《一个女人是这样衰老的》学译、改译与点评

《一个女人是这样衰老的》学译、改译与点评☆一个女人是这样衰老的学译：how a woman agesa womans aginga woman fades thuswhat causes a woman to grow old?the way in which a woman is aginghow a woman gets old改译：the way woman withers点评：衰老＝age/old？思路不妨宽些，译wither，如何？另外，wither因使用了转义connotation，其审美想象比age/old更为广阔。

此外，英语的修辞格，或者说任何语言的修辞格，均可以distillation写之。

各种修辞格乃语言美学的价值所在。

可是，在汉译英中善用英语修辞格的却不多见。

the way woman withers因运用了alliteration而获得了形和声两方面的美。

1、二十岁的时候，我穿着一条背心式牛仔裙在校园里走来走去，一说话就脸红。

三十岁的我穿着名牌套装，坐在办公桌前，满脸冷酷地对下属说：这么愚蠢的问题你也敢问？也不先打个草稿。

学译：at the age of twenty, i walked about on the campus, wearing a vest-like jean skirt. my face would turn red whenever i speak. after i have turned thirty, i am seated in front of a bureau, in a suit of famous brand, reproaching a subordinate coldly, how dare you ask such a stupid question? why didnt you make a draft first?改译：at the age of twenty, wearing a jeans jumper, i moved about on thecampus, my face blushing the moment i had the inclination to make an utterance. at the age of thirty, i, wearing a famous-brand suit and a cold look, reproach my subordinate bluntly, how can you go so far as to raise such a silly, mindless question?点评：翻译学到一定的时候，就期望有所突破。

而突破的唯一道路是学以致用。

试比较：in a suit of famous brand, reproaching a subordinate coldly wearing a famous-brand suit and a cold look, reproach my subordinate bluntly 前译已经不错，而后译却词采灿烂！究其原因，后译用了zeugma。

一个分词巧妙地串起了两个宾语！zeugma，即a figure of speech in which a single word, usually a verb or adjective, is syntactically related to two or more words, though having a different sense in relation to each. 另如：the senator picked up his hat and his courage. she possessed two false teeth and a sympathetic heart. he lost the game and his temper. 初学者的译文处处留下老实的，或曰稚嫩的痕迹。

原句中有也不先打个草稿，译文便亦步亦趋：why didnt you make a draft first? 汉语有打个草稿的比喻，可是，英语并不认同。

服饰，是翻译的一大障碍。

背心式牛仔裙被译成vest-like jean skirt/sleeveless jeans skirt均不地道。

背心式牛仔裙＝jeans jumper/ denim jumper。

2、二十岁的时候，从图书馆借的是《莎士比亚全集》，《一个青年艺术家的自画像》和《尤里西斯》。

三十岁之后，床头摆的是《跟庄秘籍》，《elle》和《经理人的个人魅力》。

学译：at the age of twenty, the collected works of shakespeare, the portrait of an artist as a young man, and ulysses were borrowed from the library. after thirty, strategy of speculation on stocks, elle and managers personal charm were put on the bedside.改译：at the age of twenty, i borrowed books from the library like shakespeares complete works, a portrait of the artist as a young man, ulysses. after thirty, on my bedside, lie such books and magazines as the recipe on stocks, elle and managers charm.点评：两译相比，最大的区别在于，前者尾轻，后者尾重。

英语句法的审美情趣倾向于尾重。

试比较：gone are the days when i was young. the days when i was young are gone. word came that bribery has sent him to prison, which amazed us. word that bribery has sent him to prison came, which amazed us. 而汉语却没有此习惯，汉语说：我年轻的日子已经一去不返。

他因受贿而被捕入狱的消息传来，我们大吃一惊。

3、二十岁的暑假，在家乡的大街上偶遇自己的暗恋对象，听说他考上了研究生，被他的进步所打击，心如刀绞，想到这辈子终于不能出色得让他看我一眼，不禁怆然泪下。

三十岁之后，到处打听哪里可以花钱买个mba。

学译：at 20, during a summer holiday i encountered my beloved one on the street of my hometown. i heard he was admitted to be a graduate. i was struck by his advance. i couldnt help shedding tears in my extreme grief. i thought that for this life i could never achieve much to let him see me in a new light. after 30, i inquire everywhere to purchase an mba certificate.改译：at the age of twenty, i ran into the young man who i loved in private in the street of my hometown. upon hearing that he had been enrolled as a graduate, i was virtually dealt a heavy blow, believing reluctantly so painful a fact that i could never do well enough to win his favor, bitter tears streaming down my chee after thirty, i busy myself here and there,inquiring where i could buy an mba diploma.点评：语言学家曾形象地将英语句子称为葡萄型结构，葡萄主干很短，其上附结着丰硕的果实。

而汉语句子则较短，一个短句接一个短句地往下叙述，逐步展开，信息内容像竹竿一样一节一节地通下去，很少有叠床架屋的结构，因而常被称为竹竿型结构。

英汉互译就犹如葡萄和竹竿之间的转换。

如：the boy, who was crying as if his heart would break, said, when i spoke to him, that he was very hungry, because he had had no food for two days. 寥寥两行，竟有6个短句，而主句很短，却悬挂着5个分句。

而相应的汉语表达却是用节节短句，逐层展开：那个男孩似乎哭得心都碎了，我问他的时候，他说他已经有两天没有吃东西了，他实在是饿极了。

两译类比，前译用了六个短句，而后译仅用了三句。

尤其是upon hearing that he had been enrolled as a graduate, i was virtually dealt a heavy blow, believing reluctantly so painful a fact that i could never do well enough to win his favor, bitter tears streaming down my cheeks一句，是典型的葡萄型结构，主干很短，仅i was virtually dealt a heavy blow而已，而挂结其上的，有介词短语，有分词短语，分词短语中还含有状语从句，还有独立主格结构。

洋洋洒洒，架床叠屋。

须知，英语以此句型为美，而过多的短句的排列被贬为baby english。

4、二十岁的时候，随时随地向人透露我的年龄，答的比问的还快。