雅思写作批改范例

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雅思5.5分作文批改范例

一．The table shows the total length of high speed train track in three countriesThe table presents the information about the total length of high speed train track in China,France and Japan in 1990,2010 and the projection for 2010.It is clear that Japan had the longest high speed train track in1990,with 1200 kms,while France ranked second position with 700kmsand China had no high train track at this time .However, the next two decade experienced a sharp increase in high speed train tracks in China, reaching up to 5800kms in 2010, while the length of high speed train track was 2600kms and 2500kms in France and Japan respectively in the same year.It is predicted that China will remain on the upward trend in the next decade . In 2020,the length of high train track in China is expected to reach 13400kms, which is over three times the length of the other countries’ .The length of total high train track in France is expected to increase gradually to 3900,while that in Japan, it is predicted to see a relatively slow increase ,reaching only 3600kms in 2020.Overall,since China began the project of high speed train, the total length of high speed train track has increased dramatically in the past few years ,while the industry of high speed train in France and Japan rose relatively steadily.BAND SCORE: 5.5•Pay attention to detail: capitalization, spacing, commas, spelling etc•Improve better word choice for tables•Make sure to complete the details of the numerical data•Write a general statement in the introduction。

雅思作文批改---经典版 (9)

Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?It is admitted that every adult in the world has been allured or misguided, at least once or twice, to spend a lot of money on something that beyond their economical ability or even unneeded. This is a common phenomenon and will not hurt much if everything is still under control. However, there are always some people who cross the limitation and put themselves in a dangers situation such as being involved in debt or credit crisis. In this essay, I will briefly analyze the possible reasons of this severe phenomenon and suggest a few solutions to tackle this problem.The most important reason is obvious to everyone. Influenced by the pictures or videos showing the exaggerated rich life of certain milliniors on social websites, some people may lose their mind due to the jealousness and desire to own same life and same things. These people, who only attracted by the glorious face of the rich and ignore their talent and effort on work, are apt to fulfill their thirst by purchasing expensive things that they cannot afford, instead of working harder to pursue financial power. Besides, lacking confidence and under stress also contribute to the misbehaviour.In order to address this problem, what is needed is education. This phenomenon is the result of improper self-consciousness, while a good education, starting form pregnancy all the way to adulthood and beyond, means raising people to be responsible. Moreover, a proper educated people would acquire sufficient skills to hunt a proper job and a variety of decent habits to better their life. Undoubtedly, people who enjoy a happy life would not tend to be allured by the other people’s lives.To sum up, the either real or fictional rich life stories in the mass media do impact some people in a negative way. However, a proper and promptly education could handle the problem from the root.总点评：本篇文章得分: Good。

雅思作文批改英语

雅思作文批改英语Absolutely, here's a sample of how to correct an IELTS essay:Original Paragraph:In today's world, technology plays a vital role in our lives. It has made our lives easier and more convenient. For instance, we can use the internet to find information quickly and easily. Also, we can use smartphones to communicate with our friends and family. This is why I believe that technology is very important for us.Corrected Paragraph:In the contemporary era, technology has become an integral component of our existence, significantly enhancing the quality and convenience of our daily routines. For example, the internet serves as a powerful tool for instantaneously accessing a wealth of information. Additionally, smartphones have revolutionized the way we maintain contact with our loved ones, facilitating communication across vast distances. Consequently, I am of the opinion that the significance of technology in our lives cannot be overstated.Corrections and Justifications:1. Word Choice: Replaced "today's world" with "contemporary era" for a more formal tone. "Vital role" was changed to "integral component" to convey a stronger sense of importance.2. Sentence Structure: Varied sentence structures to improve the flow and readability of the paragraph. For example, "It has made our lives easier and more convenient" was split into two sentences to clarify the benefits of technology.3. Grammar: Corrected the verb tense consistency by changing "plays" to "has become" to match the past participle "enhanced".4. Clarity and Detail: Added specific examples such as "instantaneously accessing a wealth of information" and "facilitating communication across vast distances" to provide clear evidence of how technology enhances our lives.5. Concluding Statement: Strengthened the concluding opinionby using "the significance of technology in our lives cannotbe overstated" instead of a simpler "very important for us".Remember, when correcting an IELTS essay, it's crucial tofocus on enhancing the coherence, vocabulary, grammar, and overall structure of the essay to better align with the expectations of the IELTS scoring criteria.。

