50个英语笑话

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读英文的笑话

读英文的笑话

读英文的笑话笑话1:Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent!笑话2:Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!笑话3:I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.笑话4:I bought shoes from a drug dealer once. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!笑话5:I asked the librarian if she had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you!"笑话6:Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts!笑话7:Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!笑话8:I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.笑话9:I saw a wino eating grapes. I told him, "You have to wait!"笑话10:I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually, it came back to me.笑话11:Why don't eggs tell jokes? They might crack up!笑话12:What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!笑话13:My friend told me that I should be more optimistic. I said, "Okay, I'm positive!"笑话14:I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.笑话15:Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them!笑话16:Why don't calculators go to the beach? Because they can't handle the waves!笑话17:What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!笑话18:I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.笑话19:I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.笑话20:Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!笑话21:I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.笑话22:What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner!笑话23:Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs!笑话24:I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.笑话25:Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems!笑话26:What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!笑话27:Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!笑话28:I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.笑话29:What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!笑话30:Why don't calculators go to the beach? Because they can't handle the waves!以上是30个英文笑话的集合,希望你能通过阅读它们,享受一段愉快的时光并大笑一番!笑话的目的是为了带给我们快乐和轻松,让我们忘记生活中的压力和烦恼。

【笑话】关于英语幽默笑话短_幽默笑话短信

【笑话】关于英语幽默笑话短_幽默笑话短信

关于英语幽默笑话短_幽默笑话短信在这个快节奏的生活中,找点乐子成了我们不可或缺的调味剂。

而英语幽默笑话,就像是那杯午后的咖啡,提神又醒脑,让人在不经意间笑出声。

今天,就让我带你走进那些让人捧腹的英语幽默笑话,一起感受那些简单却充满智慧的快乐瞬间,说不定还能笑出腹肌呢!一、误解也疯狂记得有一次,我在一个国际交友平台上遇到了一个英国朋友,名叫Tom。

我们聊得很投机,直到有一天,他给我发了一条信息:“I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse!” 我一看,心里咯噔一下,心想:“这哥们儿是不是饿疯了?要吃马?”正当我紧张地想要安慰他时,他突然发来一个笑脸符号,解释说:“哈哈,这是句英国俚语,意思是‘我饿得能吃下一头牛’!”我这才恍然大悟,原来英语里的表达有时候这么直接又夸张,让人忍俊不禁。

从那以后,每次我觉得饿极了,就会半开玩笑地说:“I could eat a horse too!”二、单词游戏的乐趣还有一次,我和几个英语爱好者朋友聚在一起玩“单词接龙”。

轮到我的时候,我灵光一闪,说了一个“banana”(香蕉)。

下一个朋友稍作思考,接了个“analyst”(分析师)。

轮到下一位时,他明显卡壳了,眉头紧锁。

我们都以为他要输了,结果他突然眼睛一亮,大喊:“Stop! I’ve got it! Spyglass!”(等等!我想到了!望远镜!)原来,他是把“analyst”倒过来念成了“tsylana”,然后巧妙地加上了“ss”和“pyg”变成了“spyglass”。

那一刻,我们都被他的机智逗乐了,这场游戏也因此变得更加有趣和富有挑战性。

三、短信里的幽默宝藏在手机短信盛行的年代,我也收到过不少让人捧腹的英语幽默短信。

其中一条至今让我记忆犹新:“Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”(为什么科学家不信任原子?因为它们总是编造一切!)这句简短却充满讽刺意味的话,用科学的术语包装了一个日常生活中的笑话,让人在会心一笑的同时,也感受到了英语的魅力。

英语小笑话

英语小笑话

英语小笑话(经典版)编制人:__________________审核人:__________________审批人:__________________编制单位:__________________编制时间:____年____月____日序言下载提示:该文档是本店铺精心编制而成的,希望大家下载后,能够帮助大家解决实际问题。

文档下载后可定制修改,请根据实际需要进行调整和使用,谢谢!并且,本店铺为大家提供各种类型的经典范文,如工作总结、工作计划、策划方案、规章制度、合同协议、条据文书、心得体会、教学资料、作文大全、其他范文等等,想了解不同范文格式和写法,敬请关注!Download tips: This document is carefully compiled by this editor. I hope that after you download it, it can help you solve practical problems. The document can be customized and modified after downloading, please adjust and use it according to actual needs, thank you!Moreover, our store provides various types of classic sample essays for everyone, such as work summaries, work plans, planning plans, rules and regulations, contract agreements, documents, experiences, teaching materials, complete essays, and other sample essays. If you want to learn about different sample formats and writing methods, please pay attention!英语小笑话英语小笑话(通用20篇)英语小笑话作为一种城市化的民间口头创作体裁,是一种重要的交际手段。

经典英语小笑话大全爆笑

经典英语小笑话大全爆笑

经典英语小笑话大全爆笑善讲笑活,很受各种社交场台的欢迎,因为人们喜欢与机敏活泼、幽默风趣的人交往。

下面是店铺带来的经典爆笑英语小笑话,欢迎阅读! 经典爆笑英语小笑话篇一寻找出纳员 Looking for a CashierThere was a banker who attended a dinner party, and a friend said to him, "Oh! I heard that your bank is looking for a cashier," and the banker said "Yes, yes, we are, we are." And then the friend said, "But I thought you just hired one a few weeks ago."So the banker replied, "Yes, yes, indeed, we did. That's the one we're looking for now."So the friend said, "Can you describe him? What does he look like?" And the banker replied, "Well, he is about five feet tall and (we're about) one hundred thousand dollars short."晚宴上,有位银行家坐在那儿,他的朋友问他:“我听说你们银行在找一位出纳,是吗?”银行家回答:“是的,我们是在找。

”朋友说:“不过你们几个礼拜以前不是已经请到一个人了吗?”银行家说:“我们确实是雇用了一个人,而我们现在就是在找这个人。

【有关英语的笑话】50个英语笑话爆笑超短

【有关英语的笑话】50个英语笑话爆笑超短

【有关英语的笑话】50个英语笑话爆笑超短笑话是实际生活中客观存在的,作为文学式样,它的特征是戏谑、讽刺,其功能是启迪、警示。

它渊源流长、值得研究、探讨。

下面小编带来的有关英语的笑话,欢迎阅读!有关英语的笑话篇一A better dishwasher 一台更好的洗碗机Mrs Williams lived in a small street in London, and now she had a new neighbour.Her name was Mrs Briggs, and she talked a lot about her expensive furniture, her beautiful carpets and her new kitchen.“Do you know,“ she said to Mrs Williams one day, "I've got a new dishwasher1. It washes the plates and glasses and knives and forks beautifully.""Oh? " Mrs Williams answered." And does it dry them and put them in the cupboard, too ?"Mrs Briggs was surprised. "Well," she answered, "the things in the machine are dry after an hour, but it doesn't put them away, of course.""I've had a dishwasher for twelve and a half years," Mrs Williams said."Oh?" Mrs Briggs answered, "And does yours put the things in the cupboard when it has washed them?"She laughed nastily2. "Yes, he does," Mrs Williams answered."He dries the dishes and puts them away."威廉姆斯太太住在伦敦的的一条小街上,现在她有了一位新邻居。

