晚会年会小品剧本：英语小品剧本-《不差钱》英文版
不差钱台词
不差钱台词 篇一：赵本山小品《不差钱》经典台词日语版 2009 年央视春晚上的一个小品《不差钱》不仅让全国人民捧腹大笑，而且还捧红了赵本 山的徒弟小沈阳！接下来我们就来回顾一下这让人笑哭了的经典台词日文版！ 人最痛苦的事是人死了钱没花完。
人の一生で一番つらいのは、死ぬまでに金を使い切らなっかたこと。
——小沈阳 人最最最痛苦的事是人活着钱没了。
人の一生で一番つらいのは、生きている間に金がなくなってしまうこと。
——赵本山 人的一生很短暂，有的时候跟睡觉是一样的，眼睛一闭，一挣，一天过去了，好~~~~眼 睛一闭，不挣，这辈子就过去了，好~~~~~ 人の一生は非常に短く、時には睡眠と同じで、目を閉じたりあけたりしているうちに一 日が終り、目を閉じてあけなくなら一生が終わる。
——小沈阳 早道日语网校国内最大的日语直播网校，随时随地，快学快用 关注早道日语微信号:izaodao 或早道日语（蓝色头像） 关注早道日语微信编辑“文库”两字发送，即可获得：2 天开口说日语 精品课 原价：99 篇二：经典小品剧本之-- 不差钱 经典小品剧本之-- 不差钱 赵本山：到了 毛毛：到了 赵本山：这就是铁岭最贵的饭店 这不 苏 格 兰调情 毛毛：爷 你念反了 那苏格兰情调， 赵本山：啊 情调哈 就各这吃 毛毛：爷 这家老贵了吧 赵本山：贵 咱带钱了嘛 带三万多呢 那包呢 毛毛：我没拿包啊 赵本山：装钱那包 黄包 毛毛：完~~完了 让我落在炕上了 赵本山：你说你这孩子还能办点事不 你说这给你办事 落在炕上了还 兜都还有钱没 毛毛：兜 多少钱还 才 70 多块元 赵本山：我还有 400 行了 够了 毛毛：那也不能够啊 1 / 12赵本山：哎呀 够不够就这样吧 进来 赵本山：服务员 小沈阳：对不起大爷 我们这是高档酒店 不收农副产品 赵本山：不是 我们是吃饭的 小沈阳：哎妈呀 吃饭的啊 赵本山：不像吗 小沈阳：不太像 赵本山：我说姑娘啊 这顿饭非常重要 小沈阳：哎妈呀 你管谁叫姑娘呢 人家是是纯爷们 赵本山：那怎么还这么个打扮呢 这还 还穿个裙子 呢 小沈阳：这是按我们苏格兰风格包装的 再说了也不是裙子啊 这是七分裤吗 没看 这有 腿的 嘛,哈 ………… 妈呀 着急穿跑偏了 哎妈呀 我说走道咋没有裆呢 …… 赵本山： 行啦 那条腿留明儿个穿 哎呀 小伙子 我跟你说呀 今天我要请一位重要客人吃 饭 小沈阳：是吗 赵本山：你一定要招待好 啊 小沈阳：啊 没问题 赵本山：来来来 我问问你 这个 你们这个酒店 如果要激头白脸吃一顿得多少钱啊 小沈阳：这咋还吃急眼了呢 赵本山：不是 我意思是 就是最贵的都点上 小沈阳：得一两万吧 赵本山： 一 一 两万 啊 那啥 有没有那种情况 今儿个吃完了 明儿个来结帐 的小沈阳： 打白条啊 赵本山：不是 不是打白条 不差钱 有钱 小沈阳：啥意思啊？ 赵本山：小费 小沈阳：唉妈呀 大爷 你真敞亮 你太帅了 赵本山： 给一百块钱还帅 跟你说 这不白给啊 一会客人到了 你一定要给足我面子 明白 吗 我到点菜的时候你得替我兜着点 小沈阳：咋兜啊? 赵本山：既把面子给了 但是呢又 不能花的太狠 我要点贵菜 小沈阳：我就说……没有呗？ 赵本山：哎呀妈呀 你也太厉害了 来来来 拿点儿 毛毛：都给你了 赵本山：再给你三十 来 小沈阳：我给你兜明白儿的 啊~ 赵本山：谢谢你 啊 2 / 12小沈阳：放心吧 毛毛：爷 我有点饿了 赵本山：饿了 来碗面条 小沈阳：78 元一碗 赵本山：啥面啊 这么贵呀 小沈阳：苏格兰打卤面 赵本山：那个……是不是卤子贵呀 小沈阳：卤不要钱 赵本山：啊 那你来碗卤子 先尝尝咸淡 快去 快去 小沈阳：妈 没能么上过呀 赵本山：那是我没来 我要来了 你早就这么上了 还 去吧去吧 小沈阳：这老爷子 我要说面条不要钱还要面条了呢 还 赵本山： 来 站起来 跟你说啊 一会儿星光大道的毕老师来了 你一定要给我争点脸 好不 这 是人生最好的一次机会 知道吗 爷爷培养你都已经四十多年了 毛毛：爷 我才多大儿啊 赵本山：我还培养你爸 30 多年呢 对不 你爸那是个半成 品 我都培养成 文化站站长了 你 一定要超过他 有决心没 毛毛：有 赵本山：表下决心 毛毛：我指定洪湖水 浪打浪 长江后浪推前浪 一浪更比一浪强 把我爹拍在沙滩上 赵本山：有志向 小沈阳：哎 来了 赵本山：来 先把这卤子喝了 孩子饿了 鸭蛋：哎呀 爷 有点咸了 赵本山：没事 咸了 整碗水去。
不差钱台词
不差钱台词篇一：赵本山小品《不差钱》经典台词日语版20XX年央视春晚上的一个小品《不差钱》不仅让全国人民捧腹大笑，而且还捧红了赵本山的徒弟小沈阳！接下来我们就来回顾一下这让人笑哭了的经典台词日文版！人最痛苦的事是人死了钱没花完。
人の一生で一番つらいのは、死ぬまでに金を使い切らなっかたこと。
——小沈阳人最最最痛苦的事是人活着钱没了。
人の一生で一番つらいのは、生きている間に金がなくなってしまうこと。
——赵本山人的一生很短暂，有的时候跟睡觉是一样的，眼睛一闭，一挣，一天过去了，好~~~~眼睛一闭，不挣，这辈子就过去了，好~~~~~人の一生は非常に短く、時には睡眠と同じで、目を閉じたりあけたりしているうちに一日が終り、目を閉じてあけなくなら一生が終わる。
——小沈阳早道日语网校国内最大的日语直播网校，随时随地，快学快用关注早道日语微信号:izaodao或早道日语（蓝色头像）关注早道日语微信编辑“文库”两字发送，即可获得：2天开口说日语精品课原价：99篇二：经典小品剧本之--不差钱经典小品剧本之--不差钱赵本山：到了毛毛：到了赵本山：这就是铁岭最贵的饭店这不苏格兰调情毛毛：爷你念反了那苏格兰情调，赵本山：啊情调哈就各这吃毛毛：爷这家老贵了吧赵本山：贵咱带钱了嘛带三万多呢那包呢毛毛：我没拿包啊赵本山：装钱那包黄包毛毛：完~~完了让我落在炕上了赵本山：你说你这孩子还能办点事不你说这给你办事落在炕上了还兜都还有钱没毛毛：兜多少钱还才70多块元赵本山：我还有400行了够了毛毛：那也不能够啊赵本山：哎呀够不够就这样吧进来赵本山：服务员小沈阳：对不起大爷我们这是高档酒店不收农副产品赵本山：不是我们是吃饭的小沈阳：哎妈呀吃饭的啊赵本山：不像吗小沈阳：不太像赵本山：我说姑娘啊这顿饭非常重要小沈阳：哎妈呀你管谁叫姑娘呢人家是是纯爷们赵本山：那怎么还这么个打扮呢这还还穿个裙子呢小沈阳：这是按我们苏格兰风格包装的再说了也不是裙子啊这是七分裤吗没看这有腿的嘛,哈…………妈呀着急穿跑偏了哎妈呀我说走道咋没有裆呢……赵本山：行啦那条腿留明儿个穿哎呀小伙子我跟你说呀今天我要请一位重要客人吃饭小沈阳：是吗赵本山：你一定要招待好啊小沈阳：啊没问题赵本山：来来来我问问你这个你们这个酒店如果要激头白脸吃一顿得多少钱啊小沈阳：这咋还吃急眼了呢赵本山：不是我意思是就是最贵的都点上小沈阳：得一两万吧赵本山：一一两万啊那啥有没有那种情况今儿个吃完了明儿个来结帐的小沈阳：打白条啊赵本山：不是不是打白条不差钱有钱小沈阳：啥意思啊？赵本山：小费小沈阳：唉妈呀大爷你真敞亮你太帅了赵本山：给一百块钱还帅跟你说这不白给啊一会客人到了你一定要给足我面子明白吗我到点菜的时候你得替我兜着点小沈阳：咋兜啊?赵本山：既把面子给了但是呢又不能花的太狠我要点贵菜小沈阳：我就说……没有呗？赵本山：哎呀妈呀你也太厉害了来来来拿点儿毛毛：都给你了赵本山：再给你三十来小沈阳：我给你兜明白儿的啊~赵本山：谢谢你啊小沈阳：放心吧毛毛：爷我有点饿了赵本山：饿了来碗面条小沈阳：78元一碗赵本山：啥面啊这么贵呀小沈阳：苏格兰打卤面赵本山：那个……是不是卤子贵呀小沈阳：卤不要钱赵本山：啊那你来碗卤子先尝尝咸淡快去快去小沈阳：妈没能么上过呀赵本山：那是我没来我要来了你早就这么上了还去吧去吧小沈阳：这老爷子我要说面条不要钱还要面条了呢还赵本山：来站起来跟你说啊一会儿星光大道的毕老师来了你一定要给我争点脸好不这是人生最好的一次机会知道吗爷爷培养你都已经四十多年了毛毛：爷我才多大儿啊赵本山：我还培养你爸30多年呢对不你爸那是个半成品我都培养成文化站站长了你一定要超过他有决心没毛毛：有赵本山：表下决心毛毛：我指定洪湖水浪打浪长江后浪推前浪一浪更比一浪强把我爹拍在沙滩上赵本山：有志向小沈阳：哎来了赵本山：来先把这卤子喝了孩子饿了鸭蛋：哎呀爷有点咸了赵本山：没事咸了整碗水去。
小沈阳《不差钱》英文台词--第五幕
Uncle Zhao They're all in white and yellow. Lots of folks' waiting for you with signature pens in hands, tears spillin' all over。
CCTV Man Why's that? Uncle Zhao They're excited。
CCTV Man Let's go there, then。
Uncle Zhao The center asked me to feast you here in town first. How abut that? 毕福剑：在这⼉吃饭？ 赵本⼭：这是铁岭最贵的，你来吧。
毕福剑：别别，⼤爷，不，⽼哥，我在飞机上吃了。
赵本⼭：那客随主便，好不好？给你怎么安排你就听话，来来。
⼩沈阳：毕⽼师，你不给照个相吗？毕⽼师。
毕福剑：你是男服务员？ ⼩沈阳：嗯哪。
毕福剑：长得挺委婉的。
赵本⼭：我刚开始来就误会了，你说哪有这打扮，哎呀妈呀。
坐，刚到是吧？ 毕福剑：刚到，刚到。
赵本⼭：咱是⽼乡。
毕福剑：是吗？ 赵本⼭：你不是⼤连⼈吗？ 毕福剑：对对，⼤连⼈。
赵本⼭：你住哪⼉？ 毕福间我住⼤连⽼鳖湾。
赵本⼭：哎呀妈呀，有亲戚，孩⼦她姥爷也在⽼鳖湾，也姓毕。
毕福剑：你姥爷叫毕什么？ ⽑⽑：毕门庭。
毕福剑：你姥爷打⿇将肯定是⾼⼿。
赵福剑：咋的？ 毕福剑：闭门听嘛。
赵本⼭：正好你叫闭门炮。
CCTV Man Why here? Uncle Zhao Here we've got the best restaurant in Tieling. Do c'me this way please。
CCTV Man But I've had my meal on the plane。
不差钱2小品台词
不差钱2小品台词不差钱2小品台词大家好！谢谢大家！我的妈！我的天！没事吧！没事。
雾霾太大了，我的天！丫蛋，我跟你说，一会儿我领你去找小沈阳，据我听说，现在小沈阳在这边混得是相当不错，苏格兰情调大饭店让他给承包了，你说你们俩当年一起出的名，当初小沈阳还追过你。
你说你就为啥没同意，我咋就不明白呢？还不明白，你瞅他那娘们唧唧的，谁能看上他呀。
我跟你说，人家那叫风格，那叫特点，有多少小女孩都喜欢那样的，对不对？我告诉你啊，欢乐喜剧人第二季马上就开始了，我准备让你跟小沈阳重新组个队伍到那儿比赛。
我自己去就行呗，我还带他干啥？你的心咋这么大呢？是人家带你，快点！欢迎光临苏格兰调情，啊！不是，情调大饭店。
喂，你好！是，我们沈老板不在，那你就打他的手机号吧！本篇文章来自资料管理下载。
你记一下一三九白酒啤酒葡萄酒，又一个要账的，我这一上午，胡说八道三百来遍了，这饭店是够呛了，我这半年都没开支了，你说我这老板也不知道上哪儿愁去了？老板，你说你大中午的，你不搁咱饭店，你上哪儿去了。
我饿了，上对面饭店吃口饭。
老板，你说，你都上对面饭店吃饭，咱这饭店还有开的必要吗？必须开，要的是面儿，明白了吗？门口服务员呢？小红呢？跟厨师跑了。
小花呢？跟保安跑了。
你咋不跑呢？一共就俩男的，我没抢上。
你不用跑了，我跟你说件事，我多年不见的团长杨树林，找我来了，老杨来找我，肯定没别的事，找我演出来了，到时候你就看我的眼神行事，来了来了。
来了，猫起来，快点！你猫啥呀？我猫起来，我给他个惊喜！你藏起来干啥？你快顶住！人家来找你，让我顶住。
到了，好像变样了？整容了，个儿咋还缩水了呢？小沈阳。
我在这儿呢！老杨。
吓我一跳，你说你这。
这么有劲呢！不是，你咋穿这身衣服？刚从迪拜回来，我给你个惊喜，你看我把谁给你带来了？这大个儿，一点没长啊！瞅你那个娘们唧唧样，一点不像个爷们。
你说谁爷们呢！说你娘们！你爷们！你娘们！……我娘们，爷们，行了吧！你俩怎么见面就掐呢！我不是冲你，这些年我就烦别人说我爷们，我给你介绍一下，这是我助理鹅蛋。
不差钱小品英汉语台词
不差钱小品英汉语台词甲：这就是铁岭最贵的饭店，苏格兰调情zhao:This is the most expensive hotel of Tie Lang,Scotland'flirt. 乙：你念反了，苏格兰情调，这家老贵了mao:You read wrong, Scotland Sentiment,it's too dear.甲：带钱了，三万，带包没有啊zhao:we have money,thirty thousand,the yellow purse?don't you take the purse?乙：我落在炕上了mao:I left it on the brick bed.甲：给你办事，还落在炕上了zhao:I do business to you,but you left it?乙：兜里才70多元mao:I only have seventy yuan.甲：我还有400zhao:Here is 400 yuan.乙：也不够啊mao:it's not enough.甲：够不够都可以的zhao:it doesn't matter.甲：服务员waiter !丙：对不起大爷，我们是高档酒店，不收农产品xiao:sorry,uncle.this is a high grade hotel,we don't need farm produce. 甲：我们是吃饭的，姑娘这顿饭很重要的zhao:we come to have a lunch,girl,this meal is very important for us. 丙：你管谁叫姑娘，我是纯爷们xiao: girl? I'm a real man.甲：怎么穿裙子hao:why do you wear a skirt?丙：也不是裙子，这是七分裤，这有腿的，着急穿错了，我说走路怎么不方便xiao:it's not,this is a seventh trousers..Sorry,I wear wrong in a hurry.I doubted it was not convenient to walk.甲：那条腿留给别人穿，小伙子我跟你说，今天请重要的客人，你一定要招待好zhao:tomorrow you wear the other leg.Boy,let me tell you.Today,I invite an important guest,you must treat him very well.丙：没有问题xiao:no problem.甲：你们这个酒店，如果要吃一顿饭，要多少钱。
英语小品剧本--ThePocketMoney[优秀范文五篇]
