他没那么喜欢你

我必须让自己停止想你
Wait,stop.What?Shit.What?
I am so into you.Seriously,I've never felt like this before.
I have to actively stop my brain from thinking about you.Like,all the time.
Why stop?
Because I don't do stuff like this.
Stuff like what?
Like sleep with women that aren't my wife.
First of all,I am not "women," I'm just one.
And second of all?
Oh,I didn't have a second of all.
I was hoping "second of all" would make me feel better.
Second of all... I can't stop thinking about you either.
也许她希望你拿出男子气
Honestly,we may not have the best insight.
Gay signals have nothing to do with straight signals.
He's right.The signals are totally different.
Like,here.Here's "I wanna sleep with you."
One,two,three.That's it,three seconds or more,it's on.
And here's "I don't wanna sleep with you."One, two...
Nope,thanks for playing,move along
It's that simple.
You're right,that didn't help me at all.
All right,well,I can tell you this:
Gay or straight,you're not gonna get anywhere by being inactive.
She likes you.Maybe she just wants you to be a man and do something.
Hit me up with an oatmeal raisin,will you?Thanks.
Here You go.
不要在一棵树上吊死
I don't.
So you never wait until the last minute on a deadline or a phone bill.
Because secretly you cannot love the drama of not knowing whether or not you're gonna make it.
Maybe.
And let me guess.
When you were stalking Conor the other night.
Were you obsessing about him calling constantly pacing back and forth,staring at your phone for days.
Even though the date was just kind of mediocre?
Okay,yeah.
Because you all thrive on the drama.
Thank you.Look,you gotta be more like me.
If a girl likes me,great.
But if not,there are plenty more out there like her,you know?
Probably with smaller pores and bigger implants.
Beautiful.
I know.
Why are you sharing all of this inside dating information with me again?
I don't know,I like you.
You do?
Well,yeah,okay,don't start doodling my name on your binder,okay?
I just mean... I mean,I like you the way I like basset hounds.
Something pathetic about them,you just wanna cheer them up.
Again!With the sensitivity.
一切都写在你可怜的脸上
Hey.Welcome,everybody,thanks for coming,I'm Conor.
Sign in when you get a second,make yourselves at home.
We got some cookies over here,some cold beverages,help yourself.
Conor,you are the Liza Minnelli of real estate.
I know,your friend Mary's a genius.
I know,she's so great.Well,I gotta go,so I guess I'll see you later.
What,you got a class,or?
Yeah.No.No,just something.Stuff I gotta do.
Okay.Well...I'll see you.
Okay.Bye.Okay.Okay.Bye.See You later.
All Right.call me.
What?She's holding out on you,isn't she?
Not quite sure I get your meaning.
It's obvious she won't sleep with you.
It's written all over your puppy dog face.
It's killing me,literally.I'm dying.
Here,have a cookie.
No,I'm cool.I don't know what she's doing.I cannot read her signals.
We used to sleep together all the time.That's not true.
I don't know why I said that.It wasn't all the time,but it happened.I know I'm not just making this up.
And then out of nowhere it just stops.But she still calls.
She wants a massage.She leaves cute messages.
But it's not going anywhere.What is she doing?
因为你们偶像剧看多了
You cannot tell from a cursory glance that he's not into her.
Actually,I can,I see this stuff going on every night.
Watch this,she's going on about her macrobiotic diet.
He's thinking,"Dear Christ,get me out of here".
And look at that,how fortuitous.
Drinks spill,which is perfect for him,because now...he can move on to the girl with the shoulder tattoo.
Man,you have a gift.
Now check out Droopy Dog on the other side.
He's gonna buy her drinks all night and she's still gonna insist there's no spark. Maybe there's not.You need a spark.
Oh,the spark thing is bullshit.
Really?Bullshit.
Enlighten me.
Guys invented the spark.
So they could not call and treat you kind of badly and keep you guessing and then convince you that anxiety and fear that just develops naturally.
It's actually just a spark.
And you guys all buy it,you eat it up and you love it.
You love it because you feed off that drama,you all love that drama.。