幽默英语小故事(中英文对照)

A Soldier's Brilliant Idea
Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.
When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.
Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.
英语幽默：士兵坐飞机有美女陪伴的高招
由于生意方面的事，罗宾逊先生得出趟门。

因为有点紧急，他决定坐飞机。

乘机旅行时，他喜欢靠窗坐，故而一登机，他就寻找一个靠窗的座位。

他发现只有一个靠窗的座位还空着。

在那空座位边坐着一名士兵。

令罗宾逊先生纳闷的是，这位士兵没有坐靠窗的位置。

罗宾逊先生不管那些，他马上径直朝那个空座位走去。

然而，等到了那儿，他看见座位上有则启事，是用钢笔写的：“为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置，谢谢合作。

”罗宾逊先生还从来没有在飞机上见过如此不同寻常的启事。

不过，他想飞机上一定装了什么特别重的物品，于是他找了个不靠窗的位置。

又有两三个乘客试图坐在那个士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他们看到那则启事就走开了。

当快满座时，一位非常美丽的姑娘匆匆走进机舱。

一直在注意进舱旅客的那个士兵赶紧拿掉他旁边空座位上的启事。

士兵用这种办法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。

故事一：
One night a hotel caught fire, and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes.
一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡衣就跑了出来。

Two men stood outside and looked at the fire.
两个人站在外面，看着大火。

Before I came out, said one, I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don't think of money when they're afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire, the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find. No one will be poorer because I took them.
在我出来之前，其中一个说，我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。

人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。

如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬，所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了，没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。

You don't know my work, said the other.
你不知道我是干什么的，另一个说。

What is your work?
你是干什么的？
I'm a policeman.
我是警察。

Oh! cried the first man. He thought quickly and said, and do you know my work? No, said the policeman.
噢！第一个人喊了一声，他灵机一动，说：那你知道我是干什么的？不知道。

警察说。

I'm a writer. I'm always telling stories about things that never happened.
我是个作家，我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。

故事二：
Three competing store owners rented adjoining（毗连的）shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem（故意的伤害罪，蓄意的破坏）to ensue.
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺，旁观者等着瞧好戏。

The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, Gigantic Sale! and Super Bargains!
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：大减价!特便宜!
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, Prices Slashed! and Fantastic Discounts!
左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：大砍价!大折扣!
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, ENTRANCE.
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：入口处。

故事三：
A crowd of student was gathered on the campus of Oxford University. “You can have no doubt,” shouted a young man excitedly, “that if the Dean does not take back what he said to me this morning, I’ll leave Oxford this very evening！”
A buzzing noise followed. “What a man of actions！” one said in admiration. “How should we support him and learn from him！” said another.
Suddenly, a girl asked, “What did the Dean say to you, Hob?”
He bent and whispered to her, “Well,ererMiss Rose, erhe told me to get clean away from Oxford this very evening！”
一个言出必行的人
一群学生聚在牛津的校园里，一个年轻人情绪激动地叫道：“毋庸置疑，如果那个家伙不收回他今早对我说的话，我今晚就离开牛津。

”
下面一片喧哗。

“真是个言出必行的人。

”一个人艳羡地说。

另一个说：“我们要支持他、学习他。

”
突然，一个女孩问道：“那家伙对你说什么了，霍波？”
他弯下腰小声说：“哦，呃…呃…，罗斯小姐，呃…他说要我今晚从牛津滚出去。

”。