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英语小品剧本--ThePocketMoney[优秀范文五篇]第一篇：英语小品剧本 -- The Pocket Money英语小品剧本--The Pocket Money Characters: Narrator(N), Salesman(S), Dad(D), Maggie(M), Alice(A), Candy(C), Policeman(P)Preparation: 学校布景，做糖果用桌及相关材料，小贩家布景Scene1（At Salesman’s home）N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman.He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students.He has a lot of money now.But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you.I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate.My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why.The foolish students always come here.I’ll be a boss soon!Candy, money, candy, money…… Oops!It’s time to make candies now.(看表)First, put the flour on the table.Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)Now press, press……Oh, my dirty hands!Never mind!Just do it!(满不在意的神情)Press, press……Oh, my god!(鼻涕)Never mind!Just do it!Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe…… Now let me cut it into pieces!One, two, three, four, five……（用脏菜刀）Wow, everything is ready!糖果钻出来（跳舞），跳完后，非常难过地说：Oh, I’m so dirty and ugly!What can I do? The students will eat me!And they will be ill!Wuwuwu…S: Mmmm…It looks dirty, let me give you a nice coat!(给它穿上)Wow!Now it’s so beautiful!Haha……C: Oh, no!Don’t sell me!I’m dirty!(拖糖果下场)Scene2（At the school gate）N: The next day, when the class is over, all the students come out happily and the salesman goes to the school gate as usual.（Maggie和Alice 欢快地跑出校门，看到小贩）(小贩拉着糖上场，吆喝)：Candies!Candies!Sweet candies!…… M: Oh, Alice!Look!Candies!A: Yeah!I think they are yummy!M: Let’s ask him.A: OK!C: Don’t buy me！（非常焦急）M&A: Why? C: I’m dirty！M: No, you look nice!C: What can I do?(面向观众)Wuwuwu…(小贩将她拉在后面)S: Candies!Candies!（引诱两个女孩）M&A: How much are they? S: Do you have money?（轻蔑）M&A: Money?(对视)M:Oh, I’ve no money!（失落之极）A: Me too.S: No money? So sorry!(吆喝着走开，下场)M: What can we do now? A: Let’s ask dad for money.M: But how to ask? A: How?…Oh,I know ,let’s make him happy ,and he will give us money.（自信）M: Good idea!(全部下场)Scene 3:（At Maggie’s home）N: The children have to go home and ask dad for some money, and they know their father is good at playing guitar, so they will do something clever.(爸爸看报)M: Dad,dad,let’s sing a song ,OK?(同时Alice去取吉他准备拿给爸爸)A: And play the guitar for us!M: We know you play so well!(爸爸诧异地看着孩子)D: Oh? What a bright day today!M&A: Please, dad!(哀求)D:OKOK!Let’s.(取吉他，开始准备)D: Which song do you like? How about Edelweiss? M&A: Of course!(开始弹，第一段孩子随节奏起舞，第二段孩子开始轻声讨论起来“you first”之类的话，爸爸停止弹琴。
不差钱台词 春晚小品不差钱剧本完整台词
不差钱台词春晚小品不差钱剧本完整台词赵本山：这就是铁岭最贵的饭店，苏格兰调情? 毛毛：爷爷，你念反了，这是苏格兰情调，爷爷，这家老贵了? 赵本山：不怕，咱带钱了，三万，带包没有啊?，就是那个黄包。
? 毛毛：呀，我落在炕上了? 赵本山：给你办事，还落在炕上了? 毛毛：兜里这才多少啊，才70多元? 赵本山：我还有400? 毛毛：也不够啊? 赵本山：够不够都可以的? 赵本山：服务员? 小沈阳：对不起大爷，我们是高档酒店，不收农副产品? 赵本山：我们是吃饭的，姑娘，这顿饭很重要的? 小沈阳：你管谁叫姑娘，我是纯爷们? 赵本山：怎么穿裙子? 小沈阳：也不是裙子，这是七分裤，这有腿的，…………哎呀，着急穿错了，我说走路怎么不方便? 赵本山：那条腿留给别人穿，小伙子我跟你说，今天请重要的客人，你一定要招待好? 小沈阳：没有问题?赵本山：你们这个酒店，吃急眼要多少钱。
? 小沈阳：这咋还吃急眼了呢? 赵本山：就是最贵的点上要多少钱。
? 小沈阳：要一、二万吧。
? 赵本山：有没有这样的情况，今天吃饭明天来结帐? 小沈阳：打白条啊?赵本山：不是打白条，咱都有钱。
? （递出100元）? 小沈阳：这是干啥呀。
? 赵本山：给你小费? 小沈阳：大爷，你太敞亮了，你太帅了? 赵本山：客人来了，我点菜的时候你要给我兜着，我要点贵菜? 小沈阳：我就说……没有呗？? 赵本山：你太明白了? 毛毛：爷爷，我饿了? 赵本山：这儿有面条没？? 小沈阳：78元一碗? 赵本山：这么贵？什么面呀？? 小沈阳：苏格兰打卤面? 赵本山：是不是卤子贵呀？? 小沈阳：卤子不要钱。
? 赵本山：先来一碗卤子吧，孩子饿了? 小沈阳：鲁子来了? 鸭蛋：太咸了? 赵本山：有水没有啊？来碗水喝。
? 小沈阳：免费的水吧? 赵本山：白开水就行? （鸭蛋吃着卤子）赵本山：一会儿星光大道的毕老师来了，你要给我争脸，这是人生最好的机会，爷爷培养你四十多年了? 毛毛：爷爷我才多大?赵本山：我还培养你爸30多年呢，你爸是半成品，都成了文化站长，你要有信心? 毛毛：洪湖水，浪打浪，一浪更比一浪强，我要把我爹打在沙滩上? （老毕出场）? 小沈阳：哎呀，哎呀，你不是那谁吗，你是那个朱军，不是的，白岩松不是的，老毕，你是毕老师吗? 毕老师来了，唉呀妈呀，快来人啊，一会儿该跑了? 赵本山：干什么，吵什么啊，让狼咬了吗？? 小沈阳：毕老师给我照个相吗？? 毕福剑：我找莲花县文化站长赵铁柱的爹? 赵本山：你找对了，（指着鸭蛋），这就是赵铁柱的爹。
不差钱台词 春晚小品不差钱剧本完整台词
不差钱台词春晚小品不差钱剧本完整台词赵本山：这就是铁岭最贵的饭店，苏格兰调情毛毛：爷爷，你念反了，这是苏格兰情调，爷爷，这家老贵了赵本山：不怕，咱带钱了，三万，带包没有啊，就是那个黄包。
毛毛：呀，我落在炕上了赵本山：给你办事，还落在炕上了毛毛：兜里这才多少啊，才70多元赵本山：我还有400 毛毛：也不够啊赵本山：够不够都可以的赵本山：服务员小沈阳：对不起大爷，我们是高档酒店，不收农副产品赵本山：我们是吃饭的，姑娘，这顿饭很重要的小沈阳：你管谁叫姑娘，我是纯爷们赵本山：怎么穿裙子小沈阳：也不是裙子，这是七分裤，这有腿的，…………哎呀，着急穿错了，我说走路怎么不方便赵本山：那条腿留给别人穿，小伙子我跟你说，今天请重要的客人，你一定要招待好小沈阳：没有问题赵本山：你们这个酒店，吃急眼要多少钱。
小沈阳：这咋还吃急眼了呢赵本山：就是最贵的点上要多少钱。
小沈阳：要一、二万吧。
赵本山：有没有这样的情况，今天吃饭明天来结帐小沈阳：打白条啊赵本山：不是打白条，咱都有钱。
（递出100元）小沈阳：这是干啥呀。
赵本山：给你小费小沈阳：大爷，你太敞亮了，你太帅了赵本山：客人来了，我点菜的时候你要给我兜着，我要点贵菜小沈阳：我就说……没有呗？赵本山：你太明白了毛毛：爷爷，我饿了赵本山：这儿有面条没？小沈阳：78元一碗赵本山：这么贵？什么面呀？小沈阳：苏格兰打卤面赵本山：是不是卤子贵呀？小沈阳：卤子不要钱。
赵本山：先来一碗卤子吧，孩子饿了小沈阳：鲁子来了鸭蛋：太咸了赵本山：有水没有啊？来碗水喝。
小沈阳：免费的水吧赵本山：白开水就行（鸭蛋吃着卤子）赵本山：一会儿星光大道的毕老师来了，你要给我争脸，这是人生最好的机会，爷爷培养你四十多年了毛毛：爷爷我才多大赵本山：我还培养你爸30多年呢，你爸是半成品，都成了文化站长，你要有信心毛毛：洪湖水，浪打浪，一浪更比一浪强，我要把我爹打在沙滩上（老毕出场）小沈阳：哎呀，哎呀，你不是那谁吗，你是那个朱军，不是的，白岩松不是的，老毕，你是毕老师吗毕老师来了，唉呀妈呀，快来人啊，一会儿该跑了赵本山：干什么，吵什么啊，让狼咬了吗？小沈阳：毕老师给我照个相吗？毕福剑：我找莲花县文化站长赵铁柱的爹赵本山：你找对了，（指着鸭蛋），这就是赵铁柱的爹。
英语小品剧本--英语话剧剧本Pygmalion
英语小品剧本--英语话剧剧本Pygmalion第一篇：英语小品剧本 -- 英语话剧剧本 Pygmalion英语小品剧本--英语话剧剧本 Pygmalion Pygmalion(By George Bernard Shaw)ACT I Covent Garden at 11.15 p.m.Torrents of heavy summer rain.Cab whistles blowing frantically in all directions.Pedestrians running for shelter into the market and under the portico of St.Paul's Church, where there are already several people, among them a lady and her daughter in evening dress.They are all peering out gloomily at the rain, except one man with his back turned to the rest, who seems wholly preoccupied with a notebook in which he is writing busily.The church clock strikes the first quarter.THE DAUGHTER [in the space between the central pillars, close to the one on her left] I'm getting chilled to the bone.What can Freddy be doing all this time? Hes been gone twenty minutes.THE MOTHER [On her daughter's right] Not so long.But he ought to have got us a cab by this.A BYSTANDER [on the lady's right] He wont get no cab not until half-past eleven, missus, when they come back after dropping their theatre fares.THE MOTHER But we must have a cab.We cant stand here until half-past eleven.It's too bad.THE BYSTANDER Well, it aint my fault, missus.THE DAUGHTER If Freddy had a bit of gumption, he would have got one at the theatre door.THE MOTHER What could he have done, poor boy? THE DAUGHTER Other people got cabs.Why couldnt he?Freddy rushes in out of the rain from the Southampton Street side, and comes between them closing a dripping umbrella.He is a young man of twenty, in evening dress, very wet around the ankles.THE DAUGHTER Well, havnt you got a cab? FREDDY Theres not one to be had for love or money.THE MOTHER Oh,Freddy, there must be one.You cant have tried.THE DAUGHTER It's too tiresome.Do you expect us to go and get one ourselves? FREDDY I tell you theyre all engaged.The rain was so sudden: nobody was prepared;and everybody had to take a cab.Ive been to Charing Cross one way and nearly to Ludgate Circus the other;and they were all engaged.THE MOTHER Did you try Trafalgar Square? FREDDY There wasnt one at Trafalgar Square.THE DAUGHTER Did you try? FREDDY I tried as far as Charing Cross Station.Did you expect me to walk to Hammersmith? THE DAUGHTER You havnt tried at all.THE MOTHER You really are very helpless, Freddy.Go again;and dont come back until you have found a cab.FREDDY I shall simply get soaked for nothing.THE DAUGHTER And what about us? Are we to stay here all night in this draught, with next to nothing on.You selfish pig--FREDDY Oh, very well: I'll go, I'll go.