英语演讲幽默故事

英语演讲幽默故事
亲在哪儿? 兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。

“Kan,”
哥哥说,“这些画多漂亮呀!” “Shi啊,”弟弟说
道,“可是在所有这些画中,Zhi有妈妈和孩子。

那爸爸去哪儿
了呢?” Ge哥想了会儿,然后解释道:“很明显,他当Shi
正在画这些画呗。

” an alarm clock a young man went to a mountain village for his holiday. one night he stayed at a small hotel near a train station. before going to bed, he went to the owner of the hotel and said to the old man, “ excuse me, sir. will you please wake me up at a quarter to five? im going to take the five oclock train tomorrow morning. ”
“ oh, sorry, ” the owner said, “ i am afraid i cant.
i dont get up that early. ” the young man started to go back to his room when he stopped and asked, “ do you have an alarm clock? that would help me. ”
“ yes, here it is, young man. ” the young man took the clock happily and thanked the old man. but when he looked at it carefully, there appeared to be something wrong with it. “ does it ring on
time? ” he asked the old man. “ sure! just shake it when its time to get up, and itll ring. ” Yi
只闹钟一个年轻人到一个山村去度假。

Na天夜里,他住
宿在火车站附近的一个旅馆里。

Shang床睡之前,他对旅
馆老板——一个老头儿说:“Dui不起,先生,请问您能在五点
差一刻叫醒我Ma?我明天早晨要乘五点的火车。

”
“哦,Hen抱歉”,旅馆老板说,“恐怕不行,我不可Neng起那
么早。

” 年轻人正想回到房间去,You停住了问:“那你
有闹钟吗?或许它能帮助Wo。

” “我有,给你,年轻
人。

” 年Qing人很高兴地拿了闹钟,谢了老头儿。

但当他Zi细查看了闹钟后,发现似乎有毛病。

“它能Zhun时闹吗?”他问老头儿。

“那当然!时Jian一到,你摇一摇,他就会响的。

” one engine left a 747 was halfway across the atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, attention, passengers. we have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach london with the three we have left. unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult.shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captains voice again, guess what, folks. we just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. we will now arrive
in london three hours late.at this point, one passenger became furious. for petes sake, he shouted, if we lose another engine, well be up here all night! Zhi剩一个引擎一架747客机正在跨越大Xi洋时,喇叭
里传来了机长的声音:“旅客们Qing注意,我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。

但Sheng下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。

只是我Men要因此晚到一小时。

”过了一会儿,旅客们You听到机长的声音:“各位,你们猜怎么啦?Wo们刚又掉了第三个引擎。

但请你们相信好了。

Zhi有一个引擎我们也能飞,但要晚
三个小时了。

”Zheng在这时,一位乘客非常气愤地说:“看在上Di的份上,如果我们再掉一个引擎,我们就要Zheng夜都要呆在天上了。

”篇三:英语演讲幽默Kai场白英语演讲幽默开场白作为一个Yan讲者,我从观众那只得到过两种抱怨:一种Shi我讲话声音太大了,他们无法入睡;第二种Shi我讲得时间太长了,他们无法一直清醒。

Zuo为一个讲演者,他的演讲总拿来和林肯的哥De堡演讲[一个著名的演讲]相比较。

当他演Jiang结束时,也有悲伤、眼泪和悲痛——特别是Ji划委员会。

幽默注释:演讲者讲得太糟Gao了,组织者
哭得很伤心。

演讲结束时,Yan会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——Ni泰然自若,优雅地点头微笑着,心里非
常清Chu你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡poise
is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast. You默注释:一些老干部退休后没什么事干,有Ren请他参加一些活动,他还假装很忙,好象推Kai了很多事才赶去似的。

过去我演讲时常Chang会比较紧张,但那时我看到一条信息说如果Ni想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。

此时Ci刻,我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体,真的Qi作用,我不再紧张了,但眼睛有些疲劳。

i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked. and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked. and it really works.
i no suffer from nervousness. eyestrain. yes You
默注释:把观众想象成裸体,意思是我不怕Ni们,就不紧张了。

创新句子:大部分人Zhan在讲台上都会有点儿紧张,我属于少部分人,Wo非常紧张。

我本人不自负——我简Zhi 不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。

personally, i have never been conceited --- and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that. You默句子:他因为自己不自负,所以变得非常Jiao傲。

创新句子:我一点儿都不自负,我Xi望别人也这么看我. 我先用简单明了的Ying语演讲,以后我再翻译给律师听。

let me put this into plain english. i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.You默注释:律师总喜欢用复杂的语言,简单的Hua都听不懂了。

创新句子:我的讲话有三Ge版本,小学生版本,
中学生版本,大学生版Ben,你是听小学一年纪版的,还是小学
二年纪Ban的? 如果你听过这个故事,请不要打断Wo,我
就知道这一个故事。

if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know. You默注释:就是你知道两个故事,讲故事前也Ke以这么说。

创新句子:我讲个笑话,如Guo你们听过,也希望装做没听过,我也这样照Gu你们。

演讲就象给草坪浇水,如果有四Fen之一的水渗下去你就满意了。

making a speech is like watering a lawn. you’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in. You默注释:有人打呼噜,有人说话,都是正常De,有四分之一观众听
就不错了。

幽默句Zi:即兴演讲的开场白。

创新句子:我不Zhi道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲,我不知道我要Jiang 点儿什么开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已Jing编辑成了电视节目,我现在少讲20分钟,Wo们能够及时赶回家看2台的节目。

before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television. i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2. You默注释:放着现场不看,偏要回家在电视上Kan。

可能你们有些人知道我今晚出
现在这Li有两个原因:第一个原因是你们的计划委员Hui一直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演Jiang者,——他们找到了。

第二个原因是那个人Bing了,所以就打电话把我找来了。

幽默注Shi:一开始好象在说自己很牛,其实就是个
临Shi。