makingcomplaints【精品资料】

Making Complaints
Y ou can complain when something you've bought or a service you've used isn't as good as you expected it to be.
In English, we tend to soften our language before we start complaining. Then we make our complaint and finally we ask for some kind of compensation for our inconvenience or help with our problem
Some language to help you complain:
1. Written complaints:
I'm writing to complain about the poor quality of service we received in your hotel recently.
I wish to complain about the inconvenience and delay I experienced on my recent train journey from London to Brighton.
I was very disappointed when, after only two weeks, my washing machine broke down.
We ordered a blue sofa however you sent us a green one.
The first problem was that there weren't enough seats for our party to sit together and the second problem was that we had to wait more than an hour to be served.
We were promised a non-smoking room but when we arrived, we were told that your hotel didn't have any non-smoking rooms.
2. Spoken complaints:
It's about this stereo.
I'm really not happy with this shirt.
It just broke down a few days ago.
I'm not satisfied with the service here.
Well, first the radio didn't work and then the CD stopped working.
3. Ways of saying something's not working or not in good condition:
to break - glass, china, pottery
I dropped my mum's crystal vase and broke it. She was really angry with me.
to break down - a lift, a car, a machine
I was stuck between the 3rd and 4th floor for 20 minutes when the lift broke down yesterday.
to be out of order - a communal or public machine (e.g. a photo-copier, a lift)
Don't put your money in that ticket machine. It's out of order. Y ou won't get a ticket or your money back.
to stop working - anything with batteries or that uses power
She wore her watch in the pool and then was surprised when it stopped working!
to crash - a computer
My computer's crashed. All the applications have stopped working. I'll need to phone the help-line to see if they can fix it.
to jam - a machine where something (e.g. paper) moves through it.
I want to print a card for my friend but there's something wrong with the printer. It jams if you put anything thicker than a piece of paper through it.
4. Asking for action:
I'd like a refund please.
I'd be grateful if you would replace this stereo immediately.
I would appreciate your sending me a replacement as soon as possible.
Please let me know what you intend to do about this situation.
Some tips when you want to express an effective complaint in English: No matter how unfair the situation, it's best to phrase your complaint politely.
Examples:
1. I'm sorry to bother you ...
For example, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I wanted a baked potato, not fries."
2. Can you help me with this?
"Can you help me with this? My shirt came back from the laundry missing buttons."
3. I'm afraid there may be a misunderstanding.
For instance, "I'm afraid there may be a misunderstanding. I requested a non-smoking room."
4. I understand it's not your fault ...
"I understand it's not your fault, but the airline promised they would deliver my baggage yesterday."
5. Excuse me, but I understood that ...
"I understood that the taxi ride to the airport was only 25 dollars."
All that said, sometimes you're treated so badly that there's no time for being polite! You can use these very direct phrases when a problem is beyond compromise: "I need to speak with a manager," "This is unacceptable," "Please fix the situation immediately," or "I demand a refund."
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Exercise:
Match sentences (1) - (4) together with sentences (a) - (d) to make four separate complaints.
1) Unfortunately one of the samples you sent us was damaged.
2) Unfortunately we have not yet received your payment.
3) Unfortunately our catalogue of your products is out of date.
4) Unfortunately you forgot to mention the cost of your products.
a) Please could you send us your cheque before 30th June.
b) We would be grateful if you could send us a replacement.
c) We would appreciate it if you could send us an up-to-date version as soon as possible.
d) Please could you send your price list as soon as possible.
Oral Practise:
Making Complaints
--- Excuse me, there seems to be som ething wrong with … / Excuse me, I’m afraid …
Responses to Complaints
--- Oh, I am sorry about that, I’ll …
--- Well, I’m afraid there is nothing we can do about it, actually. / I’m afraid there isn’t much that we can do about it.
Expressing shocked disagreement
--- But that's ridiculous! / unfair! / unreasonable!
It's unreasonable / unfair / ridiculous to charge me £10 for checking-in early!
---Can I speak to the manager please?
---It's just / simply not fair to charge us for the starters!
Use absolutely with strong adjectives and really with weaker adjectives and verbs
That's absolutely ridiculous!
That's really unfair
I really think that's unfair
Well...
In a disagreement, well signals that you understand what someone is saying or asking you, but you have a different opinion or something unexpected to say.
Well I don't think it's fair to make us pay extra for the airport shuttle
Well I have to say that the service was pretty slow, so I don't really feel like leaving a tip
Well, there was a cockroach in my room and the bathroom door doesn't lock! actually...
In a disagreement, 'actually' shows that you have a different point of view from the person you are speaking to or something unexpected to say
Well, actually I don't think you should charge us for the starters
I think you should give us the starters for free, actually
I'd like you to ...
I think you should ...
Dialogue:
Tim: How can I help you sir?
Customer: It's about this watch.
Tim: What seems to be the problem?
Customer: The alarm doesn't work and the strap leaves a green mark on my wrist when I take it off.
Tim: Have you worn the watch in the shower perhaps sir?
Customer: No and I only bought it two weeks ago. It's still under guarantee but I must say, for the amount of money I paid for it, I'm very disappointed.
Tim: I'm so sorry you've been inconvenienced. Would you like a refund? Customer: No, I'd rather have the watch replaced please.
Tim: Right, well, I'll just take down your purchasing details and we'll get this watch changed for you in no time at all.
Vocabulary :
under guarantee (在担保期内):
if something you buy breaks or stops working soon after you buy it, a shop or company promises to fix it or give you your money back
a refund (退款):
money that a shop or company gives back to you if you return something you bought from them
in no time at all (立刻):
soon
replace (更换):
change for another similar one
Making Appointments
Key sentences
I’d like to make an appointment with Mr. Smith.
我想约见史密斯先生。

