Kick-Ass《海扁王(2010)》完整中英文对照剧本

宇宙守护神保护我们远离邪恶
Guardian of the universe protecting us against the forces of evil.
他能徒手抓住子弹拦住疾速的火车
He can catch a bullet. Halt a speeding train.
轻轻一跳就能飞跃高楼
And leap tall buildings in a single bound.
-在天上 -是鸟还是飞机
- Up in the sky! - Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
白天只是一名邮差晚上却化身超级英雄
A mailman by day. The city's guardian by night.
保卫纽约市民免受邪恶滋扰
Defending the citizens of New York from the forces of evil.
一群超乎常人的英雄们
The world has been protected by a group of extraordinary men and women... 致力于与犯罪作斗争保护这个世界
...who have dedicated themselves to fighting crime.
另一个世界的神秘来客
Mysterious traveller from another dimension.
他的力量远远超出了人类
He has powers far beyond the capabilities of mere earthlings.
我总是奇怪为什么在我之前没人尝试过
I always wondered why nobody did it before me.
想想看在那些漫画电影电视剧里
I mean, all those comic books, movies, TVshows.
你以为只有真正怪癖宅人才会给自己做一身超人装
You'd think that one eccentric loner would have made himself a costume.
我是说日常生活真这么激动人心吗
I mean, is everyday life really so exciting?
学校和公♥司♥生活真这么惊心动魄
Are schools and offices so thrilling...
以至于只有我才去幻想这些吗
...that I'm the only one who ever fantasized about this?
得了吧坦白说
Come on, be honest with yourself.
每个人心中都想成为一个超级英雄
At some point in our lives we all wanted to be a superhero.
顺便这可不是我
That's not me, by the way.
而是某个有精神病的亚美尼亚人
That's some Armenian guy with a history of mental health problems.
我是何人
Who am I?
我是"海扁王"
I'm Kick-Ass.
六个月前
这才是我当时这些破事还没发生
That's me... back before any of this crazy shit happened.
我大概是那种最不像超级英雄的人了
I guess I was the last person you'd expect to become a superhero.
不是说我有什么不正常
I'm not saying there was anything wrong with me...
而是再正常不过了
...but there's nothing special, either.
-混球 -我体育不好
- Asshole! - I wasn't into sports.
数学不好也不擅长打游戏
I wasn't a mathlete or a hard core gamer.
我身上没穿过环也没厌食症
I didn't have a piercing or an eating disorder,
MySpace上好友也不多
or 3000 friends on MySpace.
我唯一的超能力就是能让女生们忽视我
My only superpower was being invisible to girls.
就算在朋友里我也不是最会搞笑的
And out of my friends, man, I wasn't even the funny one.
和大多数我的同龄人一样我再普通不过了
Like most people my age, I just existed.
同学们早上好
Good morning, class.
请打开书本翻到第二幕第二场
Please open your books to act two, scene two.
要是你闯进我卧室多半会发现我在看电视
Kick in my bedroom door and you'll probably find me watching TV... 要不就是在Skype上跟我朋友陶德聊天
...or talking to my friend todd on skype.
-你看《恶搞之家》吗 -不看
- You watching 'family guy'? - No.
我也不看去看巨♥乳♥网很赞的
Me neither. Turn on nippleslip. com. It's good.
要不就是在打手♥枪♥ 通常是意淫我的英文老师
Or jerking off, mostly to my english teacher.
戴夫·莱泽斯基别以为我没发现你盯着我的胸看
Dave Lizewski. Don't think I haven't noticed you looking at my tits. 来吧戴夫快来爱抚我吧
Oh, I want your hands all over me, Dave. Please.
当然平凡无奇的学校日子
Sure, a lot of what got me through the average school day...
只有靠打打灰机来打发
...was making deposits in the whac koff warehouse for later.
但说实话我的兴奋点比较低
Though, to be honest, it didn't take much to set me off.
我发誓一旦我的荷尔蒙恢复正常
I swear, when my hormones balance out...
