraph essay about our favorite family vacation. I made sure to have an introduction paragraph that stated the main idea and hooked the reader. I had three body paragraphs that each gave a different reason why that trip to Disney World was the best vacation ever. And I wrapped it all up with a conclusion paragraph that restated my main points. The format was perfect.
Not only did I nail the structure, but I also worked super hard on making my descriptions really detailed and using a ton of
examples to back up my reasons. I spent hours thinking about all the magical moments from that trip - like when I hugged Mickey Mouse, when I went on the Haunted Mansion ride, and when we watched the amazing fireworks show over Cinderella's castle at night. I painted such a vivid picture with my words that I'm sure the reader could imagine being right there with us.
My vocabulary was also on point. I made sure to use lots of great adjectives and vary up my sentence starters. Instead of just saying "I liked the ride," I wrote "The exhilarating roller coaster filled me with anticipation as I awaited the first big drop." See? Isn't that so much more interesting and descriptive? I thought using fancier words like that would really impress Mrs. Thompson.
And let's not forget about the excellent editing job I did. I had my mom proofread my essay like five times to catch any silly mistakes with spelling, capitalization, or punctuation. We also moved some sentences around to make sure everything flowed smoothly. By the time I turned it in, that essay was polished to perfection. Not a single error anywhere!
So with such a well-organized, descriptive, nicely worded, and carefully edited essay, how in the world did I only get a 16 out of 20? That's basically a B minus. For all that hard work, I
should have scored much higher - like a 19 or 20. A super
well-written essay like mine deserved an A for sure.
I tried to get some explanation from Mrs. Thompson about why I didn't get a higher score, but she just made some lame excuse about how I didn't fully answer all aspects of the prompt. What is she talking about? The prompt was to describe a favorite family vacation and clearly that's exactly what I did. In fact, I probably went above and beyond by including sooo many little details.
Maybe she didn't think my vocabulary was as great as I thought. But I looked up so many of those words to make sure I was using them correctly. And varying my sentences starters is supposed to make your writing more interesting, right? That's what I had learned.
Or maybe she thought my examples and descriptions could have been even better. But I worked so hard on painting that picture in the reader's mind of what the vacation was like. Isn't that the most important part of a descriptive essay?
I just don't get it. When I put that much time and effort into an assignment, I deserve to be rewarded with a higher score. A 16 out of 20 just doesn't seem fair at all for what I thought was a truly excellent essay. This isn't the first time I've felt this way
either. Last year, I got a 17 out of 20 on my personal narrative essay about the time I broke my arm - and I worked really hard on that one too. It's so frustrating!
From now on, I'm going to be sure to get some more clear guidance from the teacher on what exactly they're looking for in an essay. I'll ask a ton of questions when we get the assignment so there's no confusion. And maybe I'll even ask to look at a sample of an essay that would get a perfect 20 score. That way I can really see what makes an A+ paper. Because this kid is an amazing writer, and I'm not going to stop until I start getting the grades I deserve!
篇2
My English Essay Got a 16 and That's Not Fair!
I just got my English essay back from Ms. Johnson and I'm really mad about the score I got. I worked super hard on that essay, way harder than a lot of the other kids in my class. But Ms. Johnson only gave me a 16 out of 20! That's not fair at all.
The essay was supposed to be about what we want to be when we grow up. I really tried my best and spent a long time writing and rewriting it to make it good. I did a ton of editing and
rewrote the whole thing like three times. My mom even helped me go over it.
In the essay, I wrote all about how I want to be a scientist when I grow up, maybe even an astrobiologist studying life on other planets! How cool would that be? I wrote about how I've always loved science and space, ever since I was a little kid. I wrote all about my favorite scientists like Neil deGrasse Tyson and Jane Goodall. I tried to use really descriptive words to make it interesting.
I talked about how when I was 6 years old, my grandpa took me to the science museum and that's what first got me interested in science. I loved seeing all the dinosaur skeletons and the planetarium show about the solar system. From that point on, I was hooked on science. I would check out every book about planets and animals from the library. My parents even got me a kid's chemistry set and a telescope for my birthday one year.
In 3rd grade, I did my science fair project on the life cycle of butterflies and that's when I decided I definitely wanted to be some kind of scientist. Ms. Miller, my 3rd grade teacher, let me borrow a bunch of books from the school library about butterflies and other insects. I worked really hard on that project,
uncovering the different stages and drawing pictures. I even got to watch the butterflies go through metamorphosis in my own little habitat. It was so amazing!
There's just something so fascinating to me about exploring the unknown, asking questions, and making new discoveries. That's why I think being a scientist would be the best job ever, especially an astrobiologist. Can you imagine being one of the first people to find evidence of life on another planet? That would be unbelievable! I would get to travel to other worlds and study their atmospheres, geology, potential for life, and more. How incredibly exciting!
