tiger mom虎妈

Sept.24, 2015
1. Are You a Tiger Mom/Lion Mom/ Dolphin Mom/ Teddy Bear Mom
Juju Chen (Teddy Bear Mom): We begin tonight with parenting. Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care book has sold more than 15 million copies since 1946 publication, second only to the Bible. But now a new kind of parenting book is flying up the shelves, and the author… has critics roaring about her sharp-clawed advice, packaged under the title The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Here is JuJu Chen to talk with the author and with moms of a few different stripes (种类).
Parenting has become a competition of styles, and there (are a lot of?) mothers writing about how they are raising the perfect “cub “(幼崽).Meet Amy Chua, better known as the “Tiger Mom”.
Amy Chua: My daughter Lulu came back with a bad math test when she was about ten, and she said, “I hate math; I’m bad at math.” I didn’t accept that. I said, “I’m making these practice tests.”And I handwrote them and I drilled them with her for a week. And the next test she did really well. And guess what? She decided she didn’t hate math. And her friends started calling her ‘math wiz’ (数学奇才), and now math is one of her favorite subjects.
Juju Chen(Teddy Bear Mom):…. I don’t know whether to be repulsed (反感)by that or completely jealous that you are able to do this. It can be both. Maybe it is both…. Maybe that’s why you’re getting such a strong reaction.
When The Wall Street Journal (华尔街日报) showcased（展示）her book under the provocative （挑衅的）headline ‘Chinese Mothers Are Superior’, it sparked a ferocious（激烈的）national debate about permissiveness （放任，纵容）and parenting. The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom, she said, is about being strong, fierce, and uncompromising about high expectations. ‘Here are some of the things my daughters Sophia and Louisa are never allowed to do”, she wrote.
……
She denied bathroom breaks during piano practice and called her daughter ‘garbage’ when she acted up (调皮，胡闹)at a dinner party.
Juju Chen(Teddy Bear Mom): One of the more controversial excerpts from the book was when you rejected your daughter’s Mother’s Day card. How cruel!
Amy Chua: That story has gone out of control.
Juju Chen (Teddy Bear Mom):I have the New York Post article here that your daughter wrote defending you….
The response has been fierce. In news reports, Amy Chua has set a fire storm in magazine covers, especially mommy blogs.
Dolphin Mom: There are kinds of reasons that people are not succeeding. And I think to say that you are being too nice to children… I think that’s truly not the case.
Dolphin Mom: There is a bit of a misconception about play…If you want your kids to be happy and well-adjusted (适应能力强的), let them play…. Actually it has really cognitive (认知的)benefits and those have been well-established （被确定的）for decades.
She calls herself a Dolphin Mom, because dolphins learns through play.
Dolphin Mom:Actually you can be a strong parent, just as a dolphin is actually a tough predator (捕食者), a cannibal（食人动物）, and quite a tough animal. You can be a strong parent and not literally devour (毁灭) your children with your own rather narrowly defined （狭隘的）expectations.
Lion Mom (Editor in Chief of Self Magazine): A lion mom is often busy… hunting, or taking care of the whole prey (捕食). But the cub is in a very secure place, and is free to find their own way.
Juju Chen (Teddy Bear Mom): That cub, Lucy’s son Julien, a well-rounded musical scholar athlete at Andover （美国著名的高中a prestigious prep school）, who is now on the way to the ivy leagues (常青藤大学).
Son:They weren’t strict but by no means were they lenient（宽大纵容的）. They knew that I had to do my work and I knew they wanted me to, and it wasn’t really an option not to.
Lion Mom:I gave total freedom, not freedom to misbehave, but freedom to find your own thing.So if he tried piano and didn’t like it, we gave up piano and tried guitar. If he didn’t like guitar, we gave that up and he started singing. You know, he found his own way. And I said, “Why didn’t you like it when I made you do it?” And he said, “Because you were making me do it.”
Juju Chen (Teddy Bear Mom): Chua has also raised two daughters who by all accounts（大家都说）are well-adjusted and successful. The older one played at Carnegie Hall (卡耐基音乐厅) at age 14, both are straight A students. And the book may be climbing the best seller book list because people want the recipe for her success. Author Paul Rawson points to research that suggests that Chua may be onto (对…充分了解)something.
Paul Rawson:85% of American parents think it important to tell their kids they’re smart, to prai se them for their intelligence. Why?We want to be an angel on their shoulder, riding along with them to give them confidence.
……
When the test was given again…
Paul Rawson: The American kids, because they had a lot of practice, did a little bit better. But the Chinese kids did 30% better, whopping, jumping in their performance after this little instruction period with their mothers.
Juju Chen(Teddy Bear Mom): I was raised as a tiger cub, driven to get good grades, to excel in swimming. Losing was bad news. And I hated it. What’s more, I swore I would never raise my kids that way.
I am more of a teddy bear mom…although I have my grizzly moments (严厉的时候).
Amy Chua: My own parents, I experienced them as extremely loving and supportive, even as they were very tough.
