考研英语阅读理解外刊原文经济学人

That’s Not Fair: Why Relationships Must Be Equal
这不公平：为什么关系必须平等
The golden rule: We should treat others the way we want to be treated. We all want to be treated fairly, and this comes up frequently in intimate relationships. It isn’t cool if one does all the dishes while the other plays on the X-Box and no one wants to be the only one putting the kids to bed or apologizing after a fight. Abusive relationships are fundamentally unfair, where one person expects a servant or a target instead of an equal partner.
黄金法则：我们希望别人怎样对待我们，我们就应该怎样对待别人。

我们都希望被公平对待，这在亲密关系中经常出现。

如果一个人洗所有的碗，而另一个人玩X-Box，那就太不好了，而且没人想成为唯一一个哄孩子睡觉或在吵架后道歉的人。

虐待关系从根本上来说是不公平的，一个人期望一个仆人或一个目标，而不是一个平等的伴侣。

We recognize injustice, almost from birth. In one study, Paul Bloom showed babies a series of animated shapes and figures. Some shapes were “helping” others up a hill, and other shapes were being obstructive and getting in the way. When the shapes were presented to the babies as blocks, the babies nearly always reached for the helpful ones and rejected the hindering shapes. This moral sense continues as babies become toddlers who complain that things aren’t fair, and then become adults who don’t like injustice much either. One study found that employees who felt they were being paid fairly compared to their colleagues were more motivated, happier, healthier, and more satisfied with their personal lives.
我们几乎从出生起就认识到不公平。

在一项研究中，布鲁姆（Paul Bloom）向婴儿展示了一系列动画形状和数字。

一些形状在“帮助”其他人上山，而另一些形状则是阻碍和挡道。

当把这些形状以积木的形式呈现给婴儿时，婴儿几乎总是伸手去拿有帮助的形状，而拒绝妨碍的形状。

这种道德感会持续下去，婴儿成长为会抱怨事情不公平的学步儿童，然后成长为也不太喜欢不公平的成年人。

一
项研究发现，那些与同事相比，觉得自己得到了公平报酬的员工更有动力、更快乐、更健康，对自己的个人生活也更满意。

Of course, exact fairness in a relationship isn’t possible, and there are always differences in what partners think is fair. It isn’t helpful to keep score and argue about fairness. One couple would argue vehemently about whose turn it was to change their toddler’s diaper. They would sometimes wait until the other was home if it was their “turn,” which ended up punishing the soggy kid for the adult’s pettiness. This is a selfish focus: “What’s in it for me?” Rather than: “What’s the right thing for us?” Marriage scholar William Doherty calls this a consumer marriage, where the partners approach the relationship with an attitude of getting the best deal. They become dissatisfied if they think they could do better, and instead of committing to the process, they consider trading up for a new model. This is not fairness but an immature debate.
当然，在一段关系中，完全公平是不可能的，而且双方对什么是公平的看法总是存在差异。

记分和争论公平是没有帮助的。

一对夫妇会激烈争论该轮到谁给他们的孩子换尿布。

如果轮到他们的话，他们有时会等到另一个人回家，这最终会因为大人的小心眼而惩罚到那个湿漉漉的孩子。

这是一个自私的焦点：“这对我有什么好处？”而不是：“对我们来说什么是正确的？”婚姻学者多尔蒂（William Doherty）称之为消费者婚姻，在这种婚姻中，双方都抱着一种获得最佳交易的态度来对待这种关系。

如果他们认为自己可以做得更好，他们就会变得不满意，而不是致力于这个过程，他们会考虑一个新的模式。

这不是公平，而是一场不成熟的辩论。

In contrast, healthy partners both contribute to the relationship. They are willing to give extra and rebalance when needed, even when it involves being unselfish. For example, one partner may not feel like listening to the other when they want to talk. But if they do, it is likely to be appreciated. One may not want intimacy when the other does, but compromise and willingness often generate a good experience together.
相比之下，健康的双方伴侣都有助于这段关系。

他们愿意在需要的时候给予
额外的帮助和重新平衡，即使这涉及到无私。

例如，一方可能不想听另一方说话。

但如果他们能听另一方说话，就很可能会受到赞赏。

一方可能不想要亲密，而另一方想要亲密，但妥协和意愿往往会共同产生很好的体验。

This doesn’t mean spouses always have to do what the other wants. There should always be freedom and negotiation without pressure or punishment. When partners consistently make an effort to be fair across all dimensions of the relationship, relationships thrive. Buddha said, “Drop by drop is the water pot filled. Likewise, the wise one, gathering it little by little, fills oneself with good.” Small efforts to be fair have big benefits in relationships.
这并不意味着配偶总是要做对方想做的事。

应该始终保持自由和协商，而不是施加压力或惩罚。

当伴侣们不断努力在关系的各个方面做到公平，关系就会茁壮成长。

佛陀说：“须知滴水落，亦可满水瓶。

智者完其善，少许少许积。

”为了公平而付出的小小努力在关系中有很大的好处。