英语幽默小笑话100个

英语幽默小笑话100个

英语幽默小笑话100个笑话是一种能够带给人快乐,平添生活乐趣的文凭形式,以其机智、幽默、搞笑的特点,深受人们喜爱。

英语幽默小笑话就是一种给人带来快乐的黑色幽默渐层,也是美国人的一大特色文化。

以下是100个英语幽默小笑话:1、A: What did the fish say when it hit the wall?B: Dam!2、Q: What did the policeman say to his belly?A: Freeze!3、Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?A: Right where you left it.4、Q: What did the tie say to the hat?A: You go on a head, and I hang around.5、Q: Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?A: He wanted to improve his bite.6、Q: What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?A: Dam!7、Q: What did the tree say to autumn?A: Leaf me alone.8、Q: What did the paper say to the pencil?A: Write on me!9、Q: What did the monster say when he swallowed a clown?A: You taste funny.10、Q: Why don scientists trust atoms?A: Because they make up everything.11、Q: How do you make a tissue dance?A: You put a little boogie in it.12、Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?A: A gummy bear.13、Q: What did the elephant say to the birthday cake? A: Nothing, it just gave it a big hug.14、Q: Why don vampires like going to parties?A: They don like to get sucked into conversations.15、Q: What did the bee say when it hit the window?A: Oh, buzz off!16、Q: Why did the scarecrow get promoted?A: Because he was outstanding in his field.17、Q: What did the barrel say to the other barrel?A: We can stand each other!18、Q: How do you make a hoodie laugh?A: Tell it a joke hoodie-style.19、Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? A: Put it on my bill.20、Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?A: A gummy bear.21、Q: why don astronauts play cards in space?A: Because they float away!22、Q: How do you make an octopus laugh?A: With ten-tickles.23、Q: What did the sheep say to the shepherd?A: Nothing, it just baa-ed.24、Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the courtroom?A: Odor in the court!25、Q: What did the calculator say to the math book?A: You can count on me!26、Q: What did the helium balloon say to the air?A: Nothing, it just let out a little squeak.27、Q: What did the computer say when it crashed?A: Hey, I having a bad day!28、Q: What did the 0 say to the 8?A: Nice belt!29、Q: What did the paperclip say to the magnet?A: I find you very attractive.30、Q: What did the silverware say to the plate?A: You complete me!31、Q: What did the pirate say when he turned 80?A: Aye matey!32、Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?A: You turn me on!33、Q: What did the big chimney say to the small chimney? A: You too young to smoke!34、Q: What did the clock say to the other clock?A: Don worry, I right behind you.35、Q: What did the bee say to the flower?A: I here to pollenate!36、Q: What did the teacher say to the pencil?A: You looking sharp!37、Q: What did the hamburger say to the hotdog?A: We make a great pair!38、Q: What did the rain say to the dirt?A: Let go make some mud pies!39、Q: What did the calculator say to the math book?A: You can count on me!40、Q: What did the fish say when it hit the wall?A: Dam!41、Q: What did the elephant say to the birthday cake? A: Nothing, it just gave it a big hug!42、Q: What did the cowboy say when he lost his horse? A: Howdy, saddle-less!43、Q: What did the alien say to the dad?A: Take me to your leader!44、Q: What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?A: Hold on to your leaves!45、Q: What did the bee say to the flower?A: I here to pollenate!46、Q: What did the carrot say to the rabbit?A: Let go for a hop!47、Q: What did the teacher say to the pencil?A: You looking sharp!48、Q: What did the rock say to the cliff?A: Hang in there!49、Q: What did the letter say to the envelope?A: Let stick together!50、Q: What did the mama bee say to her lazy bee?A: Wake up and Bee productive!51、Q: What did the cowboy say when he lost his horse? A: Howdy, saddle-less!52、Q: What did the egg say to the frying pan?A: You crack me up!53、Q: What did the key say to the lock?A: It so nice to see you again!54、Q: What did the snail say to the turtle?A: Hurry up!55、Q: What did the cowboy say to the cactus?A: How it hanging?56、Q: What did the doctor say to the patient?A: Take two aspirin and call me in the morning.57、Q: What did the bicycle say to the car?A: You may be faster, but I more fun!58、Q: What did the two antennas say to each other? A: You look good, girl!59、Q: What did the octopus say to the philosopher? A: I think, therefore I am eight!60、Q: What did the big hand say to the little hand? A: Let get to work!61、Q: What did the tomato say to the other tomato? A: You looking a little red today.62、Q: What did the duck say to the waiter?A: Put it on my bill.63、Q: What did the bee say to the flower?A: I here to pollenate!A: Bee yourself!65、Q: What did the bird say to the worm?A: Worm your way out!66、Q: What did the fish say to the whale?A: You a big fish in a small pond.67、Q: What did the paper say to the pencil?A: Write on me!68、Q: What did the teapot say to the cup?A: Time for a cup of tea!69、Q: What did the bee say to the flower?A: Buzz off!70、Q: What did the noodle say to the other noodle? A: Let have a pasta party!71、Q: What did the alarm clock say to the bed?A: Time to wake up!72、Q: What did the tree say to the wind?A: Leaf me alone!73、Q: What did the tree say to the other tree?A: What a re-leaf!74、Q: What did the fish say when it hit the wall? A: Dam!A: You looking sharp!76、Q: What did the calculator say to the math book?A: Let work it out!77、Q: What did the bird say to the worm?A: Wanna come out and play?78、Q: What did the elephant say to the mouse?A: You so tiny!79、Q: What did the bee say to the other bee?A: Let make honey!80、Q: What did the bee say to the flower?A: Smell me!81、Q: What did the frog say to the fly?A: Time for dinner!82、Q: What did the pizza say to the oven?A: Let get cooking!83、Q: What did the fish say when it saw a boat?A: That a big hook!84、Q: What did the elephant say when he saw the mouse? A: That tiny!85、Q: What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? A: We have a lot in common!86、Q: What did the ball say to the other ball?A: Let play catch!87、Q: What did the bee say to the flower?A: Bee mine!88、Q: What did the ice cream cone say to the other ice cream cone?A: Let have a scoop!89、Q: What did the tree say to the axe?A: Chop chop!90、Q: What did the pencil say to the eraser?A: Let work it out!91、Q: What did the horse say when it tripped?A: Neigh!92、Q: What did the scarecrow say when it got promoted? A: I outstanding in my field!93、Q: What did the pelican say to the other pelican? A: Let go for a dive!94、Q: What did the bee say to the other bee?A: Hey, bee-friend!95、Q: What did the bee say to the flower?A: Let make honey!96、Q: What did the lightbulb say to the switch?A: You turn me on!97、Q: What did the firefly say to the other firefly? A: Let light up the night!98、Q: What did the bee say to the flower?A: Smell me!99、Q: What did the spider say to the fly?A: You in my web now!100、Q: What did the bee say to the beekeeper?A: Let me out of this hive!从上述100个英语幽默小笑话可以看出,英语幽默小笑话涵盖了生活中的各种场景,不论是小动物、植物、机械还是自然现象,都能以机智、幽默、搞笑的方式进行描述。