For my essay, I tried to describe how studying life on other planets would be both challenging and rewarding. The challenges could include traveling long distances in space, dealing with different atmospheres and gravities, and keeping myself and my experiments safe in extreme environments. But the potential rewards would be out of this world (no pun intended!). Just think about how much we could learn that could help advance biology, chemistry, physics, astronomy, and tons of other fields here on Earth. Those discoveries could lead to all kinds of amazing new technologies that improve our lives.
I also talked about how I would prepare by taking lots of science classes in topics like biology, chemistry, physics, geology, and astronomy. I'd have to get excellent grades and work as hard as possible to get into a good college. Then I'd have to get an advanced degree like a PhD to be qualified to lead my own astrobiology missions and research projects. It would take years and years of difficult work, but I'm prepared to study that long because I'm so passionate about this field.
Anyway, I worked really, really hard on this essay about my dream career. I proofread it over and over. I made sure to include descriptive details and adjectives. I tried to paint a vivid picture in the reader's mind of what it would be like to be an astrobiologist exploring other planets. And my grammar and spelling were on point. So why on Earth did Ms. Johnson give me such a low score?!
When I asked her about it, she said my essay was
well-written for the most part, but that I didn't really follow the directions. She said the prompt was to write about what we want to BE when we grow up, like a job or career. But instead, I wrote more about what I want to DO, which is explore space and study other planets. She took off points because I didn't stick to the prompt closely enough.
That's just not fair! I feel like I did a great job painting a picture of what astrobiologist is and why I'm so interested in that career. Yeah, I went into a lot of details about the hands-on work of an astrobiologist like traveling to other planets, running experiments, and making new discoveries. But isn't that basically what the job is?? You can't be an astrobiologist without doing those things!
Ms. Johnson tried to explain that the prompt wanted me to describe more about the job duties, training required, workplace environment, etc. of an astrobiologist. But I don't understand why they didn't just say that in the directions instead of being so vague. It said to write about what I want to BE, not specifically how to describe the career duties. Ugh, teachers can be so confusing and picky sometimes!
I put so much effort into that essay and got marked down for something I don't even think is fair. I really think I should have gotten a higher score, maybe even a 19 or 20. My paper was a lot more creative and engaging than some of my classmates who just wrote basic, boring descriptions like "I want to be a doctor because doctors help people and make good money." At least I made my essay fun to read!
Next time, I guess I'll have to be super literal about following the prompt, even if it makes my writing bland and dry. But it still doesn't seem right to take so many points off for that when my overall writing was strong. Mistakes like that are going to make it really hard for me to get the straight-As I need to pursue my astrobiologist dreams. I just hope I can learn from this for next time and that future teachers have more clear expectations than "write about what you want to BE." Because what I want to BE is an astrobiologist doing astrobiologist things! End of rant.
篇3
An Unfair Score of 16 on My English Essay
My name is Jamie and I'm a 5th grader at Oakwood Elementary School. I just got my grade back on the big English essay we had to write last week and I'm really upset about it. The essay was supposed to be about our favorite book and why we liked it so much. I worked super hard on mine, writing all about Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling. I love that book!
When Mrs. Anderson passed the graded essays back, I was shocked to see that I only got a 16 out of 25. A 16? That's not even a passing grade! I looked over at my friend Michael and he
had gotten a 23. How is that possible when I know I'm a way better writer than him? This grade didn't make any sense.
As soon as I got home from school, I marched right up to my mom and showed her my essay with the bad grade. "Mom, can you believe I only got a 16 on my English essay? That's not fair at all!" I said, trying not to cry. My mom looked surprised too. "Let me take a look at it," she said, sitting down on the couch to read through my essay.
"Jamie, this is really good writing," my mom told me after she finished reading it. "Your descriptions are so vivid and you make a lot of great points about why the book is amazing. I don't understand why you got such a low score."
I felt a little better knowing my mom thought my essay deserved a higher grade. But I was still really mad about the 16. I worked so hard on that essay, spending multiple nights staying up late to get it just right. My concluding paragraph was awesome, totally summing up how the magic and adventure in the book made you feel like you were really there at Hogwarts
篇4
My English Essay Got a 16 and That's Not Fair!
Ugh, I am so mad right now! My teacher, Mrs. Johnson, just handed back our essays from last week and gave me a horrible score of 16 out of 25. A 16?! That is so not fair at all. I worked really hard on that essay and she didn't give me nearly enough points. Let me tell you exactly what happened.
It all started last Tuesday when Mrs. Johnson assigned us to write a three paragraph essay about our favorite family vacation.
I thought that sounded like a fun topic because my family went on an awesome trip to Disney World last summer. As soon as I got home from school, I got started on my essay right away.