[He opens his umbrella and dashes off Strandwards, but comes into collision with a flower girl, who is hurrying in for shelter, knocking her basket out of her hands.A blinding flash of lightning, followed instantly by a rattling peal of thunder, orchestrates the incident].THE FLOWER GIRL Nah then, Freddy: look wh' y' gowin, deah.FREDDY Sorry [he rushes off].THE FLOWER GIRL [picking up her scattered flowers and replacing them in the basket] Theres menners f' yer!Te-oo banches o voylets trod into the mad.[She sits down on the plinth of the column, sorting her flowers, on the lady's right.She is not at all an attractive person.She is perhaps eighteen, perhaps twenty, hardly older.She wears a little sailor hat of black straw that has long been exposed to the dust and soot of London and has seldom if ever been brushed.Her hair needs washing rather badly: its mousy color can hardly be natural.She wears a shoddy black coat that reaches nearly to her knees andis shaped to her waist.She has a brown skirt with a coarse apron.Her boots are much the worse for wear.She is no doubt as clean as she can afford to be;but compared to the ladies she is very dirty.Her features are no worse than theirs;but their condition leaves something to be desired;and she needs the services of a dentist].THE MOTHER How do you know that my son's name is Freddy, pray? THE FLOWER GIRL Ow, eez ye-ooa san, is e? Wal, fewd dan y' de-ooty bawmz a mather should, eed now bettern to spawl a pore gel's flahrzn than ran awy athaht pyin.Will ye-oo py me f'them? [Here, with apologies, this desperate attempt to represent her dialect without a phonetic alphabet must be abandoned as unintelligible outside London.] THE DAUGHTER Do nothing of the sort, mother.The idea!THE MOTHER Please allow me, Clara.Have you any pennies? THE DAUGHTER No.I've nothing smaller than sixpence.THE FLOWER GIRL [hopefully] I can give you change for a tanner, kind lady.THE MOTHER [to Clara] Give it to me.[Clara parts reluctantly].Now [to the girl] This is for your flowers.THE FLOWER GIRL Thank you kindly, lady.THE DAUGHTER Make her give you the change.These things are only a penny a bunch.THE MOTHER Do hold your tongue, Clara.[To the girl].You can keep the change.THE FLOWER GIRL Oh, thank you, lady.THE MOTHER Now tell me how you know that young gentleman's name.THE FLOWER GIRL I didnt.THE MOTHER I heard you call him by it.Dont try to deceive me.THE FLOWER GIRL [protesting] Whos trying to deceive you? I called him Freddy or Charlie same as you might yourself if you was talking to a stranger and wished to be pleasant.[She sits down beside her basket].THE DAUGHTER Sixpence thrown away!Really, mamma, you might have spared Freddy that.[She retreats in disgust behind the pillar].An elderly gentleman of theamiable military type rushes into shelter, and closes a dripping umbrella.He is in the same plight as Freddy, very wet about the ankles.He is in evening dress, with a light overcoat.He takes the place left vacant by the daughter's retirement.THE GENTLEMAN Phew!THE MOTHER [to the gentleman] Oh, sir, is there any sign of its stopping? THE GENTLEMAN I'm afraid not.It started worse than ever about two minutes ago.[He goes to the plinth beside the flower girl;puts up his foot on it;and stoops to turn down his trouser ends].THE MOTHER Oh, dear![She retires sadly and joins her daughter].THE FLOWER GIRL [taking advantage of the military gentleman's proximity to establish friendly relations with him].If it's worse it's a sign it's nearly over.So cheer up, Captain;and buy a flower off a poor girl.THE GENTLEMAN I'm sorry, I havnt any change.THE FLOWER GIRL I can give you change, Captain.THE GENTLEMEN For a sovereign? Ive nothing less.THE FLOWER GIRL Garn!Oh do buy a flower off me, Captain.I can change half-a-crown.Take this for tuppence.THE GENTLEMAN Now dont be troublesome: theres a good girl.[Trying his pockets] I really havnt any change--Stop: heres three hapence, if thats any use to you [he retreats to the other pillar].THE FLOWER GIRL [disappointed, but thinking three halfpence better than nothing] Thank you, sir.THE BYSTANDER [to the girl] You be careful: give him a flower for it.Theres a bloke here behind taking down every blessed word youre saying.[All turn to the man who is taking notes].THE FLOWER GIRL [springing up terrified] I aint done nothing wrong by speaking to the gentleman.Ive a right to sell flowers if I keep off the kerb.[Hysterically] I'm a respectable girl: so help me, I never spoke to him except to ask him to buy a flower off me.[General hubbub, mostly sympathetic to the flower girl, but deprecating herexcessive sensibility.Cries of Dont start hollerin.Whos hurting you? Nobody's going to touch you.Whats the good of fussing? Steady on.Easy, easy, etc., come from the elderly staid spectators, who pat her comfortingly.Less patient ones bid her shut her head, or ask her roughly what is wrong with her.A remoter group, not knowing what the matter is, crowd in and increase the noise with question and answer: Whats the row? What she do? Where is he?A tec taking her down.What!him? Yes: him over there: Took money off the gentleman, etc.The flower girl, distraught and mobbed, breaks through them to the gentleman, crying wildly] Oh, sir, dont let him charge me.You dunno what it means to me.Theyll take away my character and drive me on the streets for speaking to gentlemen.They--THE NOTE TAKER [coming forward on her right, the rest crowding after him] There, there, there, there!whos hurting you, you silly girl? What do you take me for? THE BYSTANDER It's all right: hes a gentleman: look at his boots.