简短有趣的英文笑话大全

简短有趣的英文笑话大全

简短有趣的英文笑话大全冷笑话是近几年新兴的一种语言现象,它轻松诙谐、别具一格,给我们紧张的生活增添了几分轻松的情趣,它一出现便受到了大多数人的喜爱。

店铺整理了简短有趣的英文笑话,欢迎阅读!简短有趣的英文笑话篇一好消息和坏消息An artist asked the gallery ownerif there had been any interestin his paintings currently ondisplay.一名艺术家问画廊老板,最近有没有人对他展出的画感兴趣。

"I've got good news and bad news,"owner replied.“这有好消息和坏消息,”老板回答。

"The good news is thata gentleman inquired about your workand wondered if it wouldappreciate in value after your death.“好消息是有一位先生咨询你的作品,他想知道在你死后你的画会不会升值。

When I told him it would,he bought all fifteen of your paintings.我告诉他你的画会升值,他就把你的15幅画全都买走了。

”"That's wonderful!"the artist exclaimed,"What's the bad news?"“真是太好了”,艺术家是喜形于色,“那坏消息是什么?”With concern, the gallery owner replied,"The guy was your doctor."带着关心的口吻,画廊老板回答,“买画的人是你的医生”。

简短有趣的英文笑话篇二倒霉的一天There was a guy in a bar, just looking at his drink.一个男人坐在酒吧里,看着自己的酒发呆。

笑到肚子痛的100个英语笑话

笑到肚子痛的100个英语笑话

笑到肚子痛的100个英语笑话As a content creator, I understand the importance of laughter in our lives. Laughter not only relieves stress and improves our mood, but it also helps us connect with others. To bring some laughter to your day, I have compiled a list of 100 hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make your belly ache!1. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?2. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.3. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They woke up.4. Why was the belt sent to jail? For holding up the pants.5. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.6. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.7. Why don't oysters give to charity? Because they're shellfish.8. Why don't seagulls fly by the bay? Because then they would be bagels.9. Why don't vampires go out in the sun? They don't want to be caught dead in a tan.10. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.11. Why do ducks make great detectives? They always quack the case.12. I just got fired from my job at the bank. An old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.13. Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor.14. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.15. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing,it just let out a little wine.16. What do you call a group of cows that play instruments? A milk band.17. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.18. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.19. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it wasfeeling crummy.20. What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bike? Attire.21. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don'thave the guts.22. Why was the gym so cold? Because all the fans wereworking out!23. Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had toomany problems.24. Two guys stole a calendar. They got six months each.25. What is a tornado's favorite game to play? Twister!26. Why did the kid cross the park? To get to the other slide.27. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.28. What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha.29. Two gold fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"30. Why did the kid throw the clock out the window? To seetime fly!31. Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”32. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.33. Why did the bike fall over? Because it was two-tired.34. Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.35. Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!36. What did one wall say to the other? "I’ll meet you at the corner."37. Did you hear about the kidnapping in the park? They woke up.38. How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I’ll tell you later.39. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.40. Want to hear a construction joke? Oh never mind, I’mstill working on that one.41. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!42. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!43. Why did the hipster drown? He went ice skating before it was cool.44. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.45. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.46. Why do n’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.47. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.48. What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?A guy will take twenty minutes to look for a golf ball.49. Want to hear a roof joke? The first one’s on the house.50. What did one toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed!51. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.52. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crummy.53. Why did the plane crash into the rocks? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.54. What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.55. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.56. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.57. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.58. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.59. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.60. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.61. Why don’t oysters give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.62. What do ducks give for presents? They quack open gifts.63. Why was the belt sent to jail? For holding up the pants!64. Why do the French like to eat snails so much? Because they don't like fast food!66. What do you call it when a group of apes starts a company? Monkey Business.67. Why do elephants never use computers? Because they're afraid of mice!68. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.69. Why do fish live in saltwater? Because pepper water makes them sneeze!70. What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.71. Why did the student eat his homework? The teachersaid it was a piece of cake.72. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't peeling well.73. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.74. What did one hat say to the other? Stay here, I'll go on ahead.75. Why did the dentist take a day off? He needed a little filling.76. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?A thesaurus.77. What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.78. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.79. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.80. Did you hear about the guy who lost his whole left side? He's all right now!81. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.83. Why don't fish like basketball? They're afraid of the net.84. Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? Because he was a little shellfish.85. Why did the belt go to jail? For holding up the pants.86. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.87. Why was the cat sitting on the computer? To keep an eyeon the mouse.88. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.89. Why did the oxygen and magnesium go on a date? Becausethey had chemistry.90. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because he ran out of juice.91. Why don't seagulls fly by the bay? Because then they would be bagels!92. Why don't vampires go out in the sun? They don't want tobe caught dead in a tan!93. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!94. Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? He had no bodyto dance with.95. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.96. What do you call a snake that works for the government? A civil serpent.97. Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.98. What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boo-bees.99. Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it's toofar to walk.100. What do you call a fart in German? A farfrompoopen.。