First, I wrote a really cool introduction paragraph. I started by saying "Have you ever gone on a trip that was so fun, you never wanted to leave? Well, that's how I felt during my family's vacation to Disney World last July." I think that's a great hook to get the reader interested right away. Then I introduced the main idea that I was going to write about our amazing Disney trip. Pretty solid opening paragraph if you ask me!
Next up was the big body paragraph where I had to give all the details and examples about our vacation. I worked really hard on this part to make it super descriptive and interesting. I wrote all about how we saw Mickey and Minnie in the parade, went on exciting rides like Splash Mountain, and ate delicious food like
turkey legs and Mickey-shaped pretzels. I used really vivid adjectives and even threw in some humor when I talked about my little brother getting so scared on the Haunted Mansion ride that he cried. This was definitely the best part of my essay.
To wrap it all up, I wrote my conclusion paragraph summarizing how it was such a magical experience that my family will never forget. I started the paragraph by rephrasing my hook from the introduction, which is what you're supposed to do.
I said something like "My family's vacation to Disney World was so incredibly wonderful that none of us wanted to leave and go back home." See, I did all the right things for a conclusion!
So with an introduction like that to grab the reader's attention, a super detailed and engaging body paragraph, and a solid conclusion that restated the main idea, I thought for sure I would get a good score on this essay. Maybe not a perfect 25, but at least in the 20s. A 16 is such a low score and I totally don't deserve that!
When I asked Mrs. Johnson about it after class, she said I didn't use enough "transition words" to connect my ideas and that my handwriting was kind of sloppy in some parts. Those are such minor things though! My essay had a great hook and
detailed examples and followed all the right structure. It definitely deserves way more than a measly 16 out of 25.
I am still really upset about this. Maybe I'll ask my parents to call Mrs. Johnson because I feel like she graded me totally unfairly. Or maybe I'll write her a letter explaining why I should get a higher score. I just don't understand how my essay could be rated so low when I worked really hard and followed all the instructions for what makes a good essay. A 16 is an awful score and I deserve much better than that. I'm a good writer, my essay was great, and I'm not going to stop fighting until I get the grade I rightfully earned!
篇5
My English Essay Got an Unfair Grade of 16
I just got my English essay back from Ms. Johnson and I'm really mad about the grade she gave me. I worked super hard on that essay and I think the score of 16 out of 100 is totally unfair! Let me tell you all about why I deserve a much higher grade.
The assignment was to write a five paragraph essay about our favorite holiday. For my topic, I chose to write about Halloween because it's my absolute favorite time of year. I love dressing up in a costume, going trick-or-treating to get lots of
candy, carving pumpkins, and doing other fun Halloween activities. So I was really excited about this writing assignment.
In my introduction paragraph, I started by saying "Halloween is the best holiday of the entire year!" To get the reader interested, I described some of the fun things about Halloween like wearing creepy costumes, decorating your house to look spooky, and eating way too much candy. I thought my hook sentence and the examples I used did a great job of introducing my main idea.
For my three body paragraphs, I had a different point to make about why Halloween is so amazing in each one. My first body paragraph was all about picking out the perfect costume. I talked about how you can be anything you want for one night - a superhero, a monster, a famous person from history, you name it!
I gave a bunch of examples of creative costumes kids at my school have worn in past years.
My second body paragraph was about trick-or-treating. I described the experience of walking around the neighborhood at night, ringing doorbells, and yelling "Trick or treat!" I talked about how excited I get to see what candy I get at each house. I also mentioned some of the best candies to receive like
chocolate, gummies, and full-size bars. Who doesn't love free candy?!
For my third body paragraph, I wrote about carving pumpkins and other fun Halloween activities. I talked about how I look forward to picking out the perfect pumpkin and then using markers and stencils to carve a cool design once it's hollowed out. I also mentioned other traditions like bobbing for apples, watching scary movies, and going to haunted houses or Halloween parties.
In my conclusion paragraph, I restated my main idea that Halloween is the best holiday due to the costumes, candy, and activities. I talked about how the entire month of October builds up excitement for the fun night of Halloween on October 31st. I ended by saying Halloween makes amazing childhood memories that I'll remember forever.
So as you can see, I put a lot of thought and effort into making my essay have a clear introduction, detailed body paragraphs with lots of examples and descriptions, and a conclusion that wrapped it all up. I worked really hard on using good vocabulary words, varying my sentence structure, and organizing the whole thing in a logical way.
Honestly, I thought it was one of the best essays I've written all year. Our teacher always says body paragraphs are the most important part, and I really focused on making those three paragraphs awesome. I included so many details and made sure to fully explain each of my three main points about why Halloween is the best.
That's why I don't understand how Ms. Johnson could have possibly given me such a low grade of 16 out of 100. A 16 is a D- and usually people only get grades that low if they half-tried or have major mistakes all over their paper. But I worked really hard on this and I really don't think there were that many mistakes!