[Explaining to the note taker] She thought you was a copper's nark, sir.THE NOTE TAKER [with quick interest] Whats a copper's nark? THE BYSTANDER [inapt at definition] It's a--well, it's a copper's nark, as you might say.What else would you call it?A sort of informer.THE FLOWER GIRL [still hysterical] I take my Bible oath I never said a word--THE NOTE TAKER [overbearing but good-humored] Oh, shut up, shut up.Do I look like a policeman? THE FLOWER GIRL [far from reassured] Then what did you take down my words for? How do I know whether you took me down right? You just shew me what youve wrote about me.[The note taker opens his book and holds it steadily under her nose, though the pressure of the mob trying to read it over his shoulders would upset a weaker man].Whats that? That aint proper writing.I cant read that.THE NOTE TAKER I can.[Reads,reprod ucing her pronunciation exactly] “Cheer ap, Keptin;n' baw ya flahr orf a pore gel.” THE FLOWER GIRL [much distressed] It's because I called him Captain.I meant no harm.[To the gentleman] Oh, sir, dont let him lay a charge agen me for a word like that.You--THE GENTLEMAN Charge!I make no charge.[To the note taker] Really, sir, if you are a detective, you need not begin protecting me against molestation by young women until I ask you.Anybody could see that the girl meant no harm.THE BYSTANDERS GENERALLY [demonstrating against police espionage] Course they could.What business is it of yours? You mind your own affairs.He wants promotion, he does.Taking down people's words!Girl never said a word to him.What harm if she did? Nice thing a girl cant shelter from the rain without being insulted, etc., etc., etc.[She is conducted by the more sympathetic demonstrators back to her plinth, where she resumes her seat and struggles with her emotion.] THE BYSTANDER He aint a tec.Hes a blooming busybody: thats what he is.I tell you, look at his boots.THE NOTE TAKER [turning on him genially] And how are all your people down at Selsey? THE BYSTANDER [suspiciously] Who told you my people come from Selsey? THE NOTE TAKER Never you mind.They did.[To the girl] How do you come to be up so far east? You were born in Lisson Grove.THE FLOWER GIRL [appalled] Oh, what harm is there in my leaving Lisson Grove? It wasnt fit for a pig to live in;and I had to pay four-and-six a week.[In tears] Oh, boo--hoo--oo--THE NOTE TAKER Live where you like;but stop that noise.THE GENTLEMAN [to the girl] Come, come!he cant touch you: you have a right to live where you please.A SARCASTIC BYSTANDER [thrusting himself between the note taker and the gentleman] Park Lane, for instance.Id like to go into the Housing Question with you, I would.THE FLOWERGIRL [subsiding into a brooding melancholy over her basket, and talking very low-spiritedly to herself] I'm a good girl, I am.THE SARCASTIC BYSTANDER [not attending to her] Do you know where I come from? THE NOTE TAKER [promptly] Hoxton.Titterings.Popular interest in the note taker's performance increases.THE SARCASTIC ONE [amazed] Well, who said I didnt? Bly me!You know everything, you do.THE FLOWER GIRL [still nursing her sense of injury] Aint no call to meddle with me, he aint.THE BYSTANDER [to her] Of course he aint.Dont you stand it from him.[To the note taker] See here: what call have you to know about people what never offered to meddle with you? Wheres your warrant? SEVERAL BYSTANDERS [encouraged by this seeming point of law] Yes: wheres your warrant? THE FLOWER GIRL Let him say what he likes.I dont want to have no truck with him.THE BYSTANDER You take us for dirt under your feet, dont you? Catch you taking liberties with a gentleman!THE SARCASTIC BYSTANDER Yes: tell h i m where he come from if you want to go fortune-telling.THE NOTE TAKER Cheltenham, Harrow, Cambridge, and India.THE GENTLEMAN Quite right.[Great laughter.Reaction in the note taker's favor.Exclamations of He knows all about it.T old him proper.Hear him tell the toff where he come from? etc.].May I ask, sir, do you do this for your living at a music hall? THE NOTE TAKER Ive thought of that.Perhaps I shall some day.The rain has stopped;and the persons on the outside of the crowd begin to drop off.THE FLOWER GIRL [resenting the reaction] Hes no gentleman, he aint, to interfere with a poor girl.THE DAUGHTER [out of patience, pushing her way rudely to the front and displacing the gentleman, who politely retires to the other side of the pillar] What on earth is Freddy doing? I shall get pneumonia if I stay in this draught any longer.THE NOTETAKER [to himself, hastily making a note of her pronunciation of “monia”] Earlscourt.THE DAUGHTER [violently] Will you please keep your impertinent remarks to yourself? THE NOTE TAKER Did I say that out loud? I didnt mean to.I beg your pardon.Your mother's Epsom, unmistakeably.THE MOTHER [advancing between her daughter and the note taker] How very curious!I was brought up in Largelady Park, near Epsom.THE NOTE TAKER [uproariously amused] Ha!ha!What a devil of a name!Excuse me.[T o the daughter] You want a cab, do you? THE DAUGHTER Dont dare speak to me.THE MOTHER Oh, please, please Clara.[Her daughter repudiates her with an angry shrug and retires haughtily.] We should be so grateful to you, sir, if you found us a cab.[The note taker produces a whistle].Oh, thank you.[She joins her daughter].The note taker blows a piercing blast.THE SARCASTIC BYSTANDER There!I knowed he was a plain-clothes copper.THE BYSTANDER That aint a police whistle: thats a sporting whistle.THE FLOWER GIRL [still preoccupied with her wounded feelings] Hes no right to take away my character.My character is the same to me as any lady's.THE NOTE TAKER I dont know whether youve noticed it;but the rain stopped about two minutes ago.THE BYSTANDER So it has.Why didnt you say so before? and us losing our time listening to your silliness.[He walks off towards the Strand].THE SARCASTIC BYSTANDER I can tell where you come from.You come from Anwell.Go back there.THE NOTE TAKER [helpfully] Hanwell.THE SARCASTIC BYSTANDER [affecting great distinction of speech] Thenk you, teacher.Haw haw!So long [he touches his hat with mock respect and strolls off].THE FLOWER GIRL Frightening people like that!How would he like it himself.THE MOTHER It's quite fine now, Clara.We can walk to a motor e.