终用稿(7人搞笑英语版话剧剧本三顾茅庐)

终用稿(7人搞笑英语版话剧剧本三顾茅庐)————————————————————————————————作者：————————————————————————————————日期：2Three visits to the cottage三顾茅庐Aside: After their swearing brotherhood to heaven and earth in a peach garden, the three persons——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei-had to be janitors（美['dʒænɪtɚ] n. 看门人；守卫）in Caocao's corporation to make a living for they could not find jobs. Meanwhile the legendary and mysterious character ZhuGeliang who had been forced to attend CET-6 test by his wife was reviewing examination contents.SCENE 1: Liubei's homeActors: Liubei Guanyu ZhangfeiGuanyu: Brother! We three have been hungry for days and when will this tragic life end? It's so terrible!Liubei: Yu, it's impossible that I don't feel painful, isn't it? But as the proverb says it is hard to sit in Rome and strive against the Pope. Now we cometo Caocao's corporation as gatekeeper（看门人）, anyhow we can fill ourstomachs between whiles. It's very hard to get work now. No diplomasand no job offers, what are you dreaming about?Zhangfei: Oh, Brother! ZhuGeliang's wife borrowed us 500yuan to cope with his husband’s CET-6 fees last month, it seems that it's time for us to be debtcollectors now.Guanyu: Yeah, Brother! Or we'll be as poor as church mouseLiubei: Alas! How did I forget this? Let's go! Go~~ go~! Hurry up! Follow me and go to the mountain for dunning!（收拾家伙挽袖子）Aside: And then the three brothers climb the mountain to find ZhuGeliang.SCENE 2: ZhuGeliang’s houseActors: ZhuGeliang Zhu’s Wife ZhuGeliang: Good morning! I am the genius ZhuGeliang. ButI feel so sad recently. Because my wife forced meto pass the CET-6. What’s CET-6? Do you know?I’ve never heart about that. And she asked me toread so heavy books and do so many texts.（拿起手里的试卷给大家亮亮）It’s ridiculous. My major ismilitary advice, not English. Why should I readthis?Wife: Darling!ZhuGeliang：My wife is coming，she is so long-winded（啰嗦的）that I can never bear her.（装作认真状）Wife：My dear, how about your study?ZhuGeliang：These books make me want to doze[dəʊz](打瞌睡).I’m dizzy.Wife：Darling! Now, competition is so serious. If you can’t pass cet-6 to get your master’s degree, it is difficult to find a job. I have stayed herefor half of a lifetime. But never visit a bigger place like Shanghai.(cry) ZhuGeliang：Don’t worry, these books are too easy for your husband and don’t need to learn.（扔书）Wife：Are you sure? let me have a test to you. Listen，read and see! ZhuGeliang：A piece of cake!Wife：Listen, can you spell apple? Desk?ZhuGeliang: Sorry I can’t.（不会抓耳挠腮）Wife：You can’t? Oh, how unfortunate I am! (crying) I'm wrong, I'm really wrong, I'm wrong from the beginning. I shouldn't marry here. If Ididn’t marry here, I'll never in thi s heartrending place now,诸葛亮——崩溃了（捂耳朵忙劝）ZhuGeliang：Don’t cry, don’t cry, stop!