英语幽默笑话50篇-1-25

英语幽默笑话50篇-1-25

1. BarbersBarber: Did you have ketchup with your lunch, sir? Customer: No, I didn‘t.Barber: In that case, I seem to have slipped with the razor.barber 理发师ketchup 番茄酱customer 顾客case 情形in that case 那样的话seem 似乎slip 滑落razor 剃刀;刮胡刀2. Blame It on My Parents Doctor: I can‘t do anything about your condition.I‘m afraid it‘s hereditary.Patient: In that case, send the bill to my parents.blame sth. on sb. 把某事归咎于某人condition 情形hereditary 遗传的patient 病人bill 帐单3. Wild Duck―Waiter, do you have any wild duck?‖―No, sir. But I can irritate a tame one for you.‖wild 野生的;狂暴的irritate 激怒tame 温驯的;柔顺的4. worse than That―Professor, I did the best I could on this test. I really don‘t think I deserve a zero.‖―Neither do I. But that‘s the lowest grade I‘m allowed to give.‖professor 教授do one’s best尽力deserve 应得zero 零grade 分数allow 允许5. Getting Sick―Y our application says you left your last job because of sickness. Could you explain that, please?‖―Certainly. My boss got sick of me.‖application 申请书last 上一个sickness 疾病explain 解释certainly 当然boss 老板get sick of 厌恶;厌倦6. Be ResponsibleEmployer: In this job we need someone who is responsible. Applicant: I‘m the one you want. On my last job,every time anything went wrong, theysaid I was responsible.responsible 有责任感的;须负责任的employer 雇主applicant 应征者;申请人last 上一个go wrong 出毛病7. OverweightPatient: It isn‘t possible that I‘m as overweight as you say! Doctor: Maybe you‘d prefer to look at it a different way. According to this chart, you‘re teninches too short.overweight 超重;超重的prefer 比较喜欢(in) a different way以不同的方式according to根据chart 图表inch 英寸short 矮的8. Sore Eye―Every time I have a cup of coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye. What shall I do?‖―Take the spoon out of your cup.‖sore 疼痛的stabbing 刺痛的pain 疼痛stabbing pain 刺痛spoon 汤匙9. LoanJohn: Lend me fifty.Jack: I have only forty.John: Well, then let me have the forty and you can owe me the ten.loan 借钱;贷款lend 借(出)owe 欠10. RaiseEmployee: I‘ve been here for 11 years doing three men‘s work for one man‘s pay. Now I want a raise.Boss: Well, I can‘t give you a raise, but if you‘ll tell me who the other two men are, I‘ll fire them.raise 加薪employee 员工pay 薪水(= salary)boss 老板fire 开除,解雇11. Loss of V oiceOne guy goes to a doctor and says, ―Doctor, my wife has recently lost her voice. What should I do to help her get it back?‖The doctor replies, ―Try to come home at 3 in the morning!‖loss 丧失voice 声音guy 人;家伙recently 最近get back 恢复;找回reply 回答12. Paint My HouseThere was a hooker who met an old man, and said, ―Give me twenty dollars. I‘ll do anything you want.‖―Okay,‖ he said, taking out a twenty dollar bill. ―Paint my house.‖paint 油漆hooker 妓女bill 纸钞13. V ery Stupid RobbersTwo robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, ―I hear sirens. Jump!‖The second one said, ―But we‘re on the 13th floor!‖The first one screamed back, ―This is no time to be superstitions!‖stupid 愚笨的robber 窃贼;强盗rob 偷取;抢siren 警报器jump 跳floor 楼层scream 大叫;尖叫no 绝不是superstitious 迷信的14. Excuse for SpeedingA cop pulled a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asked for the driver‘s license, the driver argued, ―Speeding? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car and the car in back of me.‖excuse 理由;借口speeding 超速cop 警察pull over把(车)停在路边highway 公路as for要license 执照driver’s license驾照argue 争辩distance 距离in back of 在~后面(= at the back of)15. Vitamin―I‘d like some vitamins for my son.‖‗Vitamin A, B or C?‖ asked the pharmacist.―It doesn‘t matter. He can‘t read yet.‖vitamin 维他命pharmacist 药剂师matter 重要;有关系read 识字16. Like Father, Like Son―When Abraham Lincoln was your age,‖the father told his son, ―he used to walk ten miles every day to get to school.‖―Really?‖the kid said. ―Well, when he was your age, he was president.‖Like father, like son.【谚】有其父必有其子。

英语幽默笑话集锦

英语幽默笑话集锦

英语幽默笑话集锦笑话1:鸡蛋的问题小明问小华:“你怎么知道一个鸡蛋是生的还是熟的?”小华:“很简单,我把鸡蛋放进水里,如果浮起来就是生的,如果沉下去就是熟的。

”小明:“那如果鸡蛋半浮半沉呢?”小华:“那就是半生不熟。

”笑话2:打电话小明用英语给外国朋友打电话:“Hello! Is it Mr. Brown’s residence?”外国朋友说:“I’m sorry, you have the wrong number.”小明再打一次:“Hello! Is it Mrs. Brown’s residence?”外国朋友愤怒地说:“No, I told you already, you have the wrong number!”小明再打一次:“Hello! Is it Mr. Brown’s residence?”外国朋友非常生气:“I can’t believe you called me again! This is not Mr. Brown’s residence!”小明笑着说:“I know, but I just love hearing you say it!”笑话3:父亲的损失小明的父亲对他说:“小明,你知道我为什么戴假发吗?”小明好奇地问:“为什么呢?”父亲严肃地回答:“因为我是个有发言权的人。

”笑话4:天堂和地狱有一天,人们来到上帝面前询问天堂和地狱的存在。

他们问上帝:“天堂和地狱是什么样子的?”上帝微笑着回答:“我带你们去看一看。

”首先,上帝打开了通向地狱的门。

门一打开,他们看到里面是一个宴会厅,摆满了美食和饮料,但每个人手中都拿着又长又粗的筷子,无法把食物送入嘴中。

接着,上帝带着他们去了天堂。

天堂的门打开后,他们看到了和地狱一样的情景,宴会厅里也是美食和饮料满满,每个人同样手中拿着又长又粗的筷子。

但人们却高兴地吃得很满足,因为在天堂里,他们都学会了相互喂食。

笑话5:自动售货机小明走到一个自动售货机前,看见上面写着:“请用英语选择您要购买的商品。

有关经典英语小笑话大全

有关经典英语小笑话大全

有关经典英语小笑话大全冷笑话不同于一般的笑话,以其独特的制笑机制,能瞬间制造出一种特殊氛围。

下面是店铺精心收集的有关经典英语小笑话,希望大家喜欢!有关经典英语小笑话篇一Two neighbors were chatting over the back fence. "Did you know that my wife has started a cooking show on television?"one asked.两个邻居在后院隔着栅聊柳天。

一个问:“你知道我妻子在电视上开始主持烹饪节目了吗?”" Really?" replied the other fellow.”That's terrific!What's the show called?"“真的吗?”另一个说,“那可太棒了,那个节目叫什么名字?”"That's Inedible. "“不能食用的东西。

”有关经典英语小笑话篇二Two neighbors were chatting over the back fence. "Did you know that my wife has started a cooking show on television?"one asked.两个邻居在后院隔着栅聊柳天。

一个问:“你知道我妻子在电视上开始主持烹饪节目了吗?”" Really?" replied the other fellow.”That's terrific!What's the show called?"“真的吗?”另一个说,“那可太棒了,那个节目叫什么名字?”"That's Inedible. "“不能食用的东西。

