大学英语演讲稿幽默
大学生搞笑英文演讲稿
Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed professors, fellow students,Good morning/afternoon/evening! It is an absolute pleasure to stand before you today to share with you the tale of my college experience. As the saying goes, "College is the best time of your life," and I must admit, it has indeed been an adventure filled with laughter, tears, and a whole lot of fun. So, let's dive into the world of college humor and see what makes us all chuckle!Introduction: The College LifestyleFirst and foremost, let's talk about the college lifestyle. It's a unique blend of freedom and chaos. We have the freedom to choose our classes, hang out with friends, and even stay up all night studying (or partying). However, this freedom comes with a price – the chaos. We often find ourselves in situations that we would never have imagined, and sometimes, we wish we could turn back time.The Great Debate: Coffee or Caffeine Pills?One of the most common debates among college students is the eternal question: "Coffee or caffeine pills?" Let me tell you, there is no right answer. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. Coffee gives you that warm, comforting feeling, but it also makes you jittery and prone to spills. On the other hand, caffeine pills are discreet, but they can leave you feeling like you've swallowed a tiny rocket.The Art of ProcrastinationAh, procrastination – the art form that we all excel in. Whether it's putting off studying for an exam or leaving the laundry until the last possible moment, we are all guilty of this crime. We have countless excuses, from "I'll do it tomorrow" to "I'm on a deadline!" But let's be honest, sometimes we just want to watch another episode of our favorite TV show.The Great Hall of Food JudgmentsWhen it comes to food, college students have a wide range of opinions. Some of us are foodies, exploring every corner of the campus for thebest meal deals. Others are on a constant quest to find the perfect snack that won't break the bank. And let's not forget the infamous "dorm food" – a dish that can either make or break your taste buds.The Magic of TextbooksTextbooks are a college student's best friend and worst enemy. They are the source of our endless complaints and the reason why we often end up with piles of paper. We spend hours flipping through them, searching for the one page that we need, only to realize that we've alreadyhighlighted it. And let's not forget the joy of carrying around a backpack filled with textbooks – it's like a mini gym workout!The Life of a FreshmanBeing a freshman is like being a tourist in a new city. You're excited, nervous, and a little bit lost. You attend countless orientation sessions, meet new people, and try to find your place in this new world. One of the highlights of freshman year is the infamous "study group."It's where you realize that your study habits are not as effective as you thought, and you end up spending more time chatting than actually studying.The Power of All-NightersAll-nighters are a rite of passage in college. They are the times when we pull an all-nighter to finish a paper or prepare for an exam. It's during these moments that we discover our true potential, or at least, our ability to function on minimal sleep. We joke about it, but let's be honest, we wouldn't have it any other way.The Unwritten Rules of FriendshipIn college, friendships are formed in the most unusual ways. Whetherit's sharing a late-night snack, studying together, or surviving a group project, we create bonds that can last a lifetime. There are unwritten rules of friendship in college: "Never borrow money," "Always have a backup plan," and "You're only as funny as your worst joke."Conclusion: The Laughter of College LifeIn conclusion, the life of a college student is filled with laughter, tears, and countless unforgettable moments. We laugh at our own jokes, our friends' mistakes, and the absurdity of college life. It's a time when we learn to appreciate the little things, embrace the chaos, and cherish the friendships that will last a lifetime.So, let's raise our coffee cups (or caffeine pills) to the hilarious life of a college student! Here's to the laughter, the late nights, and the memories that will make us smile for years to come.Thank you for listening, and may your college years be filled with as much fun and laughter as mine have been.[Applause]。
大学英语演讲稿幽默5篇
大学英语演讲稿幽默5篇1. The Art of ProcrastinationHello, fellow procrastinators! Today, I’d like to talk to you about the art of procrastination. As a professional procrastinator, I cantell you that the key to success is not starting anything until the very last minute.Why do something today when you can put it off until tomorrow? Or the day after that? In fact, why not put it off indefinitely? The beauty of procrastination is that you can always convince yourself that you have plenty of time left, right up until the moment when you’re scrambling to fi nish everything.But let’s be honest, procrastination isn’t just about putting things off. It’s about finding creative ways to avoid doing them altogether. That’s why it’s important to have plenty of distractions at your disposal. Video games, social med ia, cat videos… the possibilities are endless.The best part about procrastination is that it’s not just