Juju Chen (Teddy Bear Mom): We do have that in common, because it’s not that I don’t love my parents, it’s not that I’m mad at them. It’s just that I responded to their pressure in a very negative way.
Amy Chua: And so did many of my friends. You know, another side of this is when you talk about achievement and pressure, I just…That’s just not what I’m about. I don’t know about other parents. My younger sister has Down Syndrome (唐氏综合症)….When she was first born, we had some relatives that said that you know, we can just send her back to Asia and nobody will have to know about it. Terrible.But what happened is, I think my mom applied “Tiger Mothering” to my younger sister. Nobody expected her to get A’s or to go to college. My mother taught her how to tie her own shoe laces when other people said she didn’t and she couldn’t. She played piano with her. She drilled math with her. And now my sister works at Walmart; she has a boy-friend; she is independent; she loves playing piano, and she has very high self-esteem. She has a great relationship with my mom.
Juju Chen (Teddy Bear Mom): So in the end, tiger parenting is about pushing your child to live up to their potential.
Amy Chua: Yes, but always with love. I think that’s the crucial（关键的）thing. It’s got to be highest expectations coupled with love and listening.
Juju Chen (Teddy Bear Mom): A lesson she learned when her younger daughter hit adolescence angst（青春期焦虑和烦恼）and started to rebel.
Amy Chua: At some point I realized, Oh my God, she hates me. And she hates the violin and I’m going to lose my daughter if I don’t pull back (撤退，妥协). The last third of the book(在书的最后三分之一), it’s not the tiger, it’s the little crying rabbit.
JuJu Chen(Teddy Bear Mom): Chua eventually let her daughter quit orchestra（交响乐团）. And even now (she) allows a little occasional sleepover. So to hold onto her daughter’s love, the tiger mom in this fable（寓言）turns into a rabbit（兔子）.
2. Diners Confront Tiger Mom
Anchor: From talented young musicians to super-achieving students at the top of the class, have you ever wondered why so many Asian kids seem to be so successful? Is tough love by Asian parents the answer? It is, says author Amy Chua, who set off a storm of controversy which made the media rounds touting (兜售)what she called ‘the tiger mother method of strict parenting’….
Anchor: While the book shot to the top of the best seller list, the criticism of sharp-clawed Asian parenting has been fierce. So we wonder, will people be as vocal（直言不讳的）if they encounter
a tough tiger mother in person. So we gave our actors Rachel and Michia a scenario straight from pages of the tiger mother book ‘An A minus is a bad grade: A tiger mother can order her kids to get perfect grades.
….
We set up our hidden cameras at … a popularrestaurantin … New York. And we wait for reactions.
Scenario 1:
Tiger Mother: We’ve been through this how many times? It’s ridiculous. Nobody in our family gets an A minus. Period.
Anchor: Remarkably it only took a few minutes for diners to step in.
First Woman: Speaking to her that way is not going to help her.
Tiger Mother: I want her to be excellent. That’s why I’m doing this.
Anchor: As the harsh homework session goes on, the woman is clearly disturbed.
Tiger Mother: Do you have a pencil? We’ve got to do this right now.
Anchor: And it’s also upsetting to this woman.
Second Woman: As a mother of four, this is really bad for me.
Tiger Mother: I’m sorry but it’s not what you think. You embarrass me in public like this. Second Woman: You embarrass her in public. It’s very upsetting to me, not only her.
Tiger Mother: I apologize.
Anchor: As soon as the mother leaves the table, the concerned woman jumps at the opportunity to check in on the young girl.
First Woman: Is this how your mother treats you all the time?
Young Girl: She just wants to be perfect.
First Woman: But if you ever feel you are in danger in any way, you dial 911. Ok? Remember that. Anchor: When the tough tiger mother returns, she tries to explain her parenting philosophy. Tiger Mother: I just want her to be best.
Second Woman: Sometimes you just can’t control this. You know she is bright, she’s actually gorgeous.
….
Second Woman: You don’t want to get into that with another customer, but to us, she is bordering on（接近，称得上）child abuse (虐待儿童).
Anchor: What’s wrong with that approach?
Third Woman: There is no positive. It’s all negative. Whatever the child does, it’s not going to be good enough.
….
Anchor: Your advice for parents who want to do the best for their kids academically?
First Woman: … Sometimes they can’t always succeed to your expectations. And that’s OK.
Scenario 2:
Tiger Mother: You never listen. And I’ll talk about you’re lazy.
Anchor: Jenna and her mother Ann look stunned（震惊）by the harsh words they’re hearing. Young Girl: I’m sorry.
Tiger Mother: You’re sorry? I didn’t raise you to be mediocre (平庸的). You’re a disappointment. And you know what? You’re not going to eat now.
….
Anchor: For twenty agonizing （痛苦的）minutes , the women stay silent.
Tiger Mother: You can’t keep trying. You have to do it. How many times do I have to tell you? Come on, you just don’t listen….
Anchor: Now Ann feels comfortable enough to check on the young girl.
Ann: Are you alright, sweetheart? Can I do anything for you?
Young Girl: My mother is so hard on me.
….
Anchor: When the tiger mother comes back, the women are ready to explode.
