英语笑话(双语对照版)

his bathrobe belt in the bathroom,he's dead." Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I hung him up to dry." Jim 和 Mary 都是精神病院里的病人。一天,他们沿着医院的游泳池散步,Jim 突然跳入泳
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄 悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客 人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
英语小笑话 上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的 一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.
Businessjuststarted 开张大吉 A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it
furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come in to the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you. “你相信人能死后重生吗?”老板问他的一个员工。 “我相信,先生”。这位刚上班不久的员工回答。 “哦,那还好”。老板接着说。 “你昨天提早下班去参加你祖母的葬礼后,她老人家到这儿看你来了。”
一个年轻人的公司刚刚开张。他租用了漂亮的办公室,办公室内还放上了古董作装饰。 这天,这位年轻人正在办公室里面坐着,他看到一个男的走进了办公室。为显示他是个成功的 老板,这位年轻的生意人拿起电话假装正在谈大买卖,张觜就是三、五个亿,闭觜就说一切搞 定、没问题!好不容易电话“打”完,挂上听筒,年轻人问进来的那人,“您有事吗?”那人说,
Lifeafterdeath 死后重生 "Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went
"Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?" Tom 早上老起不来,所以上班总是迟到。他的老板非常生气,警告他如果他不能有所改善 的话就炒他的鱿鱼。于是,Tom 去看医生,医生给了他一颗药丸并告诉他要在睡觉前服下这颗 药。Tom 照医生的话做了,睡得非常之好,事实上,他在早上闹钟响之前就起来了。Tom 从容不 迫地吃完早餐,然后兴高采烈地开车上班去了。 “老板”,Tom 说,“那药真管用,我的睡眠好极了!” “是够管用的,”老板说,“问题是,昨天你人哪去了”?
“真是太好了”,艺术家是喜形于色,“那坏消息是什么?”带着关心的口吻,画廊老板回 答,“买画的人是你的医生”。 Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?". With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor."
一名艺术家问画廊老板,最近有没有人对他展出的画感兴趣。“这有好消息和坏消息,”老 板回答。“好消息是有一位先生咨询你的作品,他想知道在你死后你的画会不会升值。我告诉 他你的画会升值,他就把你的 15 幅画全都买走了。”
Her mom replies, "Don't worry darling, you can marry any one of them you want, he isn't really your dad."
一天,一个女孩把男孩子带回家见父亲,说要跟这个男孩结婚。她父亲跟男孩谈了一会之 后,对她说她不能嫁给这个男孩,因为男孩跟她其实是同父异母的兄弟。之后,女孩又认识了另 外四个男孩并一一带回家见父亲,请求父亲同意他们结婚,但结果都是一样,这些男孩竟然跟 她都是同父异母!女孩真的是被气坏了。她跟母亲说,“妈,你这一辈子到底是怎么过的?爸爸 在镇上到处胡搞,现在我都谈到第五个男孩了,但现在一个都不能嫁,因为他们最后都是跟我 一个爸爸”!
“有事,我是来给你开通电话的”。
你可以跟他们中任何一个结婚 One day a girl brings home her boyfriend and tel来自百度文库s her father she wants to marry him. After
talking to him for a while, he tells his daughter she can't do it because he's her half brother. The same problem happens again four more times! The girl starts to get pissed off. She goes to her mom and says, "Mom... What have you been doing all your life? Dad's been going around laying every maiden in the town and now I can't marry any of the five guys I like because they have turned out to be my half brothers!!!"
好消息＆坏消息！ An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on
display. "I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."
Mary 说:“他没有自杀,是我把他吊起来好让他晾干。” Itworked 真的有效
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his office. "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with
池的深水区,他沉到了底部。Mary 立刻跳下去救他,她潜到水底,把 Jim 拉了上来。 当院长听闻了 Mary 的英勇行为后,他立刻翻看了她的病历档案,把她叫进了自己的办公
室,“Mary,我有一个好消息和一个坏消息要告诉你。好消息是你能跳入水中救其他病人,这说 明你的意识已经恢复了,你可以出院了。坏消息就是,Jim,你救的那个病人,他还是用自己的浴 袍带子在浴室上吊自杀了。”