关于代沟

关于代沟父母常抱怨现在的子女太不尊重父母，而子女也抱怨父母太不了解儿女，使得原本和乐的家庭时起争端。

父母和子女之间为什么会有代沟呢？心理学家认为幼儿期所定型的人格，根深蒂固，在那时候所形成的行为模式、生活习惯、思想观念、心态性格等，不易做太大的调整，。

而造成固执己见的个性。

、人类学家则认为不同时期的文化观念，有不同的精神规范，农业社会的文化、生活方式，与工业社会所适用的形式，毕竟是大不相同的。

导致代际关系紧张的原因到底有哪些呢？我们可以归纳为三个方面：（l）在心理状态、行为表现、价值观念、道德伦理等方面的差异。

一般来说，在思想上，上一代人比较实际并趋于保守，年轻人则比较开朗、奔放；在道德观念上，老一辈人更为重视传统的道德标准，下一代人则很少受此束缚；在行为反应上，上一代人比较迟缓，年轻人则比较活泼；在性情上，上一代人比较沉着、谨慎，下一代人比较活泼开朗；在生活态度上，上一代人注重实际，下一代人比较多幻想……所有的这些差异，直接引起了两代人的相互抵触情绪。

（2）两代人的时代感不同。

青年人一般对新事物敏感，不易受传统观念的束缚，勇于创新。

我国伟大的革命家，我们敬爱的周总理年轻时就志向远大，准备投身于革命，但其父却顾虑重重，劝其安心读书，但周总理却有“初生牛犊不怕虎”的开创精神，敢说敢干，终于成就大业。

由于时代感、历史观及世界观的不同，也容易在两代人之间产生隔膜。

（3）两代人不同的心理特征。

年轻人都有理想和抱负，懂憬美好的未来，思维内容广泛，反应灵活，接受新鲜事物快，适应新环境能力强，爱独立思考，富有开创精神。

他们创新意识强，心灵手巧，敢于打破陈规陋习。

但他们很容易偏激，处理问题不够沉着冷静。

老一辈人经历的事情多，老成持重，性格成熟，在人际交往中有很多经验和教训。

他们看问题更深刻、透彻一些，但有时由于受传统观念、封建意识的束缚，容易保守，思想固执，因循守旧等。

还有一部分老人家庭权威思想较重，有的还比较偏执、独断，要求子女无条件地绝对服从，青年人会因此而不满。

社会心理学家认为代沟是人类社会进步发展的必然现象，是现代化国家工业化与社会化伴随而来的产物。

尤其我国正处于转型期，两代间的差距，显得特别敏感。

对于代沟的正确看法：首先我们应该承认这样一个事实，代沟并不是一件坏事，反而代表着一种进步，我们对待它的态度不应是排斥，而应该是欢迎。

假如你的子女和你的意见不一样，你应该感到高兴，因为他有变成独立个体的需要，只要那种独立是有理由的，只要他跟你的不同是有道理的，你都应该帮助他建立自我。

子女现在和你的意见不一样，并不表示他永远和你的意见不一样，父母的职责，并不是阻止他的尝试，而是注意他，让他不要出了问题。

父母与子女之间想法的不同，并不是我们人为地去否定它，不理会它，这种差异就会消失了。

存在差异是必然的，置之不理并不能解决问题。

当子女与自己的意见不同时，我们只要把它当作是认知的不同，并不妨害两代人之间的深厚的感情。

我们采取的正确做法应该是进行良好的沟通。

沟通是减少差距或误解的唯一方法。

沟通仿佛在两代人中间架起了一座桥梁，不是我走过去顺从你的意思，也不是你走过来顺从我的意愿。

我们应该在桥的中央会面。

应该说，代沟的存在对于两代人的交往，对于整个社会的发展，既有有利的一面，也有不利的一面。

新的一代总要强过老的一代，只有“长江后浪推前浪”，社会才能向前发展。

但是老年人的丰富阅历又是一笔财富。

如果各执己见，互不相让，不仅难以取长补短，更不利于家人之间的感情沟通。

但是，子女们与老年父母之间的这条“代沟”由来已久，没有必要，也不可能在一夜之间完全填平，要想做到两全其美，实属不易，看来只有相互谦让点了，为此一个能为双方接受的代际交往的和谐之策便是：求同存异。

