新年决心NewYear’sResolution

我去年的“新年决心”是：我要每天都像是人生最后一天那样生活(I will live each day as if itwas my last)，结果只坚持了3个月，因为身上实在太味儿了。

不过很合情合理，谁会在自己的最后一天还洗衣服呢？下面是一些体面的人下定的新年决心（New Year’s Resolution）（英汉对照）
1、I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.
我会少洗衣服，多用除臭剂。

2、I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve morewater.
我会尽可能避免洗澡，节约更多的水。

3、I will be a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bitrounder, but still none the wiser.
我会变老一点儿，变聪明一点儿，变圆一点儿，但仍然一无所知。

4、I resolve to stop farting in public
我决心不再当众放屁。

5、I will leave my brain at home while going to watch XXX’s movies!
我去看XXX的电影时会把我的大脑留在家里。

6、I will never again take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the samenight.
我决不再在同一个晚上同时吃安眠药和泻药。

7、I resolve not to think of my wife and blame my fate whenever I seea beautiful woman.
我决心每次看见漂亮女人时不去想我太太，责怪自己的命运。

8、I resolve not to swim in any swimming pool without water.
我决心不去任何没有水的游泳池游泳。

9、I resolve that I will wear a helmet all the time to protect myselffrom further head injuries due to targeted attacks by my beloved wife!
由于我心爱的太太的针对性攻击，我决心一直戴着头盔，保护自己的头部不受到进一步伤害10、I will drive past a gym at least once aweek.
我会至少每星期开车路过健身房一次。

11、I resolve to stop procrastinating aboutprocrastinating!
我决心不再拖延“拖延”。

12、I will actually laugh out loud when I type“LOL”.
当我输入LOL（大声笑）时，我会真的大声笑。

13、I will work harder to find time to sleepmore.
我会更努力工作，好抽空多睡会儿觉。

14、I will tolerate fools more gladly,provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
我会更欣然地容忍傻瓜——只要这不鼓励他们占用我更多的时间。

15、I will tart washing my hands after I usethe restroom.
上完卫生间后我会开始洗手。

16、I will only get divorced and remarriedonce next year.
明年我会只离一次婚，再结一次婚。

17、I will start smoking to lose weight
为了减肥，我会开始吸烟。

18、I will lose weight by inventing ananti-gravity machine
我会发明反重力机器来减肥。

19、I will always wear clean underwear,"just in case".
为“以防万一”，我会一直穿着干净内衣
(怕出事故后，让漂亮护士看到脏兮兮的内衣)
20、Read less books. A little learning is adangerous thing. Too much of it can really wreck your head.
少读点儿书，一点点儿知识是危险的，太多的知识真的能摧毁你的脑袋。

21、Drink more. Wasn't it Benjamin Franklinwho said, beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. So behappy.
多喝点儿酒。

富兰克林不是说过：啤酒是上帝爱我们，想要我们快乐的证据吗，所以要快乐22、Work less. Take it easy. All work and noplay can make you a dull boy or girl. 少工作，别着急。

只工作，不玩耍，聪明的你也变傻
23、I will drink less beer, last year I drankenough beer to have kept the Titanic afloat.
我会少喝点儿啤酒，去年我喝的啤酒足以让泰坦尼克号浮起来
请大家监督我，我会努力去实现自己的承诺。