就用不着耗费这么多纸巾了伙计
...shares in kleenex are gonna take a dive, man.
戴夫·莱泽斯基专心看你的《哈姆雷特》
Dave Lizewski. Shouldn't you be looking at 'Hamlet' right now?
好的赞恩女士
Yes, mrs Zane.
抱歉
Sorry.
别误会我也喜欢同龄女生
But don't get me wrong. I like girls my own age, too.
-特别是凯蒂·多玛 -你好美人儿
- Especially Katie Deauxma. - Hey, gorgeous.
你好
Hey.
哦不
Oh... no.
你是指艾丽卡吧
You meant Erika.
我知道我只是在开玩笑
I know. I knew that. I was just kidding.
好吧不好笑
Okay, cool.
我的天
Oh my god.
看这是陶德的老妈
Hey, look, I'm Todd's mom.
真好笑这是你老爸
That's funny. This is your dad.
不那还是我妈
No, that's still my mom, actually.
我♥操♥
Oh, the fuck!
我只是个普通人
I was just a regular guy.
没被蜘蛛咬过也不是流亡地球的外星人[蜘蛛侠和超人]
No radioactive spiders, no refugee status from a doomed alien world. 陶德说"巧古拉伯爵"[一种麦片]还没停产
You know what? Todd said they do still make count Chocula.
只是超♥市♥里不卖♥♥了而已
They just don't sell it at the store any more.
我老妈得了动脉瘤死在了厨房♥里
My mother was killed by an aneurism in the kitchen.
而不是在小巷子里被人枪杀[蝙蝠侠]
As opposed to a gunman in the alley.
所以要是你指望有以下的桥段
So if you were hoping for any...
我会为你报仇母亲大人
I will avenge you, mother!
你会失望的
...you're out of luck.
我妈去世十八个月之后
In the 18 months since my mother died...
我唯一的顿悟就是生活还得继续
...the only epiphany I had was realising that life just goes on.
包装上的蜜蜂形象变了吗
Did they change the bee's face?
没有
No.
怎么从来没人试着做个超级英雄
How come nobody's ever tried to be a superhero?
我不知道大概是因为根本不可能吧笨蛋
Boy, I dunno. Probably because it's fucking impossible, dipshit.
戴上面具助人为乐这有什么不可能
What, putting on a mask and helping people, how's that impossible? 那又不算是超级英雄
That's not superhero, though.
所谓超级就要上天入地比其他人都强
Super's like being stronger than everybody and flying and shit.
你那最多只是英雄
That's just hero.
不连英雄都不算只能算是疯子
No, it's not even hero. It's just fucking psycho.
那蝙蝠侠呢他又没超能力
Hello? Bruce Wayne? He didn't have any powers.
对但他有一身根本造不出来的牛逼装备
Yes, but he had all the expensive shit that doesn't exist.
你是问现实生活现实生活中没有这套
I thought you meant how come nobody does it in real life?
没错陶德我就是这个意思
Yeah, Todd, that's what I meant.
老兄要是现实生活中真有人这么做不被海扁才怪
Dude, if anybody did it in real life they'd get their ass kicked.
-估计撑不过一天就挂了 -没错
- They'd be dead in, like, a day. - A day.
好吧我不是说要有人这么做
Yeah, okay, I'm not saying they should do it.
我只是很费解为什么没人尝试
I just can't figure out why nobody does.
说真的有那么多人喜欢超级英雄
Seriously, out of all the millions of people who love superheroes,
难道就没人想去尝试吗
You'd think one would give it a try.
天啊难道你们不困惑吗
Jesus, guys, does it not bug you?
为什么成千上万的人挖空心思
Why thousands of people wanna be Paris
想成为帕丽斯·希尔顿却没人想当蜘蛛侠
Hilton and nobody wants to be spiderman?
对呀为啥呢她的胸那么小跟没有一样
Yeah, what's with that? She has, like, no tits at all.
估计是因为她的性♥爱♥自♥拍♥吧蜘蛛侠没拍过Maybe it's a porn tape. He doesn't have a porn tape.