Maybe Ms. Johnson just doesn't really like Halloween or something. Or maybe she was in a bad mood that day and took it out on grading our essays harshly. Whatever the reason, I really think I deserve much higher than a 16 on this essay. A low B or high C would probably be more fair based on the effort I put in and how well I feel like I executed the assignment requirements.
I am planning on scheduling a meeting with Ms. Johnson during her office hours so I can go over the essay with her and ask where I lost points. I really hope she'll listen to my reasoning and potentially raise my grade. If not, I may have to take this
issue to a higher level like the principal or my parents. A 16 is just not an accurate reflection of the quality work I did on this essay.
Writing is one of my favorite subjects and I want to be an author someday. So getting grades thislow on major writing assignments is really discouraging. I work so hard, follow all the instructions, and put a ton of effort into making my essays good.
I don't think it's fair for me to get a bad grade when I clearly tried my best and did a good job.
I'm just hoping Ms. Johnson made a mistake or graded too harshly. Because a 16 out of 100 makes it seem like I utterly failed the assignment, which is definitely not the case with all the work and quality writing I put into my Halloween essay. Wish me luck in getting her to re-evaluate my score - I'll fight for the grade I deserve!
篇6
My English Essay Score Is Not Fair At All!
My name is Jamie and I'm in 5th grade. I just got my grade back on an English essay I wrote, and I only got 16 out of I don't know how many points. I think this score is completely unfair and not right at all! I worked really hard on this essay and I think it deserves a much higher score.
The assignment was to write a five paragraph essay about our favorite family vacation. I chose to write about the time we went to Disney World in Florida because that was definitely the most fun vacation I've ever been on.
For the introduction paragraph, I started by saying "Have you ever gone on a vacation that was so much fun, you never wanted it to end? That's how I felt when my family went to Disney World in Orlando, Florida two summers ago." I thought that was a good hook to get the reader interested right away. Then I introduced the main idea of the essay, which was describing my amazing Disney vacation. I wrapped up the paragraph with a thesis sentence stating that Disney World is a tremendously fun and magical place for kids because of the rides, shows, and atmosphere. I think my introduction paragraph did a good job of setting up the whole essay, so I don't know why it didn't get a better score.
The body paragraphs are where I really went into detail about my Disney vacation. The first body paragraph was all about the incredible rides at Disney World's four theme parks. I wrote that at the Magic Kingdom, my favorite rides were Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, and Haunted Mansion. Those are all classic Disney rides that were so
thrilling and fun. Over at Epcot, I loved the new Guardians of the Galaxy roller coaster and the Spaceship Earth ride inside the big golf ball. Disney's Hollywood Studios had the best new rides like Rise of the Resistance where you get to fight the evil Empire. And at Disney's Animal Kingdom, I went on the huge Expedition Everest roller coaster and the classic Kilimanjaro Safaris ride to see real live animals up close. Doesn't that paragraph describe the amazing Disney rides in a really engaging way using lots of strong details and examples? I thought it was a strong body paragraph, but I guess not based on my score.
My second body paragraph was about all the live shows we saw at Disney World, like the Festival of the Lion King show with awesome singing, dancing and acrobatics. We also watched the Hollywood Studios' Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular with intense stunts and cool special effects. But the highlight was definitely Fantasmic, the huge nighttime show with fireworks, projections on water mist screens, and characters from tons of Disney movies acting out big scenes with fireworks and pyrotechnics going off everywhere. It was the most amazing show I've ever seen and gave me chills. I really tried to capture the incredible scenery and effects of these shows in a vivid and powerful way in my writing. Doesn't that paragraph make you feel like you were really there at Disney World enjoying the
shows yourself? I put a lot into vividly describing the shows, but my score shows my writing didn't have the desired effect I guess.
The final body paragraph was about the overall magical atmosphere and theming at Disney World that makes you feel like you're in different worlds and times. I described how when you enter the Magic Kingdom main park, you walk down Main Street USA and it's like being transported back to a
turn-of-the-century small American town. Then you enter different themed lands like Tomorrowland with a future sci-fi theme, Fantasyland with a storybook theme, and Adventureland with an exotic exploration theme. The level of detail is amazing, from the themed rides and attractions to the staff members' costumes to the themed restaurants and shops. Even walking along the park pathways and waiting in line was entertaining because there is so much to look at and Disney pumps different themed smells through the air vents. I used lots of juicy descriptive details to try to make the reader feel like they were actually experiencing Disney World's immersive theming and imaginative atmosphere. Isn't that good writing? Why didn't I get more credit for that body paragraph then?
For the conclusion paragraph, I restated my thesis that Disney World is an extremely fun and magical place for kids
because of the rides, shows, and theming. I wrapped it up by saying my family's week at Disney World was the best vacation ever and I can't wait to go back again. It。