让陌生人迅速相爱的36个问题

让陌生人迅速相爱的36个问题

No. 37: Big Wedding or Small?

让陌生人迅速相爱的36个问题

In Mandy Len Catron’s Modern Love essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” she refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aron (and others) that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions. The 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one.

曼迪·莱恩·卡特隆(Mandy Len Catron)为“现代爱情”专栏写了一篇文章《如何快速与陌生人相爱》，她在文中提到心理学家阿瑟·亚伦(Arthur Aron)等人的研究成果：两个陌生人之间的亲密关系或许可以通过彼此询问一些特别的个人化问

题而快速升温。这36个问题分为三组，一组比一组来得寻根究底。

The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. To quote the study’s authors, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal

self-disclosure.” Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise forces the issue.

这个理论的核心是，共同的脆弱能促进亲近感。这项研究的作者们称：“同伴之间发展亲密关系的关键模式在于持续、逐步升级、相互且个人化的袒露自我。”允许自己和另一个人共享脆弱可能非常困难，下面这个练习能迫使你做到这一点。The final task Ms. Catron and her friend try — staring into each other’s eyes for four minutes — is less well documented, with the suggested duration ranging from two minutes to four. But Ms. Catron was unequivocal in her recommendation. “Two minutes is just enough to be terrified,” she told me. “Four really goes somewhere.”

卡特隆和她的朋友在文中尝试的最后一件事是彼此对视四

分钟，这个过程没有被详细记录（其实可以从两分钟到四分钟不等）。但是卡特隆毫不迟疑地推荐这件事。“两分钟的效果已经很惊人了，”她告诉我，“四分钟真的非常有效。”

Set I

第一组

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

1. 如果可以在世界上所有人中任意选择，你想邀请谁共进晚

餐？

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

2. 你想成名吗？想以什么方式成名？

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

3. 打电话之前你会先排练一下要说什么吗，为什么？

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

4. 对你来说，“完美”的一天是什么样的？

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

5. 你上次自己唱起歌来是在什么时候，给别人唱呢？

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

6. 如果你能活到90岁，同时可以一直保持30岁时的心智或身体，你会选择保持哪一种呢，心智还是身体？

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

7. 你是否曾经秘密地预感到自己会以怎样的方式死去？

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

8. 说出三件你和你的伴侣看上去相同的特征。

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

9. 人生中的什么东西最令你感激？