a terrible habit –it’s a lifestyle. So don’t feel guilty for avoiding work. Embrace the procrastinator within you and remember: you’ll get it done eventually. Maybe.2. Why Studying is OverratedHello, my fellow students. Today, I’d like to talk to you about why studying is overrated.Think about it. All those long nights spent cramming for exams could be spent doing something much more enjoyable. Likewatching Netflix, or eating pizza, or napping. Who needs a degree when you have an unlimited streaming service and an entire pizza to yourself?Sure, some people might argue that education is important for your future. But let’s be real. Does anyon e actually use calculus in real life? And while we’re at it, who actually cares about Shakespeare?Plus, studying is just plain stressful. Who wants to spend hours reading textbooks and taking notes when you could be doing something fun instead? Life’s t oo short to be trapped in a library.In conclusion, I urge you all to put down your textbooks and go enjoy life. Who knows, maybe you’ll learn something more valuable than anything you could find in a classroom.3. The Benefits of Being LazyHello, my fellow couch potatoes. Today, I’d like to talk to you about the benefits of being lazy.First of all, being lazy means you don’t have to waste energy or effort on anything you don’t want to do. Why go to the gym when you can just lie on the couch and watch TV? And who needs to cook when there’s always delivery?But laziness isn’t just about avoiding work. It’s also about maximizing your relaxation time. When you’re lazy, you have the freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want. And that’s a beautiful thing.And let’s not forget about the health benefits of being lazy. Studies have shown that relaxation can lower stress and even boost your immune system. So the next time someone judges you for being lazy, just tell them it’s for your health.In conclusion, I urge you all to embrace your inner sloth. Life is too short to be constantly working and stressing out. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the benefits of being lazy.4. The Power of ProcrastibakingHello, my fellow procrastinators. Today, I’d like to talk to you about the power of procrastibaking.Procrastibaking is the act of baking delicious treats as a way to procrastinate from doing actual work. It may sound counterproductive, but trust me, it’s a highly effective form of procrastination.Not only does procrastibaking provide a temporary distraction from your responsibilities, but it also results in delicious treats that you can share with friends and family. And let’s be honest, who doesn’t love fresh-baked cookies or cupcakes?In addition, procrastibaking can actually improve your mood and reduce stress. The act of baking can be therapeutic and calming, and the end result is a delicious treat that can improve anyone’s day.So the next time you find yourself procrastinating, consider whipping up a batch of your favorite baked goods. It’s a win-winsituation – you get to avoid work and indulge in a tasty treat.5. My Life as a Professional ProcrastinatorHello, everyone. My name is [Name], and I’m a professional procrastinator.You may be wondering how I’ve managed to turn procrastination into a career, but let me tell you –it’s all about mindset. Instead of feeling guilty or stressed about putting things off, I embrace my procrastination habits and use them to my advantage.For instance, I’ve learned that the best ideas often come to me when I’m avoiding work. When I’m supposed to be writing a report, I’ll suddenly come up with a brilliant idea for a novel. When I’m supposed to be studying, I’ll come up with a great business plan.In addition, procrastination has taught me the importance of prioritizing my time. When I know I have a deadline approaching, I become incredibly efficient in getting everything done in the shortest amount of time possible.So don’t feel bad about pr ocrastinating – embrace it. Who knows, maybe one day you’ll turn it into a career too.Thank you for listening.。
大学幽默英语演讲稿5篇
大学幽默英语演讲稿5篇College humorous English speech编订：JinTai College大学幽默英语演讲稿5篇小泰温馨提示：演讲稿是在较为隆重的仪式上和某些公众场合发表的讲话文稿。
演讲稿是进行演讲的依据，对演讲内容和形式的规范和提示，体现着演讲的目的和手段，用来交流思想、感情，表达主张、见解；也可以用来介绍自己的学习、工作情况和经验等等；同时具有宣传、鼓动、教育和欣赏等作用，可以把演讲者的观点、主张与思想感情传达给听众以及读者，使他们信服并在思想感情上产生共鸣。
本文档根据演讲稿内容要求展开说明，具有实践指导意义，便于学习和使用，本文下载后内容可随意修改调整及打印。
本文简要目录如下：【下载该文档后使用Word打开，按住键盘Ctrl键且鼠标单击目录内容即可跳转到对应篇章】1、篇章1：大学幽默英语演讲稿2、篇章2：大学幽默英语演讲稿3、篇章3：大学幽默英语演讲稿4、篇章4：幽默英语演讲稿范文5、篇章5：幽默英语演讲稿范文随着经济全球化进程的加快,英语演讲在各个领域的作用越来越大。
下面小泰整理了大学幽默英语演讲稿，供你阅读参考。
