2010年雅思大作文点评

1月10日、4月5日、4月15日、6月4日、8月5日、8月14日、9月16日、3月20日、
1月10日
Some people think that environmental problems are too big for individuals to deal with. Others, however, think that each individual should take some actions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
考题分析：本题是一道典型的雅思 (IELTS) 环境类写作考题。

在历届雅思 (IELTS) 写作环境类话题中，出题思路主要有以下三个方面：
1.环境保护是谁的责任？考题给出的选项通常会有个人、公司、国家、国际合作等(例如 04 年 5 月 15 日， 0-7 年 2 月 3 日考题) 。

2.如何保护环境？考题通常会给出某个方案问其正确与否(如 06 年 6 月 17 日， 08 年 6 月 14 日考题) 。

3.为什么人们明知环境正在被破坏却不动声色例？(如 08 年 9 月 13 日 A 类议论文)
假如考前对以上三方面的雅思 (IELTS) 写作真题都思考过，相信本题一定会变的很简单，实际上只要把一些理由进行组合就可以了。

由于考题的提问形式是“ Discuss both views and give your own opinion. ”所以，既要讨论到个人能够采取何种行动解决一些环境问题，也要讨论为什么有些环境问题个人无法解决(即只有政府或公司才能解决) 。

Sample Answer:
It is true that our tiny individual actions often seem insignificant compared to the scale and complexity of global environmental problems such as pollution, deforestation and depletion of natural resources. But that does not relieve our duty as individuals to do as much as we can to deal with these problems.
Individual actions, small as they may be, can prove more effective than we realize. We can avoid driving the car, and take public transit, walk, or bicycle instead. This will reduce the use of fossil fuels and cut pollution. Saving energy at home, like turning on the air conditioner only when we have to, or turning water heater down a few degrees, is also ultimately good for the environment. Individual actions can also turn into united powers when, for example, the whole neighborhood is mobilized to participate in a local campaign to oppose environmentally damaging policies.
There are, however, obstacles that stand in the way of individual action towards environmental conservation. The first obstacle is the lack of professional knowledge needed to cope with serious environmental issues like soil erosion and salinity, which require a significant amount of investigation and research. Another obstacle which makes individual action almost impossible is when an environmental emergency or accident happens, e.g. an oil spill near the bord der line, which would necessitate government intervention or even international coordination.
So, in conclusion, when it comes to environmental problems, individual actions are indispensable in the problem solving process. But the most pressing and complicated problems go far beyond an individual’s capability and so require the concerted effort of the government as well as the global community
2010 年雅思大作文点评:不够尊重老人的原因
2010-6-4
There is not enough respect for the elderly people. What are the causes and what problems does this phenomenon create?
There is a growing tendency nowadays for some people to regard the elderly people as a troublesome group. Gradually, this leads to not revere (这是啥意思？！ lead to 后面接doing ！) the elderly people in diverse conditions. Yet in my opinion, instead of contempting every one should treat them as our treasure (这句话本身就有点变扭，感觉很怪！) . But, what causes the promble? Here i give two major reasons (这句太废话了，把两个理由总结一下，写出来会比较好) .
On the one hand, some elder people (第一段用的是 elderly people ，这里怎么又变了？！ ) live without any income. In addition, they are weak even some of them cannot look after themselves (这分明是两个句子，怎么可以写在一起！ ) .Thus, they have to be given a hand. A recent statistics ( statistics 这里好像应该是复数吧) shows that 90 percent of the elderly people need to provide (应该是被动语态吧) the allowance and nurses. It costs 80 billions ( billion 不可数的！ ) yuan every year. So the elderly people become a burden to the society. On the other hand ,the young are to blame. Their consciousness of respecting the elderly people should be promoted. What is worse, they don't regard anyone.
Nevertheness (应该是 nevertheless ) , for the above reasons, we also can take immediate and specific measures to cope with them. Because no one can deny the fact that a person's moral( 应该是 morality 吧 ) is the most important aspect of the society. If we lose it,I (人称不要变来变去) can't image, (这里逗号多余) what may happen to our society. How terrible it is! As is known to everyone, we are all getting old. But, we may not being esteemed. A yeasty world is proceeding.
To sum up ,the reasons and problems for respecting the elderly people are many. I have simply pointed out some of the more obvious ones. However, it is certain that if the whole of society pays more attention to the solicitude of the elderly people, the issue will not being a trouble again.
语言分析：
1. 整篇文章没有什么精彩的长句或复杂句，所以不太可能上 7 分；
2. 低级错误或者明显错误(红色部分)很多，所以也就 4-5 分的水平；
3. 错误岁多，但不影响理解，还是能够看得懂作者的观点，所以应该是 5 分的水平。