你们难道没看过《与蜘蛛侠的一夜风流》[A片]
You guys never saw 'One Night in Spiderman'?
猜猜谁来了
Oooh, guess who?
你们谁跟我一样觉得克里斯·达米科很可怜
Is it me or do you kinda feel sorry for chris D'Amico?
老爸那么有钱永远要啥有啥真是糟透了
Must be terrible to have a rich dad and everything you want.
真希望你啥都没说
I wish you wouldn't have said anything
我都要哭出来了
Cos I feel like I'm gonna start crying...
事实上他总是独来独往
The fact that he's always on his own.
我们应该跟他聊聊
We should, like, talk to him.
看看他愿不愿意跟我们一块玩
See if he wants to hang out with us.
我不是说就去搭个讪而已
Oh, I didn't say we should talk to him, I just...
想想看有他这样的朋友该多牛逼
Think about it. Come on, it'd be awesome.
看谁还敢来找我们的麻烦
If he was our friend, no one would ever fuck with us again.
那你去吧陶德
Go on then, Todd.
-你想和他聊聊吗 -不不不
- You wanna go talk to him? - No, no, no. No.
为什么你想和他聊我可以让个位置
No, you wanna go talk to him? I can move.
-应该让戴夫去 -对应该让戴夫去
- Dave, Dave should go. - Dave should go.
-为什么 -戴夫是该让你去
- Why? - Dave, you should totally go.
-损友 -不要怕戴夫
- You're a dick. - Don't be afraid, dave.
你们真怂
You're a pussy.
滚开
Fuck off!
-你刚才是不是吓死了 -我都快尿裤子了
- Did you spray anything over there? - I think I might have shat my pants. 要是换了我肯定海扁他一顿
If that guy spoke to me like that I would have kicked his ass.
算了吧你什么时候跟人动过手
Todd, when have you ever kicked anyone's ass?
不管怎样我可以偷袭他膝盖
Whatever, man. I would have just gone for his knees.
你说得没道理
Well, you're not making sense.
我是说蝙蝠镖的强大威力
Well, what I'm saying is the superior force of batman's batarang
肯定能穿透小丑的动力场
would undoubtedly penetrate the joker's force field,
这样他就完全无力抵抗...
Leaving him totally vulnerable to the...
-好吧但是... -那俩娘娘腔又来了
- All right, and then... but, you know... - Whoa, whoa, whoa pussy patrol. 手♥机♥ 钱交出来
Phones. Money.
不是吧大哥又来
Dude, not again, come on.
还有手♥机♥
Phone.
我没手♥机♥ 上星期被人抢了
I don't have one someone else jacked it last week.
-废物 -袋子给我
- Pussy. - Give me the bag.
-里面都是漫画书 -少废话想挨刀子吗
- It's just comics. - Yo, you wanna get cut?
你瞧这混♥蛋♥ 就那么干看着
Look at this asshole just watching.
得了吧说实话
Come on, be honest with yourself.
要是你你又能怎样
Would you do anything differently?
当你看见别人陷于危难你想要伸出援手
We see someone in trouble and we wish we could help,
可你就是做不到
But we don't.
在我生活的这个世界英雄只存在于漫画里
The world I lived in... Heroes only existed in comic books.
加入购物车
要是坏蛋也一样那其实也没什么
I guess that would have been okay if bad guys were make-believe, too. 可是坏蛋不一样
But they're not.
弗兰克木料仓库
阿弗我发誓我没胡编
Frankie, I'm telling you, man, I swear I'm not making this up.
那个王八蛋不知道从哪儿冒出来
This fucking guy comes out of nowhere.
海扁了我们一顿把可♥卡♥因♥都抢光了
Kicks our asses and steals all the coke.
-那家伙像蝙蝠侠吗 -我什么时候说蝙蝠侠了
- The guy that looks like batman? - I didn't say he looked like batman. 你说了崔你说那家伙像蝙蝠侠
You did Tre, you said the guy looked like batman.