专业外教批改雅思作文范例

TA/TR 5 ♦ addresses the task only partially; the format may be inappropriate in places♦ expresses a position but the development is not always clear and there may be no conclusions drawn♦ presents some main ideas but these are limited and not sufficiently developed; there may be irrelevant detailCC 5 ♦ presents information with some organization but there may be a lack of overall progression ♦ makes inadequate, inaccurate or over-use of cohesive devices♦may be repetitive because of lack of referencing and substitution♦ may not write in paragraphs, or paragraphing may be inadequateLR 6 ♦ uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task♦ attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy♦makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communicationGRA 6 ♦ uses a variety of complex structures♦ produces frequent error-free sentences♦ has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errorsScore 22/5.5Other Items Affecting ScoreUnder length √No. of words 249 Penalty .5 Off-topic x Memorized ——Illegible ——Overall BandScore5.5-.5=5band range band range9 [35-36] 4 [15-17)8.5 [33-35) 3.5 [13-15)8 [31-33) 3 [11-13)7.5 [29-31) 2.5 [9-11)7 [27-29) 2 [7-9)6.5 [25-27) 1.5 [5-7)6 [23-25) 1 [3-5)5.5 [21-23) 0.5 [1-3) 5 [19-21) 0 [0-1) 4.5 [17-19) ————Hello dear student, it’s time to check your writing. You may notice some minimal or maximal changes in your essay which will help you improve your writing abilities, to meet the standards of IELTS writing.First we will review the questionThis is an argument type of questionViewpoint Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school Task Discuss if the advantages outweigh the disadvantagesMy article:Now, let us review your introductionNowadays, the problem whether children should accept foreign language courses at primary school or secondary school is under debate. People’s point varies from person to person. Personally, I prefer to the former view that children should begin learning foreign language at primary school. Structure You were able to present a social background, aviewpoint and your opinionCoherence and Cohesion Coherence and correlation is evidentV ocabulary Adequate vocabulary collocations were utilized Grammar Adequate range of structure was utilizedNotes and Suggestions Modify your introduction with the providedmodifications to make it more profound and clearMoving forward, let us review your body paragraphsNo one can deny that starting learning foreign language at secondary school has plenty of merits. The main reason of that is junior students’studying ability is much better than of primary schools’students. As age increases, their advanced comprehension makes a difference to grasp keys of other languages.Additionally, the possibility of cultural discrepancy is evident. Children may get confused on what their real culture is; they might even neglect their native culture and entirely adapt the foreign culture. Finally, native language speakers are the most effective teachers to help primary students learn a new language; however there are few native speakers or most of them are also just taught. Thus, they may struggle with helping children learn to speak the language comfortably.This paragraph discuss the side you do not slantStructure You were able to present the generalization, and you alsoprovided one necessary contention and supportingdetails, but still needs to provide two more contentionswith their supporting detailsCoherence and Cohesion Coherence and correlation is evident, despite the errorswith the structureV ocabulary Adequate vocabulary collocations were utilized Grammar Adequate range of structure was utilizedNotes and Suggestions Modify your paragraph with the provided two morenecessary contention along with their supporting detailsto complete your paragraph and also make it profound.However, benefits of learning early outweigh that of learning late. First of all, it is widely accepted that children whose age are under 10 is at their best stage of language study according to countless surveys. Children who access to foreign language at the informative stage of their age are fast learners. Secondly, the earlier we start learning, the longer time can be spent on foreign language’s study. Those who accept language at primary school would have more years to get better commandof foreign language. Last but not least is about their interest. Children exposed toforeign language at primary school tend to cultivate more enthusiasm which isbeneficial for their following study.This paragraph discuss that learning foreign language at early age brings more advantagesStructure You were able to present the generalization, and you alsoprovided enough contentions and supporting ideas, Coherence and Cohesion Coherence and correlation is evidentV ocabulary Adequate vocabulary collocations were utilized Grammar Adequate range of structure was utilizedNotes and Suggestions Modify your paragraph with the provided modificationsand alterations to make it more profoundLastly, let us review your conclusionIn summary, the positive sides of learning foreign language from primary school outweigh its negative sides. I personally believe that training from primary school is a better choice. It is high time that we should create a foreign language learning atmosphere for children as early as possible.Structure You were able to ingeminate your stand, and put forwarda suggestionCoherence and Cohesion Coherence and correlation is evidentV ocabulary Adequate vocabulary collocations were utilized Grammar Adequate range of structure was utilizedNotes and Suggestions Conclusion is okayTo teacher:Could you please tell me my mistakes as detailed as possible?I have almost no idea about the whole structure of the article,the length of every paragraph,the vocabulary’s diversity and whether my bullet points are appropriate and clear or not.Thank you so much.Yours sincerely,SerenaDear Serena,You got the topic, although your ideas are not enough. Basically, your essay should have 250 words or more but you had less, you typically lack idea on the other point of the topic, so that is where I really needed to add two more necessary contention to make your essay and paragraph complete. A friendly reminder advice dear, every time you make your essay, you should research on former essay having the same topic to gather information and details. Or do what I do sometimes, I search for the basics, like for example, in this topic I search for the disadvantages/advantages of learning foreig n language at early age… there I will read and form my ideas… ☺practice more dear, and reading is really essential… the more you read the more ideas you will have… ☺Keep Learning,Larigen。