美国著名的特纳公司的老板特德·特纳是美国最有钱的人之一，他为人宽厚，头脑敏捷，是美国新闻界和娱乐界的焦点人物。

然而如此成功的一个人当被问及最大的憾事是什么时，他却难过地回答：“没能做一个像样的儿子。

”老特纳当年是一个相当有知名度的广告商，他与儿子在早年便有许多思想上的隔阂，在许多方面都难以达成一致。

知情人说，这父子俩只要单独在一起超过十分钟，便定会争吵得不可开交，谁也说服不了谁，谁也不让谁。

每次都搞得不欢而散。

那时，年轻气盛的特德·特纳总认为，有个性的人必须勇于坚持自己的主张，即便是亲生父亲也不例外。

直到后来有一次父子俩为是否卖出一部分名下产业而彻底意见对立，正在人们观望这对父子俩到底是谁会占上风的时候，老特纳却突然引弹自尽了，虽说死因并非完全与此事有关，但至少也是因素之一。

特德·特纳为此深受刺激，后悔不迭，他深信，如果自己不是那么激烈地与父亲争论，以至伤了他的自尊，而是先把自己的观点放一放，慢慢用事实说眼他，也许父亲就不会死，自己能与对手求同存异，却为什么不能与父亲这样做？求同存异对于促使代际关系的和谐确实是一个上策，它不仅可以保存青年人自以为“是”的一些优点，也能在两者之间寻找到对双方有利的地方。

求同存异的基础是理解，是相互之间情感和心理的沟通。

在代际交往中，理解更多的是要求设身处地为对方着想，能做到将心比心。

例如，青年一代有充沛的精力，好竞争，求创新，喜独立，不愿受人支配，给人一种“豪放不羁”的印象，对此，老年父母很不理解，觉得青年人太狂了。

而老年人稳重，深思熟虑、清心寡欲、顽固、保守，对此青年一代也很不理解，觉得老年人太老了，似“朽木”一般。

这样理解上的偏差必然会直接影响到双方的态度和交往行为，影响交往的深度和质量。

如果双方都能做一次角色换位，扮演一下对方的角色，体验一下对方的情感，就能很好地改变自己的看法，做出利于交往的行为来。

求同存异还要求双方有时能做到“忍痛割爱”，舍弃有碍代际交往的心理和行为，实际这是一种“丢卒保车”之举，虽丢弃了自己的一点东西，却求得了双方的和谐。

求同存异的另一个要求是双方要能主动寻觅“共同请言”，达到求同的目的。

有些青年人或老年人很重视和对方的双向沟通，互通有无，例如老年父母经历多，见识广，社会经验多，这些可以通过与青年的交流，传播给他们。

而青年人在科技发达的现代社会里，也拥有一些颇具现代化特色的知识、技能，例如电脑的使用，就可以由青年教授给老年人。

特别是当前的“信息爆炸”或“组织爆炸”，对每一个人的知识体系和智能结构都造成了很大的冲击、己有的知识无法满足参与社会活动的需要。

因此，青年人与老年人应当携起手来，走向同一个结合点一学习新的技能，掌握新的知识，更新知识体系，完善智能结构。

这样，两代人在时代变革的潮流中，差升缩小了，冲突消失了，代际交往和谐了。

代际交往的矛盾和冲突无法避免，但也不会令我们束手无策，如果青年儿女和老年父母都能做到求同存异，做到理解对方，并能在实践中主动协调代际关系，讲究代际交往的艺术，不仅旧的矛盾可以解决，而且新的冲突也不会出现，至少冲突不剧烈。

从而利于家庭关系的和谐。

总述：In my opinion, generation gap can be bridged as long as both parents and children are willing to make efforts. They may have an open talk and tell each other what they think about certain problems. They should be considerate enough to realize that each generation has its own advantages and disadvantages. Their openness and consideration probably will result in a much better relationship between parents and children你可以问反方，如果代沟不能被跨越，他们和自己的父母又产生了矛盾，那么他们会不会尝试去和父母沟通?If generation gap can not be bridged and you have some conflicts with your parents, will you try to communicate with your parents?一般来说父母有矛盾了，都会去沟通，正因为是想去跨越这个gap, 如果不想跨越，或者觉得根本不能跨越，那他们就不会去沟通。