结构分析：这篇文章看似 4 段论的写法，但是结构并不是很清晰！特别是第 2 段，用了 on the one hand, … On the other hand, … 给人感觉应该是两个分论点，那么最好还是写成两段比较好。

虽然作者使用了一些连接词，如 nevertheless, thus, in addition 等，但是由于句子本身的意思写的不好，所以这些连接词只是形式上不错，细看意思并不觉得用得有多好。

内容分析：这个是作者比较欠缺的一部分！可能也是受到英语水平的影响，所写的内容都是很片面的，没有对自己的观点进行深入的分析，可以说分析得根本就不够，给人感觉根本没写出什么东西！其实，雅思作文并一定要想出多少分论点 (当然分论点多的话，可以根据自己的能力和偏好选几个自己最能发挥的写 )，关键还是要看对分论点的证明，即supporting sentences 的质量。

总评： 5 分。

作者需在句型的正确性上花更多的时间，一些基本的语态似乎都掌握得不太好！
4 月 1
5 号雅思写
Males and females should be treated differently. So, some work has to be done only by men, not by women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
关于弱势群体的考察一般在老人和妇女这两方面出题比较多，而妇女作为弱势群体的考察主要集中于 3 个方面：
①女性是否应该和男性一样可以享有参军的权利；例如 2003 年 9 月 23 号的题：In many countries , women join the army as men do. However, some people argue that the army solely need males. Discuss those two views.
②女性在就业市场和高校各专业男女招生比例上受歧视的现象该如何避免；例如 2003 年4 月 26 号的题： Gender imbalance has long been a general phenomenon not only in the labour market but also in formal education ． Some analysts argue that it is impossible to eliminate the underpresentation of women in some subjects in the university． Do you agree or disagree?
③女性在政治领域相对于男性是否趋向于更加和平的领导方式；如 2006 年 12 月 2 号的题 Some people think male leaders always lead us to violence and conflict, but female leaders are better to give us a more governed and peaceful society, do you agree or disagree?
4 月 1
5 号的这道题主要是这 3 种类型的综合体。

题目设置的维度太广而导致烤鸭们无法把握其切入点。

实际上如果用我们在课上讲的裸奔法产生素材的话，会迅速将文章要讨论的内容细化到实处。

具体演示过程如下：
1.在 Technology 和 Efficiency 方面，我们可以说现代科技的进步可以克服女性身体素质的不足，如在参军领域 (这里又涉及到同一领域同一个素材在不同考题中的借鉴，希望烤鸭们平时做相关方面的练习) 很多武器都是可以远程操控，科技含量高，而并非要妇女赤膊上战场；同理在建筑行业，妇女可以在后台操作各种机械设备而非需要亲自在工地上挑砖砌瓦，这使得女性享有和男性享有一样的工作平台，也无所谓两者有不同的待遇。