老婆——（马上变脸）I ‘m going to study hard at once. Wife: 给书童一个手势Keeper: What is the matter? Madam?Wife: Listen carefully! My husband is too busy doing his homework to welcome any people, so you will tell the people who calls on him thatboss has went to study in England.Aside: While it is going on, liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have came to the gate of ZhuGeliang’s house.SCENE3 Outside ZhuGeliang’s houseActors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei KeeperZhangfei: Let me knock the door! Open! Open!!!（气愤敲门咚咚咚）Keeper: (Check from the peep hole) Are these men asking for the debt?(Open the door)Liubei: This is liubei! We are calling on ZhuGeliang and his wife.Keeper: Zhu said he is not in.Liubei: En????Keeper: Oh! No!...I mean …I mean my boss is studying English in England for the exam of CET-6, and he may not be come back this month.Liubei: OK! We will wait for him here!Guanyu: Nobody knows that when he will be come back, so, let’s go home!Aside: The three men went away with disappointed. After a month, the deeply autumn came! They came here at the second time. Unfortunately, theydidn’t see Zhu Geliang as well. Two month passed, the cold winter iscoming! It is heavy snow and very cold outsides. ZhuGeliang knows thereason that why they come here three times, and orders the keeper to letthem come in whiles his wife is out.SCENE 4: ZhuGeliang’s HomeActors: ZhuGeliang wife liubei Zhangfei Guanyu ZhuGeliang: Thank goodness, here's Liubei at last. Ha ha ha ………Wife: Wof! Darling! He may come here to ask me to repay his money. We can’t let him in.ZhuGeliang: My darling, please don’t worry. I can make liubei go back with nothing by my sliver tongue Liubei: Mr. ZhuGeliang. I have hunted you for a long time!（此时刘备用枪指着诸葛亮头幻灯片放无间道）Zhu: Oh! You are Liubei. What can I do for you ?Liu: my brother, you have borrowed me 500yuan, when you repay it for me? I have starved for several days.（放乞丐的幻灯片）ZhuGeliang: I owe you 500yuan? who can testify? Please give me a chance, I want to be an honest man. Liubei: How can I give you a chance? Speak it to the judge.Zhu: Please look(扇子指向幻灯片幻灯片放西农地图), although having ambition , you are just a guarder. We can enlarge our power from this base, and then attack Caocao. At last I believe that we can reign the whole country.Liubei:（若有所思）I’m so surprised! I don’t know you are so smart.Zhu Geliang: If I give you a map, could I not repay your money?Liubei: En…….you know so much about affairs, are you willing to create a new country together with us?ZhuGeliang: En……sorry, I can’t. Because my wife forces me to pass the CET-6 recently. If you can help me toresolve the problem, I will help you.Liu: （面露难色）En…..Zhangfei: （拉刘备到身边耳语到）(Pull) Brother, come here.Everything is fake now such as the milk. Why can’t we find somebody help us do the test or buy a key ?