-他说对方带了面具啥的 -还有斗篷
- He said like a mask and stuff. - And a cape.
那就是蝙蝠侠嘛
Yeah, like batman.
我没说像蝙蝠侠我压根没提过蝙蝠侠
I didn't say "like batman". I never said "batman".
好吧
Okay.
我来告诉你问题出在哪崔
Let me tell you the problem I got with that, Tre.
我们在俄♥国♥佬那边的卧底说法有点不一样
Our mole with the Russians tells things a little different.
据他所说是你卖♥♥了我的毒品还私吞了这笔钱According to him, you sold him my coke and you took the money.
那是他妈的胡扯
That's a fucking lie!
难以置信你居然相信俄♥国♥佬胡扯的屁话
I can't believe that you would believe this shit from a fucking Russian, 伙计
Man!
崔咱倒是分♥析♥下哪种说法更可信
Let me see, Tre, what's more likely, huh?
要么是你这个利欲熏心的小王八蛋
That you're a greedy little
要么是超人♥大♥驾光临抢走了我的毒品
Cock-sucker or all my coke was stolen by superman?
-是蝙蝠侠 -我没说是蝙蝠侠
- Batman. - I never said batman!
够了
Enough!
我儿子还在等我带他去看电影我不想扫他兴
My son is waiting to go to the movies and I ain't gonna disappoint him. 乔这事你看着办
Joe, you're in charge.
这是我这辈子听过最烂的借口崔
That's gotta be the worst fucking excuse I ever heard, Tre.
抱歉让你久等了儿子
Sorry you had to wait, buddy.
电影再过十分钟就要开场了
the movie is starting in 10 minutes.
这有什么
It's okay, we're cool.
大不了错过预告片
We're only gonna miss the trailers.
对可是我还想买♥♥点爆米花
Yeah, but I wanna get some popcorn.
到了之后给克里斯买♥♥点爆米花知道吗When we get in there, get chris some popcorn. Okay?
想喝点什么
What d'you wanna drink?
-百事可乐吗 -行
- You want a pepsi? - Yeah, that's fine.
给他买♥♥罐百事可乐我来杯思乐冰混合口味的Get him a pepsi and I'll have an icee. Mixed.
就是那种红加蓝的[樱桃加蓝莓]
Like when they mix the red one and the blue one.
再来包扭扭糖
And a pack of twizzlers.
漫画书里说得不对
The comic books had it wrong.
想成为超级英雄并不需要经历创伤
It didn't take a trauma or cosmic
宇宙射线或者能量戒指
rays or a power ring to make a superhero.
只需要一点点乐观再加一点点天真
Just the perfect combination of optimism and naivety.
你帅毙了
You are fucking awesome.
来吧放马过来
Come on then, bring it on!
与此同时
-爸爸我害怕 -来吧敏蒂宝贝儿
- Daddy, I'm scared. - Come on, mindy. Honey.
你都这么大了没什么好怕的
Be a big girl now. There's nothing to be afraid of.
-会很痛吗 -孩子
- Is it gonna hurt bad? - Oh, child.
一下子就好了小宝贝
Only for a second, sugar.
手♥枪♥子弹的速度会超过
A handgun bullet travels at more than...
-每小时七百码 -对
- 700 miles an hour. - 700 miles an hour.
所以在这样的距离
So at close range, like this,
冲力肯定会让你腾空而起
The force is gonna take you off your feet for sure...
但是不会比当胸一拳更疼
...but it's really no more painful than a punch in the chest.
我讨厌被当胸一拳
I hate getting punched in the chest.
你会没事的小宝贝
You're gonna be fine, baby doll.
感觉如何也不是很疼吧
How was that? Not so bad.
挺好玩的吧现在你知道这种感觉了
Kinda fun, huh? Now you know how it feels.
下回你再见到有人掏出一把格洛克就不会害怕了
You won't be scared when some junkie asshole pulls a glock. -我什么时候怕过 -这才是我的宝贝女儿
- I wouldn't have been scared anyways. - That's my girl.
