超中肯!老猫给小猫的一堂课 (Dear Kitten)

超中肯！老貓給小貓的一堂課(Dear Kitten)

Dear Kitten,

親愛的小貓，

Since I have hissed at you the customary 437 times,

自從我習慣性地對你哈氣437回後

it is now my duty as the head of the household to, begrudgingly, welcome you.

現在身為一家之主的我有責任百般不願地歡迎你

Perhaps you are here to replace me,

也許你是來取代我的

but I must do my duty in educating you on your new surroundings

但我還是得履行我的責任：讓你熟悉新環境

as Maximilian once did for me. Rest in peace.

就像麥克米倫之前為我做的願老麥安息

Dear Kitten, this room here is basically a crapshoot.

親愛的小貓這間房間基本上就像場賭注

Either you get the petting of your life and I mean two hands like you don't even know what's going on,

你有可能得到生命中的「摸摸」我指用兩隻手的那種摸到讓你神魂顛倒

or they just lie there and don't do anything for hours. It's weird.

或者他們就只會躺在那邊好幾個小時什麼都不做有夠奇怪

Oh, and I should also point out.

噢還有我必須指出

On special occasions they will leave the underwear drawer open

在特殊時刻時他們會打開內褲那層衣櫃

to signal their appreciation...of me.

來表示...對我的感激

Just to be clear, it's my spot.

話先說清楚：這是我的地盤

It's perfect in there. It's like sleeping surrounded by underwear.

待在裡面棒極了...就像在內褲海中睡覺

Well, I mean…that's exactly what it is.呃我想說就是那樣

Dear Kitten, I remember when I could fit in a shoe. There's nothing like it.

親愛的小貓，我還記得當時可以塞進鞋子裡時沒有什麼比這更棒的了：Being engulfed in 360 degrees of foot smell

被腳臭味360度的吞沒

Enjoy it while you can.

在你還可以(塞得進去)的時候好好享受吧

Dear kitten, because you are so small, you cannot jump.

親愛的小貓，因為你太小隻無法跳

Which is sad. Sad for you. But eventually you will.

真可悲替你感到難過但你終究會跳的

And you will find the places that I referred to as "up."

然後你會找到一些被我稱為是『上』的地方

This will come in handy, especially around the human larva,

這時候就很管用了尤其當人類寶寶在附近時

which I know smells like milk, but can be a bit...grabby.

就我所知他們聞起來像牛奶但可能會讓你很想抓他們

Dear Kitten, you should be aware that there are two kinds of food.

親愛的小貓，你得注意食物有兩種

The first is sort of a dehydrated, brown nibblet.

第一種像是脫水的咖啡色點點

Just a guess. The second kind is wet food.

猜猜而已第二種食物是濕食

It is so special they keep it in little armored metal casings

他們特別到要放在小小的鐵甲容器中

that no claw can penetrate. With no claws to speak of,

任何爪子都無法刺穿人類雖然沒有爪子

the humans can somehow open them. It's like some dark magic.

卻能以某種方式打開他們這簡直像是某種黑魔法

Dear Kitten, I should warn you of the monster known as "Va-cuum"

親愛的小貓，我得警告你一種叫「吸塵器」的怪物

It can eat and yell at the same time. And i've seen it eat everything.

他會吃了你且同時間大吼我看過他吃掉所有的東西

Seriously, like a paper clip and two cat toys.

說真的他會吃掉像一個迴紋針及兩個貓玩具

Didn't even flinch. To hide from "Va-cuum," you may use the curtains of invisibility 沒有一絲害怕。要躲避「吸塵獸」你可以善加利用隱形窗簾

Oh yeah, you're good

噢耶你不錯哦

Good hiding. Oh, boy. Dear Kitten, one final note.

躲得好噢嗚孩子親愛的小貓，最後一個忠告：

Once in a while you might see a little red dot.

你可能偶爾會看到一個小紅點

I'm going to tell you this right now. It is real

我現在就要跟你說：那個點是真的

and it can be caught. I did it once. I held it for a full minute.

而且那個點是抓得到的我曾經成功抓住一次並維持整整一分鐘

But when I lifted my paw s, it was gone.

但當我舉手掌時點點就不見了

So Kitten, welcome to the household.

所以小貓，歡迎來到這個家

You will do just fine.

你會混的不錯的

invisibility

看不見,難看見,看不見的東西

flinch

(vi.)畏縮,退縮,畏首畏尾退縮,一種把牌堆積在桌上的遊戲

monster

怪物,惡人,巨物

casing

箱,蓋,包裝,框,套管

armored

(a.)披甲的,裝甲的

nibblet