[She gathers her skirtsabove her ankles and hurries off towards the Strand].THE DAUGHTER But the cab--[her mother is out of hearing].Oh, how tiresome![She follows angrily].All the rest have gone except the note taker, the gentleman, and the flower girl, who sits arranging her basket, and still pitying herself in murmurs.THE FLOWER GIRL Poor girl!Hard enough for her to live without being worrited and chivied.THE GENTLEMAN [returning to his former place on the note taker's left] How do you do it, if I may ask? THE NOTE TAKER Simply phonetics.The science of speech.Thats my profession: also my hobby.Happy is the man who can make a living by his hobby!You can spot an Irishman or a Yorkshireman by his brogue.I can place any man within six miles.I can place him within two miles in London.Sometimes within two streets.THE FLOWER GIRL Ought to be ashamed of himself, unmanly coward!THE GENTLEMAN But is there a living in that? THE NOTE TAKER Oh yes.Quite a fat one.This is an age of upstarts.Men begin in Kentish Town with ?0 a year, and end in Park Lane with a hundred thousand.They want to drop Kentish Town;but they give themselves away every time they open their mouths.Now I can teach them--THE FLOWER GIRL Let him mind his own business and leave a poor girl--THE NOTE TAKER [explosively] Woman: cease this detestable boohooing instantly;or else seek the shelter of some other place of worship.THE FLOWER GIRL [with feeble defiance] Ive a right to be here if I like, same as you.THE NOTE TAKER A woman who utters such depressing and disgusting sounds has no right to be anywhere--no right to live.Remember that you are a human being with a soul and the divine gift of articulate speech: that your native language is the language of Shakespear and Milton and The Bible;and dont sit there crooning like a bilious pigeon.THE FLOWER GIRL [quite overwhelmed, andlooking up at him in mingled wonder and deprecation without daring to raise her head] Ah-ah-ah-ow-ow-ow-oo!THE NOTE TAKER [whipping out his book] Heavens!what a sound![He writes;then holds out the book and reads, reproducing her vowels exactly] Ah-ah-ah-ow-ow-ow-oo!THE FLOWER GIRL [tickled by the performance, and laughing in spite of herself] Garn!THE NOTE TAKER You see this creature with her kerbstone English: the English that will keep her in the gutter to the end of her days.Well, sir, in three months I could pass that girl off as a duchess at an ambassador's garden party.I could even get her a place as lady's maid or shop assistant, which requires better English.Thats the sort of thing I do for commercial millionaires.And on the profits of it I do genuine scientific work in phonetics, and a little as a poet on Miltonic lines.THE GENTLEMAN I am myself a student of Indian dialects;and--THE NOTE TAKER [eagerly] Are you? Do you know Colonel Pickering, the author of Spoken Sanscrit? THE GENTLEMAN I am Colonel Pickering.Who are you? THE NOTE TAKER Henry Higgins, author of Higgins's Universal Alphabet.PICKERING [with enthusiasm] I came from India to meet you.HIGGINS I was going to India to meet you.PICKERING Where do you live? HIGGINS 27A Wimpole e and see me tomorrow.PICKERING I'm at the e with me now and lets have a jaw over some supper.HIGGINS Right you are.THE FLOWER GIRL [to Pickering, as he passes her] Buy a flower, kind gentleman.I'm short for my lodging.PICKERING I really havnt any change.I'm sorry [he goes away].HIGGINS [shocked at girl's mendacity] Liar.You said you could change half-a-crown.THE FLOWER GIRL [rising in desperation] You ought to be stuffed with nails, you ought.[Flinging the basket at his feet] Take the whole bloomingbasket for sixpence.The church clock strikes the second quarter.HIGGINS [hearing in it the voice of God, rebuking him for his Pharisaic want of charity to the poor girl] A reminder.[He raises his hat solemnly;then throws a handful of money into the basket and follows Pickering].THE FLOWER GIRL [picking up a half-crown] Ah-ow-ooh![Picking up a couple of florins] Aaah-ow-ooh![Picking up several coins] Aaaaaah-ow-ooh![Picking up a half-sovereign] Aaaaaaaaaaaah-ow-ooh！!FREDDY [springing out of a taxicab] Got one at last.Hallo![To the girl] Where are the two ladies that were here? THE FLOWER GIRL They walked to the bus when the rain stopped.FREDDY And left me with a cab on my hands.Damnation!THE FLOWER GIRL [with grandeur] Never you mind, young man.I'm going home in a taxi.[She sails off to the cab.The driver puts his hand behind him and holds the door firmly shut against her.Quite understanding his mistrust, she shews him her handful of money.] Eightpence aint no object to me, Charlie.[He grins and opens the door].Angel Court, Drury Lane, round the corner of Micklejohn's oil shop.Lets see how fast you can make her hop it.[She gets in and pulls the door to with a slam as the taxicab starts].FREDDY Well, I'm dashed!第二篇：英语话剧剧本PygmalionPygmalion(ByGeorgeBernardShaw)ACTICoventGardenat11.15p.m.Torrentsofheavysummerrain.Cabw histlelowingfranticallyinalldirectio.Pedestriaruingforshelterintoth emarketandundertheporticoofSt.Paul'sChurch,wheretherearealre adyseveralpeople,amongthemaladyandherdaughterineveningdr e.Theyareallpeeringoutgloomilyattherain,exceptonemanwithhiac kturnedtotherest,whoseemswhollypreoccupiedwithanotebookinwhichheiswritingbusily.Thechurchclockstrikesthefirstquarter.TH EDAUGHTER[intheacebetweenthecentralpillars,closetotheoneonherleft]I' mgettingchilledtothebone.WhatcanFreddybedoingallthistime?H eeengonetwentyminutes.THEMOTHER[Onherdaughter'sright]Notsolong.Butheoughttohavegotusa caythis.ABYSTANDER[onthelady'sright]Hewontgetnocaotuntilhalf-pasteleven,mius,whentheycomebackafterdroingtheirtheatrefares .THEMOTHERButwemusthaveacab.Wecantstandhereuntilhalf-pasteleven.It'stoobad.THEBYSTANDERWell,itaintmyfault,mius.THEDAUGHTERIfFreddyhadabitofgumption,hewouldhavegotoneatthetheatr edoor.THEMOTHERWhatcouldhehavedone,poorboy?THEDAUGHTEROtherpeoplegotca.Whycouldnthe?FreddyrushesinoutoftherainfromtheSouthamptotreetside,an dcomeetweenthemclosingadriingumbrella.Heisayoungmanoftw enty,ineveningdre,verywetaroundtheankles.THEDAUGHTER Well,havntyougotacab?FREDDYThereotonetobehadforloveormoney.THEMOTHEROh,Freddy,theremustbeone.Youcanthavetried.THEDAUGHTE RIt'stootiresome.Doyouexpectustogoandgetoneourselves?FREDDYItellyoutheyreallengaged.Therainwaosudden:nobodywarepa red;andeverybodyhadtotakeacab.IvebeentoCharingCroonewayandnearlytoLudgateCircustheother;andtheywereallengaged.THE MOTHERDidyoutryTrafalgarSquare?FREDDYTherewatoneatTrafalgarSquare.THEDAUGHTERDidyoutry?FREDDYItriedasfarasCharingCrotation.DidyouexpectmetowalktoHa mmersmith?THEDAUGHTERYouhavnttriedatall.THEMOTHERYoureallyareveryhelple,Freddy.Goagaianddontcomebackunti lyouhavefoundacab.FREDDYIshallsimplygetsoakedfornothing.THEDAUGHTERAndwhataboutus?Arewetostayhereallnightinthisdraught,wit hnexttonothingon.Youselfishpig--FREDDYOh,verywell:I'llgo,I'llgo.