《中式英语之鉴》部分翻译

误用平行结构

弗雷特[p.212] 谈到“最致命的的问题就是想用匹配的结构却没用好”。但同样致命的是对那些本来不匹配的成分使用匹配的结构。以上两种情况都会给人一种毫无头绪的印象。

当把平行结构强加在那些逻辑上本不平行的成分中，其结果总会让人吃惊（例如，“Just like the Crowne Plaza, all rooms...”）。有时，这种用法会故意产生幽默感。乔森[p.9] 引用了这两个错误的平行结构“He took his hat and his leave”和“He bolted his door and his dinner”。乔森暗示人们都是出于搞笑的意图才会写：“He keeps fit, sleep, and his word .”

但是逻辑上不一致的问题常常是不经意产生的。拉姆齐福勒和简·艾伦[p.354] 引用了一个误用的结构：The painting has subdued tone, great feeling, and a length of about three feet. 作者在这个毫无相似性的结构中无意间暗示了一种相似性。

克莱尔·库克[p.67] 给出以下这个引人深思的平行结构：The police found no alcohol in his bloodstream but a loaded gun in his car. 这一结构几乎没什么意义。

杰克斯·巴润和亨利·格拉芙，像弗雷特一样，坚持认为平行结构一旦开始使用就应贯穿始终，然而他们强调，这种结构如果一开始就不符合逻辑就不应使用。杰克斯·巴润和亨利·格拉芙说：“平行结构是如此重要的一种写作工具以至于平行结构的使用必须是纯粹的，所以不要将平行形式用在迥然不同的观点中。”

如果你能记住以上这点建议，你就会避免拿破仑战争中那位法国退伍军人在叙述自己三次受伤经历时所犯的错误：

Once in an ambush, once in the leg, and once in the Netherlands.

对二十个例子的修改

1）A：Economically, we are struggling for the democracy of distribution of food grain, reduction production.

B：Economically, we are struggling to ensure the democratic distribution of grain,

reduce rents and interest rates, increase wages, eliminate unemployment and

develop production.

句意为：从经济上说，我们正努力保证粮食的民主分配，减少租金和利率，增加工资，消除失业，发展生产。

[- 例句A中有三个名词和由并列连词“and”连接的两个动名词。这种结合是非常尴尬的，尤其是因为动名词不能跟在动词后面（例如，“we are struggling for getting rid of ”就不是英语）。

-若将“for”改为to，那么所有的五个要素就转换成了不定式：“we are struggling to ensure ... reduce ...etc. ”这些更改不仅会产生一些可行的平行结构而且也能那三个动词和两个动名词。

（“Food”作为可有可无的形容词而被删除：it can be taken for granted that unless otherwise stated, grain is for human consumption.）]

1)以下例句来自一张京剧表演票的背面：

A：After renovation Hu Guang Guild Hall has been turned into Beijing Traditional Operas Museum, which is a cultural center with

multifunction such as opera performing, exhibition, shopping and

restaurant, etc.

B：After renovation, the Hu Guang Guild Hall has been turned into Beijing Traditional Operas Museum, a multifunctional cultural center

including an opera hall, exhibition space, shops, restaurants, etc.

句意为：湖广会馆在改造后已成为北京传统戏剧博物馆，这个多功能的文化中心有一个歌剧厅、展览区、商店、餐馆等。

[- 例句A中又有一系列由“and”连接的词，其中名词和动名词混合使用。

- 此外，前三个要素（“performing”，“exhibition”，“shopping”）都是

代表活动的抽象词，而第四个词（“restaurant”）是表示地点的具体的

词。（如果最后一个词和前三个相似比如“dining”，那么动词和动名词的

结合可能就容易接受了。）在修改后的句子中，四个词全部被替换为具体

名词来命名为不同的地方。(回顾：“Beijing Traditional Operas Museum”

被拼写为“Beijing Museum of Traditional Operas ”，这样就可以避免名词

“Museum”前形容词和名词的堆砌)]

3) A：The forces were greatly reduced in number because of persistent march under

the heat of the midsummer sun, fatigue, plus deaths and the wounded in

battles and deserters during the march.

B：Their numbers were now greatly reduced because of battlefield casualties, desertions, and the exhaustion of constant marching under a blazing

midsummer sun.

句意为：他们的人数大大减少了，因为战场上有伤亡、逃兵且在仲夏炎炎烈日之下持续行走让人精疲力尽。

[- 这次，如果我们将例句A中的过去分词“wounded”(cf. “the injured”

“the unemployed,”etc. )看作名词，那么例句A就是完全由名词组成。但是这些名词是没有可比性的。

- 前两个词—“march(ing)”和“fatigue”并不相似，因为第二个词不是独立的危害而是第一个词的结果。

- 最后的三个词—“death,”“the wounded,”“deserter”在逻辑上的顺序应该是“death”/“wounded”/“desertions”(损失的三种原因) 或者是“the dead”/ “the wounded”/“the deserters”(三种人)等等。

- B句中的“march”和“fatigue”组成一个短语，表示这两者之间的关系（“the exhaustion of constant marching”）。“death”和“the wounded”折合为一个词（“casualties”）。

- 所列举的这些原因就这样从五个不一致的词缩减到三个相对一致的词：“casualties”，“desertions”，“exhaustion”]

4)A：Most public grain has already been collected; standardized tax regulations, tax

items and tax rates have been promulgated; and because the mainland has

been liberated, tax receipts have been greater than last year.

B：Most public grain has already been collected; standardized tax rates and regulations, and lists of taxable tax items have been promulgated; and

because the mainland has been liberated, tax receipts have been greater

than they were last year.