好了起来吧
All right, up you get. Come on.
再来两回我们就回家
Two more rounds and then home.
-还来啊 -对啊
- Again? - Uh-huh.
那回去的时候得带我去保龄球馆
Only if we can go by the bowling alley on the way back.
-保龄球馆 -对然后再来点冰淇淋
- The bowling alley? - Yeah. And ice-cream after.
行再来两轮不准躲不准叫
Okay. Two more rounds. No wincing...
咱们就成交小家伙
...no whining, and you got yourself a deal, young lady.
我要份奶油巧克力圣代
Yeah! I'm gonna get a hot fudge sundae.
好品位宝贝儿
Good call, baby doll.
你还想要点什么生日礼物
So, have you thought about what you might want for your birthday? 我能要只小狗吗
Can I get a puppy?
-你想要只狗吗 -对毛茸茸的那种
- You wanna get a dog? - Yeah, a cuddly fluffy one.
再要个影星版的街头美少女莎雪娃娃
And a bratz moviestar makeover sasha.
我耍你的老爸
I'm just fucking with you, daddy.
我想要把蝴蝶牌的四十二型蝴蝶刀
Look, I'll have a benchmade model-42 butterfly knife.
宝贝儿你总是吓我一跳
Oh, child. You always knock me for a loop.
-你猜怎着 -怎么
- You know what? - What?
-我给你买♥♥两把 -真的
- I'm gonna get you two. - Two?
两把蝴蝶刀全都给你
One balisong. Two balisong. That's what you get.
[出自哈姆雷特]风流的宝镜人伦的雅范
The glass of fashion and the mould of form.
-举世注目的中心 -安静
- The observed of all observers, - Quite, quite down!
这样无可挽回地殒落
And I, of ladies most deject and wretched...
说句老实话
I'll be honest,
刚开始那几周我打击罪犯的机会并不多
There wasn't a whole lot of crime-fighting in those first few weeks. 即便如此我的新生活也够忙的
But even so, my new vocation kept me plenty busy.
见鬼
Shit.
我管这叫预备期
I called it preparation.
但你要说我这是在做白日梦我也没法反驳
But if you called it fantasizing, it would have been hard to argue.
我只知道我的自我感觉从没有这么好过
All I knew was I'd never felt so good about myself.
操
Fuck!
好吧大概我还处于基础调试期
Okay, maybe I was still in the beta testing phase.
但这仅仅是个开始
But it was a start.
你♥他♥妈♥看什么呢
What the fuck are you looking at?
-没什么 -快他妈给我滚
- Nothing. - Get the fuck out of here!
每个连环杀手都明白
Like every serial killer already knew,
总有一天幻想将无法再满足你的需要
Eventually fantasizing just doesn't do it for you any more.
是时候付诸行动了
It was time to engage.
快点伙计
Hurry up, man.
我♥操♥ 这搞什么
What the fuck...?
你♥他♥妈♥看什么呢
The fuck you looking at?
我问你你♥他♥妈♥看什么呢
I said what the fuck are you looking at?
两个垃圾人♥渣♥在撬一辆汽车
Two cheap shit losers screwing with a car...
要知道那可是人家拼死拼活挣来的
...that someone probably worked their ass off to pay for.
-你说啥 -别管他了伙计
- Say what? - Leave it be, man.
这傻♥逼♥肯定是磕多了
This motherfucker's obviously high.
我没嗑药
I'm not high.
我只是觉得你们不能为所欲为
I just think it sucks you guys think you can do what you want. 远离那辆车我就当这事没发生过
Just walk away from the car and we can forget about this.
你疯了吧哥们
You're crazy, man.
打死丫的
Fuck this shit.
-操 -快跑
- Shit. - Let's get out of here.
我求了医生半天
I came round long enough to beg the
让他别跟其他人说我的装扮
Medic not to tell anybody about the costume.
他答应了
He promised he wouldn't.
我只知道我老爸一定会杀了我
All I knew was my dad was gonna kill me.
