英语幽默故事

英文幽默故事1.PiccolaOnce there lived in France a little girl name Piccola. When she was very young, her father died, and her mother was very, very poor.One Christmas Eve Piccola said to her mother, "Mamma, will Uncle Santa come to our house tonight?" Her mother felt very sad and shook her head.Before she went to bed, Piccola took off her little wooden shoes and put them on the floor near the chimney. She said to her mother, “Perhaps Uncle Santa will come.”All was white with snow outside, and itwas very cold.In the night a little bird with a broken wing fell down the chimney and hopped into one of the shoes. Very early in the morning Piccola woke up. She jumped out of bed and ran to look into her shoes.There she saw the little bird in one of the shoes. She picked up the shoe and ran to show her Christmas present to her mother. She said, "Santa Claus did not forget me, Mamma."英文幽默故事2.Pandora's boxMany years ago all the word was very beautiful and nobody was ever sick or unhappy.At that time there lived a beautiful little girl named Pandora. One day gave her a wonderful box tied with a golden cord and made her promise not to open it. Pandora and her little playmate, Epimetheus, often looked at the box and wondered what was in it.For a long time Pandora kept her promise to the fairy, but at last she wanted to peep into the box. She untied the cord and lifted the cover only a little.Out flew hundreds of bad little fairies. They stung Pandora and she fell on the floor and screamed. They stung Epimetheus, too.Then they flew out of doors and stung all the children in the land. By and by Pandora heard a little voice crying, “Let me out, and I will help you,”She opened the box, and out flew a beautiful little fairy. She told Pandora that her name was Hope. She kissed her and Epimetheus, and made them well. Then away she flew to help the other children.To this day, when people are sick or unhappy, the good little fairy, Hope, comes to comfort them. 英文幽默故事3.The Crab and His Mother“My child,” said a Crab to her son, “why do you walk so awkward? If you wish to make a good appearance, you should go straight forward, and not to one side as you do so constantly.”“I do wish to make a good appearance, Mamma” said the young Crab; “and if you will show me how, I will try to walk straight forward.”“Why, this is the way, of course,” said the mother, as she started off to the right, “No, this is the way,” said she, as she made another attempt, to the l eft.The little Crab smiled. “ When you learn to do it yourself, you can teach me,” he said, and he went back to his play.英文幽默故事4.The Wolf and The CraneOne day a Wolf, who was eating his dinner much too fast, swallowed a bone, which stuck in his throat and pained him very much. He tried to get it out, but could not.Just then he saw a Crane passing by. “Dear fiend,” said he to the Crane, “ there is a bone sticking in my throat. You have a good long neck; can't you reach down and pull it out? I will pay you well for it.” “I'll try,” said the Crane. Then he put his head into the Wolf’s mouth, between his sharp teeth, and reaching down, pulled out bone. “There!” said the Wolf, “I am glad it is out; I must be more careful another time.” “I will go now, if you will pay me,” said the Crane.“Pay you, indeed!” cried the Wolf. “Be thankful that I did not bite your head off when it was in my mouth. You ought to be content with that.”英文幽默故事5. Handel, The MusicianLong ago they're lived in Germany a little boy named George Frederick Handel.He loved music and wanted to learn to play the piano, but his father wanted him to become a lawyer and would not let him take music lessons.There was a little, old-fashioned piano up in the attic. At night, when everybody was asleep, the little boy used to creep up the stairs and play softly to himself.When he was about seven years old, he went with his father to visit a wealthy Duke. The Dukelived in a beautiful palace with many large rooms. There was a wonderful organ in one of the rooms.While his father and the Duke sat talking, little Handel slipped away. He sat down at the organ and began to play. His little hands moved over the keys and the room was filled with a sweetest music.When he finished playing, he turned around and saw his father and the Duke looking at him. The Duke asked him where he had learned to play, and the boy told him about the piano in the attic.Then the Duke persuaded Handle's father to let him study music, and he became a famous composer.英文幽默故事6.Fritz And The WolfFritz was the son of a farmer who lived in a lonely part of Russia. The rude cabin which was his home stood in a dark forest, several miles from the nearest village.One day Fritz was sent to the village with a letter. It was the middle of winter and the snow lay on the evening in visiting his friends. It was late, and the moon was up before he set out for home. When he was a short distance from his father's house, Fritz saw a dark object before him in the path.At first he thought in was dog. As he came nearer he found that is was a fierce wolf that stood in his way. Fritz knew that it would be useless to try to run away. He had to think of some other means of escape. He had heard that hunters sometimes escaped from bears by lying flat on the ground as if they were dead, and he thought he would try this plan with the wolf.Without a moment's delay, he threw himself down on the snow. The wolf came slowly toward him. It stood beside him for a minute. Quite still, and then began to sniff about him Fritz did not dare to move. By and the wolf reached his neck, and resting one foot on his body, looked at him closely. Fritz felt the water from the jaws of the wolf dropping on his face.