May I have an appointment with you this evening?
我可以和你约定今晚见面么？
Mr. Zhang has made an appointment with your director. I’m ringing you up to confirm it.
张先生与你们司长约定了时间，我打电话来确认一下。

Have you got an appointment…?
你预约过么？
Could you arrange it for me?
您能帮我安排一下么？
I won’t keep him long.
我不会耽误他很长时间的。

Tomorrow morning is all booked up.
明天早上的预约都排满了。

Could you make it some other time?
可以约别的时间么？
Any time expect Monday would be all right.
除周一之外，哪天都可以。

Any time tomorrow will be OK with me.
明天任何时间我都有空。

Do you mind if I call on you tomorrow?
我明天来看望你，你不会介意吧？
Will it be convenient if I call on you at seven this evening?
我今晚七点钟来你那儿方便么？
No, I’m afraid I can’t arrange it.
不行，恐怕我安排不了。

I’m afraid I can’t make it before Sunday.
恐怕周日前我都没空。

Can we make it a little later?
我们可以把时间稍微推迟一点么？
That’s all right, we can make it some other time.
好吧，我们可以约别的时间。

Is it convenient to change our appointment from Friday to Sunday, at the same time? 不知能否将我们的约会由周五改到周六，时间不变？
I wish I were not late for the appointment.
希望我没迟到。

There’s something I’d like to speak to you about. I won’t keep you long.
我有些事情想跟您谈谈，不会占用您很长时间的。

