荆轲刺秦王英语搞笑剧本

荆轲刺秦王英语搞笑剧本

The man wants to kill the king

旁白：It was war periods time, the war among different countries seemed endless. Every kings or ministers tried to find some supermen to work for them——to be the killing tools for their political purposes. As time goes by, it was becoming a fashion to feed so me good men at home……

This is a crazy world. In the crazy world, there are the crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by the crazy way.

第一幕：Conspire(密谋)

太子丹（上，叹气）：Ying Zheng,that bad guy,treats me even worse than before.Resorts to lots of persons in his hand,he never cares about me ---the most sensible prince under the sun.Recently,he has got much more cities from my hands.How can I live if these things happen again(急)。Hey!! I must think out a good idea. I must make him know who I am.(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister? (大臣阿三上)Indeed, tell me what shall we do now?

阿三：（毕恭毕敬）Just keep calm,please!Let me see!（盘坐在地。两手在头上画画如一休）（旁外音：当当当，砰！！）（阿三起）Ok,I get one,we can sent a hero to put Ying Zheng to~~~（作杀状）Then, all the beauties,jewelries and cities in Qing is ours~~~ （淫笑）太子与阿三作流口水状.

太子：Ha, ha~~~. Good idea,Good idea!But do you think who we can sent?

阿三：I have thought about it, we can send Xi Men Chui Xue .He is traveling in our country these days. I think we can’t lose the chance. We must employ him quickly. 太子：Well, deal with the things as soon as possible.

第二幕：tournament (比武)

西门吹雪（上台，摆出一幅酷式，手一张，一条纸带随风而下）

西门吹雪

（Xi Men Chui Xue）

身高：190cm Height: 190cm

最爱干的事情：聊qq Favorite doing: chatting

战斗力：无限War power: endless

最爱的颜色：黑色Favorite color: black

武器：长剑Weaponry: long sword

最爱喝的饮料：啤酒Favorite drinks: beer

血型：O Type of blood: O

最崇拜的人：小燕子，****** Favorite idol: Xiao Yanzi Mao Zedong Today I came here for the fighting, who is the unwanted-life guy. Stand out.

荆轲（抖嗦而上）站在一边，不敢出大气。

旁白：Competition begins.

荆轲（带剑冲向西门吹雪，半途停住）Are you really Xi Men Chui Xue?

西门吹雪：Just come on.

荆轲：（又冲，停在西门吹雪面前）Are you sure you are really the Xi Men Chui Xue in the story?

西门吹雪：（不耐烦）what a boring man! How dare you ask me such a stupid question?

荆轲（环视四周见无一人，便跪在西门吹雪面前，大哭）My hero, I admire you just like the yellow river, never endless. I have eighty-year-old mother up, three-year-old boy down. Please don’t kill me. Give me the life, please!

西门吹雪（大怒）I thought Jingke is a hero. But you beg for life. How can I forgive you? Give me your life. (举剑刺向荆轲，忽然，捂住自己的肚子，自语) Maybe I ate too much this morning, Maybe there is something wrong with the rice. (抬头) where is the toilet?

荆轲：T-o-i-l-e-t-?

西门吹雪：WC.

荆轲：W-C-?

西门吹雪：（急）茅厕！！Are you happy to hear such rude words?

荆轲：I know, I know. Turn left, left and left.

西门吹雪下。

太子丹与阿三上，看见荆轲，大吃一惊，太子丹给阿三一个眼色，阿三会意。走至荆轲前。

阿三:What’s your name, please? Hero.

荆轲不屑一顾。

太子丹（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name, please?

荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：

宁在花下死，作鬼也风流。

Even dying under the flower, Also happy as a ghost.

——快活魔王荆轲是也

Happy prince of the gost

太子丹（抱拳）：How do you do

荆柯：How do you do.

荆柯突欲走，太子丹给阿三一个眼色。

阿三：Hero, wait for a moment. I have a problem which needs your help。

太子丹：You can gain a lot of things.

荆柯欲走又止。

太子丹(从衣兜里掏出一张卡片): Here is a card for traveling all over the world for free, please accept it please, hero.

荆柯正准备拿，但马上又止，转身又欲走

太子丹（慌了）：I must use the last way. Ladies and gentlemen. This is Miss Huang! 旁白：“大世界”响起

有一妖艳女子走上（男扮女装），走到荆柯面前，给荆柯抛了一个眉眼。荆柯两眼发直。

太子丹与阿三（击掌）Yeah!

荆柯（站直，厉声道）：Great man, both born and die for his motherland. I am not the guy who just wants money and beauty. What shall I do? Prince, just say it out. But this lady……

太子丹：No problem.

第三幕：Say goodbye in Yishui River(易水别)

荆珂挽着那女子，太子丹在后，阿三一手拿着地图，一手拿着人头上。

阿三：We have already reached Yishui River.