“Death or life now！”said Fritz to himself. Quick as thought, he seized the paws which were resting on either side of his neck, drew them tightly over his shoulders, sprang up and walked off with the wolf hanging on his back. So tightly did he draw the wol f’s neck against his shoulders, that the animal could scarcely breathe and tried in vain to use its teeth. With its hind paws, however, it scr atched furiously at Fritz’s legs, and made it difficult for him to walk.At length with his strange load he reached his father’s door. “Father! father!” he cried, but there was no reply. Fritz was nearly tired out. He could not knock with his hand and he did not dare to lift his foot for fear of falling. All that he could do was to turn round and dash the wolf against the door with all his might. The noise awoke everyone in the cabin. “Father！”he cried again, “help, father! I have a live wolf.”The farmer lost on time in opening the door and stood, gun in hand, ready to shoot. “Do not shoot,” said the boy, “the wolf is on my back. The dogs! the dogs!” At this moment Fritz’s mother let loose two great dogs that were tied in the cabin, and that had been barking furiously.Suddenly Fritz threw the wolf from his shoulders, and the dogs, seeing the danger of their young master, flew at the wolf, and soon had it in their power. Fritz did not wish the wolf to be killed by the dogs, for then he could not say that he had caught a live wolf. As quick as thought he took a rope and tied it round the wolf's neck, at the same time telling his father to pull the dogs away.When this was done, Fritz put the badly wounded and much frightened animal into a box. There he kept it until, a short time afterward, a man came along and bought it to send to a menagerie. I suppose the wolf is still looking its white teeth to the crowds of boys and girls who go to look at the wild animals.英文幽默故事7. The Priceless DogA lady was going by steamer from a city to another in America. On board with her were her baby boy and a maid. The maid was carrying the child in her arms.As the steamer came near to the landing-place, it began to slacken speed. The maid walked to the side of the vessel to look over, when all at once the child sprang out of her arms, and fell into the water below. The swift stream carried it quickly away.The mother was nearly wild with grief and fear. The sailors began to lower a boat. But everyone could see that the child would be drowned before the boat could reach it. What was to be done?Among the people on board was a gentleman who had been quietly reading in another part of the steamer. Hearing the cries of the mother, he came quickly forward and said, "Can you give me something the child has worn?"The maid gave him a tiny apron, which had been left in her hands as she tried to save the child from falling. The gentleman turned to a fine Newfoundland dog that stood near, looking up into his face. He pointed first to the apron, and then to the spot where the child had sunk.In an instant the noble dog sprang into the river. You can think how everyone on board felt! Would the dog reach the child in time to save its life? Soon the dog was seen far away with something in his mouth. Bravely he swam against the strong stream, but it was feared that his strength would soon give way. More than one on board cried for joy as the boat reached him and the sailors drew child and dog from the water.When they were brought on board the steamer, the mother went first to her little boy to see that he was alive. Then she rushed forward, and throwing her arms round the dog's neck, burst into tears.She kissed his shaggy head, and said to his owner, "Oh, sir; I must have this dog! I will give anything for the dog that has saved my darling's life!"The gentleman smiled, and patted his dog's head, as he said: "I am very glad, madam, that Hector has been of service to you; but I would not part with him for anything in the world."The dog looked as if he knew that they were talking about himself. He gave his sides a shake, and lay down at his master's feet, with a look in his big eyes that seemed to say, "No, master, nothing shall part us!"