2.在 Mind 和 Soul 方面，女性似乎比男性胜出一筹。

尽管大部分男性在逻辑思维和运算能力上要优于女性。

但是女性的细心度，考虑事情的周全度还有做事的扎实度让男性望尘莫及，尤其在情商方面，女性享有男性无法逾越的优势。

3.在 Society 和 Crime 方面，我们可以说女性承担着工作和家务，生育和照顾小孩的多重责任，在各方面承受的压力丝毫不逊色于男性；而且各种权威调查机构开展的男女犯罪比例数据表明：男性对社会造成的威胁要远远大于女性，这也让 men should be treated differently from women 成了无稽之谈。

4.在 Time 和 Space 方面，我们可以引述女性在劳动力市场上受歧视其实有其深厚的历史根源，男女不平等制度本属人为搭建，随着时间的推移已变成一种世俗偏见，但在人类历史长河中巾帼不让须眉之典故不胜枚举，从中国的花木兰到英国的女首相撒切尔夫人我们便可“管中窥豹，可见一斑”
5.在 Right 和Responsibility 方面，我们应该呼吁在各行各业，男女不同待遇的境地应该改变。

同作为一个国家的公民，男性女性应该享有相同意义上的政治权利，经济权利，受教育的权利，言论自由的权利。

固然在体力和身体构造方面，男女有很大的区别，但这绝不是说在某些领域只能由男人承担。

6.在 Environment 和 Health 方面，女性的健康和身体状况要比男性脆弱而无法接受体力强度很大的活，同时女性的抗压能力也不及男性，但是这些都是可以通过专项训练慢慢培养起来的。

7.在 Employment 和 Competition 方面，作为政府和劳动力市场应该创造平等的就业制度和就业体系，企业主不能因为女性在婚姻和生育方面而歧视她们，毕竟其在工作能力和处理事情的周全性方面还是丝毫不逊色于男性。

而且公司里面女职员的加入和男女员工均衡的比例能够创造一种舒适的工作环境，所谓：“男女搭配，干活不累。

”就是这个道理。

8. 在 Culture 和Population 方面，一个崇尚男女平等理念的企业是一个人性化的企业，是一个让人倍感尊重和人文关怀的企业。

这样的企业能够更好的招贤纳士，能够好地留住人才；同理，一个崇尚男女平等的社会无疑是一个宜居型社区，人们能在其中更好地安居立业，和谐发展。

9.在 Money 和 Fun 方面，我们应该创造更好的薪资分配制度，确保在同一岗位同一工作性质上的男女员工在报酬方面实现“同工同酬”；同时，同 employment and competition 中的第二点一样：男女员工比例的协调能够创造一种愉悦的工作环境。

我们发现，通过裸奔法产生的论点我们主要集中在“男女应该平等就业，平等享有各项公民权利”于是我们采取一边倒的行文模式，整篇文章 4 段走，每段所起的作用分别为：“起—承—转—合”。

具体行文如下：
第一段：起，交代大的社会背景，提出自己的中心论点 ,共③句话。

①Although gender equality is widely promoted in various fields of our society,females are
still underrepresented in numerous areas. ②Some people tend to attribute this phenomenon to a large social context, holding men and women should receive different levels of treatment,either in financial income or residual welfare. ③From my standpoint,this conclusion is cursory and therefore subject to re-examination.
语言点评：第②句里面运用到了 holding men and women should receive different levels of treatment 这一插入语，我们说“关山不喜平”像雅思这样高等的写作水平测试尤其要注意长短句的结合使用，实际上非谓语动词，介词短语，定语从句，副词都可以作为插入语而把一个长句切割成几个微观的单元，这样文章读起来才会更有音韵美。

同时这段还要注意 gender equality ,social context, financial income,residual welfare 等专有词汇的使用。