雅思大作文批改范例5

What are the advantages and disadvantages of Internet?You should write at least 250 words. advantages:its convenient, in many aspect its has make things easier, we can find almost any information we need . You can exchange with you’re friends or family and it doesn't matter where you are or where you go. It’s almost feel like the world evolve around internet. We can watch the movie online anywhere anytime, we can buy daily things on online. So I think internet more and more be like we cant leave without it.disadvantages:in term of knowledge , people don’t take time to read or learn properly .they would rather spend time on social network, a lot of people rely too much to the internet .they don't have friends on real life .only on internet and that sometimes can be bad because you can meet some people who are fake and can be really bad influence on youwithout even knowing and make your life difficult -specially children education and social life .there are so fascinated by what they see on internet and time they spend on playing games. Its not only good for their mind or body but also have big influence dail y life.总点评：本篇文章得分: fair。

雅思大作文批改例子

【Written by Ray in 38 minutes】Nowadays, numerous people claim that humans can do whatever they want to animals. Others, including myself, strongly protest this ridiculous notion.The argument in its favor may involve the recognition that there are no better alternative ways than live animal experiments in carrying out medical research that will benefit researchers greatly, in terms of testing efficiency and overall costs. However, these experiments do bring damages. As a result, a clear line must be drawn somewhere to achieve desired test results on one hand, and to ensure the safety of animals on the other. At least, researchers should at least seek methods on how to alleviate animal’s suffering during their tests. Ideally, a risk evaluation should be conducted by doctors and zoologists before such experiments are performed, which could effectively help to prevent those animals from being killed or tortured.Furthermore, there are various organizations and individuals who are performing cruel operations on live animals to make money, which is completely inhumane. Mostly, such illegal act is implemented in the name of a medical research or an academic exploration. Unfortunately, few of those people are brought to justice because there is no such law in place that can sentence them guilty.In conclusion, it is about time for the entire community to rethink critically and rationally about cruel animal experiments and, measures should be taken. More specifically, a law or some regulations could be made to uphold animals’ right to262 wordsTeacher Kristine ☺。