英文幽默故事8. Good For EvilOne evening a settler in the wilds of America was standing in his door. An Indian, who was tired and hungry, came and asked him for something to eat. The settler said sharply, “I have nothing for you.”The Indian then asked for a glass of milk, and the settler again refused. The Indian then begged for a little cold water, but the settler only answered roughly, “go away, you Indian dog!” the Indian fixed his eyes on the settler for a moment, and then turned away.Some days after that, the same settler went hunting, and lost his way in a dense wood, and wandered about till it grew dark. By and by he saw a dim light through the trees, and he went toward it. He found that the light came from the fire in an Indian hut.So he went u p to the hut, and asked the way to his home. But the Indian said: “it is a long way off, and the night is dark. You cannot get home tonight. If you wander about in the wood, you will fall a prey to the hungry wolves. But if you don’t mind to stay with me for the night, you may.”The settler gladly accepted the offer of the kind Indian. And the Indian broiled some venison for him, and gave him clear water to drink, and then spread a warm deerskin for him to lie upon. Early the next morning the Indian called the hunter and said:” the sun is up. Your home is a long way off, but I will show you the way.”The Indian shouldered his gun and went on ahead, while the hunter followed in his footsteps. They had traveled thus for many miles, when the Indian turned to the hunter on.”The Indian then fixed his keen eyes on the hunter, and said, “do you know me?”“I think I have seen you before,” said the hunter.“Yes, you have seen me at your own door,” said the Indian. “and now, at parting, let me give you a piece of advice. When a poor Indian. Hungry and thirsty and faint, again asks you for a little food of drink, do not say to him---- go away, you Indian dog!”Tthe settler felt very ashamed of what he had done, and begged the Indian to forgive him. He returned a sadder and a wiser man.英文幽默故事9.The Maid Of OrleansAbout six hundred years ago there broke out great war between France and England.The English army invaded France and won a great many battles, and the French army was driven back again and again. The French soldiers were so discouraged that they were almost ready to give up.At that time there lived a poor peasant girl named Joan of Arc.One day while she was in the field watching her sheep, she heard voices speaking to her. They told her that she must go to the French army and lead it against the English. She believed that the voices came from Heaven and she fell on her knees and prayed.The next day she left her home and went to the Commander of the French army and told him the story of the voices. The Commander listened to her and believed her. He gave her a beautiful white horse and suit of white armor.When the soldiers saw her and heard her story, they followed her gladly to relieve the city of Orleans, which had been besieged by the English for some months and was on the point of surrender. But the French army fought so bravely that the English were beaten back.Since that time Joan was called the Maid of Orleans. Not long afterward Joan was taken prisoner by the English and burned at Rouen. She lived and died bravely, and all the world honors her.英文幽默故事10. Going HalvesOnce an Italian nobleman was going to be married, and everybody at his castle was busy making preparations for the grand marriage-feast.Everything was ready, but one thing. The weather had been so stormy that no fish was to be had for love or money.On the morning of the feast, however, a poor fisherman came to the castle with a very large salmon on his back. It was so large that the man was sinking under his burden.The nobleman was delighted with the fish, and said to the fisherman, “ Name your price, and it shall be given you.”To the surprise of everybody, the fisherman said, “ My price, my lord, is one hundred floggings onmy back.”“W hat a nonsense!” said the nobleman. “You are joking, aren't you? Come, tell us quickly. How much do you want for the fish? ” Still the fisherman made the same answer as before.“Well,” said the nobleman, “this is a strange joke. But, at all events, we must have the fish. So you shall have your price-(turning to his attendants)-only lay on the floggings lightly.”When fifty floggings had been counted, the fisherman cried out, "Stop! I have a partner in the business, and he must have his share!"" What!" exclaimed the nobleman.“Are there two such madmen in the world? Where is your partner ? Bring him here!”“Oh!” said the fisherman, “my partner is no other than your own porter, my lord. He would not let me in, till I promised hem one half of what I should get for the fish, and so I must keep my promise.” “Aha!” said the nobleman, “bring the porter here right now.”The porter was brought, and received his full share of the floggings--and you may be sure that they were not laid on lightly this time.The porter was then discharged from the nobleman's service, and the fisherman was sent off with a handsome present.英文幽默故事11.The Flower-bed's SecretOnce there was an English prince named Henry. His father, the King, loved him dearly, and tried to make him happy in every possible way.The King gave the Prince books, pictures, toys--- everything that a boy could wish for. And yet Prince Henry was not happy.The King gave the boy a pony, so that he might ride when he liked. The King also had a boat made for the Prince, so that he might sail on the lake in the King's garden.Yet, for all that, the young Prince was not happy. There was a frown on his face wherever he went. And all the time he was wishing for something that he did not have. One day a nobleman named Sir Arthur was sitting at the King's table. Then prince Henry happened to come into the room, with a sulky face, as usual.Sir Arthur saw the frown on the Prince’s face. He turned to the King, and said; “The prince seems unhappy, but I can make him happy. If you will send him into the country to live whit me during the summer, I will change his frowns into smiles.”