[Heopehisumbrellaanddasheso第三篇：英语小品话剧剧本爱丽丝第一幕场景：郊外的树下人物: Ailisi（爱丽丝）,Mr.rabbit（兔子先生）Below are the Chinese first episode:Voice Over: A long time ago, the ancient city spread of a legend, if it is pure lovely girl, to the outskirts of the tree holes Nake a tree fell asleep, they would have a rabbit to Mr.Dai Taqu to the Dream Wonderland, met the Prince of Dreams……Alice: the so-called innocent lovely girl like me-not that such a person? » I see a white Yiqun, such as the lovely spring-like appearance ~ ~ ~ ~ ah so cute I am innocent, that we will see the dream of Prince ~!That, overnight yesterday, the Internetreally Xiangshui, or to sleep!Rabbit: Finally released rumors that the United States can bring to young girls to dream profession, but throughout the year to the company are all women is not the Chou Baguai Fenbuqingchu, I rare tourist to the outside to say, also would like to see beauty Yes i t »Rabbit: ah, this looks to today also good, it is my holiday is coming to an end, luck's nice to be a little flimsy TU………… but the point better.Alice: ah!Groping!Rabbit: You say what » Have you seen this Fengdupianpian handsome潇洒of groping? »Alice: sti ll open to doubt, will lie outside the………… However you look at the long lines also were on the calculations.I dream profession is to wait for the rabbit, took me to see Prince, you are here to do »Rabbit: You have to wait for the people that I.Alice: ruse!You do not have rabbit ears!Rabbit: You see…… like this one…… face such a hairstyle, the clothes, so long in the ear with it »Alice: is indeed very strange……Rabbit: So those who do not care about the details, it is important to see now before I do.Alice: or, I went to see the dream now with the Prince Hall!爱丽丝：The so-called naive lovable young girl looks just like me，don’t i？the snow-white dress（转圈，展示衣裙），and the lovely spring-like appearance（自我陶醉中……），Ah ~ ~ ~ so cute and innocent I am，I can almost see my Prince！Ah ~ ~ ~（单手捂住嘴打哈且）I feel trapped,（伸懒腰）I think it’s better to have a sleep~（两手交叠于耳旁，睡于树下）兔子先生（上场，环视四周，看见爱丽丝，凑近看）：oh~ what a lovely girl！she is the pretest girl I Have ever seen。
【参考文档】英语小品剧本-精选word文档 (21页)
本文部分内容来自网络整理，本司不为其真实性负责，如有异议或侵权请及时联系，本司将立即删除！== 本文为word格式，下载后可方便编辑和修改！ ==英语小品剧本篇一：英语小品剧本这个英语小品剧本是我们为了英语科技节上的节目，我们VICTOR小组一起编的，表演后感觉也很不错，这段时间大家都很辛苦，很团结，感谢大家的辛勤付出，相信这将是我们一段永远值得怀念的美好记忆。
第一幕（急诊室）场景：医生看报纸，护士站立，家属甲乙推车，病人呻吟，旁白举牌过^^家属甲：Anybody here? Help! Help!护士过来，量血压家属乙：Hurry up ! Hurry up! Do something ,please! Is he serious? 病人：oh don’t touc h me, I would die！护士：Be quiet ! Don’t move . Shut up !（量完血压）ok, I ‘ll call the doctor!(走到医生面前)，doctor ,the patient is coming!医生：（放下报纸，走过去，开始检查病人，病人叫）家属乙：（焦急状）Is he serious?医生： Be quiet ! Let me examine him! （检查完，回到桌子）you need to take some examinations.(开单)家属甲：Can you give some medicine to him, but not to take this examination? 医生：of course not!家属接单后做推车状，然后反身再做推车状，旁白举牌过，进入第二幕. 第二幕（检验室）家属甲：Anybody here? We need examinations.护士：what’s the matter? I see, pay for the check up first！家属甲，Can we take the examination first?护士：No money no examination!家属乙：（接过单子飞快跑下去，数秒后飞快跑回来，气喘嘘嘘状）Here you are! I have paid for it, please hurry up!护士：（走向检验，给单）Doctor!检验：（接单，拿好注射器，慢慢起身，慢慢走过去，举针做注射准备状）Don’t move!病人：Oh my god ! It’s terrible ! You’ll kill me !家属乙: (看着针头惊恐状)Are you sure you have to do this?检验：of course!(手横握针筒，作猛扎状！)病人惨叫????????家属乙：How long can we get the result?检验：(不耐烦状，回身摆手说)Go back to the emergence room and waitfor the result.家属气喘嘘嘘推车状，再反身推车，旁白举牌过，进入第三幕。
不差钱台词春晚小品不差钱剧本
不差钱台词春晚小品不差钱剧本完整台词赵本山：这就是铁岭最贵的饭店,苏格兰调情毛毛：爷爷,你念反了,这是苏格兰情调,爷爷,这家老贵了赵本山：不怕,咱带钱了,三万,带包没有啊,就是那个黄包; 毛毛：呀,我落在炕上了赵本山：给你办事,还落在炕上了毛毛：兜里这才多少啊,才70多元赵本山：我还有400 毛毛：也不够啊赵本山：够不够都可以的赵本山：服务员小沈阳：对不起大爷,我们是高档酒店,不收农副产品赵本山：我们是吃饭的,姑娘,这顿饭很重要的小沈阳：你管谁叫姑娘,我是纯爷们赵本山：怎么穿裙子小沈阳：也不是裙子,这是七分裤,这有腿的,…………哎呀,着急穿错了,我说走路怎么不方便赵本山：那条腿留给别人穿,小伙子我跟你说,今天请重要的客人,你一定要招待好小沈阳：没有问题赵本山：你们这个酒店,吃急眼要多少钱; 小沈阳：这咋还吃急眼了呢赵本山：就是最贵的点上要多少钱; 小沈阳：要一、二万吧; 赵本山：有没有这样的情况,今天吃饭明天来结帐小沈阳：打白条啊赵本山：不是打白条,咱都有钱; 递出100元小沈阳：这是干啥呀; 赵本山：给你小费小沈阳：大爷,你太敞亮了,你太帅了赵本山：客人来了,我点菜的时候你要给我兜着,我要点贵菜小沈阳：我就说……没有呗赵本山：你太明白了毛毛：爷爷,我饿了赵本山：这儿有面条没小沈阳：78元一碗赵本山：这么贵什么面呀小沈阳：苏格兰打卤面赵本山：是不是卤子贵呀小沈阳：卤子不要钱; 赵本山：先来一碗卤子吧,孩子饿了小沈阳：鲁子来了鸭蛋：太咸了赵本山：有水没有啊来碗水喝; 小沈阳：免费的水吧赵本山：白开水就行鸭蛋吃着卤子赵本山：一会儿星光大道的毕老师来了,你要给我争脸,这是人生最好的机会,爷爷培养你四十多年了毛毛：爷爷我才多大赵本山：我还培养你爸30多年呢,你爸是半成品,都成了文化站长,你要有信心毛毛：洪湖水,浪打浪,一浪更比一浪强,我要把我爹打在沙滩上老毕出场小沈阳：哎呀,哎呀,你不是那谁吗,你是那个朱军,不是的,白岩松不是的,老毕,你是毕老师吗毕老师来了,唉呀妈呀,快来人啊,一会儿该跑了赵本山：干什么,吵什么啊,让狼咬了吗小沈阳：毕老师给我照个相吗毕福剑：我找莲花县文化站长赵铁柱的爹赵本山：你找对了,指着鸭蛋,这就是赵铁柱的爹; 鸭蛋：赵铁柱是我爹赵本山：你不就是找爹来的吗毕福剑：爹赵本山：县布置的很隆重,布一个大厅,一个大房间,一个大照片放在中间,周围都是花毕福剑：老哥,花都是什么颜色赵本山：白的,黄的都有的;老百姓都拿着笔等着你,激动的都哭啦毕福剑：我们到乡里吧赵本山：乡里布置我,先在铁岭吃一顿,客随主便,你按照我安排吧小沈阳：毕老师给我照个相毕福剑：你是男服务员,这孩子长得太委婉了赵本山：咱们是老乡,你不是大连人吗毕福剑：是的; 赵本山：咱们是亲戚,我的老爷爷住在大连毕福剑：叫什么名字毛毛：闭门庭毕福剑：你老爷打麻将很厉害赵本山：你看,他这一笑,很象你老爷走的时候的照片,孩子就跟老爷亲,快叫老爷好毛毛：老爷好; 毕福剑：大过年的还没有给你压岁钱小沈阳：毕老师我们还没有照相赵本山：先点菜小沈阳：吃饭后跑了怎么办赵本山：您就点吧毕福剑：我们随便吃吧赵本山：现在富裕了,你就可劲吃,你吃能吃多少钱毕福剑：随便吃赵本山：澳洲鲍鱼四只小沈阳：对不起没有; 赵本山：澳洲龙虾小沈阳：没有那么大的赵本山：有多大的; 小沈阳：只有一斤多的; 赵本山：一斤多的有吗小沈阳：是有……还是没有啊赵本山：这个餐馆你说了算呗小沈阳：那没有; 毕福剑：鱼翅更不要点赵本山：有也别吃了,我吃鱼翅有一次卡住了,最后到医院用镊子拿出来了;你们酒店什么都没有,好不容易来一次,把你老板找出来小沈阳：没有赵本山：老板也没有小沈阳：老板出去了赵本山：吃什么啊毕福剑：来一点家常便饭赵本山：来民间的,孩子,来一个小野鸡炖蘑菇小沈阳：没有赵本山：这个可以有小沈阳：这个真没有赵本山：把带来的拿过来毕福剑：野山鸡没有赵本山：把这个炖了,笨蛋小沈阳：你叫谁笨蛋啊赵本山：我说点一个笨鸡蛋小沈阳：没有赵本山：我有毕福剑：老哥,下一次饭店,材料都自己搞赵本山：这里点啥啥没有,几个菜了,两个了,给一点机会,毕老师来你们饭店,你不得表示表示小沈阳：赠送一个吧,大爷你怎么这么抠,一个都没有点,我们还要搭一个; 赵本山：我点了鲍鱼、龙虾,你心里没有数吗, 小沈阳：有没有,你心里没有数吗, 赵本山要吵小沈阳：别吵吵了,一会万一要有咋整啊我的岁数小,人的一生很短暂,有的时候跟睡觉是一样的,眼睛一闭,一挣,一天过去了,好~~~~眼睛一闭,不挣,这辈子就过去了,好~~~~~ 毕福剑：精辟; 赵本山：精辟啥,他是屁精小沈阳：钱是身外之物,人最痛苦的是什么,人死了,钱没花完; 赵本山：最最最痛苦的是人活着,钱没有了; 你先把这几个菜做了去; 小沈阳：这也太抠了; 赵本山：菜要做一会儿,鸭蛋来了,从小就是一身的艺术细菌毕福剑：是艺术细胞赵本山：看一下是否可以上你的星光大道; 毕福剑：老哥我弄明白了,你接我在这里,就是为了让孙女上星光大道; 赵本山：服务员,拿卡拉OK的麦克风; 毕福剑：按照我们的规矩,自报家门赵本山：从前面开始,不要紧张毛毛：我是来自大城市铁岭莲花赤水沟子,我名字叫鸭蛋,今天心情非常的冲动,今夜阳光明媚,今夜多云转晴; 小沈阳：唉呀妈呀,报天气预报啊毛毛：心情从多云转晴了,为什么啊,我找到我老爷了,我老爷太好了,能带我上溜光大道; 毕福剑：星光大道毛毛：我非常感谢我老爷给我这次机会,太感谢你了,真的能带上我到大道,我感谢你八辈祖宗,我代表八辈祖宗感谢你,我这辈子不会忘记你的,我做鬼也不放过你的; 赵本山：孩子就是想报复你,不不~~~报销~~~不不~~~报恩,知恩图报,出去了就不能忘记你,来,唱李谷一的青藏高原; 毛毛：那个是李娜的, 现场演唱青藏高原赵本山：中间的不用唱了,唱后面的; 毕福剑：年龄不大,嗓门真高赵本山：再唱一个毛毛：爷爷,今天吃的卤子有一点咸赵本山：来,演后面连哭带唱的,连哭带说的; 毕福剑：等一下,连哭带说行不行,讲获奖感言,星光大道都是真人真事,还没有上北京,就获奖感言了; 赵本山：他老爷在这里,我心理还没有底吗,我说三个数,她就会哭的,你真的完蛋,跟老爷有感情,老爷照片在这里; 毛毛：哭…… 赵本山：这孩子,真完蛋,笑什么; 毛毛：太有意思毕福剑：不说了,才艺不错,唱的也不错; 小沈阳：这还不错啊,这样能上的话,我也能上; 赵本山：你往那上,小沈阳：上星光大道赵本山：你上炕都不行,还星光大道,这是艺术圈的事小沈阳：你让我唱一个, 赵本山：不让你唱小沈阳：不让我唱,我就将你的事交代出来赵本山：你要说￥%……~一定比她唱的好毕福剑：你开始说吧,还是自报家门小沈阳：我的命运敏感词语是一样的,也有一个姓毕的老爷赵本山：你拉倒吧~~￥毕福剑：你会什么小沈阳：我会模仿秀, 毕福剑：模仿谁小沈阳：刘欢老师毕福剑：模仿那一段小沈阳：我和你赵本山：就唱吧毕福剑：这是一首歌的名字叫做我和你,唱吧小沈阳：我和你,心连心……妈呀唱神话上来了赵本山：拉倒吧,唱偏了,上菜吧小沈阳：我重唱一个吧,我唱一个刀郎的吧赵本山：你唱屎壳郎吧小沈阳：刀郎是歌手的名字,刀郎是歌手的名字毕福剑：你再来一个小沈阳：我还会唱星光大道阿宝的歌; 表演毕福剑：你叫什么名字小沈阳：我的中文名字叫做小沈阳毕福剑：还有外国名字小沈阳：我的英文名字叫小~~沈~~阳~~ 赵本山：英文名字叫小~~损~~样毕福剑：你是哪里的人,小沈阳：我是莲花村的毕福剑：你儿子让我找的小沈阳,就是他,明天就跟我上北京上星光大道赵本山：菜都给你炖了,你不给我面子也给她老爷面子,要不让他老爷跟你见一面,你上网上看一下新闻,点击率很高,上面说的鸭蛋就是她; 毕福剑：哦~~~他就是鸭蛋啊毕福剑：马上上菜,今天的饭我包了,我请客,鸭蛋,明天你跟着大哥上星光大道,你们搞一个组合就叫做不差钱; 毛毛：我也可以去了吗毕福剑：是的; 毛毛：谢谢老爷; 小沈阳：谢谢; 赵本山：……那啥…………你不是说星光大道是百姓舞台吗,他们都要了,把我也捎上吧; 毕福剑：网上也有你的名字; 赵本山：有没有查查呗,另外告诉你,一个珍藏很久的秘密,其实我老爷也姓毕;。