Tiger Mother: Are you bothering people? What’s wrong with you?
Jenna: You chill out!
Ann: Leave your child alone.
Tiger Mother: She’s doing her homework.
Jenna: You’re the worst mother I’ve ever seen.
Ann: You’re a disgrace （真丢人）.
Tiger Mother: No, she’s a disgrace.
Ann: No, she isn’t. She’s a little girl.
Jenna: You’re a bitch, lady.
Tiger Mother: Is this what you did to me?
Ann: No, she didn’t do it to you. You did it to yourself (你自作自受)! You had this child petrified (吓呆的).
Anchor: This is Rachel. She’s an actress.
Ann: I hated you but now I know.
Anchor: This mother of two says her heart was breaking for the young child.
….
Anchor: Your mom jumped in, screaming.
Jenna: She were attacking like a caged racoon (被关在笼子里的浣熊), my mother.
Anchor: Now your message to people who see this and do nothing.
Ann: Step up to the police.
Scenario 3:
Tiger Mother: That’s wrong. You’re garbage. You’re terrible.
Anchor: Now watch out this woman try to quietly defuse （平息，化解）the situation.
Tiger Mother: Do I raise you to be stupid? That’s just ridiculous. Michia, write it again. When I come back, (you’d) better to be perfect.
Anchor: When the tiger mother doesn’t get the hint, the bystanders have had enough (受够了). Diners: Don’t come back! Leave her alone! Somebody dial 911!
Anchor: No one calls the police. But when the mother is gone, another worried woman rushes over to comfort the daughter. And the woman is in no hurry to leave the young girl. She waits to confront the demanding mother.
….
Anchor: When the bystanders gang up on (围攻) the mother, this man, Bill Kong tells the women to stay out of it. On the defense, the tiger mother turns to him for support.
Tiger Mother: Sir, you know what I’m saying like ….
Bill Kong: I know. They should stay out of it.
Tiger Mother: Do you understand?
Bill Kong: Yeah, I understand. Don’t worry.
Anchor: So you told these other people: Don’t intervene.
Bill Kong: They took the side of the kid right away, without knowing the circumstances. Anchor: In fact, Bill says people intervene simply because the mother and daughter are Asian.
…
Anchor: Why is it wrong to take that strict approach?
Woman: I don’t think it’s wrong to take the strict approach. But I think it’s wrong to use those words: stupid, garbage.
Anchor: Our actress Rachel Lu says she was called exactly those words by her Taiwanese parents. So what does she think?
Rachel: I grow up having a tiger mom and a tiger dad. They didn’t mean to make me feel bad. They know I would come out of it and feel stronger. That’s their philosophy.
Anchor: What’s like playing the role?
Rachel: It’s a little bit difficult, because it stirs up all the emotions in me. But I’m mostly close to my parents, so I don’t want to portray them as a stereotype. I want to show that it’s coming from a place of love.
Anchor: So what will Rachel’s parenting style be?
Rachel: There is no A minus. A is OK.
Anchor: But get this. As it turns out, author Amy Chua who started the whole tiger mother uproar （哗然，沸沸扬扬）had a change of heart about strict parenting after her youngest daughter rebelled.
Amy Chua: I started to lose touch. But then luckily, I listened, you know, and I pulled back(撤退). Anchor: So she’s lightened up on（不再像以前那样严格）her own children.
….
You just have to accept your kids for who they are.
Let them be kids.
Chinese Parenting vs. Western Parenting (based on Amy Chua’s The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother)
Chinese Parenting
1. Schoolwork always comes first.
2. An Aminus is a bad grade.
3. Your children must be two years ahead of their classmates in math.
4. You must never compliment your children in public.
5. If your children ever disagree with a teacher or coach, you must always take the side of the teacher or coach.
6. The only activities your children should be permitted to do are those in which they can eventually win a medal.
7. And that medal must be gold.
8. Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their children and therefore override(推翻；不顾) all of their children’s own desires and preferences. (P.53)
9. Chinese parents always pay for everything, but fully expect to be cared for and treated with respect and devotion when they get old. (Western parents don’t have such expectations.) (P.55)
10. Chinese parents believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they’re capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits, and inner confidence that no one can ever take away. (P.63)
Western Parenting Style
1. Stressing academic success is not good for children.
2. Parents need to foster the idea that learning is fun.
3. Kids should participate in sports teams. (P.5)
4. Western parents believe in choice.
5. Western parents believe “You have to give your children the freedom to pursue their passion”.
6. Western parents are extremely anxious about their children’s self-esteem. They worry about how their children will feel if they fail at something, and they constantly try to reassure their children about how good they are …. (P.52)
7. Most westerners don’t have the view that children are permanently indebted to their parents. On the contrary, they think that it’s parents who foist life on their kids, so it’s the parents’responsibility to provide for them. Kids don’t owe their parents anything. Their duty will be to their own kids. (P.53)
8. Western parents believe in individual choice and value independence, creativity, and questioning authority. (P.54)
9. Western parents try to respect their children’s individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcements and a nurturing environment. (P.63)。