英语作文,批改范例

英语作文,批改范例篇一：雅思大作文批改范例8Some people think that personal happiness s directly related to economic success. Others argue that happiness depends on different factors. Discuss both views and give your own opinion What is the key to access to happiness has aroused people's interest. Some people claim that money plays a vital role in gaining happiness, while others think that there are a variety of elements constricting to it. Personally, I agree with the latter opinion. Money provides people with more opportunities to pursue happiness, because economic success can make it possible for people to enhance their quality of life. By purchasing expensive jewels, luxury house, sports car, etc. without worries of monetary pressure, wealthy person can enjoy better living standards than that of ordinary people. When financial pressure and life stress do not existinone’slife, he or she is likely to have less worry and have rich entertainment, thereby achieving the access to happiness. Although fortune is significant to obtain happiness, there are also many other factors form important parts of eudemonia. An active lifestyle can prompt people's spiritual treasure. This meansthat people can receive happiness by having a healthy life, warm relatives and intimate friends. These valuable factors enable people have a positive attitude to tackle difficulties and enjoy a happy Iife. As far as I am concerned, happiness cannot always be purchased by money.Rich material life sometimes could cause negative impact on achieving happiness. It isnoteworthy that numerous of wealthy people who have affluent possessions, in contrast, have often ended up in a sick lifestyle. This makes them suffer from sickness, lonely and desperation, in the light of fact that money is no guarantee of happiness.To summarize, financial success could give people an ease Iife to enjoy happiness. However, without an active lifestyle and spiritual treasure, happiness willnot be sustainably maintained.总点评：本篇文章得分: 6.5篇二：英语作文批改几法英语作文批改几法目前，许多教师普遍重视英语作文的写作训练，从书写要求到内容点拨，可谓精细之极，但作文的最后一个环节，即作文批改，却忽略了方式方法的改革。

雅思7分大作文范文批改和解析

雅思7分大作文范文批改和解析雅思7分大作范文批改和解析雅思写作提高第一步：结构(5.0 - 5.5)问题：出国留学的优点(the advantages of disadvantages of study abroad)同学：One reason for those who decide to go overseas to get a higher degree is that they believe they can get better education in certain fields. That is to say, different universities in different countries have their specialized courses and rich resources can be provided according to their needs and requirements. Another reason is that they can learn a foreign language in a more efficient way. There is no denying that living in an all-round English environment and being affected by local culture make people quick learners.解析：出国留学和高学历完全是两回事(出去读初中和高中都算出国);出国就是better education，在国内就不是better? 出国留学可不仅仅是上大学，而该同学认为出国留学就是去上大学的(因为她可能就是去上大学的，所以觉得所有人也都如此)，偏激。