为什么我没枪我是保安啊
Why can't I have a gun? I'm a security guard.
你现在就是个看门的不会再有枪了
You're a doorman now. You don't get a gun no more.
我看起来真衰
I look like a putz.
挺好的看这钮扣多帅干♥你♥该干的快他妈开门You look sharp. All them buttons. Do your job, open the fucking door. 祝您愉快
Have a nice day.
-早上好弗兰克 -早乔你好吗
- Good morning, Frank. - Hey, Joe, how you doing?
很好
Great.
-来点咖啡吗 -待会吧
- Want some coffee? - Maybe later.
-早上好安吉 -早
- Morning, Ange. - Morning.
-克里斯 -早乔
- Chris. - Morning, Joe.
弗兰克我有事找你
Frank, we got a thing.
是件大事弗兰克
It's a big thing, Frank.
行
Okay.
-失陪了 -忙你的事去吧
- Sorry, hon. - Do what you gotta do.
-克里斯你要去干嘛 -我要跟老爸谈一下
- Chris, where do you think you're going? - I gotta talk to dad.
克里斯多夫
Christopher.
亲爱的弗兰克
Frank, honey.
你跟着来干嘛
Where do you think you're going?
爸我不介意你在我面前谈生意我可以就这么听着
I don't mind you talking business. I was just gonna sit quietly.
我也该开始学点东西了
I should probably start learning this stuff anyway.
回去吃你的饭
Hey, go finish your oatmeal.
该死我还有八个月就成年了
God-dammit, I'm gonna be 18 in 8 months, for christ sakes.
坐下来吧
Take a seat.
出什么事了
So what's the problem?
俄♥罗♥斯♥佬说崔以半价又卖♥♥给他们五公斤Our Russian says that tre just sold him another 5 k's at half price.
-哪一个崔就是那个崔吗 -对死了的崔
- Which Tre? Tre Tre? - Right. Dead Tre.
这么说我他妈地被鬼给阴了一把咯
So now I'm getting fucked in the ass by a ghost?
不然就是崔没说谎
Or tre was telling the truth.
啥我沦落至此了吗不是相信鬼就是相信超级英雄
What, this is my choice? I gotta believe in ghosts or superheroes?
不关超级英雄的事阿弗
Not the part about the superhero, Frankie.
可能只是有人抢了他的货
Just that he might have really been gaffled by somebody.
我想是时候请俄♥国♥佬来谈一谈了
I think we better invite our russian over for a friendly chat.
看看到底怎么回事
See what's really going on.
宝贝儿起得真早败给你了
Hey, early birdie. You beat me to it.
我本来还想着给你做早餐呢
I wanted to get you breakfast this morning.
生日快乐宝贝儿
Happy birthday, sweetheart.
拆开看看吧
Check this out.
太谢谢你了
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
我的天啊老爸
Oh my gosh! Dad.
真酷老爸
Wow. Watch, dad.
好了突击测验你知道这把刀的来历吗
Okay, pop quiz. What's the proper name for one of those?
原产自菲律宾的蝴蝶刀换一个问问
Balisong. It's Filipino. Ask me another.
非常棒
Excellent, good.
AR15半自动步♥枪♥
The AR15 was a lighter...
是哪一种枪的口径缩小版
...smaller calibre version of what design?
尤金·斯通纳生产的AR-10 来道有难度的吧
Eugene Stoner's AR10. Now give me a hard one.
吴宇森的...
The name of...
第一部故事长片是什么
...John Woo's first full-length feature?
《铁汉柔情》
'Tie Han Rou Qing'. 'The Young Dragons'.
老爸快看
Daddy, look.
快看啊你怎么都不看
Hey, come on, you're not looking.
居然有人干掉了我们的人
The point is some fucker is killing our guys.
你们这群白♥痴♥还坐着干嘛
And until we find out who that is,
快他妈把他给我找出来
I don't wanna see any of you bitches sitting around on your asses, 听到了吗
All right?!
真♥他♥妈♥...
What the fuck d'you...
喂
Hello.