Dialogue 1
A: Hello! Is that Bob speaking?
B: Y es, is it you, Tom?
A: Y es, how are you, Bob?
B: Fine, thank you. And you?
A: I’m fine too. I’m phoning because I’m leaving for New Y ork next week. I’m looking forward to seeing you again. It’s been a long time. Can I come to visit you on Monday evening?
B: Oh, I’m happy to hear that. But I happen to have an appointment then. So would you please come on Tuesday evening? I’ll be free then.
A: OK. See you then.
B: See you.
Dialogue 2
A: May I speak to Mr. Baker, please?
B: I’m sorry. Mr. Baker is quite busy right now. Could I pass him the message?
A: Well, you see, I won’t be able to keep my 10:30 appointment today. Do you think I could see him tomorrow?
B: Let’s see. He’s free from 4:30 to 6 tomorrow afternoon. Would that be convenient? A: Y es, of course. Thank you very much.
B: Y ou’re quite welcome. Thank you for calling. Good-bye.
Dialogue 3
(A: secretary B: Lin)
A: Good morning. This is Helen Smith.
B: Good morning. I’d like to speak to Mr. John Bay.
A: I’m sorry. The manager is away in Boston for a meeting and won’t be back until next Monday, that is, Sept. 20. May I know who I’m speaking to?
B: This is Liping Lin of the Shanghai Pacific Corporation calling from his hotel. I’ve just arrived in New Y ork.
A: How are you, Mr. Lin? Mr. Bay knew you’d be here in New Y ork City but didn’t expect that you’d arrive so soon.
B: To tell you the truth, neither did I. But at the last moment I had to change my schedule a bit since some of our customers in London wanted to meet me there later this month. By the way, do you like I can have an appointment with Mr. Bay
after he comes back?
A: Of course, the manager would be so pleased to meet you. let me check his schedule. Will next Wednesday suit you?
B: What about the time?
A: What do you say to 3:30 p.m.?
B: Good for me. Thank you. Good-bye.
A: Good-bye. Have a nice stay in New Y ork.
Dialogue 4
(At the Department Office)
A: Secretary B: Steve
A: Good morning, sir.
B: Good morning. I’m a doctoral student of the English department. I’ve come to see Prof. Scott.
A: Have you got an appointment, Mr.…?
B: My name is Steve Martin. Please call me Steve. No, I haven’t.
A: I’m sorry, Steve. But Prof. Scott is rather busy these days.
B: I see. Y ou know, I’d like to have a talk with him about something urgent. Could you arrange it for me? I won’t keep him long.
A: I’ll see what I can do. Just one moment please. I’ll have a look at his schedule. B: Thank you.
A: Tomorrow morning is all booked up. Will tomorrow afternoon be OK?
B: All right. What time exactly?
A: I suppose you could come at three.
B: Good, that’s settled then.
A: Y es.
B: Sorry to trouble you.
A: No trouble at all.
Dialogue 5
(Steve makes an appointment to see the doctor.)
(A: Receptionist B: Steve)
A: Can I help you, sir?
B: Hello. May I make an appointment for sometime early this afternoon?
A: I’m sorry. All the appointments are filled.
B: Oh, what a pity! I’d like to see the doctor as soon as possible. I have a sharp pain in my chest.
A: Let me see…perhaps I could fit you in at 5:30.
B: 5:30? I have a dinner appointment at 6:00.
A: What about tomorrow morning, then?
B: No, I can’t wait. I feel awful. The dinner appointment has to be canceled.
A: I guess it can’t be helped.
B: Y ou’re right. Did you say 5:30? I make a note of it.
A: All right, then. See you this afternoon.
B: How kind of you! Good-bye.
Dialogue 6
A: Did you date a lot lately, Joe?
B: Y es, I did.
A: Who did you date?
B: Eve.
A: Y ou went out on a date last night, didn’t you?
B: Y es, I did, but she stood me up.(她失约了) She didn’t keep the date for the first time.
A: How come?
B: I don’t know.
A: Why don’t you phone her for a date again?
B: I did phone her this morning, but she hung up on me. I think she is going to walk out on me.
A: Don’t jump to conclusions. Look at the bright side. Try to make another date
again.
B: I will. Thanks for your advice.
注：appointment主要指看病和事务上的约会。

朋友间的约会常用engagement，情侣之间的约会用date。

开始约会making an appointment
★Dou you mind if I call on you tomorrow?(我明天拜访你，你不建议吧！)
Call on=to visit someone访问；拜访（某人）
He called on me last Sunday.（他上星期天来看过我）
★Do you think you could come to my home tomorrow? （你认为你明天能到我家来吗？
★I hope to see you in my office tomorrow.（我希望明天你到我办公室来一趟）
★I’d like to meet you tomorrow.（我想明天和你见一面）
★Are you free next Friday?（下周五你有空吗？）
★Are you busy this evening?（今天晚上你有空吗？）
★What are you going to do this weekend?（这个周末你干什么？）
★I’d like to invite you to a show.（我想请你去看演出？）
★May I ask you out?（我能和你约会吗？）
★Do you have plans tonight?（今天晚上有事吗？）
★Would you like to go to the movies with me?（你愿意和我一起去看电影吗？）何时何地when and where
▲when shall we meet?（什么时间见面）
▲Where shall we meet?（什么地方见面）
▲Will tomorrow be ok?（明天行吗？）
▲What about tomorrow?（明天怎么样？）
▲How is tomorrow? （明天怎么样？）
▲Let’s make it tomorrow?（我们定在明天吧！）
▲A: What time should we meet?
B: how about seven?（七点怎么样？）
方便convenience
◆Any time.（随时恭候）
◆That’s settled.（就这么定了）
◆Y es, usual place.（对，老地方）
◆That’s fine with me.（我很方便）
◆All right.（对）
◆OK, I’ll see you then.(行，到时见面。