第二段：承，说明自己所赞同的那一方的观点：即男女应该平等对待，共⑦句话
①It is always interesting to observe most government or business leaders around the worl d are male,which may give rise to this premature assumption that some work has to done by men
and thus men and women should be treated differently. ②Yet, history informs us that there are always exceptions, with women taking more high-ranking positions in the corporate world. ③A telling example to justify this is Margaret Thatcher, the former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, who sent a naval task force to recapture the Falkland Islands and settled a military conflict with Argentina. ④It is the same decisiveness a male leader possesses that Thatcher displayed when the sovereignty of her country is under threat. ⑤Sari Maritta Baldauf ,the former head of Nokia Networks, is another typical example to illustrate women can beat men in the business sphere, a traditional male-dominated realm. ⑥ Determined to promote personal communication services and digital cellular networks early since 1988, Baldauf experienced all kinds of frustrations and disillusions, but never disheartened. ⑦Finally, Baldauf was selected as the most influential female executive in the year 1998 by Fortune and in 2002 Wall Street Journal named Baldauf as the Europe's most successful female executive.
语言点评：这段实际上用到了分类的写作手法，当雅思题目所给范围过大时，我们可以将话题细化，再选取典型代表研究；如在这里我们在众多的工作领域选取了政治和经济这两个典型领域再细化到个人身上，如在政治领域我们选取英国的前首相撒切尔夫人；在商业领域我们选举诺基亚的前任首席执政官萨里•巴尔德奥夫。

举例时实际上我们可以有很多套话可以套用，如： A telling example is that/ Another typical example which can well justify my opinion/History can inform us that 等等。

再次烤鸭们要注意该段无数伴随语结构的使用，实际上当烤鸭们想用状语从句的时候不妨用简洁明了的伴随状语来表示句子和句子之间的各种逻辑关系，如我们这里 with women taking more high-ranking positions in the corporate world 相当于 when 引导的时间状语从句； Determined to promote personal communication services and digital cellular networks early since 1988, 相当于 although 引导的让步状语从句； but never disheartened 采用的是“连词+非谓语”表转折。

第三段：转，先引出反方观点，然后加以驳斥以强化己方观点，共⑦句话。

①Those who hold that some inborn limitations of women pose them great barriers to certain spheres may stick to the opinion that men should be superior to their female counterparts. ②Among these, they would cite"women's enrolment in the army" as a typical example. ③It is true that females have to cope with the pressure exerted by their families, acquaintances, or friends, as serving in the army is generally accepted as a deadly job, which is exclusively for males. ④ This idea, however, suffers great fallacies due to the computerisation of modern warfare. ⑤Gone are the days when physical fighting, either armed or unarmed, dominates modern battlefields. ⑥With the automation of tanks, armours, missiles or warplanes, females can also perform military tasks as their male counterparts do, given that they are well-educated and trained. ⑦ Plus, their inherited merits endows them with greater patience and considerations, which enable them to be competent for caring professions in army hospitals.
语言点评：这段很好地用上了让步句型： it is true that, but/yet/however；还有“追忆似水流年”句型： gone are the days when；再次，各种排山倒海结构，即大量列举结构大大地增加了全文的气势，诸如：tanks, armours, missiles or warplanes, 以及 their families, acquaintances, or friends；插入语的使用是这一段的另外一个亮点，如： as serving in the army is generally accepted as a deadly job,either armed or unarmed,这就和之前的长句 Those who hold that some
inborn limitations.... 形成一种长短呼应。

在新东方的雅思课堂上我们一再和烤鸭们强调其实模板不是给你加分的，真正给你加分的是你填入模板中的内容：插入语，伴随状语，强调句，倒装句，定语从句等加分句式的使用会使文章更加熠熠生辉，而这些元素的熟稔使用只有靠烤鸭们平素艰苦卓绝地历练，才能最终做到在考场上的从容不迫，信手捏来。

第四段：合，先让步，再重申自己的观点，共②句话。

①In conclusion, although females have some physical or psychological drawbacks for certain kinds of positions, never would it become a camouflage or excuse to impede them from having the same rights or status as male do. ②Only by creating an equal and democratic working atmosphere can we purify the corporate culture and further constuct a more harmonious society.
语言点评：借用黄金结尾句型： although 引导的让步状语从句以及 never 还有 only by 引导的倒装句提出自己的希望并展望未来，整个文章到此一气呵成，掷地有声。

