英语作文2012.02.13

Are Your Expectations Too High For Your Kids? There Is A Difference Between Pressure And Motivation

It does not matter whether it is academics or sports or both, of course parents what the kids to be better than other kids. Whether it is something simple like making their beds or drawing a picture to achieving something more difficult like hitting a home run or winning in gymnastics, young children want very much to get their parents approval and find happiness in doing so. But how much pushing is too much? Push too far and their spirits will break and they will be set up for disappointment.

Parents who are too competitive often expect to many things from their children. When a child is going through school and participating in outside activities, the parents are less concerned about the happiness of the child than they are about good grades and winning. An example is when a parent expects an A in every class even though the child has worked hard to get a B. For these parents, mistakes are not an option. Rather than accept that there could be other factors involved, these parent have a need to put the blame on somebody because their child 'failed'. Even worse is when the parents demand reasons from the child, who might not know why they were not able to meet their parents expectations.

For What Reason Do Parents Demand So Much From Their Children?

Family background:Following in the parents footsteps and 'family tradition' has importance to most parents. One example is if a child comes from a family of lawyers, it is likely that the child will be expected to be a lawyer, too, even if the inclination or aptitude is not there. Continuing the family 'legacy' is important for most parents. High achieving parents fail to see why their children should not have the some abilities that they do.

Economic stress: Sometimes kids are forced to be high achievers by parents of average incomes so they can qualify for grants and scholarships to reduce the out of pocket expenses of college.

Children owe it to them: There are many parents who think that giving a child everything will translate into that child succeeding. So, of course, they have no reason not to excel.

If another child can do it, why can't mine?: Self-doubt and envy are often the result of hearing the boasting of other parents about the successes of their children. This results in parents pushing their kids harder.

Effects on Children:Instilling competitiveness can be constructive: children will strive harder and find out for themselves what they are actually capable of.

Another advantage is monetary gain. Scholarship grants and other good offers are awarded for good performance when high school and college levels are reached. Of course, a certain amount of popularity and prestige will be there, too, because of the 'shining ability of the child'.

Though there are benefits in encouraging competitiveness in our kids, experts are in agreement that the positives can be outweighed by the possible negatives. Below are a few of them:

Children are misled: knowledge and its acquisition are no longer seen as goals when a child is under too much pressure. Whether the child learns anything that will have value to him or her is overshadowed by the grade becoming all important. The child will also become a disagreeable competitor.

Frustration comes easily to children. Just one or two mistakes and children who are highly pressured can become immensely unhappy. A small setback can cause children to begin blaming themselves. They will not be able to sleep at night. Every mistake is seen as failure and the end of everything. Children's self-perception can be damaged by a mindset that makes grades, awards and other such achievements the measure of the personal worth.

Children become fearful:Children might be afraid of being punished when they do not quite come up to standard when expectations are set too high. Support and guidance are necessary early on when children have problems in some subjects of areas. But out of fear of being a disappointment to their parents, they will not say, "I am having trouble getting this". Because no action is taken, there is no resolution. Because they fear failure, children become unwilling to take any risks, explore or try anything new, so their development is stunted.

Children become overly dependent on parents; When parents put too much pressure on children, they become unable to think for themselves. Their happiness with their efforts depends on mom and dad being happy. Every move they make must be approve of by their parents.

Children become isolated socially: When parents brag all the time about their children, other often do not receive it well. As a result, a wall is often created between the children and others, such as friends, community, school and sometimes even relatives. This can result in the development of an unhealthy inferiority or superiority complex in a child. When a child constantly has it drilled into him or her that he or she is better than everyone else, other children will ostracize him or her. By the same token, when a child feels inferior to other children, he or she will pull back into a shell.

Children measure self-worth with accomplishments: "I am perfect, so mom and dad love me," or "They do not think I am as good as everyone else" are the kind of messages children get when parents compare them to others. So children begin to feel a need to succeed so they will feel accepted and loved. Self-doubt so develops into severe anxiety without anyone noticing. This can then lead into such serious problems as eating disorders, power struggles and depression, even in young children.

Whether or not they get accolades, children should know they are loved. Preschool children should have more guidance in mastering skills that are age appropriate to lay the

foundation of later learning rather than focus on getting awards and medals. The right to play is as much a universal right to children as having shelter, food and education. So insuring that children have time to relax and play is something that is important for parents to make sure of.