不差钱台词 春晚小品不差钱剧本完整台词
不差钱台词春晚小品不差钱剧本完整台词赵本山：这就是铁岭最贵的饭店,苏格兰调情毛毛：爷爷,你念反了，这是苏格兰情调，爷爷,这家老贵了赵本山：不怕，咱带钱了，三万，带包没有啊，就是那个黄包。
毛毛:呀,我落在炕上了赵本山:给你办事，还落在炕上了毛毛：兜里这才多少啊,才70多元赵本山：我还有400 毛毛：也不够啊赵本山：够不够都可以的赵本山：服务员小沈阳：对不起大爷，我们是高档酒店，不收农副产品赵本山：我们是吃饭的，姑娘，这顿饭很重要的小沈阳:你管谁叫姑娘，我是纯爷们赵本山：怎么穿裙子小沈阳：也不是裙子，这是七分裤，这有腿的，…………哎呀，着急穿错了，我说走路怎么不方便赵本山：那条腿留给别人穿，小伙子我跟你说，今天请重要的客人,你一定要招待好小沈阳:没有问题赵本山：你们这个酒店，吃急眼要多少钱。
小沈阳：这咋还吃急眼了呢赵本山：就是最贵的点上要多少钱. 小沈阳：要一、二万吧。
赵本山:有没有这样的情况，今天吃饭明天来结帐小沈阳：打白条啊赵本山：不是打白条，咱都有钱。
(递出100元) 小沈阳：这是干啥呀。
赵本山:给你小费小沈阳：大爷，你太敞亮了，你太帅了赵本山：客人来了，我点菜的时候你要给我兜着，我要点贵菜小沈阳:我就说……没有呗? 赵本山：你太明白了毛毛：爷爷，我饿了赵本山：这儿有面条没? 小沈阳：78元一碗赵本山：这么贵？什么面呀？小沈阳：苏格兰打卤面赵本山：是不是卤子贵呀? 小沈阳：卤子不要钱。
赵本山：先来一碗卤子吧，孩子饿了小沈阳：鲁子来了鸭蛋：太咸了赵本山:有水没有啊？来碗水喝. 小沈阳：免费的水吧赵本山：白开水就行(鸭蛋吃着卤子）赵本山：一会儿星光大道的毕老师来了，你要给我争脸,这是人生最好的机会，爷爷培养你四十多年了毛毛:爷爷我才多大赵本山:我还培养你爸30多年呢,你爸是半成品，都成了文化站长，你要有信心毛毛:洪湖水，浪打浪,一浪更比一浪强，我要把我爹打在沙滩上(老毕出场）小沈阳：哎呀，哎呀,你不是那谁吗,你是那个朱军，不是的，白岩松不是的，老毕，你是毕老师吗毕老师来了，唉呀妈呀，快来人啊，一会儿该跑了赵本山：干什么，吵什么啊，让狼咬了吗？小沈阳：毕老师给我照个相吗？毕福剑：我找莲花县文化站长赵铁柱的爹赵本山:你找对了，（指着鸭蛋）,这就是赵铁柱的爹。
小品剧不差钱-第三场台词
Andrew: On What?看什么情况呀？Mike: Let me see. Well, we’ll have salad.让我看看，好吧，我们就要莎拉吧。
Justin: Sorry, we don’t have it.不好意思，这个我们没有。
Mike: That you can have.这个可以有。
Justin: That we really don’t have.这个真没有。
Mike: Really, you can have that.真的，这个可以有。
Justin: Really, we don’t.这个，真没有。
Mike: That’s all right. These are the fresh vegetables you need for the salad. And we have some very special home-made sauce for the salad.没关系。
这是新鲜的蔬菜，这是我们家自制的沙拉酱，这个菜就齐了。
Justin: What?什么东东？Mike: Here, take it.给，拿着吧。
Justin: I can’t believe it!不会吧？Mike: And we’ll have some hamburgers and omelets, please.然后再来几个汉堡和煎蛋吧。
Justin: Are you kidding me? We don’t have that either.大叔，您开玩笑呢吧，这个我们也没有。
Mike: That’s all right. Here are the eggs freshly laid this morning and I did some baking this morning.没事。
这是老母鸡刚下的鸡蛋，我早上新做的吐司。
Justin: What?什么？Mike: Here, take them.给，拿着。
英语小品剧本-《不差钱》英文版
小品：“不差钱”（2009年中央电视台春节联欢晚会节目）Got the Money Anyway（舞台上是一个餐厅的背景，写着：“苏格兰情调”。
本山大叔穿着中山装，身上背着一串蒜头，手上拿着野鸡，拉着毛毛上场。
）(This short play is set in a restaurant named "Scottish Taste / Feel." Uncle Zhao, in his customary Chinese tunic suit, enters, carrying a string of garlic on his back and a pheasant in hand, with his granddaughter Yadar in tow.)Uncle Zhao Here we are. 赵本山：到了。
Yadar Here we are. 毛毛：到了。
Uncle Zhao It's the most expensive restrant in Tieling:苏格兰调情~~~赵本山：这就是铁岭最贵的一家饭店。
这不，苏格兰调情（tiáo qíng）。
Yadar You got it wrong –苏格兰情调！！毛毛：爷爷，你念反了，苏格兰情调（qíng diào）。
Uncle Zhao 情调（qíng diào）All right, . We're gonna have our meal here anyway. 赵本山：啊，情调？就搁这儿吃。
Yadar But it's very expensive. 毛毛：爷爷，这家老贵的啦。
Uncle Zhao So what? We've got the money, 30,000 yuan. Where's the bag?赵本山：贵？咱带钱了，带三万多块，那包呢？Yadar What bag? 毛毛：我没拿包啊。
美容院题材小品剧本《不差钱》（范本）
美容院题材小品剧本《不差钱》美容院题材小品剧本《不差钱》美容院题材小品剧本《不差钱》某美容院门前，一中年男子停下自行车，女接待员迎出。
中年男：小姐，我今天来这很重要，你可得招待好了。
我和老婆今天结婚周年纪念日，可我老婆非要我带她来你们美容院给她买做面部拉皮，要不然就跟我没完。
我赶在她前面先来问问价钱。
你们这儿随随便便做个拉皮得多少钱？女接待：二三千元吧？中年男：二……三千元哪？咋那么贵呢？拉完年轻二十岁啊？女接待：材料，技术值钱，我们这里用的都是进口货，啥国家都有，做完保准你老婆换个样。
中年男：小姐，我给你一百元。
女接待：啥意思，一百元你整啥？中年男：一百元能整啥？这是给你的小费。
我是带老婆来美容的人了，还给不起你小费？女接待：哎呀大哥，你真敞亮，你太帅了！中年男：还帅呢，我跟你讲，这100元不是白给的，等下我老婆来了，你得帮着配合点儿。
女接待：咋配合啊？中年男：大哥我不差钱，也就是觉得花个好几千拉个皮太浪费。
所以待会儿我老婆来了，你既不能把那些名贵的项目推荐给我，还得给我面子，别让我老婆觉得我抠门。
明白我意思没？比方说，我要给老婆做比较贵的拉皮除皱……女接待：那我就说没有呗！中年男：哎呀小姐，你太厉害了，太有悟性了！好了，我老婆来了，看见没？就门口穿红衣服那位。
女接待：放心吧，保证两位满意！男老婆：哇，亲爱的，这里装修蛮气派的，服务员水灵灵的！中年男：哎哎，接待员快过来！女接待：女士、先生，两位好，请问有什么可以帮到您？中年男：一万多的拉皮，有吗？女接待：对不起，没有！中年男：那八千元的彩光嫩肤给我老婆做了！女接待：对不起，没那么贵的！中年男：有什么价位的？女接待：有四五千元的。
中年男：四……五千元的？有……有吗？女接待：有还是没有啊？中年男#fr m 本文来自九象.9xang.，全国最大的免费范文网 end#：这是你的美容院，那得问你啊。
小品剧不差钱-第一场台词
角色表Agent —Mike (赵本山)Host --- Andrew (毕福剑)Singer 1--- Justin （小沈阳）Singer 2--- Amy （丫蛋）Scene OneMike: Hurry up, girl! Andrew will be here any minute.快点，姑娘！安德鲁随时会到。
Amy: I don’t think this will work. We are wasting our time here.我认为这个行不通。
我们这是在浪费我们的时间呢。
Mike: Wasting our time? No way! You can sing, girl! You know it. I know it.Soon Andrew will too.浪费时间？不可能！你是个会唱歌的孩子! 这点你是知道的，我是知道的，马上安德鲁也会知道了。
Amy: Well, if you say so.好吧，如果你坚持这么说的话。
(Entering the restaurant)（走进餐馆）Amy: Mike, this is a very nice place. We can’t afford it.麦克，这是一个很不错的地方。
我们可是吃不起呀。
Mike: Relax~~ I’m paying.放松啦~~，我买单。
Amy: With my money.用的却是我的钱。
Justin: Welcome! Can I help you, sir?欢迎光临！有什么能帮您的吗，先生？Mike: Sure! Girl!当然，姑娘！Justin: Who are you calling a girl? I’m a real man, a manly man.叫谁姑娘呢？我是个真男人，纯爷们。
Mike: A manly man?纯爷们？Amy: You? You look more like a girl than I do.就你？你可是比我还像姑娘呢。
英语小品剧本-《不差钱》英文版
小品：“不差钱”（2009年中央电视台春节联欢晚会节目）Got the Money Anyway（舞台上是一个餐厅的背景，写着：“苏格兰情调”。
本山大叔穿着中山装，身上背着一串蒜头，手上拿着野鸡，拉着毛毛上场。
）(This short play is set in a restaurant named "Scottish Taste / Feel." Uncle Zhao, in his customary Chinese tunic suit, enters, carrying a string of garlic on his back and a pheasant in hand, with his granddaughter Yadar in tow.)Uncle Zhao Here we are. 赵本山：到了。
Yadar Here we are. 毛毛：到了。
Uncle Zhao It's the most expensive restrant in Tieling:苏格兰调情~~~赵本山：这就是铁岭最贵的一家饭店。
这不，苏格兰调情（tiáo qíng）。
Yadar You got it wrong –苏格兰情调！！毛毛：爷爷，你念反了，苏格兰情调（qíng diào）。
Uncle Zhao 情调（qíng diào）All right, . We're gonna have our meal here anyway. 赵本山：啊，情调？就搁这儿吃。
Yadar But it's very expensive. 毛毛：爷爷，这家老贵的啦。
Uncle Zhao So what? We've got the money, 30,000 yuan. Where's the bag?赵本山：贵？咱带钱了，带三万多块，那包呢？Yadar What bag? 毛毛：我没拿包啊。
英语剧本不差钱
《不差钱》英文剧本（片段）小沈阳：我知道大爷不差钱。
我的意思，毕老师好容易来一回，咱吃喝不能在乎钱，大爷。
你看我今年岁数小，但是我总结了，人这一生其实可短暂了，有时候一想，跟睡觉是一样一样的。
眼睛一闭，一睁，一天过去了；眼睛一闭，不睁，这辈子就过去了。
毕福剑：小伙子，精辟。
赵本山：精辟啥，他是屁精。
小沈阳：大爷，我没别的意思。
赵本山：你啥意思？小沈阳：我的意思，人不能把钱看得太重了。
钱乃身外之物。
人生最痛苦的事情，你知道是什么？赵本山：嗯？小沈阳：人死了，钱没花了。
赵本山：人这一生最最痛苦的事，你知道是什么吗？小沈阳：啥呀？赵本山：是人活着呢，钱没了。
不差钱，放心吧，啊。
把菜好好做上。
小沈阳：哎，好嘞。
赵本山：这孩子。
小沈阳：这一天......这也太抠了。
赵本山：他姥爷，这菜呢，得做一会儿。
