专四写作要领

Suggested writing task:

Direction: People in modern society live under a lot of pressure, from education, career, or family. So it is important for them to keep a good mood under whatever circumstances.

Write a composition of about 200 words on the following topic:

The Importance of Keeping a Good Mood

You are to write in three parts.

In the first part, state clearly what your view is.

In the second part, support your view with one or two reasons.

In the last part, bring what you have written to a natural conclusion or a summary.

学生佳作选展：

（1）The Importance of Keeping a Good Mood

When you’re happy, the world appears colorful to you; when you feel down, the world seems to turn dull. Mood is not something you can grab with fingers, but it does make a difference in your life, hence the importance of keeping a good mood.

A good mood helps you stay healthy, both mentally and physically. You may not believe in the power of mind, but you may believe in science. Statistics show that a positive mood helps patients’recovery and a pessimistic mood contributes to depression, which could cause severe mental diseases. Besides, a nice mood also turns you into a more efficient person. Experienced teachers and bosses must have found out that a cheerful person tends to make a better student or employee than a gloomy one. More importantly, being in a sweet mood could also make you more popular. Using a not-so-appropriate metaphor, a good mood is a contagious flu; it passes on from one to another and puts everyone that it touches in a better mood. Sharing happiness, that is how friends come.

A wonderful mood is good for your health, it helps you with your study or career, and it earns you more friends. Everyone has what it takes in a good mood—willingness to strive, so why not give it a shot? （广外大04级缪月）

点评：这是一篇很有特色的命题习作，无论在段落层次还是在内容展开上都符合题目要求，难得的是，在表述风格上也体现了自己的追求。文章开头就用笔不俗，用了一个具有鲜明对比的句子使得保持好心情给人带来的好处显而易见。接着一、两行轻松的议论自然地烘托出全文主题—标致的V式布局。

第二段的主题句是对全文主题的具体化。全段取了三个角度来展开这一主题，分别是健康、效率和人缘。第一个层次紧随主题句的最后一个词physically，就没有再设分主题句，而是以和读者交流的口吻，用统计说话，摆出了一番道理。修辞上仍使用“比较与对照”的手段，接着一个which从句收住了这个分主题；第二个层次由Besides标示，有一个明快的分主题句：a nice mood also turns you into a more efficient person. 然后拿学习和工作作泛例来进一步阐释（这里的遗憾是该举例手段没有用标识语来明示）；第三个层次由More importantly起头，分主题句也很简明：being in a sweet mood could also make you more popular. 后面用了一个奇想式的隐喻，把好心情的互相感染比作流感，让人不由得产生会心的认同。接下去，读者在段末又读到了一句醇厚如诗的合题句（wrap-up）：Sharing happiness, that is how friends come.

A式布局在第三段也应用得恰到好处，尤其是第一句，在呼应位于第一段末的中心论点的同时，很自然地对第二段中的三个分论点作了概括。最后的so-what里镶了两颗“词汇钻石”，就是what it takes（成功要素）和give it a shot （试一试吧），由此增添了风格上的别致。

（2）The Importance of Keeping a Good Mood

Living in a fast-paced society, everybody is facing a lot of pressure in their daily life, which makes people always nervous. Therefore, it is particularly important for people to keep a good mood to live healthily in such a society.

To begin with, people work more effectively when having a good mood. The evidence has been shown by a research that people who are in a good mood can accomplish a one-hour task in 30 minutes, with the accuracy rate of 90%. However, it takes people in a bad mood more than an hour to finish the same task, with the accuracy rate of only 70%. In this way, keeping a good mood increases people’s confidence about their jobs.

Secondly, keeping a good mood helps people stay healthy. For instance, a person in a good mood tends to have a better appetite, which makes the digest system work efficiently, hence the enhancement of nutrition absorption. What’s more, a person with a good mood is likely to consider and do things in an optimistic way, which helps to reduce the chances of mental illness.

All in all, keeping a good mood is the magic power to motivate people to perform better on their jobs and to prevent people from illness. Accordingly, keeping a good mood is important for us to adapt to the modern world. （广外大04级黎洁媛）

点评：根据早先的要求，学生交作文本时还要在作文后面附上邀请本班两位同学写的评语。因此这篇作文就不妨先看看学生如何评：

学生评语之一：

文章以生动自然的Lead-in开篇，正文部分有鲜明的主旨句，并用有力的数据和事例为论点作了较为充分的阐述；最后一段呼应前文，并很好地总结了论点，使文章结构更加完整文章语言简单易明，避开了晦涩难懂的big words. 行文流畅，读来有一气呵成之感。最值得欣赏的一点是，作者在论述时，适当地使用了连接词，如therefore, accordingly, what’s more等，使文章显得更有条理，而这点是很多同学在写议论文时容易忽视的。此外，第三自然段的enhancement一词用得很好，与常用的improvement区别开来,用得恰到好处。

然而，美中不足的是文章个别语句欠妥甚至出现语法错误。例如，

People in Line 2 should be them

The digest system in Line 6 from the bottom should be the digestive system

Nutrition absorption in Line 5 from the bottom should be nutrient-absorption

Illness in the last but one line should be illnesses

该文若要成为一篇精品，相信还要经过再一番的琢磨加工。（广外大04级黄宇殿）

学生评语之二：

本文结构清晰，开篇流畅，结合实际，顺利地点出文章主题。后面分两点阐述主题，运用了举例论证，道理论证，且言之有理，结构紧凑。结尾归纳的自然而且精辟。全文自然流畅是一大增色之处。

老师阅卷后，不但给作文打了分，也给两篇评语打了分（5分制）。第一篇评语虽然行