”有关经典英语小笑话篇三"With a single stroke of a brush,"said the art teacher,taking his class around the National Gallery," Joshua Reynolds couldchange a smiling face to a frowning one. "“只需挥一下笔刷,”美术老师站在国家美术馆前对他的学生说,“宙华理诺思就能把一张微笑的脸变成一幅长满皱纹的脸。

英语小笑话,英语笑话大全(带翻译)

英语小笑话,英语笑话大全(带翻译)

英语小笑话,英语笑话大全(带翻译)下面是编辑整理的英语小笑话,希望能让您捧腹大笑!英语小笑话【一】1、The Fish NetCan you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.翻译:鱼网你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗,安? 老师发问道。

把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。

小女孩回答道。

2、律师和胳膊、宝马A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW."Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer", he whined."You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off"翻译:一个律师打开他的宝马车门,突然一辆汽车驶过来把门撞飞了,警察赶到现场,律师正痛苦地抱怨毁坏了他心爱的宝马。

“警察同志,看看他们把我的车弄的”律师哀怨地说。

英语笑话带翻译爆笑

英语笑话带翻译爆笑
An impasta.
你怎么称运用了音近字的幽默效果,让人在语言的玩味中得到欢乐。
通过学习这些英语笑话,不仅可以轻松缓解学习压力,还能够提升我们对英语语言的敏感度、培养我们的幽默感。因此,学习英语笑话是非常有趣的一种学习方式。希望大家在学习英语的过程中可以多多尝试,感受不一样的英语魅力。
英语笑话带翻译爆笑
笑话是人们生活中不可或缺的一部分,它可以让人放松心情,快乐心情。而在学习英语的过程中,学习一些英语笑话不仅可以帮助我们更好地理解语言,还能增加学习的乐趣。下面就给大家介绍一些经典的英语笑话,以及它们的中文翻译,一起来感受一下英语幽默的魅力吧!
1. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
4. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
为什么骷髅不互相打架?
它们没有胆量。
这个笑话利用了“guts”(胆量)和“guts”(内脏)的双关语,十分巧妙地将内脏和勇气联系在了一起,给人一种突如其来的幽默感。
5. What do you call fake spaghetti?
Because it was two-tired!
为什么自行车站不起来?
因为它两个轮胎都平了!
这个笑话使用了双关语,将“tired”(疲倦的)和“tired”(轮胎瘪了)进行了巧妙的结合。这样的笑话不仅能够让人忍俊不禁,还能让学习者在欣赏笑话的同时加深对于英语语言的理解。
2. What did one wall say to the other wall?
“I’ll meet you at the corner.”

英语笑话大全

英语笑话大全

英语笑话大全1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!2. Why did the bicycle fall over?Because it was two-tired!3. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!4. What do you call a bear with no teeth?A gummy bear!5. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?They don’t have the guts!6. Why did the tomato turn red?Because it saw the salad dressing!7. What do you call a fish with no eyes?Fsh!8. Why did the chicken go to the seance?To talk to the other side!9. What do you call fake spaghetti?An impasta!10. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?Because they make up everything!11. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?Frostbite!12. What did the grape say when it got stepped on?Nothing, it just let out a little wine!13. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?In case he got a hole in one!14. What did one wall say to the other wall?I'll meet you at the corner!15. Why was the math book sad?Because it had too many problems!16. Why did the scarecrow win an award?Because he was outstanding in his field!17. What did one hat say to the other hat?You stay here, I'll go on ahead!18. What do you call a bear with no teeth and no ears?Anything you want, it can't hear you!19. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?Frostbite!20. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?Because they make up everything!以上是一些英语笑话,希望你能喜欢!。

英语幽默笑话句子

英语幽默笑话句子

英语幽默笑话句子1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.2. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!3. Why don't skeletons fight? They don't have the guts.4. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.5. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.6. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!7. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.8. Why don't eggs tell jokes? They might crack up!9. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.10. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!11. How do you organize a space party? You "planet"!12. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.13. What did the big flower say to the little flower? "Hi, bud!"14. I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.15. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!16. Why don't skeletons fight? They don't have the guts.17. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.18. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.19. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.20. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!21. I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.22. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.23. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.24. Why did the stadium get hot after the game? Because all the fans left.25. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!26. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It was feeling crumby.27. What do you call a snobbish criminal going downstairs? A condescending con descending.28. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.29. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!30. Why don't eggs tell jokes? They might crack up!31. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.32. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.33. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!34. Why don't skeletons fight? They don't have the guts.35. How do you fix a broken tomato? Tomato paste.36. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.37. What did one wall say to the other? "I'll meet you at the corner."38. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.39. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!40. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.41. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!42. What do cows do for fun? They go to the moooo-vies.43. Why don't eggs tell jokes? They might crack up!44. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.45. How do you organize a space party? You "planet"!46. What did the big flower say to the little flower? "Hi, bud!"47. Why don't ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.48. What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.49. Why don't eggs tell jokes? They might crack up!50. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!总结:以上提供了50个英语幽默笑话句子,希望能给你带来一些欢乐和轻松的时刻。

搞笑的英语笑话带翻译

搞笑的英语笑话带翻译
这个笑话利用了骷髅没有内脏的事实,并加以戏谑,形成了一个幽默的场景。
笑话四:What do you get vampire? Frostbite! 当你把雪人和吸血鬼混合在一起,得到什么?冻伤!
这个笑话利用了两个不相干的元素进行组合,形成了一个令人忍俊不禁的效果。
通过学习和理解这些搞笑的英语笑话带翻译,我们不仅能够提高英语水平,还能更好地了解英语国家的文化和幽默传统。同时,也能够在日常生活中运用这些幽默的表达方式,增进与人的交流,营造轻松愉快的氛围。笑话不仅给人带来快乐,还能够增进人与人之间的情感交流,是一种很好的社交工具。所以,多多学习和分享笑话,让幽默成为我们生活中的一部分。
这些英语笑话不仅仅是用语言表达幽默,还是一种思维的创新,是一种跨文化交流的方式。这些笑话在英语国家以及全球广泛传播,无论是孩子还是成年人,都能从中获得快乐。笑话的翻译也是一项挑战,需要保持原意的幽默,同时还要符合另一种语言的表达习惯和文化背景。所以,将这些笑话翻译成其他语言需要一定的语言功底和文化素养。
笑话二:What do you call a bear with no teeth? Gummy bear! 没有牙齿的熊叫什么?软糖熊!
这个笑话利用了音近字的幽默,gummy bear在英语中有两个意思,一个是指一种软糖,另一个是指没有牙齿的熊。所以这个笑话的答案就是双关,又引人发笑。
笑话三:Why don't skeletons fight each other? Because they don't have the guts! 为什么骷髅不互相打架?因为它们没有内脏!
搞笑的英语笑话带翻译
笑话一:Why did the bicycle fall over? 因为它们两轮中的一个。