篇章1:大学幽默英语演讲稿Good morning teachers and fellow students. Today we would like to introduce a few favorite books to you.My favorite book is （Italian: Cuore）. This is a diary written by an Italian boy Enrico. The diary is about his life and study. It included various touching stories that happened around Enrico, the mottos taught by his parents, as well as the wonderful ten "monthly" stories told by his teacher during the class. Every word in the chapter describes the word "love". From patriotism to friendship, and to the love between parents and child -- really touching.This novel taught me how to love, and how tolearn from love. I really like this book very much. How about you? What is your favorite book?My favorite book is . Have you read it before?Oh, I haven’t read this book before. What is it about?Well, it is a story of a rich girl who maintained her noble character after the bankruptcy of her father. The story is happy ending.Can you tell us why you love this book so much?Sure. It is because the story taught us to be brave and to face the challenges and difficulties with courage. I am deeply impressed by the strength and perseverance of the little princess in the story. I have decided to learn from her from now on.Oh I see, the story sounds very good. I cannotwait to read this book as well.篇章2:大学幽默英语演讲稿【按住Ctrl键点此返回目录】Mary was an English girl, but she lived in Rome. She was six years old. Last year her mother said to her, “You’re six years old now, Mary, and you’re going to begin going to a school here. You’re goingto like it very much, because it’s a nice school.”“Is it an English school” Mary asked.” Yes, it is,” her mother said. Mary went to the school, and enjoyed her lessons. Her mother always took her to school inthe morning and brought her home in the afternoon.Last Monday her mother went to the school at 4o’clock, and Mary ran out of her class. “We’ve gota new girl in our class today, Mummy,” she said. “She’s six years old too, and she’s very nice, but she isn’t English. She’s German.” “Does she speak English” Mary’s mother asked.” No, but she laughsin English,” Mary said happily.篇章3:大学幽默英语演讲稿【按住Ctrl键点此返回目录】Love Your MotherWhy are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom?"Because I'm a woman," she told him."I don't understand," he said.His Mom just hugged him and said,"And you never will, but that's O.K.".......Later the little boy asked his father,"Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?"."All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say......The little boy grew up and became a man,still wondering why women cry.Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?"GOD answered......"When I made woman,I decided she had to be special.I made her shouldersstrong enough to carrythe weight of the world, yet,made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...I gave her the inner strengthto endure childbirthand the rejectionthat many times will comeeven from her own children.I gave her a hardnessthat allows herto keep going and take careof her family and friends,even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue withoutcomplaining....I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly....She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faultsand I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....For all of this hard work,I also gave her a tear to shed.It is hers to usewhenever needed andit is her only weakness....When you see her cry,tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even thoughshe may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.She is special!Please send this to women you know, and those with mothers,sisters, and special women in their lives.But, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.Each day is a mountain that must be climbed; with courage each step gets easier.Love your Mother Alwaysand keep her Smiling篇章4:幽默英语演讲稿范文【按住Ctrl键点此返回目录】Matt and his wife lived in the country. Matt was very stingy and hated spending money. One day a fair came to the nearby town."Let’s go to the fair, Matt," his wife said. "We haven’t been anywhere for a long tim e."Matt thought about this for a while. He knew he would have to spend money at the fair. At last he said, "All right, but I’m not going to spend much money. We’ll look at things, but we won’t buy anything. "They went to the fair and looked at all thethings to buy. There were many things Matt’s wife wanted to buy, but he would not let her spend any money.Then, in a nearby field, they saw a small airplane."Fun flights!" the notice said, " $$ 10 for 10 minutes.Matt had never been in an airplane and he wanted to go on a fun flight. However, he didn’t want to have to pay for his wife, as well."I’ve only got $$ 10, " he told the pilot. "Can my wife come with me for free?" The pilot wasn’t selling many tickets, so he said, "I’ll make a bargain with yo u. If your wife doesn’t scream or shout, she can have a free flight."Matt agreed, and got into the small airplane with his wife.The pilot took off and made his airplane do all kinds of things. At one moment it was flying upside down.When the plane landed, the pilot said, "0.K. your wife didn’t make a sound. She can have her ride free.""Thank you," Matt said. "It wasn’t easy for her, you know, especially when she fell out."篇章5:幽默英语演讲稿范文【按住Ctrl键点此返回目录】Good morning teachers and fellow students. Today we would like to introduce a few favorite books to you.My favorite book is （Italian: Cuore）. This is a diary written by an Italian boy Enrico. The diary is about his life and study. It included various touching stories that happened around Enrico, the mottos taught by his parents, as well as the wonderful ten "monthly" stories told by his teacher during the class. Every word in the chapter describes the word "love". From patriotism to friendship, and to the love between parents and child -- really touching.This novel taught me how to love, and how tolearn from love. I really like this book very much. How about you? What is your favorite book?My favorite book is . Have you read it before?Oh, I haven t read this book before. What is it about?Well, it is a story of a rich girl who maintained her noble character after the bankruptcy of her father. The story is happy ending.Can you tell us why you love this book so much?Sure. It is because the story taught us to be brave and to face the challenges and difficulties with courage. I am deeply impressed by the strength and perseverance of the little princess in the story. I have decided to learn from her from now on.Oh I see, the story sounds very good. I cannotwait to read this book as well.-------- Designed By JinTai College ---------。
