深圳二模作文分析

教师

王秋菊学生姓名XXX 教材版本外研社版

姓名

学科英语年级高三上课时间5月5日8：00- 9: 30

课题写作专题—-2013年深圳二模英语作文分析

教学

掌握考场作文技巧

重难

点

一. 2013年深圳二模英语基础写作

你接受了一项写作任务，要为英语校报写一篇你校开展“光盘”活动的报道。

（一）审题：

体裁：记叙文---报道---第一句大容量交代5w；

时态：过去时；

表达：时间、数字的表达

（二）内容要点：（可以有不同的组合）

1. 2013年3月4日星期一下午4：00, 学生食堂门口；光盘活动，学生会主办；900多师生参加；主

题：反对浪费，鼓励光盘;

2. 利用展板，展示我校的浪费现象;

3. 播放录像，了解现状：全球每年1000万死于饥荒;

4. 如果每天减少浪费5%，可救活400多万人;

5. 大家签名以示自己的决心+意义：培养习惯，节约粮食，杜绝浪费。

（三）写作过程：

1．2013年3月4日星期一下午4：00, 学生食堂门口；光盘活动，学生会主办；900多师生参加；

主题：反对浪费，鼓励光盘；

注意时间的表达，从小到大。

注意：主语：900多师生；谓语：参加

At 4 pm on March 4th, Monday, 2013, in front of the Student Canteen, more than 900 teachers and students participated in the activity with the theme “Fight against wasting and encourage to eat up everything on your plate” organized by the Students’ Union.

2. 利用展板，展示我校的浪费现象;

扩展，利用形容词和列举手段或者定语从句

First, we saw pictures on the boards which had recorded the terrible phenomena of wasting in the campus.

Firstly, we had a glimpse of the shocking phenomena of wasting in the campus through pictures on display.

3. 播放录像，了解现状：全球每年1000万死于饥荒;

注意与前一句时间上的连续。

After that, we watched video clips, from which we have learned that every year about 10 million people are dying of food shortage.

After that, we watched video clips and got to learn the fact that every year about 10 million people are dying of hunger.

4. 如果每天减少浪费5%，可救活400多万人;

If we reduce food waste by 5% every day, we can save 4 million lives.

使用高级结构，用被动语态

If we reduce food waste by 5% every day, 4 million lives can be saved.

继续拓展，使用定语从句增强效果，注意与上一句连接

Therefore, if we reduce food waste by 5% every day, 4 million lives can be saved, which means a lot to the world.

5. 大家签名以示自己的决心:培养习惯，节约粮食，杜绝浪费。

And then everybody signed up to show our determination so as to cultivate good habit, save food and refuse waste.

考虑段落安排，根据文章特点和体裁

第一句一段，其它第二段；

At 4 pm on March 4th, Monday, 2013, in front of the Student Canteen, more than 900 teachers and students participated in the activity with the theme “Fight against wasting but encourage to eat up everything on your plate” organized by the Students’ Union.

First, we saw pictures on the boards which had recorded the terrible phenomena of wasting in the campus. After that, we watched video clips, from which we have learned that every year about 10 million people are dying of food shortage. Therefore, if we reduce food waste by 5% every day, we can save 4 million lives. And then everybody signed up to show our determination so as to cultivate our good habit, save food and refuse waste.

（四）基础写作评分原则

1、本题总分为15分，按3个方面给分。

2、评分时，首先根据文章句子结构的准确性，信息内容的完整性和连贯性, 初步确定其所属档次，然后以该档次的要求衡量，确定或调整档次，最后给分。

3、只能使用5个句子表达全部的内容。

4、评分时，应注意信息内容要点、应用词汇和语法结构的准确性、上下文连贯性及语言的得体性。

5、拼写与标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面，评分时，应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑。英、美拼写及词汇用法均可接受。

6、如书写较差，以至影响交际，将分数降低一个档次。