名师教你写作文：人物描写写作指导

名师教你写作文：人物描写写作指导

写作任务:英语课上你班就"谁是英雄"的话题展开讨论,每个人对英雄都有不同的看法。请你根据以下三位英雄人物的图片,写一篇英语发言稿,描述你心目中的英雄形象。

①南丁格尔(Nightingale) ②雷锋(Lei Feng) ③杨利伟(Yang Liwei)

要求:1. 内容充实,可适当增加细节；2. 上下文连贯通顺、无语法错误；3. 词数:100左右。文章开头已给出,不计入总词数。

Good morning, everyone.

I’d like to introduce my hero to you this morning.

_____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ 写作分析:

本次写作任务要求写一篇发言稿,属应用文体裁。发言稿的内容为描述你心目中的英雄形象,属描写文体裁中的人物描写。人物描写的特点是用语言描绘人物的外表、行为、心理活动等。通过人物描写可以刻画人物性格特征,表现人物精神面貌,披露人物内心活动等等。为了使人物特征跃然纸上,我们往往在写文章时把叙述和描写结合起来,并且要善于观察,调动丰富的想像力和敏锐的判断力,抓住描写对象的独特之处,力求形象化地叙述。这样才能做到人物形象生动、形神兼备,文章内容重点突出、表达清晰。

在写描写文时,我们应注意以下几个方面:

1. 选择好描写的角度和次序。角度是指用第一人称还是第三人称来描写。次序是指时间、空间、逻辑的安排。

2. 突出重点,着重描写最富有感染力的情节和人物的主要事迹。

3. 要充分体现人物的感官印象,把人物描写得更生动、逼真,可采用多种修辞手段,例如比喻、拟人等。

4. 描写文的语言:

(1) 描写文的语言特征是大量使用动词和修饰语,这些词汇的使用可以使被描述的对象栩栩如生,并能避免单调重复。

(2) 写好描写文,要求语言具体、准确,以利于表达文章内容。试比较下面两句话:

①He was very, very angry. 他非常非常生气。

②His face turned red, and a corner of his mouth twitched as he tried to control his anger. 他的脸通红,嘴角抽搐地强压着怒火。同样是描写"生气",第②句明显比第①句描述得具体、生动许多。

具体到这次写作任务,题目其实已给出描述对象,也就是"Hero"。那么在描写的时候就需要加入叙述,侧重描写人物的英勇事迹。这就要求把人物放到具体的事件和行为活动中描写,并且事件要选取最有意义、最能表现其英雄形象的事迹,写出个性来,使人物形象跃然纸上。

初稿:

Good morning, everyone.

I’d like to introduce my hero to you this morning. Most Ch inese know the name "Lei Feng". He lived a long time ago, yet people still talk about him, especially on March 5th every year.

We call Lei Feng a hero not only because of the enormous contributions he made, but also because he always did his best to do whatever he was doing, no matter how insignificant. As a common soldier, he often helped others support their families by posting money to their fathers or mothers, while keeping little for himself. In my opinion, the core of the spirit of Lei Feng is helping others for the sake of helping them, not because of something you might gain from it. And I think the person who has such a spirit can be called a hero.

教师点评:

初稿作文表达清晰,句势灵活多变,前后衔接自然,从中可看出作者扎实的文字基础和语言功底。

但是,这篇作文一个很大的问题是描写重点和事例不统一。"he always did his best to do whatever ..."这一句给出了描写重点,下面的事例却主要是说明"... the

core of the spirit of Lei Feng is ... not because of ..."并且,在语言表达上,作者反复阐明自己心中的英雄定义,导致没有多少篇幅描述人物,人物的具体事例太少,详略不当。

成稿:

Good morning, everyone.

I’d like to introduce my hero to you this morning. I know you’ve all heard the name "Lei Feng "before. Small in body, but great in mind, Lei Feng is called a hero not only because he made enormous contributions to our society, but also because he always helped others, never asking to be repaid. His life was short, but his bright spirit made it splendid. He loved our motherland and served the public heart and soul. What’s more, he often helped support the families of other soldiers by posting money to their parents. In regard to himself, however, he was too frugal to even buy himself a drink. I think people like Lei Feng can be called heroes.

教师点评:

成稿在语言上简洁有力,内容上有详有略。与文章主题关系不大的事例一笔代过,而是把重点放在描写典型事例上,让事实说话,从而使雷锋的英雄形象跃然纸上。另外,成稿作者显示出了其语言上的优势,文中多次出现了比较复杂的句型结构,如"Small in body, but great in mind, Lei Feng is called ..."和"... he always helped others, never asking to be repaid"生动形象地描述了雷锋的形象。无论从结构、内容还是语言上,成稿都是一篇值得称赞的好文章。

Powerful Sentences:

1. He has the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen.

2. He was young, with a fair and calm face that showed certain strength.

3. Seeing their task finished gives them a sense of satisfaction.

4. She was burning with anger.

巩固练习:

谁是你心目中的英雄？是一名科学家？一位抗战勇士？还是一个曾经帮助过你的好心人？请写一篇文章描述一位你心目中的英雄,参加某英文报社举办的主题为"Hero"的英语作文竞赛。词数:100左右。