（幻灯片武状元苏乞儿作弊呢段）Guanyu: Yes! We can overdraft our salary from Caocao to buy the key at first.（假答案图片）SCENE 5: Outside ZhuGelia ng’s houseAside: After receiving the master degree, ZhuGeliang will go to work with Liubei to establish a new Kingdom.So the couples apart.Actors: ZhuGeliang Wife Liubei Guanyu ZhangfeiWife：Honey!ZhuGeliang：Darling!Wife：Excellent man have a great ambition. You should put cause above everything else , are sure not to miss me.ZhuGeliang：I will have a long journey .Please take care of yourself.(（转身悄悄说）) Don’t worried, never missyou!!（出门拜倒在久侯的刘备关羽张飞脚下）ZhuGeliang：(To Liubei)Your Majesty( ['mædʒɪstɪ]主公), I will never forget your favour. I must be loyal anddevoted to the last.Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei: Let' go!!!!!Aside: The three men go down to the hill. That is the end of the whole story. Thank you for your attention.（结束时放猫和老鼠的结尾）旁白——话说刘关张桃园三结义之后四处奔波一时间找不到工作不得不在曹操的公司靠看大门为生而此时那个传说中的神秘人物诸葛卧龙先生正专心在家复习考试因为他的老婆黄氏逼着他参加CET-6场景一刘备家刘备关羽张飞上关羽——大哥咱们都饿了好几天了这种吃糠咽菜的生活我们要过到什么时候啊哎刘备——二弟这大哥我怎么可能不难受嘛可是常言道人在屋檐下怎能不低头我们现在曹操的公司里给人家看大门这年头工作这么难找我们三兄弟学历又不高好不容易能有口饭吃就很不错了哪还有什么奢求呀张飞——大哥对了上个月后面山头诸葛亮的老婆来问我们借走了500块钱去给她老公交学费去了都好久没还我们是不是应该去要回来关羽——是啊大哥不然的话这样下去我们就得喝西北风了刘备——哎就是我怎么这岔给忘了走走走二弟三弟随我这就上山（收拾家伙挽袖子）旁白——兄弟三人就此上山场景二诸葛亮家诸葛亮上诸葛亮——大叫好我就是绝顶聪明的诸葛亮可我最近却很是郁闷我那个娘子非要我去参加什么大学英语六级考试六级考试是个什么东西我怎么听都没听说过还要我看这么厚的书做这么多的题（拿起手里的金瓶梅给大家亮亮）我以后可是要当军师的！！又不是这个专业的干嘛还要要看这种书老婆——相公（远处喊）诸葛亮老婆上（比较啰嗦）诸葛亮——娘子来了我娘子啰嗦的像唐僧一样说起话来我可受不了快老实看书（装作认真状）老婆——相公你的书背的怎么样了诸葛亮——娘子啊这些书看得我头昏眼花光想打瞌睡老婆——哎相公呀你有所不知你看现在外面竞争这么激烈你要是不好好考六级将来拿个硕士文凭以后找不到工作可怎么办呀我们在这个小村子里都呆了小半辈子了你看我连稍微大一点的城市像铁岭都没去过诸葛亮——娘子你看老公我这么有才华以后还愁找不到工作么这些书太简单了统统不用看（扔书）老婆——哼！！你说简单那我考考你诸葛亮——怎么还要考我舌战群儒我都不怕小小考试焉能难道我（对观众说）老婆——我要考你听写（诸葛亮郁闷状）听着apple怎么写desk怎么写诸葛亮——（不会抓耳挠腮）老婆——相公啊你连这都不会可怎么办呀哎呀我错了我真的错了我从一开始就不应该嫁过来如果我不嫁过来就不会流落到这么一个伤心的地方我好后悔呀诸葛亮——崩溃了（捂耳朵忙劝）诸葛亮——娘子莫哭娘子莫哭相公好好看书就是老婆——（马上变脸）这还差不多你知道么为了供你读书咱们家已经欠了外面一屁股债连看大门的我都借过如果这些人上门来逼债我可怎么办呀诸葛亮——娘子你说看大门的？莫非就是呢个看大门的刘备（抓胡子兴奋点头）老婆——正是此人书童你快过来书童上书童——主人有何吩咐老婆——书童听着相公近日温习功课外人一律不见来人就说去国外游玩讲学去了书童遵命旁白——话正说着刘关张三人已经到了诸葛亮家门口场景三诸葛亮家门口刘关张上张飞——大哥我来叫门（气愤敲门咚咚咚）书童——（从猫眼里看看跟张飞头对上幻灯片配李逵的黑脸吓一跳）莫非是来讨债的（思考开门）刘备——在下刘备特来拜访诸葛卧龙先生和她老婆书童——主人说他不在家刘关张——恩？？？书童——哦不是主人主人出去游玩了可能很快回来也可能十多天不回来刘备——那我们就在这等他关羽——他呢么贪玩谁知道他什么时候回来大哥我们还是走吧旁白——三人离去又过了一个月已是深秋三人第二次登门拜访可是仍然没有见着第三次已经是冬天屋外下着鹅毛大雪诸葛亮知道了刘备上门讨债的事情趁这会老婆黄氏不在赶紧命书童前去开门场景四（此段删除）诸葛亮家门口（下大雪）刘关张书童上张飞——大哥下次要见诸葛小儿你先给我老三说一声我把他绑来见你如此劳烦哥哥甚是无礼刘备——哎二弟三弟现在欠钱的都是大爷我们还是再去一回吧一定要诚心诚意才能打动人家（抹眼泪幻灯片放杨白劳与黄世仁咚咚咚敲门）书童——主人今天在家（诸葛亮拿着金瓶梅从身后走过）但是正在看书请你们等一等张飞——（等不及了）诸葛小儿快出来大哥二哥帮我照顾好我七舅老爷他上外甥女。