大学励志幽默演讲稿英语
Ladies and Gentlemen, esteemed professors, and fellow students,Good morning/afternoon/evening! It is my great pleasure to stand before you today and share with you a message that is as powerful as it is humorous. Let me begin by asking you a question: Have you ever found yourself sitting in a university lecture hall, your eyes glazed over, your mind wandering to thoughts of food, sleep, or the latest episode of your favorite TV show? Well, if you have, you’re not alone. Welcome to the world of university students!Now, I know what you’re thinking: “This guy’s going to talk about how hard university is and how we need to buckle down and study.” But hold on to your pens and laptops, because today, we are going to embrace the humor in our academic struggles and celebrate the joy of being a student.First, let’s talk about the classic struggle of the student: theendless pile of assignments. I remember the first time I received a syllabus that was longer than the Great Wall of China. I looked at itand though t, “This is it? This is the end of my social life?” But here’s the thing: every time you turn in an assignment, you’re notjust writing another essay, you’re writing a chapter in your own story. So, the next time you’re staring at your computer screen, won dering how you’ll ever finish that 20-page paper, remember that you’re alsowriting a book. A book about your journey through university.And let’s not forget the joy of exams. Ah, the exams! Those mythical creatures that come once a semester to test our k nowledge and, let’s be honest, our sanity. I have a friend who swears she can survive oncaffeine and stress alone during exam season. And I believe her. Exams are the ultimate test of our ability to focus, remember, and, most importantly, laugh at ourselv es. So, the next time you’re studying for an exam, and you find yourself reciting the periodic table in your sleep, just remember: it’s all part of the fun.Now, let’s talk about the social life of a university student. We all know that the university years are the best time to meet new people, make lifelong friends, and even find your soulmate (or at least your study buddy). But let’s be real, university parties can be a bit of amixed bag. You might show up wearing your best outfit, only to realize that y ou’ve outdone everyone else with your ensemble of mismatched socks. Or you might be the one who ends up dancing on the tables,thinking you’re a professional, only to be the talk of the town thenext day. But hey, that’s the beauty of university life! It’s about embracing the unexpected and finding joy in the absurd.And let’s not forget about the university professors. They are the keepers of knowledge, the gatekeepers of wisdom, and sometimes, the source of our deepest frustrations. I remember a particular professor who used to say, “Knowledge is power, but knowledge is also a pain in the ass.” And I couldn’t agree more. But here’s the thing: even the toughest professors have a sense of humor. The next time you’re sitting in class, and you think your professor is going to eat you alive, just remember that they’re human too. They’ve probably had their own fair share of academic struggles and humorous mishaps.So, how do we stay motivated in the face of all these challenges? How do we find joy in our academic pursuits? The answer, my friends, is laughter. Laughter is the universal language of happiness. It brings us together, connects us, and reminds us that life is a journey filled with ups and downs, but it’s the downs that make the ups even more special.As university students, we are constantly bombarded with advice: study hard, work smart, don’t party too much, and always remember to have fun. But what if I told you that the key to success is to laugh at yourself and at life? What if I told you that the most successful people arethose who can laugh in the face of adversity? Well, I am telling you.So, as you sit in your classrooms, attend your lectures, and work onyour assignments, remember to take a deep breath, laugh at the absurdity of it all, and appr eciate the journey. Because in the end, it’s notjust about the grades, the knowledge, or the experiences; it’s aboutthe laughter, the memories, and the friendships that will last a lifetime.In conclusion, let us embrace the humor in our academic struggles, find joy in the unexpected, and remember that the most important thing is tohave fun. After all, university is not just about learning; it’s about growing, evolving, and becoming the best version of ourselves. So,let’s laugh, let’s learn, and let’s m ake the most of our university experience.Thank you, and remember: life is a comedy, and you’re the star of the show!。
幽默的英语演讲稿3分钟5篇