)
◆A; where do you want to meet?（在哪里见面）
B: Any place you want.（你觉得哪儿合适就在那儿）
不方便inconvenience
●I’m afraid I can’t meet you next Sunday.（我恐怕下礼拜天不呢不能见你）●I’m afraid I won’t be free next Sunday.（我恐怕下礼拜天没有空）
●I’ve got rather a full day next Sunday.（我下礼拜天拍的满满的）
● Sorry, Saturday is difficult, I’m afraid.
（对不起，我恐怕礼拜天有点困难）
●Sorry, Saturday won’t do, I’m afraid.（对不起，周六恐怕不行）
●Sorry, Saturday is a bit of a problem.（对不起，周六有点问题。

）
改变或取消changing or canceling
■could we put it off to next Monday?（我们可以把它推迟到下礼拜一吗？）■Could we meet at three instead of eight tomorrow afternoon?
（我们明天下午由八点改为三点见面行吗？）
■Can we make it a little later?（我们晚点见面行吗？）
■I’m afraid we’ll have to change our appointment.
（恐怕我们不得不换个时间约会）
■Let’s postpone our date for dinner, if you don’t mind.
（如果你不介意的话我们推辞晚餐的时间）
postpone: vt. 推迟，使延期，延迟
We postponed the match from March 5th to Match 19th.
（我们把比赛从3月5日推迟到3月19日举行）
Something urgent has just come up.（有些急事发生）
Sorry, our appointment will have to be canceled.（对不起，我们的约会不得不取消。

