雅思写作批改范例

Some people think government should pay for public libraries in every town, while others think it is a waste of money because people can access information from the internet. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is argued that government should invest more money in public libraries; the other people believe that we can search the information from the internet, so government should not cost money in public libraries. I agree with this idea.

Surfing on the internet is the fashion way to search information in modern life, there are a lot of people use computer or mobile phone to find some information on the internet. It is because people believe that internet is the most convenient platform to find the key. People can get all the information they want effectively, rather than go to the library cost a large amount of time to read book.

On the other hand the books in libraries are though many times of check and reserve, that can ensure the authority of every book. So some people would like to go to library to read the book and find the truth. Especially in medical book, if doctor find some information is wrong, it will affect the patient who was saved by the doctor. Considering the reality some people also go to the library to read book.

In my opinion the book in library cannot follow the pace of the times, although the information in book is more authoritative, the new research will replace the old knowledge, but the book in library cannot update like the internet.

In sum, government is unnecessary to spend more money into public libraries. Because of the development of the times, an increasing number of people will use internet to get information.

———————————————————大作文修改————————————————————小马过河雅思作文批改老师给出的修改意见：

Some people think government should pay for public libraries in every town, while others think it is a waste of money because people can access information from the internet. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is argued that government should invest more money in public libraries; the ( 不需要the) other people believe that we can search the information from the internet, so government should not cost （cost主语一般是物，后面经常跟双宾语cost sb money，如this book cost me 5 yuan.你这里应该用spend，与on 搭配，或者是pay 与for搭配） money in public libraries. I agree with this idea.

总体评价就是模板痕迹太过严重，这个开头得分是5.5分左右，这个内容虽然有自己的，但是句式太多太多人用了。

建议你可以看看我们的题目改写练习，看看回复后出现的思路，再加上一些复杂结构和好的单词，就能得到7分开头的精髓了。

Surfing on the internet is the fashion way to search information（这个词出现第二次了，建议你在相近的地方运用同义词替换，我看到你后面吧search换成find和get,建议你上网查查看看有什么意思一样但比较高级的词汇，可以来告诉我喔~然后把他们背下来吧~） in modern life, there are a lot of people use（作定语用动词ing形式using） computer or mobile phone to find some information on the internet. It is because people believe that internet is the most convenient platform to find the key. People can get all the information they want effectively, rather than go to the library (这里的先行词不能丢which )cost(这是一件事s) a large amount of time to read book s.

用词简单了，语法结构也有错误，还有单复数拼写的错误。还要加强练习~

On the other hand， the books in libraries are though（这里是想表达经历了吗？首先，穿过是through though是尽管的意思，再就是经历了不这么用，have experienced ） many times of check and reserve, that can ensure the authority of every book. So some people would like to go to (a/the) library to read the book and find the truth. Especially in (a)medical book, if (a) doctor find (out that) some information is wrong, it will affect the patient who was saved by the doctor. Considering the reality some people also go to the library to read book. (这里的理由没有交代清楚，是说有些人比较拮据不能上网所以去图书馆看书吗？)

In my opinion， the book in （the）library cannot follow the pace of the times,(这里句子结束了用点号)A although the information in （the）book is more authoritative, the new research will replace the old knowledge, but(although不能喝but连用，前面用了although这里就不要用but，根据你的句子结构这里应该用and 或者while) the book in (the) library cannot update like the internet.

In sum, government is unnecessary to spend more money into（on）public libraries. Because of the development of the times, an increasing number of people will use internet to get information.