Be confident of your childrens lead: Be there to hold your childrens hand as he or she learns at his or her own pace. Success in adulthood is not guaranteed by the accomplishments made in infancy, toddler or preschool years, so that must be kept in mind.

Loving and accepting children for who they are, is what parents can do best for their children. Let your child be who he or she is and let them find their own way to achieve their best. Every child is different. Each child's own way of growing, learning and thinking deserves respect. When it comes right down to it, the guidance and values parents give a child will determine the true measure of the child's greatness.

Article Source: https://www.360docs.net/doc/bc14642497.html,/667578

Do You Have Too High of Expectations for Your Child With Autism?

There are many parent(s), caregiver(s), who have too high expectations for their child with autism. In reality, you must remember, that each person is a separate individual. Your child with autism has a disorder, but he or she should not be put in a position where your expectations of that person is too high. There will be differences of emotional patterns and variations of the levels of autism with each person.

You want to honor your child who has the disorder of autism by accepting his or her strengths, abilities, needs and desires. Having too high of expectations for your child with autism could cause anxiety and frustration.

You as parent(s), caregiver(s), want to come together with a relationship, so you do not have too high of expectations for your child with autism. In my opinion, when you come together and try to understand your child who has the disorder of autism, instead of having too high expectations of him or her, you will begin to create a healthier relationship with your child.

If you respect your child with autism, there is no need to have too high of expectation for him or her. You will see the value or differences with the respect you give your child, so you can build and encourage strengths, to compensate for his or her weaknesses.

If you are honoring the differences your child has with his or her strengths and weaknesses, instead of tearing them down, there is no need to have too high of expectations, for your child with autism. Learn how to improve the weak areas of your child by asking for help and understanding your child. It does take patience. In addition, your child with autism is unique as his or her siblings and the rest of the family are. But, as parent(s), caregiver(s), you may make the mistake of thinking, your child is the same as the rest of the family peers, but he or she has their own personality.

If you choose not to honor and respect your child with autism with his or her differences, then your communication and relationship, could deteriorate and become negative.

I would recommend before expectations become too high for you child with autism, discuss these differences and share which are the important ones, with your spouse, caregiver(s), experts in the field of autism, your doctor. Do research and network on the internet. In addition, go to the library and attend the many autistic groups that are available to you, in your area.

Listen with your heart open, do not judge, if someone likes to do something a little different. It does not mean it is the right way, if it is your way. There may be several ways of doing various tasks.

Evaluate the reasons why you are having too high expectations for your child with autism. There could be conflicts about the ways in which things are done or where priorities are placed. Take some time to find a new way of doing things. Sometimes by the third way of doing it, becomes better than the first and second way, Be patient, to teach your child new ways of doing tasks and learning.

Choose love for your child, love instead of fear, and harmony instead of conflict for your child and you.

Article Source: https://www.360docs.net/doc/bc14642497.html,/5091723

They just hope for a better life for you and no matter where you live in the world, right now things do not look good for many people. You will be competing in a world where the divide between rich and poor is becoming wider and not much in between. They want you to do more than just survive they want you to live a good life.

Try to remind them that too much stress will cause you to burn out and that you need time to relax so your mind will take more in in the long run. Tell them you understand where they are coming from and that you know they want what is best for you but that having some fun too makes a person more well rounded and happier in life. If they know you understand them, it is possible they will listen to you.

You may not understand now, but once you leave college and look for a job, you will find that the world is very competitive and your parents want you to get the best job possible. Believe me, people constantly compete with each other and thats the way life works.

honestly, I think it's just show your parents way of showing you they care. Part of the way they raise you is based on the way they were raised.

Don't worry too much about your parents; just try to enjoy yourself and do the best you can. Source(s):

i'm asian too, and my parents are exactly like that

they want you to be successful so they can be proud when they tell other people about you

they also love you and dont want you to work at mcDonald's flipping beef patties...

About the "bad attitude" thing, I find that Asian parents are usually very sensitive and expect utmost respect for them, I think because of Asian culture?

They expect me to get strait A's. done.

they expect me to help around the house. done.

YET, they yell and complain at me every little time i slack off. why can't they cut me some slack?

i do great in all my classes and do chores and such, but they want MORE?! i don't understand what they want from me. they yell when i do things with a "bad attitude" but should they be happy that i'm doing it at all? i just don't understand my parents.

sorry if it sounds like i'm ranting. :P