英文笑话带翻译爆笑_50个英语笑话爆笑超短

英文笑话带翻译爆笑_50个英语笑话爆笑超短

英文笑话带翻译爆笑_50个英语笑话爆笑超短爆笑英文笑话带翻译篇一笨小孩A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer ..., “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.一个小男孩走进一家理发店,理发师低声对他的顾客说,“我再也没见过比这个小子更笨的小孩了,你看着,我证明给你看。

”" The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks,"Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.理发师拿出一张1美元的钞票放在一只手上,另一只手上则拿着两个25美分的硬币,把小孩叫跟前问,“你想要哪只手上的?” 男孩拿走了那两个25美分然后走了。

"What did I tell you?" said the barber."That kid never learns!" Later,“瞧我刚才怎么跟你说的?”when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.理发师说,“那小子就不会学精点!” 过了一会,顾客离开了理发店,他发现刚才那个小男孩从一间雪糕店走出来。

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question?“嘿,小家伙! 我可以问你个问题吗?Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"你为什么不拿那一美元,而拿那两个25 美分呢?”The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!小男孩舔了一口手上的雪糕回答说,“我要是拿了那一美元的钞票,以后那剪头的再也不会给我钱了!”爆笑英文笑话带翻译篇二五百遍In the traffic court of a large mid-western city,在中西部一个大城市的交通法庭里,a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through ared light.一位年轻女士被带到法官面前,她由于开车闯红灯被开了罚单。

英文笑话带翻译爆笑

英文笑话带翻译爆笑
为什么自行车不能独立站立呢?因为它双胎了。
2. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
怎么让纸巾跳舞呢?你往上放点音乐
3. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They woke up.
英文笑话带翻译爆笑
笑话是生活中的调剂品,能够给人带来欢乐和放松。而英文笑话更是不同国家和地区都能理解的笑话形式,让人们在跨国交流中也能共享欢乐。下面就给大家带来一些经典的英文笑话,并附上中文翻译,一起来欣赏一下吧!
1. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.
你怎样称呼不是你的奶酪呢?墨西哥煎玉米饼奶酪。
6. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
我告诉我妻子她应该接受自己的错误,她给了我一个拥抱。
以上是一些笑话不仅仅能给我们带来快乐,还能锻炼我们的英语听力和理解能力。希望大家在学习英语的道路上能够轻松愉快,充满笑声!
听说游乐场有绑架事件吗?他们醒来了。
4. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
为什么骷髅不打架呢?因为他们没有胆量。
5. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

爆笑到不行的英语笑话大全

爆笑到不行的英语笑话大全

爆笑到不行的英语笑话大全笑话一般比较短小,喜剧性很强,普遍存在于人们的日常生活中。

笑话的娱乐作用可以减轻人的心理压力,促进身体健康。

下面是店铺带来的爆笑到不行的英语笑话,欢迎阅读!爆笑到不行的英语笑话篇一病人和他的大夫A woman complained that her husband constantly hung around the house,doing or saying nothing. T o please her, he went to see a psychiatrist.“Just lie down on the couch and we'll talk. "the doctor told him. "If you think of something to say, fine. If not,maybe next time.”一位妇女总是抱怨其丈夫在家里转来转去,无所事是,为了使老婆高兴,他找到了精神病学专家。

“你就躺在沙发上,我们来谈谈。

”精神病医生告诉他:“如呆你想起什么就说,没有的话,下次再讲也行。

”The guy got himself comfortable and fell fast asleep. At the end of the hour,the doctor woke hirn up and said,"That will be all for today—$100,please. "The patient paid and left.这位男士舒适地躺在沙发上,很快就入睡了。

到了一小时,大夫唤醒了他说:“今天就到这儿吧,请交100元。

”病人付了钱之后就走了,从此,那个人每周三、四来就诊。

每次,他总是一句话也不说,光是睡觉,而且每次都付钱。

第三周,病人来后坐下,然后又跳了起来。

The man came back every Tuesday and Thursday after that. Each time,he fell asleep without saying a word,but paid the fee. The third week, the patient came in,sat down and then jumped right up again."Aha,", marveled the doctor. "Have you thought of something to say?"“啊哈!”大夫惊喜道,“你想出要说的话了吗?”"Yes,do you need a partner ?"“是的,你需要一个助手吗?”爆笑到不行的英语笑话篇二执行指令My friend Gilbert and some other truck drivers were to deliver loads of gravel out in the country. The directions they were given said to go down a certain road and, when they came to a cow tied to a fence post, to turn right.我朋友吉尔波特和一些卡车司机到农村去送沙石。

英语经典冷笑话

英语经典冷笑话

英语经典冷笑话1. A boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."(一个男孩吞下了一些硬币,被送往医院。

当他奶奶打电话来问他的情况时,一位护士说:“还没有找零。

”)2. Why don't scientists trust atoms?Because they make up everything!(为什么科学家不相信原子?因为它们组成了一切!)3. Teacher: How can we get some clean water?Student: Bring the water from the cleaner's.(老师:我们怎样才能得到一些干净的水?学生:从清洁工那里带水。

)4. Why did the scarecrow win an award?Because he was outstanding in his field!(为什么稻草人赢得了奖项?因为他在自己的领域里是杰出的!)5. Patient: Doctor, I think I'm a rubber band.Doctor: Stretch yourself and prove it.(病人:医生,我觉得我是一根橡皮筋。

医生:伸展一下自己来证明吧。

)6. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.(我曾经靠曲调弹奏钢琴,但现在我用我的手。

)7. Why don’t skeletons fight each oth er?They don’t have the guts.(为什么骷髅不互相战斗?因为他们没有胆量。