此外，第四句论述变成了英语环境了(因为大家都去英语国家，所以主观认为，所有出国的人就是去学英语的)，再次带来了内容偏激。

英语作文,批改范例

雅思作文批改英语

雅思作文批改英语批改雅思作文范文：原文：Nowadays, the issue of whether to give homework to students has sparked a heated debate. Some people believe that homework is an essential part of the learning process, while others argue that it is an unnecessary burden on students. In my opinion, I believe that homework can be beneficial if it is given in moderation and is used as a tool to reinforce learning.Firstly, homework can provide students with the opportunity to review and practice what they have learned in class. This can help to reinforce the concepts andskills that have been taught, and can lead to a deeper understanding of the material. Additionally, homework can also help to develop important study habits and time management skills, which are essential for success inschool and in life.However, it is important to recognize that too much homework can have negative effects on students. Excessive amounts of homework can lead to stress, anxiety, and a lack of sleep, which can have a detrimental impact on students' mental and physical health. Furthermore, if homework is not carefully planned and thoughtfully assigned, it can become a mindless and repetitive task that does not contribute to meaningful learning.In conclusion, while homework can be a valuable toolfor reinforcing learning and developing important skills, it is important that it is given in moderation and is carefully planned. Teachers should consider the individual needs and abilities of their students when assigning homework, and should strive to create assignments that are meaningful and engaging. By doing so, homework can be a beneficial and valuable part of the learning process.批改：Nowadays, the issue of whether to assign homework to students has sparked a heated debate. Some people believe that homework is an essential part of the learning process, while others argue that it is an unnecessary burden on students. In my opinion, I believe that homework can be beneficial if it is given in moderation and is used as a tool to reinforce learning.Firstly, homework can provide students with the opportunity to review and practice what they have learnedin class. This can help to reinforce the concepts andskills that have been taught, and can lead to a deeper understanding of the material. Additionally, homework can also help to develop important study habits and time management skills, which are essential for success in school and in life.However, it is important to recognize that too much homework can have negative effects on students. Excessive amounts of homework can lead to stress, anxiety, and a lack of sleep, which can have a detrimental impact on students' mental and physical health. Furthermore, if homework is notcarefully planned and thoughtfully assigned, it can become a mindless and repetitive task that does not contribute to meaningful learning.In conclusion, while homework can be a valuable toolfor reinforcing learning and developing important skills, it is important that it is given in moderation and is carefully planned. Teachers should consider the individual needs and abilities of their students when assigning homework, and should strive to create assignments that are meaningful and engaging. By doing so, homework can be a beneficial and valuable part of the learning process.改进版：In today's educational landscape, the debate over whether to assign homework to students has become increasingly contentious. While some argue that homework is an essential component of the learning process, others contend that it places an unnecessary burden on students. In my view, I believe that homework can be advantageous if it is assigned in moderation and serves as a tool toreinforce learning.To begin with, homework offers students the opportunity to review and practice the material covered in class. This can help to solidify their understanding of key concepts and skills, leading to a deeper comprehension of the subject matter. Additionally, homework can also foster the development of crucial study habits and time management skills, which are vital for academic success and personal growth.However, it is crucial to acknowledge that an excessive amount of homework can have adverse effects on students. The overwhelming workload can lead to heightened stress, anxiety, and sleep deprivation, all of which can significantly impact students' mental and physical well-being. Moreover, if homework assignments are not thoughtfully planned and tailored to students' needs, they can become mindless and repetitive tasks that do not contribute meaningfully to their learning.In conclusion, while homework can be a valuable toolfor reinforcing learning and cultivating essential skills, it is imperative that it is assigned judiciously and with careful consideration. Educators should take into account the individual needs and abilities of their students when assigning homework, and should strive to create assignments that are meaningful and engaging. By doing so, homework can serve as a beneficial and integral part of the learning process.总结：以上是对原文的改进版本，通过对原文进行修饰和扩展，使得文章更加丰富和生动。

雅思大作文批改示范1

作文批改注释：红色部分----建议修改蓝色部分----非常棒删除线----建议删除Most countries spend a lot of money on education, as they have realized the importance of education. In your opinion, which two subjects are the most important for young people and which one is the least important?Many counties （countries）have invested a large amount of revenues on the education of their next generation because of their awareness that education is of the essence(后半句用了几个of, 读起来不够流畅，建议because they are aware that…独立成分句，结构平衡很多). In my opinion, as for young people, math and language learning are the two most essential subjects while art should be considered as the least essential one.Math can be found in almost every part of people’s daily life and math learning is not only just dealing with matters of numbers and shapes, but an acquisition of new problem-solving skills as well. Just using some basic math skills, people are able to do a great deal from designing schedules to managing properties（details很好！）. These abilities are able to help (中式表达，建议改为Math skills enable/facilitate) people a lot （偏口语，建议删除）to make full use （少了of）our time and money, (非限定从，加上逗号) which is quite （偏口语，建议改为undoubtedly）necessary for the grown-ups to face this fast-pace and competitive society(逻辑乱了，建议改为which is undoubtely…grown-ups in facing…). Additionally, through learning mathematics, students are able to develop the habit of analyzing problems thoroughly and attentively so that they cannot (will not) miss every circumstance (改为any opportunity).It is a common sense that language is people’s only medium (中式表达，one important media for people) to express themselves and how to convey ideas clearly and precisely is a common problem that people are facing. Language learning at school is just able to provide s an opportunity for the young to improve their language skills and critical thinking so that their conversations may (are likely to) then be full of thoughts and logic rather than speaking subconsciously and lack of cohesion. This can avoid a great deal of misunderstanding and conflicts (加上which are) simply due to an unclear expression in their later lives.However, the authorities should not put too much money in art education due to itslack in usage （limited usage）in people’s later lives. Although art education can, to some extent, enhance students’ understanding in aesthetics, it is unrelated to the profession of most young people and academic appreciation of artwork is not necessary in daily lives.In conclusion, mathematics (is) crucial for logical thinking and language learning stresses cohesive conversations which are both essential for the next generation to enter the bloodstream of society, whereas art is seemingly less pronounced and important.What excels:1.good task response. Your writing has met the task requirements.2.good coherence and structure.3.good paraphrase.4.good use of less common vocabularies.What needs to be improved:1.You wrote about 340 words, which seems too long for real test writing.2.For the paragraph talking about art, you could have written down some supportingdetails.3.In academic writing, try to reduce using colloquial words.4.Sometimes a very long sentence may seem good, but it is not helpful for you toexpress your core point clearly. So you may need to split a long sentence into two sentences to let your idea shown.This essay is likely to be scored 6.。