“Very good,” said the King, “please take him with you, and do what you like with him.” That very day Prince Henry went into the country with Sir Arthur."I have a flower-bed in my garden," said Sir Arthur to the Prince, "and that flower-bed can talk." "That is very strange," said the Prince. "What does it say?""It has a secret," said Sir Arthur, "and it tells its secret only to those who watch it every day. If you learn the secret, you will be happy every day in the year.""I should like to see such a flower-bed," said Prince Henry. "It is right under your very eyes," said Sir Arthur.The Prince looked, and saw a flower-bed which had just been made. But there was no flower, not even a leaf, upon it."Come and look every day, and by and by it will tell you its secret," said Sir Arthur.Prince Henry did as he was told. But, though he watched the flower-bed for many days, he did not hear it talk.The flower-bed was moistened, and the warm sun shone upon it.At last, one fine morning, he saw tiny plants coming up.Day after day he watched the plants, and he saw that these plants made lines, and that the lines formed such letters as spelling: DO SOME GOODTO SOMEONEEVERY DAY.英文幽默故事12.Silence Is GoldAt an Indian fair there was a merchant who had an elephant for sale. He saw an American who was examining it with very great care-walking round and round it, putting his head on one side, and taking in everything.The merchant went up to the American, and said, “Don't say anything about the elephant till I have sold it, and I will make you a present."“All right,” s aid the American.After the elephant was sold, the merchant gave him one-tenth of the price he had got for it, and said: “Now tell me how you found out that blemish on the left foreleg of the elephant. I thought itwas quite concealed.”“Blemish !”said the American. "I never found any blemish."“Then, why did you examine the elephant so closely?” asked the merchant.“Because I had never seen an elephant before, and wanted to see what it was like,” said the American.英文幽默故事13. A Strange Visitor(1)It was a railroad station in a far inland part of India. This railroad passed through a wild jungle, which swarmed with wild birds and beasts. People wondered why a track had been laid here at all.But Harry Simpson was very glad to get the position of ticket clerk at that railroad station. Living in England.One morning, when Harry arrived at the station, he found that his watch was too fast, and he had come too early half an hour too early. ”It is just like me,” he said to himself, “How ever, now that I am here, I will turn this half hour to account I will write to my mother. She is always glad to hear, from me.”So he sat down at his desk, and began to writeand soon he was too intent on his letter to notice anything else. Meanwhile there was a stealthy step outside the door, and a heavy breathing came nearer and nearer. But Harry did not hear.However as something told him so he turnedround and found the office door, which had been left open,pushed open, and---In an instant he found himself face to face with none other than the largest tiger he had ever seen in his life!(2)Harry Simpson was a cool fellow, and never lost his head. For one moment was enough for Harry, for he had time to jump into a small closet and to shut the door after him. Harry would have liked to lock the door, but the key was on the outside. So he could only hold to the handle of the door with all his might.He could hear the terrible invader snuffing on the other side of the door, and scraping the door with his huge claws. He was trying to force the door open.While the poor clerk was trembling in the closet, the tiger was not comfortable himself. The door had shut of itself behind him, and the window was guarded by strong iron bars. Mr. Tiger found that he was caught in a trap.Then the anger of the tiger changed into fear. He drooped his tail, and whined. He moved about the small room, and sought for some way of escape, but found none. At last he spied the ticket-window. He tapped the slide with his paw, and succeeded in pushing it open.(3)"Three minutes late! Why can't you open the office in proper time? Two first-class tickets to Ramgunga, and look sharp."This sharp speech came from an old English merchant with a red face, and the answer to it was--A roar which shook the whole building!The merchant had put his angry face close to the ticket-window. He suddenly saw the tiger's face just in front of his own!His Hindu servants were bringing in his baggage. When they saw the tiger, they threw down the baggage, and ran away, crying, "Tiger! tiger!""Hallo! what's the matter?" asked a man who had just arrived there. It was Major Jones, with his gun-case on his shoulder. When he heard another roar from the tiger, and saw the tiger's great head inside the ticket-window, he understood the whole story at once.He opened his gun-case in a hurry, and got out his trusty rifle. He loaded his rifle in an instant, and soon shot the monster through the head. The mighty beast fell upon the floor, and died after a short struggle."Many thanks, Major, many thanks for your timely rescue," said Harry Simpson, coming out of the closet."Don't mention it," said the Major. "Give me my ticket at once."。