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The year was 1943. Readers were sending in their hysterical true stories in droves, and the editors here had a revelation: "Great! Cheap labor!" And thus was born Life in These United States, the first of our humor departments, which was soon followed by All in a Day's Work and Humor in Uniform. One of the early stories: A wealthy New Yorker, "dressed in the Abercrombie & Fitch version of What a Man Should Wear in the Wilderness," walks up to a laconic Maine lobsterman. "I see you are using fish bait for lobsters. You think it's good, do you?" he asks. The lobsterman shakes his head. "No, I don't. But the lobsters do."Since then, readers have sent us over 20 million true stories and jokes, about 100,000 of which we've published. And now we're bringing you the best of the best. Edited by Jill KrasnyIll Defined1. We were really confused. While transcribing medical audiotapes, a colleague came upon the following garbled diagnosis: "This man has pholenfrometry."Knowing nothing about that particular condition, she double-checked with the doctor. After listening to the tape, he shook his head."This man," he said, translating for her, "has fallen from a tree."--Patricia Longbottom2. Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found an elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet-who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down, I asked if his wife was meeting him."I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."--Patsy R. Dancey3. One crazy day in our pediatric clinic saw me hand a young patient a urine sample container and tell him to fill it up in the bathroom. A few minutes later, he returned to my nurse's station with an empty cup."I didn't need this after all," he said. "There was a toilet in there."--Linda Feikle4. I was already a nervous wreck about my upcoming surgery. It didn't help matters when the admitting nurse asked me, "Have you had a hysterectomy before?"--Terry WisenerDo the Right Thing5. Watching a movie recently, I couldn't hear the dialogue over the chatter of the two women in front of me. Unable to bear it any longer, I tapped one of them on the shoulder. "Excuse me," I said. "I can't hear.""I should hope not," she answered. "This is a private conversation."--David Carver6. My husband decided to install a light switch in our master bedroom. Cutting into the wall, he discovered a stash of bottles and boxes."Honey!" he called excitedly. "Come see what I found!"I ran in and quickly realized that his next task would be to fix the hole he had made in the back of our medicine cabinet.--Nola PirartWedded Blitz7. The minute I walked into the post office, the postmaster noticed the new earrings my husband had given me."Those must be real diamonds," she said."Yes," I said. "How could you tell?""Because," she said, "no one buys fake diamonds that small."--Deborah Caudell8. When a woman in my office recently became engaged, a colleague offered her some advice. "The first ten years are the hardest," she said."How long have you been married?" I asked."Ten years," she replied.--Tonya Winter9. "What is that sound?" a woman visiting our nature center asked."It's the frogs trilling for a mate," Patti, the naturalist, explained. "We have a pair in the science room. But they've been together for so long, they no longer sing to each other." The woman nodded sympathetically. "The trill is gone."--KathyJo TownsonChild's Play10. We rushed our four-year-old son, Ben, to the emergency room with a terrible cough, high fever, and vomiting. The doctor did an exam, then asked Ben what bothered him the most. After thinking it over, Ben said hoarsely, "I would have to say my little sister."--Angela Schmid11. "Once in Virginia," said a speaker who had received an introduction that promised more than he felt he could deliver, "I passed a small church displaying a large sign. It read 'Annual Strawberry Festival' and, below in small letters, 'On account of the Depression, prunes will be served.'"--Boston Transcript12. The best advice I ever received came to me from my ensign when I was a Wave at boot camp. She told me, "To stay out of trouble, say 'Yes, sir' all day and 'No, sir' all night."--Anonymous13. A friend and I were hitchhiking, but no one would stop. "Maybe it's our long hair," I joked. With that, my friend scrawled on a piece of cardboard: "Going to the barber's." Within seconds we had our ride.--Raymond Butkus14. A male friend of mine, an engineer at an aircraft company, works for a woman supervisor. An active member of women's lib groups, she often shows up at work wearing buttons featuring feminist slogans. One day, her latest button, "Adam was a rough draft," proved too much for my friend. The next day, he showed up at work sporting his own button: "Eve was no prime rib."--Phyllis Reely15. The teacher in one of our local grade schools was showing a copy of the Declaration of Independence to her pupils. It passed from desk to desk and finally to Luigi, a first-generation American. The boy studied the document reverently. Then, before passing it on, he gravely added his own signature.--Katherine T. Floyd16. On the way back from a Cub Scouts meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. "Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?" he asked innocently.After my son hemmed and hawed for a while, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. "You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's okay if you don't know the answer."--Harry Neidig17. Driving with my two young boys to a funeral, I tried to prepare them by talking about burial and what we believe happens after death. The boys behaved well during the service. But at the gravesite, I discovered my explanations weren't as thorough as I'd thought. In a loud voice, my four-year-old asked, "Mom?""Yes," I whispered."What's in the box?"--Ginny Richards18. A family was celebrating their daughter's fifth birthday at a local restaurant when the little girl's father noticed her looking sadly at a moose head on the wall.Someone had placed a party hat on its head. Her father knelt beside her and explained why some people hunt animals."I know all that," the child sobbed. "But why did they have to shoot him at his birthday party?"--Jerry Bundick19. On the last night of our childbirth classes, our teacher took us to see the maternity center. We were gathered by the door when a woman, clearly in labor, and her nervous husband came rushing in.When he saw our group of pregnant women, he panicked: "Oh, my God. Look at the size of that line!"--Rachel Zeboski20. We had just finished listening to an old Simon and Garfunkel tune when my young daughter asked, "Well, did he?""Did he what?" I asked back."Did Parsley save Rosemary in time?"--Ron Pearce21. A woman from our office brought in her new bundle of joy along with her seven-year-old son. Everyone gathered around the baby, and the little boy asked, "Mommy, can I have some money to buy a soda?""What do you say?" she said.He replied, "You're thin and beautiful."The woman reached into her purse and gave her son the money. --Mercury NickseOn the Clock22. When a nun collapsed in the sales representative's office at our time-share resort, the rep ran to the front-desk manager."Two nuns walked into the sales office, and one of them fainted!" she yelled breathlessly. Unfazed, the manager just looked at her."Well," said the rep, "aren't you going to do anything?"He replied, "I'm waiting for the punch line."--Donna Caplan23. Although desperate for work, I passed on a job that I'd found on an employment website. It was for a wastewater plant operator. Among the job requirements: "Must be able to swim." --Michael Leamons24. My first job was wrapping hams at a meatpacking plant. One day, I was heading out the main gate right behind a woman who was rather rotund. Or so I thought.Just as she passed the guard shack, a ham dropped from her skirt. Before the guard could react, she wheeled around, shouting, "All right, who threw the ham?"--Roger Schoen25. While I was shopping in a pharmacy, a couple of teenagers came in. They were dressed in leather, chains, and safety pins. The boy had blue and purple spiked hair and the girl's hair was bright yellow. Suddenly the boy picked up a pair of sunglasses and tried them on. "What do you think?" he asked his girlfriend."Take them off!" she howled. "They make you look ridiculous."--Audrey Kelly26. My brother Jim was hired by a government agency and assigned to a small office cubiclein a large area. At the end of his first day, he realized he had no idea how to get out. He wandered around, lost in the maze of cubicles and corridors. Just as panic began to set in, he came upon another employee in a cubicle. "How do you get out of here?" Jim asked.The fellow smiled and said, "No cheese for you."