雅思写作批改 (21)

一、大作文：Nowadays, some criminals who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some people think that they are the best people to talk to school students about the danger of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (250 words, 40min)Recently, the criminals who have been in jails and become good citizens after that are regarded as the best directors to teach students the danger of committing a crime. Nevertheless, I strongly disagree with this opinion.Admittedly, there is no doubted that the role of the previous criminals that turn to excellent civilians is paramount in some degrees, seeing that only they could have such close experiences on crimes and actually know the harms of committing a crime. Nonetheless, it truly does not mean that they are the best people to teach students.The most obvious reason is that they are, in fact, not quite professional. For one thing, they haven’t got a certain degree on psychology or education, which indicates that they are not suitable to act as instructors for students. What’s worse, most of them are, as a matter of fact, bad educated and know little about the skills to talk to the youth. As a result, though they deeply hold the ideas thatit’s extremely dangerous to commit a crime, they possibly don’t know how to express their opinions in a decent way. Perhaps, in a pity, they will mislead the young generation.Last but not the least, owing to the unpredictable power of idols, they, unconsciously, might set an example to those bad students. What I actually want to say is thatthey have been a criminal so they will remain even a pretty bit of the characteristics of criminals despite of being a good citizen now. That small behaviors are likely to catch by some of the students, which mightbe susceptible tothose students.By and large, those criminals would not be the best people to talk to the youth about the danger of committing a crime, whereas they could help the professional teachers or psychologists to tell the students about such things related to crime. (46min+5min检查)二、10个翻译：1.经常参加体育活动能够提高人们的自信心，这不但对年轻人而且对老人很重要。

雅思作文批改---经典版 (1)

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museum out weight the disadvantages?Museums can always attract great public attention for the significant role of protecting and spreading knowledge they play in the world. In order to better the maintenance of museum, some people suggest that many should be requested for the entrance of museum. However, although I understand funds are crucial to improve exhibition quality and the protection of exhibits, I do not believe there are more advantages of charging for admission than disadvantages.The biggest shortage of charging entrance fee is that it prevent the visiting of some people especially the poor. Museum is a chest of human treasure. It plays an important role of education by collecting and displaying hundreds and thousands of items of different fields including arts, techniques, history, geography and so on. They are the treasure of all humans, thus should be open to them all, especially for the poor who has limitted resource of learning. Moreover, museum is also an important place for research where plenty of students and researchers visiting almost every day. The entrance fee is highly probable to be unaffordable for them considering the frequency of their visiting.Although, there is no denying that charging for admission can gather a considerable amount of money, which is essential for the living of a museum. Museums will be overburden because they have to pay all the bills to maintain display items, organize educational activities and collect new items. However, these funds can be obtained from donatior, public organizations and the government.To sum up, the disadvantages of charging for museum is unaffordable, while public attention and government priority should be stimulated to guarantee the income of the museum.总点评：本篇文章得分：Fair。