） Cancel: vt 取消.删去。

我喜欢这个单词！只要是实用的单词我都喜欢！
She cancelled her order.（她取消定货）
I’m sorry, but I won’t b e able to see you this afternoon.（对不起，我今天下午不能见你）
Making Complaints
Y ou can complain when something you've bought or a service you've used isn't as good as you expected it to be. Y ou can do this in writing or by speaking directly to the person or company In English, we tend to soften our language (often by apologizing for disturbing the person we're talking or writing to) before we start complaining. Then we make our complaint and finally we ask for some kind of compensation for our inconvenience or help with our problem
Some language to help you complain:
1. Written complaints:
Usually written complaints use quite formal English:
I'm writing to complain about the poor quality of service we received in your hotel recently.
I wish to complain about the inconvenience and delay I experienced on my recent train journey from London to Brighton.
I was very disappointed when, after only two weeks, my washing machine broke down.
We ordered a blue sofa however you sent us a green one.
The first problem was that there weren't enough seats for our party to sit together and the second problem was that we had to wait more than an hour to be served.
We were promised a non-smoking room but when we arrived, we were told that your hotel didn't have any non-smoking rooms.
2. Spoken complaints:
Usually spoken complaints are less formal than written ones.
It's about this stereo.
I'm really not happy with this shirt.
It just broke down a few days ago.
I'm not satisfied with the service here.
Well, first the radio didn't work and then the CD stopped working.
3. Ways of saying something's not working or not in good condition:
to break - glass, china, pottery
I dropped my mum's crystal vase and broke it. She was really angry with me.
to break down - a lift, a car, a machine
I was stuck between the 3rd and 4th floor for 20 minutes when the lift broke down yesterday.
to be out of order - a communal or public machine (e.g. a photo-copier, a lift)
Don't put your money in that ticket machine. It's out of order. Y ou w on't get a ticket or your money back.
to stop working - anything with batteries or that uses power
She wore her watch in the pool and then was surprised when it stopped working!
to crash - a computer
My computer's crashed. All the applications have stopped working. I'll need to phone the help-line to see if they can fix it.
to jam - a machine where something (e.g. paper) moves through it.
I want to print a card for my friend but there's something wrong with the printer. It jams if you put anything thicker than a piece of paper through it.
4. Asking for action:
I'd like a refund please.
I'd be grateful if you would replace this stereo immediately.
I would appreciate your sending me a replacement as soon as possible.
Please let me know what you intend to do about this situation.
Some tips when you want to express an effective complaint in English:
No matter how unfair the situation, it's best to phrase your complaint politely. In English, you'll sound more polite if you use indirect language.
Examples:
1. I'm sorry to bother you ...
Starting a complaint with "I'm sorry to bother you" puts the listener who may have heard many complaints that day at ease. Use this phrase if the situation isn't that serious. For example, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I wanted a baked potato, not fries."
2. Can you help me with this?
Everyone would much rather be asked to do something than told! So try phrasing your complaint as a request for help: "Can you help me with this? My shirt came back from the laundry missing buttons."
3. I'm afraid there may be a misunderstanding.
This is a polite way of saying, "Your information is wrong. Please fix it now." You'll most likely use this phrase if you made reservations for a flight, hotel or restaurant, and when you arrive, it's not what you expected. For instance, "I'm afraid there may be a misunderstanding. I requested a non-smoking room."
4. I understand it's not your fault ...
Often when you make a complaint, you deal with a person who was not directly responsible for the problem. But the problem isn't your fault, either! This phrase is helpful when you need swift action. Tell the person you're dealing with you understand they're not at fault and then directly state the problem: "I understand it's not your fault, but the airline promised they would deliver my baggage yesterday."
5. Excuse me, but I understood that ...
Using this phrase lets the person know you're well-informed and are suspicious they might be trying to take advantage of you. Don't say, "Hey! You're trying to cheat me!" Instead, start indirectly by stating what you know to be true: "I understood that the taxi ride to the airport was only 25 dollars." Then give them an opportunity to respond.
All that said, sometimes you're treated so badly that there's no time for being polite! You can use these very direct phrases when a problem is beyond compromise: "I need to speak with a manager," "This is unacceptable," "Please fix the situation immediately," or "I demand a refund."
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Exercise:
Match sentences (1) - (4) together with sentences (a) - (d) to make four separate complaints.
1) Unfortunately one of the samples you sent us was damaged.
2) Unfortunately we have not yet received your payment.
3) Unfortunately our catalogue of your products is out of date.
4) Unfortunately you forgot to mention the cost of your products.
a) Please could you send us your cheque before 30th June.
b) We would be grateful if you could send us a replacement.
c) We would appreciate it if you could send us an up-to-date version as soon as possible.
d) Please could you send your price list as soon as possible.
Answers:
1-b 2-a 3-c 4-d
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Oral Practise:
Making Complaints
--- Excuse me, there seems to be something wrong with … / Excuse me, I’m afraid …
Responses to Complaints
--- Oh, I am sorry about that, I’ll …
--- Well, I’m afraid there is nothing we can do about it, actually. / I’m afraid there isn’t much that we can do about it.
Expressing shocked disagreement
--- But that's ridiculous! / unfair! / unreasonable!
It's unreasonable / unfair / ridiculous to charge me £10 for checking-in early!
---Can I speak to the manager please?
---It's just / simply not fair to charge us for the starters!
Use absolutely with strong adjectives and really with weaker adjectives and verbs That's absolutely ridiculous!
That's really unfair
I really think that's unfair
Well...
In a disagreement, well signals that you understand what someone is saying or asking you, but you have a different opinion or something unexpected to say. (If you say right or okay to show you understand, it can seem like you are agreeing with someone).
Well I don't think it's fair to make us pay extra for the airport shuttle
Well I have to say that the service was pretty slow, so I don't really feel like leaving a tip
Well, there was a cockroach in my room and the bathroom door doesn't lock! actually...
In a disagreement, 'actually' shows that you have a different point of view from the person you are speaking to or something unexpected to say
Well, actually I don't think you should charge us for the starters
I think you should give us the starters for free, actually
I'd like you to ...
I think you should ...
Dialogue:
Tim: How can I help you sir?
Customer: It's about this watch.
Tim: What seems to be the problem?
Customer: The alarm doesn't work and the strap leaves a green mark on my wrist when I take it off.
Tim: Have you worn the watch in the shower perhaps sir?
Customer: No and I only bought it two weeks ago. It's still under guarantee but I must say, for the amount of money I paid for it, I'm very disappointed.
Tim: I'm so sorry you've been inconvenienced. Would you like a refund? Customer: No, I'd rather have the watch replaced please.
Tim: Right, well, I'll just take down your purchasing details and we'll get this watch changed for you in no time at all.
Vocabulary :
under guarantee (在担保期内):
if something you buy breaks or stops working soon after you buy it, a shop or company promises to fix it or give you your money back
a refund (退款):
money that a shop or company gives back to you if you return something you bought from them
in no time at all (立刻):
soon
replace (更换):
change for another similar one
Expressing Anger
很多人一生气，所有的英文都忘光了，平常英文就说不出口，更何况是吵架，所以满脑子浮现的都是脏话，这是很不好的。

