英语幽默小笑话大全

英语幽默小笑话大全

kiss

At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it.

The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech."

The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS' she give me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"

teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

Little Johnny then stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来”她一开始就说。

小约翰尼站了起来。

“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼”老师问。

“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”

great man

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great

man if he were still alive today

Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

一名伟人

老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗

学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。

4Two Cute dogs

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, "Does

your dog bite" The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite." The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. "Ouch," he says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!" The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog."

: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch

Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢

男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。

little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.

"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite"

"Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too"

一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗”

and Ass

Professor Laurie of Glasgow put this notice on his door：“Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today．” A student，after reading the notice，rubbed out the“c”． Later Professor Laurie came along，and entering into the spirit of the joke，rubbed out the “l”．

格拉斯哥的劳里教授在门上贴了这样一个通知：“劳里教授今天不会他的班。”一个学生读了通知后，擦掉了字母“c”。后来劳里教授来了，也想开开玩笑，他擦掉了字母“l”。

matter which girl he brought home， the young man found disapproval from his mother． A friend gave him advice．“Find a girl just like your mother—then she's bound to like her． So the young man searched and searched， and finally found the girl．He told his friendly adviser：“Just like you said， I found a girl who looked，talked，dressed，and even cooked like mother．And just as you said，mother liked her”“So，”asked the friend，“what happened”“Nothing，”said the young man．“My father hates her！”

无论带哪一个女孩回家，这位青年人总会遭到母亲的反对。一位朋友劝他说：“找一个和你母亲一样的女孩——那她一定会喜欢她。”于是这位青年人不停地找啊找，终于找到了这么个女孩。