当然，大多数孩子都会和父母沟通，= =如果反方回答不沟通的话，很明显很诡异。

你可以这么说Usually, when children and their parents are having different opinions about some things, they might have a conflict. Conflict is a form of communication. If they do not believe the generation gap will be bridged or can be bridged, they will not even try to communicate. Suppose, you are having a conflict with your parents, will you try to say anything or just walk away without anger?或者你还能说，如果他们以后有了孩子，他们不认为gap能被跨越，是不是他们自己都不会和自己的孩子沟通，任由孩子去发展?Suppose you have a kid but you do not believe generation gap will be bridged. Will you try to communicate with your kid? Or just see your kid turning out to be a bad guy and even hurt other people some day?代沟如何产生以及解决办法作为学生或者说代沟的主要一边，不是更加应该积极的去寻求和家长的合适和解之法吗？本文正是从非家长的角度，列举理论希望家长保持开放和宽容的态度来重新定位孩子。

我选择了谈谈代沟如何产生和解决的大方向作为主要内容。

Kids today are surely different.They confuse us by acting differently,dressing differently,and responding defensively--even to their ownparents.Thus,generation gap takes place. What can we do to help?Shout back at the kids?Fortunately, there is a bette r way. I’ve been reading a lot about a philosophy called Taking Children Seriously, and it is a radical break from traditional parenting.TCS advocates non-coercive parenting — not forcing the child to do anything, but rather educating the child, guiding the child, helping the child, and trying to lead by persuasion rather than coercion.It sounds good, but in reality it can be difficult for a traditional parent to accept the TCS way, as it means letting go of notions that a child must “listen” (or obey), that we must teach the child certain lessons and the means justifies this end, that education is rightly done through (coercive) schools, that our way is the right way.Either the parent getting her way or the child getting his way, means that either the child or the parent gets hurt,which makes generation gap get worse.TCS advocates neither person getting hurt — everyone should win. You do that by considering alternatives until you find an option that both parties are happy with.I don’t think we sho uld hurt each other and should find ways to work things out so that everyone is happy whenever possible.And only with more consideration can generation gap no longer comes between us.Communication is the keyThis is the time when teenagers try to become individuals in their own right and try to move out from under the protective wing of their parents. They will try out many things in order to be 'in' with the crowd whether it's smoking, drinking, wearing skimpy clothes or even losing their virginity. This is not the time to play the great dictator and alienate your children. Talk to them, but don't talk down to them.The way to do it, is not by making yourself out to be the enemy and coming down on them heavily for every transgression (and there will be many). Try to lay down the ground rules right in the beginning. It is difficult for anyone to interpret the teenage mind, but try to convey the fact that you're on their side. Parents tend to forget that they were teenagers too once and their self-righteousness doesn't win them any points with their children.Most parents tend to forget that babies do grow up someday and when the time comes, they must let them go and find their own way in the world. You can't protect your children forever and they won't thank you if you try to.The generation gap is of course not a given for all families. There are many households where it doesn't occur at all. There are fights and arguments and children defying their parents but these are occasional and minor. What then are these families doing right? Here are a few of their secrets: -•Lots of communication and involvement - this one's obvious but not always easy to follow. It just means that if you're not talking to the children because you're too busy or too mad at them or because you disagree with whatever they say then you've cut off your channel of communication. So what youneed to remember when dealing with teenagers is that they may beinsufferable know alls a lot of the time but they'll learn that there are grayshades between the blacks and the whites soon enough. Also thatintolerance or a judgemental attitude will hurt you more than your child.•Lots of time spent together in play and fun- its harder to think you hate your mom or dad when you spend a large part of your week having fun with them.It's even harder when in many ways they are your best friends.•Clear boundaries - thus far and no further or they will face clearly defined consequences. As long as children know this, you and they both can be much freer with each other without you worrying about being taken advantage of.•Clear values - make it clear that everything has to be earned. If they want respect for their opinions they have to learn to respect the opinions of others.Similarly other values to stress are honesty, compassion and tolerance.•Foster self-dependence - essentially this means teach them to know their own minds and make their own decisions. This will help them to keep their balance in the face of peer pressure. Self-dependence starts early - let your child have a say in family affairs as well as in matters personally affectinghim from the time that he is a toddler. Let him help with family chores and earn a part of his own money. Make it clear that even when he makesmistakes, it's not the end of the world - it's an essential part of the learning process.•Don't forbid anything in absolute terms because the forbidden is always very attractive!Lots has been written about the generation gap but each family has its own unique ways of expressing this gap. In joint families where there aregrandparents, the conflict is often more apparent. Whatever the situationhowever, remember this story - Long ago there was a devastating war in a country. One of the defeated soldiers dragged himself off the battlefield tothe sanctuary of a wise sage and asked him " Is there anything that will take away the sting of our defeat and the glory of the victors?" The sage smiled and said softly " This too shall pass!"。