有人很绝，英文骂不过人家就用中文，反正对方听不听得懂都无所谓，重要的是让他知道你很凶，你正在骂他就行了。

现在让我们来看看一些比较文雅的方式：
Hey! Wise up!
放聪明点好吗？
当别人做了蠢事时，你可以说，―Don't be stupid！‖或―Don't be silly.‖但这是非常不礼貌的说法。

客气一点的说法就是：Wise up!你也可以用尖酸刻薄的语气说：Wise up, please.然后故意把please的尾音拉得长长的。

也有人会说，Hey! Grow up.意思就是你长大一点好不好?例如有人20岁了还不会自己补衣服，你就可以说Hey! Grow up.这根wise up是不是也差不多呢?
Put up or shut up.
要么你就去做，不然就给我闭嘴。

要注意的是，Put up字典上查不到―自己去做‖的意思，但见怪不怪，很多口语都是字典上查不到的。

这句话也让人想到一句成语：walk the walk, talk the talk, 即说到做到，有点像是中文里的言行一致，或是只说：walk the talk也可以。

You eat with that mouth?
你是用这张嘴吃饭的吗？
别人对你说脏话，你就回敬他这句，言下之意是你的嘴那么脏，你还用它吃饭？还有一种说法：―You kiss your mother with that mouth?‖你用这张脏嘴亲你妈妈吗？所以下次记得如果有老外对你说脏话，不要再骂回去，保持风度，说一句，―You eat with that mouth?‖就扯平了。

You are dead meat.
你死定了。

也可以说：―You are dead.‖
你完蛋了。

Don't you dare! How dare you!
你好大的胆子啊。

这句话可以在两种场合说，第一种是很严肃的场合，如小孩子很调皮，不听话，父母就会说，―Don't you dare!‖意思是你给我当心点，不然等会就要挨打了。

另一种场合是开玩笑，如有人说他要跟某网友约会，你说―Don't you dare?‖就有点开玩笑的语气，你不怕被恐龙给吃了吗?
Don't push me around.
不要摆布我。

通常当我讲这句话时，我还会想到一个字―bossy‖，像是老板一样，喜欢指挥别人。

如：―You are so bossy. I don't like that.‖这句话也可以单讲，―Don't push me.‖或―Don't push me any further.‖还有一句跟push有关的成语：push the button，指使，操纵。

如：―I know why you are doing this, someone is pushing your button!‖
You want to step outside?/You want to take this outside?
想到外面解决吗？
老外跟我们一样，二个人一言不合吵起来了，可能就有人要说这句了，指的就是要不要出去打架啦。

我还听过类似的用法，如：―Do you want to pick a fight?‖你要挑起争端吗?或―This
means war.‖这就意味着跟我宣战。

You and what army? You and who else?
你和哪一路人马啊？
要是有人跟你说―Do you want to step outside?‖就回他这一句。

意思是说：―喔……那你找了多少人来打架啊?‖有时候电视里出现这句对白时，还会打出一排军队的电脑动画，非常有意思。

还有一句话也很好玩：―Who's side are you on?‖这是在快要打架时，你问人家：你到底是哪一边的?
I'm mad/cross/worked up/irritated/in a temper!
我气坏了！
How annoying/disgusting/nasty!
真讨厌！
You're gettng on my nerves.
你真让我生气。