同桌英语雅思作文批改

同桌英语雅思作文批改Dear Student,I have carefully reviewed your IELTS essay, and I would liketo provide you with some constructive feedback to help you improve your writing skills for the IELTS exam. Here are my comments and suggestions:1. Coherence and Cohesion: Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between your ideas could be smoother. Consider using phrases such as "Furthermore," "In contrast,"or "As a result" to better connect your points.2. Task Response: You have addressed the task well by discussing both sides of the argument and giving your opinion. To enhance your response, ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and that you provide clear examples tosupport your points.3. Lexical Resource: Your use of vocabulary is adequate, but there is room for improvement. Aim to use a wider range of sophisticated language that is appropriate for the context of your essay. Avoid repetition of words and phrases.4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy: There are a fewgrammatical errors present, such as subject-verb agreementand incorrect verb tenses. It's important to proofread youressay to correct these mistakes. Additionally, try to use a variety of complex sentence structures.5. Spelling: Several words are misspelled, which can distract from the quality of your writing. Make sure to check your spelling or use a spell-check tool to minimize these errors.6. Content: Your ideas are relevant to the topic, but they could be more developed. Provide more detailed explanations and specific examples to strengthen your arguments.Here are some specific corrections and suggestions for your essay:- In the first paragraph, replace "In my point of view" with "In my opinion" or "From my perspective" for a more formal tone.- The sentence "Many people belives" should be corrected to "Many people believe" to maintain subject-verb agreement.- Instead of "One of the main reasons is because," use "One of the main reasons is that" to avoid redundancy.- The phrase "It's a good way of improving" could be more specific. For example, "It's an effective method for enhancing language skills and cultural understanding."- Your conclusion could be more impactful. Instead of "In conclusion, I think it's a good idea," consider a stronger statement like "In conclusion, I firmly believe that international exchange programs are not only beneficial but also essential for fostering global awareness and cooperation."Remember, practice makes perfect. Keep working on your essays, focusing on the areas mentioned above, and you will see improvement. If you have any questions or need further clarification, feel free to ask.Best regards,[Your Name]English Teacher。

雅思大作文批改示范2

作文批改注释：红色部分----建议修改蓝色部分----非常棒删除线----建议删除Many young people leave school with a negative attitude towards learning. Why does it happen? What can be done to improve this situation?It is not unusual for students to become dropouts due to their resistance to study (,非限制性定语从句加上逗号) which is becoming a serious issue in society. There are two main factors contributing to this phenomenon and it is important for authorities to take actions to deal with this problem.The first reason is that students are having enough of the heavy burden of homework and exam s. As the exam results (注意主谓一致)of students is one of the criteria for measuring how good teachers are likely to force their students to do more homework in order to improve their academic performance. （这一句没有主语，比较费解，建议修改）This results in a vicious cycle: due to the large amount of homework, students need to stay up late to finish it, followed by inefficient learning the next day, then much slower in finishing homework, resulting in shorter sleeping period. （这里几个分句结构松散，口语表达尚可，学术写作需要修改，可以用非限定从）This pattern contributes to the lack of motivation of learning as students think that there is no difference between studying and manual work. Therefore, they may leave schoolto do some simple physical work because they think they can get reward for their jobs rather that （than）wasting time on hard problems and getting nothing in return.Another reason for these cases comes from the imitation of the next generation’s icons. Due to the widespread coverage of famous k-pops (K-pops) who can make a fortune simply because of their appearance and performance, many students consider this as a much easier way to make their living rather than studying. As a result, they abandon their studies and become trainees who just learn how to sing and dance well.In order to deter this trend, the local authorities should pay attention to regulation on education and awareness campaigns. Firstly, actions should be taken to limit teachers’ amount of homework (limit the amount of homework assignment) and reduce the level of difficulty of the tests so that the vicious cycle can be broken. Secondly, teachers and parents should tell students that not all trainees have at last become stars since their success also needs their precious gift and opportunity（.）In conclusion, pressure from tests and teachers and social propaganda of pop stars stimulate the trend of leaving school due to negative attitudes towards learning. Therefore, government should make adjustments in education and supervisors like parents and teachers should build proper views of students towards entertainment celebrities that success cannot be achieved easily.What excels:1.clear structure covering 2 reasons behind the problem and 2 relevant solutions indetails.2.good coherence and transition.3.good sentence building, with abundant compound and complex sentences.4.good use of less common words and phrases.What needs to be improved:1.Your writing comes in 390 words, so in the real test, there might not be enoughtime. You can try to shorten the essay by deleting unnecessary expressions.2.There are some spelling mistakes. When you finish the writing, have a check lookat it.3.There are some sentence fragments. You need to present idea in more conciselanguage, namely, one sentence conveying one idea. Thus, one sentence has only one main verb.4.There are some expressions like “teachers’ amount of homework” which doesn’tsound correct. For expressing cause and effect, there are more expression other than “contribute to” and “due to”. If you want to get a higher score, do not repeat the same expression too many times in one essay.You may get a score band of 6-6.5 for this writing.。