2010年8月14日雅思写作回忆及点评
真题回忆
TASK 2
Major cities grow continuously and expand into countryside. What problems are caused to the yong people living in the city due to the urban development, What are the reasons and what solutions do you have?
真题点评
该考题是典型的城市化问题，与 2010 年 7 月 17 日考试题目有相似之处。

城市扩张和人口从农村地区涌向城市是两个同时发生的过程并且也是个互动的过程。

城市扩张必然需要大量劳动力，大量人口涌入城市有加速城市扩张。

而本次考题主要侧重城市扩张对年轻人的影响，我们可以从生存环境恶化 (就业压力、住房紧张、交通拥挤、环境污染 )、工作压力及家庭关系淡化方面论述。

解决措施一定要提到政府的介入，还可以建议年轻人不一定都涌向大城市。

历年相似真题回顾
2010 年 7 月 17 日
TASK 2
The movement of people from agricutral areas to cities to work can cause serious problems in both places.What are the serious problems and how to sovle these problems?
核心论点：
1. Urbanisation and urban development have been on the rise. Disillusioned by declining rural returns and attracted by the disproportionately higher average city incomes and standards of living,rural residents are leaving their homes in search of a better life in the cities.
2. With such large and continuous numbers of people entering cities and towns this is creating immense pressure on urban development.
3. Though more and more people are moving to and living in the cities, living conditions have not always kept up with urbanisation.There is a severe housing
shortage in many urban areas, a need to upgrade the backward public welfare facilities and a need to increase the green coverage in growing urban centres.
The incidence of violence/crimes for young people is increasing. Give possible reasons and recommendations of punishment and measures to the situation.
历年相似真题回顾： 2005 年 1 月 22 日
Statistics suggest that nowadays an increasing number of crimes are committed by the young people. What are its causes and how can we solve this problem?
真题点评：
往年试题要求考生分析原因并提出解决措施， 而本次考题要求给出相应的惩罚措施， 如 果考生不注意这一区别， 可能会离题。

并且考生平时练习都分析过如何防止青少年犯罪现象 发生，很少涉及到如何惩罚，这也是广大考生的软肋。

核心论点：
1. Young people should be offered the opportunity to do community service and repay society for the wrong they have done. Rehabilitation is very effective in these cases while severe punishment is unnecessary and might even make the person worse.
2. Punishment should fit the crime, that is, severe punishment for serious crime and rehabilitation for less serious or petty crime.
In today's world, it is private companies rather than government who pay for and carry out most on scientific research.To what extent do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages? 不难看出，该题属于政府资助类题型的改写，我们可以在 2005 年 12 月 10 号的 task 2 中找到该题的影子： 2005.12.10 ： Many people believe that scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion ？ 即此题由原来赞成与否的 argumentation 题型变成了现在分析利弊的 report 类题型。

由此 可见， 反复诵读历年真题， 积累同一领域的素材和专有词汇才是烤鸭们备考雅思写作的王道。

下面从结构，内容，语言这三个层面来为广大烤鸭们演示一下此文的写法：
根据 report 型文体的黄金对称式结构， 此文我们可以分为四段展开： 首段摆明全文 的写作目的，如 this essay aims to analyse the pros and cons of this phenomenon and draw some suggestive conclusions 接下来主体 1 段：分析该做法的益处；主体 2 段：分 析.该做法的弊端总结段：得出 strike a delicate balance between the two practices.
首段，交代写作背景及其写作目的，共 3 句话
① It is universally acknowledged that scientific research constitutes an indispensable role in a nation's long term development.
语 言 点 评： it is universally acknowledged that 句 型， constitutes an indispensable role in sth 短语。

