生活大爆炸第四季剧本 S04E02

S4E02 – The Cruciferous V egetable Amplification

Scene: The apartment. Sheldon has a series of whiteboards across the room.

Leonard: Whatchadoin’ there? Working on a new plan to catch the roadrunner?

Sheldon: The humorous implication being that I am Wile E. Coyote?

Leonard: Yes.

Sheldon: And this is a schematic for a bird-trapping device that will ultimately backfire and cause me physical injury?

Leonard: Yes.

Sheldon: What I’m doing here is trying to determine when I’m going to die.

Leonard: A lot of people are working on that research. So what is all this?

Sheldon: My family history factoring in longevity, propensity for disease, et cetera.

Leonard: Interesting. Cause of death for Uncle Carl was KBB. What’s KBB?

Sheldon: Killed by badger.

Leonard: How’s t hat?

Sheldon: It was Thanksgiving. Uncle Carl said, I think there’s a badger living in our chimney. Hand me that flashlight. Those were the last words he ever spoke to us.

Leonard: I don’t think you need to worry about death by badgers being hereditary.

Sheldon: Not true. The fight or flight instinct is coded genetically. Instead of fleeing, he chose to fight barehanded against a brawny member of the weasel family. Who’s to say that I don’t share that flawed DNA? Leonard: You can always get a badger and find out.

Sheldon: But seriously, even if I disregard the Uncle Carl factor, at best I have 60 years left.

Leonard: That long, huh?

Sheldon: 60 only takes me to here. I need to get to here.

Leonard: What’s there?

Sheldon: The earliest estimate of the singularity, when man will be able to transfer his consciousness into machines and achieve immortality.

Leonard: So, you’re upset about missing out on becoming some sort of freakish self-aware robot? Sheldon: By this much.

Leonard: Tough break. You want eggs?

Sheldon: You don’t get it, Leonard. I’m going to miss so much, the unified field theory,cold fusion, the dogapus.

Leonard: What’s a dogapus?

Sheldon: A hybrid dog and octopus. Man’s underwater best friend.

Leonard: Is somebody working on that?

Sheldon: I was going to. I planned on giving it to myself on my 300th birthday.

Leonard: Wait a minute. You hate dogs.

Sheldon: A dogapus can play fetch with eight balls. No one can hate that.

Credits sequence.

Scene: The apartment.

Howard: What do we owe you?

Leonard: It came to $28.17. Let’s say six bucks apiece.

Howard: Here you go.

Leonard: Thank you.

Penny: What?

Leonard: Never mind. I got it.

Penny: Oh, you wanted me to pay.