雅思写作批改--小作文范例1

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport city centre from 2003-2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the mainfeatures, and make comparisons where relevantThe curves illustrate the change of criminal rate in burglary, car theft and robbery in Newport city centre from 2003 to 2012.The change of burglary is drastic. The number of incidents increased sharply from around 3400 in 2003 to about 3800 in 2004. From then on, the inner city welcomed a constant four years drop of burglary which reached the lowest point at about 1100 cases in 2008. The number of burglary were increased again from 2008 to 2009 and then remained generally constant at 1400 from 2009 to 2012.The rate of car theft, however, didn’t change as dramatically as that of burglary. It stood steady from 2003 to 2005 at approximately 2900 incidents, followed by a sharp decline in the next year and bottoming at 2000 incidents. The period of 2006 to 2012 saw a waving increase, finally peaking at about 2700 incidents in 2012. The trend of robbery differs dramatically. It slightly fluctuated between 500 cases to 900 cases, peaking in 2005 and 2010, while bottoming out in 2003, 2008 and 2011. The overall trend indicates that from 2003 to 2006, burglary was more common than car theft. While after 2007, the situation was turned over. The rate of robbery, however, was always lower than other two crimes.总点评：本篇文章得分: Good更多的词汇替换建议：Increased sharply =soared/leaped/surged Constant=unalteredSharp decline=slump/plunge/plummet。

3月雅思考试：雅思作文批改实例展示之鱼肉

3月雅思考试：雅思作文批改实例展示之鱼肉WRITING TASK 1 (题目：剑7-2)The line graph illustrates changes (1) in fish and meat consumption in a European country from 1979 to 2004.1. 前面加上the.As can be seen from the graph, beef was the best sell (2) in 1979, standing at 220 grams per person per week. The consumption of chicken and lamb came next (3) with comparatively similar figure (some 150 grams), while much less fish was consumed (3) with only 60 grams.2. best sell可不能直接作名词哦，名词是bestseller，不过这个词一般只用来表示“畅销书”。

这里可以改为best-selling meat.3. 这里最好加一个逗号。

However, things changed a lot (4) during the (5) 25-year period. The amounts of beef and lamb consumed dropped dramatically to 100 grams and 55 grams respectively in 2004. The consumption of fish showed a slightly different picture, which kept stable at around 50 grams. In sharp contrast, the consumption of fish (6) experienced a significant increase, overtaking that of lamb and beef in 1980 and 1990 correspondingly. It reached a peak of 250 grams in 2004, which was almost doubled (7) comparing to that in 1979. (8)4. a lot是口语词，写作中禁止使用!可改为significantly。

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