◆◆高中英语作文分析◆◆

Why was the composition given a high mark? Conjunctions （连接词） Advanced vocabulary （较高级词汇） Complex sentences （复杂句）
Dear Li Ming, Welcome to our class! ____________________________ Judging from your puzzled puzzledexpression expression, I can say that it is difficult for you to adjust yourself to the new class , _________ isn’t it ? Now, Now, cheer up and listen to me ! As far far as as II know, know, you left your hometown to study here, so you As sometimes feel homesick. homesick. Besides, Besides, you might feel lonely when there is nobody known! What’s more, the habits here might be different from your former former school , am I right? InIn my opinion, my opinion, __________________________ there’s no point worrying about those. What you ______ should do is concentrate on the class itself. Then , try to be optimistic Then, ________ and out-going. out-going. Don’t hesitate hesitate to turn to your teachers and classmates when in trouble , I am sure that they are always pleased to help you _____________ out! As far far as as I’m I’m concerned, concerned, would you like me to show you around As our school then play basket-ball for a while? After , I would like to Afterthat that, introduce some of my friends to you. In a nutshell, please feel feel at at home when you study here! Best regards, Zhang Hua
假设你是新华中学的学生张华，班里从外地转来一 名同学李明，他一时无法融入新的班集体中，感到 很苦恼。请根据下列要点用英语给他写信。 *帮他分析原因 *给他提出建议 *陈述你帮助他的具体打算 注意：词数120-150 审题：题材、人称、时态、要点 题材：本文是一封建议信，给李明提出一些有关如何交往 的建议。 人称：以第一、二人称为主。 时态：应用一般现在时和将来时为主
Dear Li Ming, Welcome to our class! Judging from your puzzled expression, I can say that it is difficult for you to adjust yourself to the new class , isn’t it? Now, cheer up and listen to me ! As far as I know, you left your hometown to study here, so you sometimes feel homesick. Besides, you might feel lonely when there is nobody known! What’s more, the habits here might be different from your former school , am I right? In my opinion, there’s no point worrying about those. What you should do is concentrate on the class itself. Then , try to be optimistic and out-going. Don’t hesitate to turn to your teachers and classmates when in trouble , I am sure that they are always pleased to help you out! As far as I’m concerned, would you like me to show you around our school then play basket-ball for a while? After that , I would like to introduce some of my friends to you. In a nutshell， please feel at home when you study here! Best regards, 优秀：28分 Zhang Hua
Dear Li Ming, Welcome to our class! I can say you are new to the new class . Cheer up and listen to me ! I know you left your hometown to study here. You sometimes feel homesick. you might feel lonely when there is nobody known! The habits here might be different from your former school , am I right? Don’t worry about this. you should be concentrate on the class itself. Try to be optimistic and out-going. Turn to your teachers and classmates when in trouble .They are always pleased to help you out! Would you like me to show you around our school then play basket-ball for a while? I would like to introduce some of my friends to you. Please feel at home when you study here! Best regards, Zhang Hua
分析原因
1.The reason why ……is that you are not familiar with your new environment. 2. …… That’s why you feel lonely. 3.There are some reasons that I can analyse to you. 4. It looks like that you are too shy to get close to the classmates.
提出建议
7. Furthermore/ in addition, it is vital that you should be outgoing and ask teachers for help. 8.You can talk with them actively in place of waiting. 9. It is high time for you to take somewk.baidu.comsteps to solve the problem.
存在的突出问题有以下几个方面。 1）审题欠周密、要点不全。大部分考生分析了李明苦恼 的原因并给出了一些建议，但是没有陈述帮助李明的具 打算。 2）段落层次不清晰。按照写作题的要求，考生写出的短 文应该段落清晰、层次清楚、分析原因、提出建议及陈述 打算，让阅卷老师一看便知。而且，句与句之间和段与段 之间要有连接词；但是部分考生自始至终一段下来， 再加上标点使用混乱、书写潦草，写作成绩自然不理想。 3）表述中式化。有些考生使用了一些不符合西方人习惯的 交际用语和一些中式英语。 4)语法混乱、词汇运用及拼写错误较多。很多考生在写作 过程中暴露出语法和单词拼写存在的严重问题，这说明基础 知识掌握不够扎实，基本功训练有待加强。
开头
1.I’m sorry to hear that you can’t get along well with your new classmates. 2. I think you may have trouble in getting along with classmates. 3.I can imagine it very difficult to get along well with others.
具体做法
1. With the aid of me, …… 2. If possible, we could have a picnic on weekends so as to make friends with them. 3. In this way, they will think highly of you.
结尾
1.Only if you do as my advice can you get out of your trouble. 2.Only if you accept us will we accept you. 3. All in all, I hope you can adapt yourself to the new environment and we can become good friends. 4. There is no doubt that you will get on well with everyone.
分析原因
5. You are not accustomed to the new class. 6. You are anxious about the present situation.
提出建议
1.First, you should take part in the class activities frequently. 2.It is of great importance to give someone who need help a hand in time. 3.You should ask someone for help when you are in trouble. 4.It is important to be honest with your classmates. 5.If I were you, I would …… 6. Believe it or not, the more you smile, the more friendly you become.
要点
1.分析不能融入班集体的原因。 2.提出你认为合理的对他有帮助的建议。 3.陈述你帮助他的具体的打算和计划，表明你的 决心，给他增加自信。
＊陈述你帮助他的具体打算 ＊给他提出建议 ＊帮他分析原因 注意文章应包含以下要点 【解析】 :
小组讨论
1.分析原因：新来乍到，不熟悉环境；大家不了解你等等。 2.积极参加讨论，表示出对他人观点的兴趣，以此更多地 了解别人，同时也展示你自己；了解别人的好、恶，这样 有助于找到兴趣一致的同学等等。 3.我的打算：与你一起参与活动，把你介绍给周围同学等 等。 如： 1. a new comer, a stranger, have just arrived here, be unfamiliar with, be unknown to… 2. show interest in, learn to know, have much in common 3.take part in, introduce to… 鉴赏 连词成句，构成完整的段落