--Christine Probasco27. I am five feet three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. The triage nurse asked for my height and weight, and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight and 125 pounds." "Sweetheart," my mother gently chided, "this is not the Internet."--M.M.28. Anytime companies merge, employees worry about layoffs. When the company I work for was bought, I was no exception. My fears seemed justified when a photo of the newly merged staff appeared on the company's website with the following words underneath: "Updated daily."--Dianne StevensOne for the Road29. Our first day at a resort, my wife and I decided to hit the beach. When I went back to our room to get something to drink, one of the hotel maids was making our bed. I grabbed my cooler and was on my way out when I paused and asked, "Can we drink beer on the beach?" "Sure," she said, "but I have to finish the rest of the rooms first."--Louis Allard30. My friend John and I, determined to see the world, signed on to a Norwegian freighter as deckhands. We were being trained as helmsmen, and John's first lesson was given by the mate, a seasoned but gentle white-haired seafarer. John was holding the heading he'd been given, when the mate ordered, "Come starboard."Pleased at knowing which way starboard was, John left the helm and walked over to his instructor. As the helm swung freely, the mate politely asked, "Could you bring the ship with you?"--Bruce Ingraham31. Sitting in coach during a lengthy flight, my wife and I heard a flight attendant ask the high-paying passengers in first class, "Would you care for Chardonnay or Burgundy?"A few minutes later, the curtains between the two sections parted, and the attendant wheeled the wine cart back to our aisle. "Excuse me," he said, looking down at us, "would you care for a glass of wine? We have white and red."--William V. CopelandPress '1' for ...32. When Dad's satellite dish conked out, I found him on the phone with the help desk. The TV set was pulled away from the wall, and he was staring at the mass of tangled wires spillingout the back of it.He looked absolutely overwhelmed."Tell you what I'm going to do," Dad said to the technician. "I'm going to hang up now, go to college for a couple of years, and then call you back."--Dana Marisca33. My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access the popular Ask Jeeves site, and we told her it could answer any question she had. Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom. Think of something to ask it."As I sat with my fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought for a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"--Catherine Burns34. A pastor I know has a standard liturgy for funerals. To personalize each service, he uses the Find and Replace command on his computer to replace the name of the deceased from the previous funeral with the name of the deceased for the upcoming one. Recently, he had to replace the name Mary with Edna.The next morning, the funeral was going smoothly until the congregation intoned the Apostles' Creed. "Jesus Christ," they read from the preprinted program, "born of the Virgin Edna."--Robin Greenspan35. I feel inadequate when talking with a mechanic, so when my vehicle started making a strange noise, I sought help from a friend. A car nut, he told me how to explain the difficulty when I took it in for repair.At the shop, I proudly recited, "The timing is off, and there are premature detonations, which may damage the valves."As I smugly glanced over the mechanic's shoulder, I saw him write on his clipboard, "Lady says it makes a funny noise."--Kate KelloggHow Do You Spell IQ?36. My friend was flabbergasted. She'd read that in a recent survey, our home state of California was ranked 47 in a list of the nation's smartest states."Can you believe that?" she fumed. "We're 47 out of 52!"--Juan Gonzales37. Halfway through dinner one night, our friend Jim told us of his days playing football in college as a defensive lineman."Did you play sports in college, Mike?" his wife then asked me."Yes," I answered. "I was on West Point's shooting team.""That's great," she said. "Offense or defense?"--Mike Maloney38. Strolling through town, I saw a road worker printing a sign that read "Raised Manhole Ahead." I pointed out that there were more like ten raised manholes. The sign, he assured me, would be changed.Later that day, the sign was corrected. It now read "Raised Menhole Ahead."--Minx McCloud39. Since I was a new patient, I had to fill out an information form for the doctor's files. The nurse reading it over noticed my unusual name."How do you pronounce it?" she asked."Na-le-Y-ko," I said, proud of my Ukrainian heritage."That sounds real nice," she said, smiling."Yes, it is melodious," I agreed."So," she asked sweetly, "what part of Melodia is your family from?"--Ann Nalywajko40. These newspaper editors stand corrected. From The Silver City (New Mexico) Daily Press: "Due to technical difficulties, Tuesday's page 7 was inadvertently left out and replaced with Monday's page 7. Today, page 5 will feature Tuesday's front page, while page 6 will be the correct page 7 for Tuesday."--Robin ShetlerEdible Complex41. The local market has a bin where employees keep returned items. The bin is labeled "Spoils." I never thought much about it, until one afternoon I heard an announcement over the loudspeaker: "Victor to the spoils. Thank you."--Chris Dejong42. It was an absolutely crazy evening at our emergency clinic. The doctor on duty was being bombarded with questions, given forms to fill out, and even asked for his dinner order. I was in the next room, cleaning up a sutured wound, when I realized the doctor hadn't given instructions for a bandage."What kind of dressing do you want on that?" I shouted through the door."Ranch," he yelled back.--Brenda ToddGee, Thanks for the Help43. For some reason, the bookstore clerk couldn't get the computer to recognize my preferred customer card. Peering over her shoulder at the screen, I said, "There's part of the problem. It shows my birth date as 12/31/1899.""That's right," my husband chimed in. "She was born in June, not December."--M. Patricia Capin44. At 82 years old, my husband applied for his first passport. He was told he would need a birth certificate, but his birth had never been officially registered.When he explained his dilemma to the passport agent, the response was less than helpful. "It's all right," the agent said. "Just bring a notarized affidavit from the doctor who delivered you."--Elgarda AshlimanWar Stories45. Short and baby-faced, my buddy Wiggins had trouble being taken seriously in the Army.A mustache, he assumed, would fix that. He was wrong."Wiggins!" bellowed our drill instructor after spotting the growth during inspection. "What's so special about your nose that it's got to be underlined?"--K. Trott46. While my husband was stationed overseas, our four-year-old daughter decided that she needed a baby brother."Good idea," I told her. "But don't you think we should wait till your father's home?"She had a better idea. "Why don't we just surprise him?"--Kay Schmidt47. During basic training, our drill sergeant asked all Jewish personnel to make themselves known. Six of us tentatively raised our hands. Much to our relief, we were given the day off for Rosh Hashanah.A few days later, in anticipation of Yom Kippur, the sergeant again asked for all Jewish personnel to identify themselves. This time, every soldier raised his hand. "Only those who were Jewish last week can be Jewish this week," declared the sergeant.--Allen Israel48. Just before I was deployed to Iraq, I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him."I'm going to be away for a long time," I told him. "I'm going to Iraq.""Why?" he asked. "Don't you know there's a war going on over there?"--Thomas Cioppa49. When I worked as a medical intern in a hospital, one of my patients was an elderly man with a thick accent. It took a while before I understood that he had no health insurance. Since he was a World War II vet, I had him transported to a VA hospital, where he'd be eligible for benefits.The next day, my patient was back, along with this note from the VA admitting nurse: "Right war, wrong side."--M. Murray50. Few people outside the military know what a quartermaster does. So during my aircraft carrier's Family Day, I demonstrated a procedure called semaphore-I grabbed my flags and signaled an imaginary boat.When finished, I pointed to a little girl in front and asked, "Now do you know what I do?" "Yes," she answered. "You're a cheerleader."--Danny Sullivan。

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