外国最新英语幽默笑话精粹

外国最新英语幽默笑话精粹(1)多少钱？It was winter, and Mrs. Hermann wanted to do a lot of shopping, so she waited until it was Saturday, when her husband was free, and she took him to the shops with her to pay for everything and to carry her parcels. They went to a lot of shops, and Mrs. Hermann bought a lot of things. She often stopped and said , "Look，Joe! Isn' t that beautiful !”(冬天就要来了，荷曼太太想采购一大堆的东西，所以她就一直等到周六丈夫有空的时候，她拖着他去商店付钱连带拎包裹。

他们去了许多家商店，荷曼太太买了很多很多东西。

她经常停下脚步说:“看，乔伊!那个多漂亮!”)He then answered, "All right, dear, How much is it?" And took his money out to pay for it.(他总是回答:“好吧!亲爱的，多少钱?”然后掏钱去付款。

)It was dark when they came out of the last shop, and Mr. Hermann was tired and thinks about other things，like a nice drink by the side of warm fire at home. Suddenly his wife looked up at the sky and said, "Look at that beautiful moon, Joe!”(他们从最后一家商店出来的时候夜幕已降临，荷曼先生己累得筋疲力尽了，他心想着其他事情，比如，在家里暖暖的火炉边喝着美酒。

突然他太太仰望天空，说道:“看，乔伊，多么美的月亮啊!”)Without stopping, Mr. Hermann answered，"Al l right, dear, how much is it?”(荷曼先生不假思索地答道:“好吧，亲爱的，多少钱?”)(2)我这是在哪儿？Nat lived in a small town in England. He always stayed in England for his holidays, but then last year he thought," I've never been outside this country. All my friends go to Spain, and they like it very much, so th is year I’m going to go there too.兰特住在英格兰的一座小镇上，假期总是呆在国内。

但是去年，他想:“我从未出过国。

我所有的朋友都去西班牙度假，都觉得那儿很不错，今年我也要去那儿一趟。

”First he went to Madrid and stayed in a small hotel for a few days. On the first morning he went out for a walk. In England people drive on the left, but in Spain they drive on the right. Nat forgot about this, and while he was crossing a busy street, a bicycle knocked him down.他首先去了马德里，在一家小旅馆呆了几天。

第一天上午，他出去逛逛。

在英国，人们是靠左行驶，但在西班牙是靠右。

兰特忘记了这点。

他在过一条车辆拥挤的街道时，被一辆自行车撞倒在地。

Nat lay on the ground for a few seconds and then he sat up and said: "Where am I?" An old man was selling maps at the side of the street, and he at once came to Nat and said，..said, Map of the city, sir?"兰特在地上躺了几秒钟，然后坐起来说:“我这是在哪儿?”一位老人正在街道旁边卖地图，他立即走到兰特跟前说:“买张交通图，先生?”(3)业余爱好On my first day of law school at den Paul university in Chicago，our professor instructed us to write down our name, phone number and hobbies, he explained that he wanted the in formation so he could notify us of any changes in class time or assignments.我在芝加哥德保罗大学法学院上学的第一天，教授让我们写下自己的姓名，电话号码和业余爱好。

他解释说他想了解这些信息，这样万一上课的时间有变动或者有什么作业，他就可以通知我们。

"So why do you want our hobbies?" one student asked.“那么你为什么要知道我们的业余爱好呢?”一名学生问道。

"I'll give these sheets back to you at the end of the year,” he said. "This way you can remember what you used to do when you had free time.”“我会在这一学年结束时将这些东西还给你们。

”他说，“这样你们就能想起过去有空闲的时间都曾做些什么。

”(4)优缺点"This house,” said the real-estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad point. To show you I' m honest, I'm going to tell yon about the disadvantages一there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse one block north.”“这幢房子，”房地产推销商说，“既有优点也有缺点。

为了说明我是诚实的，我将告诉你们它的缺点是—在南面隔一个街区的地方有一家化工厂，在北面隔一个街区的地方有一家屠宰场。

”"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.“那么长处呢?”欲购房的人问道。

"The good thing about it,” said the a-gent, "is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing.”(5)提醒信In the veterinary office where I’m a technician, we mail out reminders when pets are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German shepherd, arrived for his annual shot, and we were required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the last ten days. "Oh yes , in fact that’s why we' re here，”she replied. Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd come in because of our reminder.我是一家兽医站的技师。

当动物到了该注射疫苗的时候，我们就寄出提醒信。

一条德国牧羊犬布鲁诺来做每年一次的狂犬疫苗注射。

依照州立法律的要求，我们问他的主人，在过去的十天里布鲁诺是否咬了什么人。

“噢，是的，实际上这也是我们到这里来的原因。

”她回答说。

我觉得奇怪，告诉她我们以为他们是因为收到了提醒信才来的。

"We did,” she explained. "Bruno bit the mail carrier who was delivering your card.”“的确如此，”她解释说。

“布鲁诺咬了你们送提醒信的邮递员。

”(6)单簧管When I played with a symphony orchestra, our union reachedan agreement with a major airline about which instruments we could carry on board，and which had to be shipped as luggage. A cellist was dismayed to find that his delicate, expensive wood instrument was consigned to the rougher handling and cold temperatures of the baggage hold.我在一个交响乐团演奏时，我们乐团与一家大航空公司达成协议，哪些乐器可以带上飞机，哪些要作为行李运送。

一个大提琴手惊慌地发现他那精致、昂贵的木质乐器竟要托运，经受行李舱的低温以及野蛮的装卸。

He neatly solved the problem. Cello in hand, he approached the flight attendant at the gate and asked, "May I bring my clarinet on board?” scanning her list, she replied, "Clarinet is okay. Have a good trip,” and, smiling, waved him on.他干净利索地解决了这个问题。