Don't lose your temper.
别生气。

I'm running our of my patience.
我忍无可忍了。

Don't talke back to me.
别顶嘴。

No more excuses.'
别再找借口了。

You' regret it/be sorry.
你会后悔的。

You really let me down.
你真让我失望。

You've overdone it!
你太过分了。

Last week, for the first time in many years, I had a big, shouty, stand-up row with a colleague at work. It started off quite small, as these things often do. But then he accused me of being sloppy.
I accused him of trying to cover something up. The two of us stood in the middle of a large, open-plan office and let rip. His complexion was deepest crimson and so was mine.
From my point of view he was intransigent, patronising and utterly insufferable. From his point of view – and I'm guessing here – I was superior, sarcastic and utterly toxic. So we fought for a bit and later, trembling with rage, I returned to my desk.
The conventional view is that rage at work is bad, as well as being mad and dangerous. A Gallup poll in the US showed that one in five office workers has been so furious with a colleague in the past six months that they would have liked to hit the other person.
But the true picture is more complicated than that. There is good rage and bad rage. Someone who gets angry all the time is impossible to work with. But for the rest of us, occasional bursts of anger, especially if performed with panache, have much to be said for them.
My rage attack had two advantages. First, it was a gift to everyone else. Humdrum office life was briefly interrupted with a little drama. Eyes popped, and suddenly there was something to whisper
about at the coffee machine. It was also good for me as it got my blood coursing agreeably through my veins.
Companies have got themselves into a muddle over anger. On one hand they tell us to feel passionate about our work. On the other they expect us to be professional at all times – which means keeping our negative emotions under lock and key. Passionate and professional strike me as odd bedfellows.
Actually, I've never really gone along with the idea of passion at work. I've looked the word up in the dictionary and it means: a strong ***ual desire or the suffering of Jesus at the crucifixion. Neither of these quite captures the mood of the average white-collar worker.
However, if what passion means is minding about work, I'm all for it. The trouble is that minding means sometimes feeling furious when things don't go according to plan.
Indeed, for me work is one long rage opportunity –starting with the fact that the machine that dispenses hot water for tea is on the blink. Clearly some management of rage is in order, and here is what the experts usually suggest.
Their first tip is to breathe. I've never been able to see what the big deal about breathing is. It keeps me alive, but that's as far as it goes.
Their second is ―positive self-talk‖– to squash your negative feelings and give the other person the benefit of the doubt. This is dodgy advice. Why should I give my patronising colleague the benefit of the doubt when he was so clearly in the wrong? The very thought makes me much crosser than I was before.
The third tip is forgiveness. Again, no dice: I don't forgive the water machine and I don't forgive my colleague.
The reason this advice is so hopeless is that it is trying to eliminate anger. Instead, what we all need advice on is how to do anger better. My outburst last week could have been improved on. The first problem is that I don't get angry at work often enough, so last week's row was too shocking to my system. Once every 10 years is too little. Once every 10 minutes is too much. The ideal might be about once every couple of months.
The next problem was that I didn't end it properly. Afterwards I sought the advice of a pugnacious colleague. He said I should send an e-mail saying: ―Don't ever speak to me like that again, and I deman d an apology at once.‖
I rejected this because such e-mails are not my style. My style is more to nurse a lifelong grudge (and possibly write a column about it). Which approach is better? Clearly the pugnacious one is. My problem was that I was an anger wimp and didn't follow through.
Apologies all round are a good way of ending it. A fairly senior woman I know often has bad-tempered outbursts but always says a large and generous sorry afterwards. She reckons (and she may be right) that the effect of a furious shout followed by an apology often leaves her victim marginally better disposed to her than before the rage attack.
There are other principles for good anger. It is almost never good to shout at a subordinate. Mine was a row of equals. Second, however angry you are don't let it spill out of control. Throwing the computer keyboard is not advisable as it makes you look an idiot and then your computer doesn't work, making you crosser still.
If you are small and male, anger is to be avoided. A man under 5' 7‖ who loses it at work just looks comic. This isn't fair, but that's the way it goes.
The people who worry me most at work are not the people who get angry but the ones who never。