②However, w hen it comes to which side,whether the state or some business tycoon, should be responsible for these projects, opinions tend to be divided.
2010 年 1 月 14 号大作文题目 2010 年 8 月 5 日 雅思写作回忆与点评
语言点评：注意同义转化原文，切忌照抄原文，即把 the government 替换成 the state，把 the private companies 替换成 business tycoon 注意“whether the state or some business tycoon. ”这一插入语的使用以及长短句结合使用所带来的音韵美。

③From my perspective, this issue is so complex that we need to explore it from several angles.
第二段:分析科研项目由企业资助所带来的益处，分政府和企业两方面展开，共 6 句话。

①No one can deny the fact that sponsoring the time and energy consuming projects calls for huge sums of financial support and policy favour from the government,thus distracting the nation and public from addressing more pressing issues such as poverty and starvation.
语言点评： No one can deny the fact that 句型， time and energy consuming; financial support;government favor, distracting sb from doing sth 短语, 同时要注意用词的复杂原则，用 poverty 替换 poor,starvation 替换 hunger.
②③The disintegration of the Soviet Union serves as a typical example to illustrate this point.With tremendous fiscal expenditures from tax-payers,the government spared no effect to join the Lunar Probe Project and arms race against America,thus ignoring the national economy and people's livelihood,which finally lead to the collapse of this super power.
语言点评： fiscal expenditures, spared no effect to do sth 短语, 同时要注意用词的温暖原则，如用 typical 来温暖 example, 用 tremendous 温暖 fiscal expensidure, 专业领域词汇在平时一定要在平时注意积累，如国计民生： the national economy and people's livelihood；登月计划： the Lunar Probe Project 军备竞赛： arms race
④Delegating the management of these researches to private enterprises, on the other hand, enables the government to concentrate on more urgent problems, such as popularizing compulsory education, reducing unemployment rate and strengthening the construction of infrastructure.
语言点评：造句的时候一定要注意长短句结合，插入语 on the other hand 的使用会使文章错落有致，抑扬顿挫。

并列结构 popularizing compulsory education, reducing unemployment rate and strengthening the construction of infrastructure. 的引入会使文章气势磅礴，意境叠出。

⑤⑥Meanwhile,companies will be more initiative and self-motivated as they play
a bigger role in the scientific researches.With the ultimate goal of pursuing profits and enlarging its market share,these business giants will go to great length to develop the newest technology,apply advanced management expertise and enhance its productivity.
语言点评：从企业的角度来说明企业资助科研的好处，这里要充分体会用词的多样性原则，比如表达“花费力气做某事”前面有 spare no effort to do sth 这里有 go to great length to do sth. With 引导的伴随状语结构完美替换 because 引导的原因状语从句，develop the newest technology,apply advanced management expertise and enhance its productivity. 排山倒海结构再次使得文章具有势如破竹之力度。

第三段:分析科研项目由企业资助所带来的弊端，同样分政府和企业两方面展开，共 4 句话。

① ② At the same time, however, over depending on the entrepreneurs and neglecting the role of the government may breeds the weakening of a nation's comprehensive strength,since the major concern of a business is to maximize its profit and in rare circumstances will it take the nation's technological competitiveness into consideration.Hence, it is up to the government to hold its core technological sphere ,especially on an international level.
语言点评：注意neglect the role of;maximize its profit;on an international level 等短语以及 in rare circumstances 引导的倒装句的使用。

③④Plus, an over loosened environment for the companies to perform scientific researches may lead to the leakage of a nation's core technology such as military, national defence and security,therefore posing a potential threat to domestic stability. Also, the political power exerted by the government may be weakened as these business moguls controls the lifeblood of the whole nation,thus leaving the regime wielded at the hands of several magnates.
语言点评： therefore 与 thus 引导的伴随结构构成对称式结构使得文章清晰工整，同时同义词的替换如商业巨头先后用 (business tycoon, giant, mogul and 来指代使得考生写作功底凸显。

magnet)
第五段:总结全文，共 1 句话
①To conclude,leaving companies to take charge of scientific research bears both strengths and weaknesses.All we need to do is to enhance its positive sides and eliminate its negative effects.
语言点评：对前面行文做一个简短的点评，结束全文。