乔你好
Hey, Joe, yeah.
他正在练拳等一下
No, he's just training right now. One second.
爸电♥话♥
Dad. Phone.
爸你的电♥话♥
Dad, the phone's for you.
-谁 -是乔
- Who is it? - It's joe.
有什么事
What's the problem?
弗兰克
Yeah, Frank...
俺们以后用不着老虎钳了
Turns out we ain't got the vice here no more.
-是吗 -嗯哼
- Really? - Uh-uh.
但我们这次有了新技术
But we do got a brand new industrial
微波炉用来处理木材的
Microwave -they use it for treating the lumber.
这不错够干净
Well, that is neat.
你知不知道你要干什么
I think you must be confusing me with someone who
别管什么烂鬼木材
Gives a shit about the fucking lumber!
-好的我知道了 -别跟我唧唧歪歪了
- Yeah, o-okay. All right, frank. - Now quit bugging me and 好吧我错了行了吗
All right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay? I...
他妈的赶快把消息套出来
Get the fucking rest of the information.
知道了
All right, okay.
来动手吧
Right, come on, go ahead.
那人说他叫崔·费尔南德斯
Hey, look, the guys tell me he's Tre Fernandez.
我又不知道
What do I know, huh?
-闭嘴 -你又说费尔南德斯已经死了
- Shut up. - Now you say Fernandez is dead.
-他在撒谎 -闭嘴给我进去
- Okay, he lie. - Get inside. Shut up.
-他撒谎 -真♥他♥妈♥见鬼
- He lie about... - Fucking mamaluke...
这玩意跟普通的微波炉一样吗
This work like a regular microwave?
我知道个屁啊又不是要把他煮了吃打开就好
Fuck do I know? We're not making a hungry man dinner. Just turn it on.
开始了
Here we go.
快说谁把我们的可♥卡♥因♥卖♥♥给你的Okay, I wanna know who sold you our coke.
不要再拿个死人来糊弄我
And don't tell me somebody who's dead this time.
他听得到吗我觉得他听不到
Can he hear you? I don't think he can hear you.
到底是谁卖♥♥给你我们的可♥卡♥因♥
I said who really sold you our coke?
到底是谁
Who sold...
卖♥♥给你我们的可♥卡♥因♥
...you... our... coke?
我♥操♥
Oh, shit! shit!
不久后
酷毙了
This is awesome!
我简直就像金刚狼一样
I look like fricking wolverine.
你们学校还有金属检测器吗[金刚狼体内都是超级金属]
You still have that metal detector at your school?
对测出来吓死他们
Yeah. It's gonna have a meltdown.
戴夫我要问你点事情
Dave, I need to ask you something.
Okay.
警♥察♥的报告说发现你时你没穿衣服
The police report. They found you naked.
你也什么都不记得了
You said you didn't remember why.
那些劫匪他们有没有...
The muggers, they didn't...
什么
What?
不老天不是那样的我甚至...
No. Jesus. No, I... I wasn't even...
在救护车上时因为都是血所以医生把我的衣服脱了
In the ambulance they threw my clothes away because of the blood. 好吧
Okay, okay.
没过多久我就回到了学校
Seemed like no time at all before I was back on my feet.
-戴夫怎么了 -小声点
- Dave's what? - Keep it down.
除了颜面尽失
Apart from some messed-up nerve endings,
我痊愈得还算不错
The doctors fixed me up pretty good.
-痛吗 -不痛
- Did you feel that? - No.
你就像杰森·伯恩一样[谍影重重主角] 酷
You're like fucking Jason Bourne or something, man. That owns.
-这样呢 -别这样小马
- How about that? - No, Marty.
别烦我了好吗
Give it a fucking rest.
我刚回来半天
I've only been back like half a day and
就被你们搞得想回医院去了
You're already making me kinda miss the hospital.
好吧对不起我太孩子气了
He's right. I'm sorry. I'm acting totally childish.
-别这样 -看好
- Stop with the fork. - Watch this.
你好
戴夫你好
Dave, hey.