你看看丫蛋来了，这孩子从小就是一身的艺术细菌哪。
毕福剑：艺......艺术细胞。
赵本山：给看看，能不能上你的大道。
毕福剑：她......赵本山：才艺，那是了不得。
毕福剑：老哥，我弄明白了，你今天截我到这儿来，就是为了让您孙女上我们《星光大道》。
赵本山：可不是嘛，它有这么个关系。
毕福剑：哦，那她都......会点什么？赵本山：来吧，给姥爷表示表示。
服务员，拿麦克。
有卡拉OK的麦克吗？拿来。
站好了。
Shenyang This I know, sir, but with Mr. Bi here, perhaps only for once, can't you stop being so stingy? I am still young, but I see life can be so very short, it sometimes is much the same as taking a sleep. Eyes closed, eyes opened, and a whole day is over. Eyes closed but never opened again - then your whole life is over.CCTV Man That`s wit! / What a master of wit!Uncle Zhao Not wit, he's a waiter. / To me, he jus' stings like shit! Shenyang I didn't mean to offend you, sir.Uncle Zhao Then whut did you mean?Shenyang One shouldn't set too much stock on money. What good can it do, really? The most scary part of it all, sir, is to die leaving your money unused.Uncle Zhao Whut's more scary...Shenyang Yeah?Uncle Zhao ... is to be left living with you' money gone. Don't worry, boy. If you play your part well, I'll pay you well.Shenyang Do as you please.Uncle Zhao Go ahead.Shenyang(to himself) What a day... just too stingy.(Shenyang exits again.)Uncle Zhao(to CCTV Man) Preparin' the dishes would take s'me time, sir. Here's Yadar, my granddaughter. They all call her Yadar. She started showin' promise to be art'ritis when very young.CCTV Man You mean an artist.Uncle Zhao Please test her to see whether she's good enough for you' Broadway.CCTV Man Can she...Uncle Zhao Whut can she do, right? No problem!CCTV Man Now I see. You got me stuck here so your granddaughter can get into my program.Uncle Zhao Oh yeah, that's it.CCTV Man What exactly can she do?Uncle Zhao Yadar, show Grandpa Bi whut you can do. Waiter, give us a mike for a Karaoke show.(Shenyang enters for a third time.)Uncle Zhao(to Yadar) Stand over there.。
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小品：“不差钱”（2009年中央电视台春节联欢晚会节目）Got the Money Anyway（舞台上是一个餐厅的背景，写着：“苏格兰情调”。
本山大叔穿着中山装，身上背着一串蒜头，手上拿着野鸡，拉着毛毛上场。
）(This short play is set in a restaurant named "Scottish Taste / Feel." Uncle Zhao, in his customary Chinese tunic suit, enters, carrying a string of garlic on his back and a pheasant in hand, with his granddaughter Yadar in tow.)Uncle Zhao Here we are. 赵本山：到了。
Yadar Here we are. 毛毛：到了。
Uncle Zhao It's the most expensive restrant in Tieling:苏格兰调情~~~赵本山：这就是铁岭最贵的一家饭店。
这不，苏格兰调情（tiáo qíng）。
Yadar You got it wrong –苏格兰情调！！毛毛：爷爷，你念反了，苏格兰情调（qíng diào）。
Uncle Zhao 情调（qíng diào）All right, . We're gonna have our meal here anyway. 赵本山：啊，情调？就搁这儿吃。
Yadar But it's very expensive. 毛毛：爷爷，这家老贵的啦。
Uncle Zhao So what? We've got the money, 30,000 yuan. Where's the bag?赵本山：贵？咱带钱了，带三万多块，那包呢？Yadar What bag? 毛毛：我没拿包啊。
Uncle Zhao The yellow one with the money in it.赵本山：装钱那包，黄包。
Yadar Oh no, I left it on the brick bed. 毛毛：完了，让我落炕上了。
Uncle Zhao oh,what can I do? I do all this just for you ,how could you forget it! Any money left on you?赵本山：我说，你这孩子还能办点事吗？！这给你办事，落炕上了还。
兜里还有钱吗？Yadar Let me see... (Fumbling) only 70-plus yuan.毛毛：兜里，多少钱哪才？才70多块钱。
Uncle Zhao Here's 400 more.赵本山：我还有400。
行，够了。
Yadar Still not enough. 毛毛：这也不能够啊。
Uncle Zhao It’s ok. Waiter!赵本山：哎呀，够不够就这样了。
服务员！（小沈阳上）(Shenyang, the waiter, enters.)Shenyang Sorry, sir. We're of high class here. We don't take on stuff from street .小沈阳：对不起大爷，我们这是高档酒店，不收农副产品。
Uncle Zhao We're your customers. Don't we look like it?赵本山：不是，我们是吃饭的。
不像啊？(翻起衣服，露出衣服里面的百元大钞) Shenyang oh yeah yeah yeah ….小沈阳：是的是的。
Uncle Zhao this is an important meal here, miss.赵本山：我说姑娘啊，这顿饭非常重要。
Shenyang I’m not a miss ,I’m a man ,a real man from the inside out.小沈阳：妈呀，你管谁叫姑娘呢，人家是纯爷们。
Shenyang Uncle Zhao Then, how can you wear in a skirt?赵本山：咋这么个打扮，还穿个裙子呢。
Shenyang See, it's no skirt but Capri pants .it's men's wear in Scottish style.. Look at this, look. Oh, damn it, I get into one of the trousers in a hurry. No wonder I feel different while walking.小沈阳：这是按我们苏格兰风格来包装的。
再说也不是裙子啊，这不七分裤吗。
你看，是有腿的哦。
妈呀，着急穿跑偏了。
妈呀，我说走道咋没有裆呢。
Uncle Zhao Leave that trouser for tomorrow, hah! I tell you, boy, we're gonna have a important guest here in a minute. You must do you' best.赵本山：行了，那条腿留明儿个穿，哈哈哈。
小伙子我跟你说呀，今天我要请一位重要客人吃饭，你一定要招待好。
Shenyang No problem.小沈阳：呃，没问题。
Uncle Zhao How much did the most expensive meal cost here? .赵本山：我问问你，你们这个酒店把最贵的都点上得多少钱？Shenyang About 10,000 to 20,000.小沈阳：得一、两万的。
Uncle Zhao What if somebody eats today and pays tomorrow?赵本山：一、两万？啊，那啥，有没有这种情况，今儿个吃完了，明儿个来结账？Shenyang Are you IOU?小沈阳：打白条儿啊？Uncle Zhao Not that. I've got the money anyway. Take this.赵本山：不是啊，不是打白条，不差钱，有钱。
喏。
Shenyang What's it?小沈阳：啥意思？Uncle Zhao A tip for you.赵本山：小费。
Shenyang You are handsome, sir - you look cool!小沈阳：妈呀，大爷你真敞亮，你太帅了。
Uncle Zhao that’ok . but you are not get it for nothing'. When my guest comes, you put on a show with me. If I order expensive food, you should stop me doing so.赵本山：给一百块钱还帅呢。
我跟你说这不白给啊。
一会儿客人到了，你一定要给足我面子，明白吗？我到点菜的时候，你得替我兜着点。
Shenyang Like how’s?小沈阳：咋兜呢？Uncle Zhao Showing due respect for my guest, but don not too expensive .What if I ask for something dear?赵本山：既把面子给了，但是呢又不能花得......太狠。
我要点贵菜...... Shenyang I'll say "sorry, this we don't have."小沈阳：我就说没有呗。
Uncle Zhao You're smart. Come on boy ,赵本山：哎呀妈呀，你太厉害了。
来来来，拿点.（从衣服里又拿出钱）Shenyang Thank you小沈阳：谢谢。
Yadar Grandpa, I'm hungry.毛毛：爷爷，我有点饿了。
Uncle Zhao How much's a bowl of noodles?赵本山：饿了？来碗面条。
Shenyang 78 yuan.小沈阳：呃，78一碗。
Uncle Zhao What noodles can be so expensive?赵本山：啥面？这么贵。
Shenyang Scottish sauced noodles.小沈阳：苏格兰打卤面。
Uncle Zhao Does the sauce cost much?赵本山：是不是卤子贵？Shenyang It's free.小沈阳：卤不要钱。
Uncle Zhao Get us a bowl of sauce, so we can see whether the taste is right. Tack it quack!赵本山：那就来碗卤子，先尝尝咸淡。
快去，快去。
Shenyang It is no one to called before, sir.小沈阳：妈呀，没这么上过呀。
Uncle Zhao You think so only because I didn't show up here before. Now it's time to make change.赵本山：那是我没来，我要来，你早就这么上了。
去吧去吧。
Shenyang (to himself) If I say noodle free, ask for noodle have.小沈阳：这老爷子，我要说面条不要钱，要面条了你还。
Uncle Zhao (to Yadar) Listen here, Yadar. When Mr. Bi from CCTV's 星光大道comes, you must show your' best, OK?赵本山：来，站起来。
跟你说，一会儿星光大道的毕老师来了，你一定要给我争个脸，好不？Yadar:ok.毛毛：好吧。
Uncle zhao : It's the best opportunity for you' own future. Grandpa's been preparin you over the past 40-plus years.赵本山：这是个绝好的机会，爷爷我已经培养你40年了。
Yadar Grandpa,see how old I now.毛毛：看我才多大呀？、Uncle Zhao I prepared you' daddy for 30 extra years. Though he is not good enough, So you really should outdo him. Can you make it ?赵本山：我还培养你爸三十多年呢。