2010 年 9 月 16 日
Society is based on rules and laws. It could not function if individuals were free to do whatever they want. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (2008.10.11)
话题内容：如果一个人想做什么就做什么，社会将不能运转。

从自己、他人和社会的角度分析“ 一个人想做什么就做什么”行为所带来的影响
对个人自己而言：可能带来快乐，也可能带来不快乐
可能的快乐：可以满足个人的私欲(satisfy one’s own selfish desire ) ，带来私欲实现后的成就感 (a sense of achievement)
可能的不快乐：要为自己个人行为所带来的恶劣影响和不良后果负责(undertake the responsibility for abominable influence and negative consequences )
对他人而言：
可能妨碍他人的自由(hamper the freedom of others)
可能损害他人合法权益( infringe upon lawful rights and interests of others )
对社会而言：
危害公共健康与安全( endanger public health and security )
破坏社会秩序(destroy social order)
危害社会公共利益 (offend against public interests )
从以上三种角度的分析，可以得出结论和应持观点
结论：“一个人想做什么就做什么”行为不好。

应持观点：同意(agree)题目观点。

3 月20 号的雅思写
Task 2 ：Nowadays more and more work can be done by machines instead of hands. Do you think its positive impact on the development outweighs its negative impact on individuals or society?
该文属于雅思写作18 大领域中的科技类，该类的文章在雅思写作中的考察主要集中于现代科技(如这里的机械化大生产)对人们生活方式所产生的影响，具体体现在 3 个方面：
1. 科技的发展的影响是正面的还是负面(如2006.1.14) ；
2. 科技发展使我们的闲暇时间变得更多还是更少(如2005.2.19)；
3. 科技发展对我们的文化、思想、观念和社区有什么影响(如2007.3.31 ) 。

写作示范
本文属于第1 点和第3 点的组合型题目，典型的report 类题型，利用黄金对称式写法全文分四段展开。

首段交代背景，提出写作目的，共③句话。

①It is an indisputable fact that machinery poses a significant effect on modern society, either on an individual or social level.
语言点评：注意句型it is an indisputable fact that 短语：pose a significant effect on 和individual or social level.
②③However, when it comes to whether its positive effects outweigh the negative ones,
opinions tend to vary. This essay aims to explore the issue from different perspectives and draw some suggestive conclusions.
语言点评：注意短语：explore sth from different perspectives, draw some suggestive conclusions.
主题1 段：交代机械化对个人和社会的正面影响。

共⑤句话。

①No one can deny the fact that modern machinery brings tremendous convenience and benefits to our lives .
语言点评：该句此段的中心论点。

注意双重否定表肯定句型No one can deny thefact that 句式的使用；排山倒海结构brings tremendous convenience and benefits 的使用。

②With the advent of little gadgets such as computers and mobile phones ,people can conduct their business without meeting each other face to face , thus improving working efficiency, saving time and energy and gaining more leisure time of their own.
语言点评：此句作为第一句的支持句，以computers and mobile phones 为例，指出电脑手机等通讯工具的发明使得人们极大地提高了自己的工作效率以及有了更多的闲暇时间可以支配。

注意with 以及thus improving 等结构引导的伴随状语表因果。

由此得出启示：表达因果不一定要用because 或者是so 这样的老熟人。

③Invention of the Internet triggers an even bigger revolution both in people's lifestyles and the developing pattern of the whole society. ④Because of E-banking, E-trading and on-line shopping, gone are the days when people had to obtain what they needed in some tangible supermarket or met their business partner in another city. ⑤Moreover,telecommuters may sit comfortably at home as all the business can be performed on-line without going to the office,。