你好
Oh, hey.
你怎样看起来好多了
How are you? You look better.
我没事现在好多了
I'm good. Yeah, much better.
你喜欢看漫画书吧
You're into comic books, aren't you?
艾丽卡和我放学后有时会去漫画商店逛逛
Well, me and Erika sometimes hang out after school
那家原子漫画店很赞
At this really great store -atomic comics.
那边的白巧克力拿铁很赞
They make the best white chocolate milk-a-latte.
是吗
Yeah?
要是你想找人聊聊我能请你喝一杯
I could buy you one sometime if you need someone to talk to. -当然谢谢 -好吧
- Sure. Thank you. - Okay.
赞回头见
Sweet. Well, I'll see you later.
-你们看到没 -嗯
- Did you see that? - Yeah?
凯蒂居然要请我喝咖啡
Katie Deauxma just offered to buy me coffee.
好吧这绝不是你想象的那样
Yeah. You know, I really don't think that's what it looks like. -你说什么 -问题是
- What are you talking about? - The point is...
凯蒂只是同情弱势群体
...Katie's all about the lame ducks.
这和我有什么关系
What's this got to do with me?
我在想怎么告诉你好
I've been trying to figure out how to tell you this.
-最近学校里有流言说 -对
- There's a rumour going around... - Right.
-说你是... -啥
- ...that you... - What?
-同性恋 -啥?!
- ...are gay. - Gay?!
-怎么会有这种流言 -你被抢劫了
- What kind of rumour's that? - Well, getting mugged and...
-你们都被抢劫过啊 -对但是...
- You guys have been mugged. - I know, but...
你被狂扁一顿还被扒光衣服
...we didn't get beat up and have all our clothes taken off.
才不是那样是医护人员把我的衣服脱掉的
It's not even true. The medic threw my clothes away.
别在意了只是流言而已
Don't worry about it. Rumours don't mean shit.
我们知道你不是的
We know the truth.
对吧
Right?
-是啊 -就是嘛
- Yeah. - Yeah.
谁知道呢搞不好你能把她搞定
Who knows, this might even get you laid.
她如果以为他是基佬就没戏陶德你个白♥痴♥ No, not if she thinks he's gay, Todd. You fucking retard.
-多谢你泼冷水小马 -我只是实话实说
- That's really fucking helping me! - I'm just being honest.
我又回到了老样子
I was getting back to my old self.
也许我应该放弃
I should have quit, of course...
但人不能说重来就重来
...but you can't just re-programme yourself...
你是谁想要什么人生目标
...what you want, who you are, your purpose in life.
不我只是路过
No, I'm just standing around.
才不是
No, I'm not!
-就是这样而已 -尝到厉害了吧
- It is what it is. - How about that, huh?
你怕了吧
Oh, yeah. Didn't see that, did you?
你最好赶快滚蛋
Think it's best that you just walk away.
你最好别这么干
Well maybe you shouldn't do that.
啥
What? Huh?
你看什么看
Are you looking at me?
这事我管定了
Well, this is my business.
我是海扁王打击罪恶的蒙面英雄
我吗我已经重生
Me? My hardware was fixed now.
海扁王升级版重新登场
I was back and running Kick-Ass version 2.0.
寻猫启示咬咬猫先生
不好意思你见过这只猫吗
Excuse me. Have you seen this cat?
没有吗好吧谢谢
No? Okay, thank you.
打搅下夫人你见过这只猫吗
Excuse me, ma'am, have you seen this cat?
不好意思你见过这只猫吗
I'm sorry, did you see this cat?
没有吗好吧
No? Okay.
太好了
Oh, great!
猫咪过来
Here, kitty. Here, mr Bitey.
哦不别这样
Come on. No, no, no, no, no.
不咬咬猫先生过来
No, no, no. Mr Bitey, come on.
回来我带你回家
Back here. Come on, let's get you home. Come on. 滚你的臭猫
Fuck you, mr Bitey!
天哥们不好意思
Oh, god, I'm so sorry, man.。