幽默的英语演讲稿3分钟5篇英语演讲稿幽默主题三分钟1Very happy and we feel we are one together - young teachers heroic feelings， My name is Ling， graduation Yidu teacher.I was crying my choice too， have work for me sad too，because I embarked on a career like I did not do a very poor teacher， I cry many times my choice， they can In countless grief I have been comforted， when I saw both of that is full of naive，but eager to swim in the ocean of knowledge a child， my sinking， floating calm the mind， and slowly I also learn from practice feel the teachers pride，he was like a Spring Silkworms， like the dedication of their own candles no regrets，I have seen it countless teachers no regrets。
and with their youth and lives to defend the sanctity of the teaching profession， but also what they use their own actions， with traces of life， inspired by those of us who come after，I have reluctantly enamel reluctantly，by the reluctance to wholeheartedly love this job，because I have seen that life will go beyond the utilitarian， although meals for life， But the living is not for eating， living in the possession of many small minded，short-term birth in eternity， while the teachers are such a career.I know that a teacher tired， bitter， but to their own ideal， I still would like to pursue， to the surging waves of fighting， to sinister mountain climbing， there may be storms，a storm， the road may be bumpy， but I still would use laughter，with songs to fill ups and downs， I will meet with the merry laughter of the rising sun， I will be flying the heart to face my work and life.Yes ah!英语演讲稿幽默主题三分钟2How to Be PopularMost people would like to be popular with others, but not everyone can achieve this goal. What is the secret to popularity? In fact, it is very simple. The first step is to improve our appearance. We should always make sure that we stay in good shape and dress well. When we are healthy and well-groomed, we will not only look better but also feel better. In addition, we should smile and appear friendly. After all, our facial e_pression is an important part of our appearance. If we can do this, people will be attracted to our good looks and impressed by our confidence.Another important step is developing more consideration for others. We should always put others first and place their interests before our own. Its also important to be good listeners; in this way people will feel comfortable enough to confide in us. However, no matter what we do, we must not gossip. Above all, we must remember to be ourselves, not phonies. Only by being sincere and respectful of others can we earn their respect. If we can do all of the above, I am sure popularity will come our way.英语演讲稿幽默主题三分钟3Good morning/evening/afternoon, ladies and gentlemen : Today, my speech is about talents,in my opionion, talents are indispensable in nowadays society. as is known to all that the fight among countries is actually the fight among talents. First, id like to define the wordtalent in my idea, a talent is one person who is good at or e_pertised in some or multiple areas. nowadays, as the world developing goes on , if one country want to rank top or do a good job in the world, the country must have many talents.for e_ample, china, the biggest developing country in the world, in the past 100 years, is always invaded by other countries, why ,the reason is that china at that time had not so many talents. if they had anti-intrusionleader talents in the war, needless to say,they would have beat those big powers.if they had talents in weapons manufacturing, nodody dares to provoke us.however, nowadays, its a totally different situation, china has become powerfulin all over the world, why ? because there are many talents serving the country, the civilians become more and more literated.more and more people go to university,more and more people come to receive further education. so what is that in return,talents in army protect our country from invasion, talents in commerce help make our economy keep in improving, talents in aerospace make the world see chinese manned spacecraft flying. talents in sports make china rank the first in the olympic games……To sum up, talents will play a more and more impoetant role in the world, if one country intends to flourish, he must foster talents as many as they can ,thats all,thank you.英语演讲稿幽默主题三分钟4Good afternoon,ladies and gentlemen!I’m very honored to stand here and give you a short speech! To begin with ,I want to ask a question .Does everybody dream a good dream last night? Actually ,today I want to talk about dream with you. Of course, What I want to talk is not a dream you have last night,but a dream—— about life.Everyone has dreams about life, different dreams at different life stage,and we need dreams to support us. Dreams are like the stars we never reach in the sky,but like most mariners,we can chart our course by them. With the dream,we have a direction,with a direction, we were no longer confused.With the dream, there is hope,With hope, we have the strength to fight.I have a dream: To be a doctor.，because doctor may relieve the pain of patients. May let the human change the health. At the same time, I believed that, those who help others may be able to obtain joyfully. Therefore, I hoped in the near future ,I might be a doctor.But I know，life is tough,and there are always ups and downs, maybe we fail in the way to our aims,and we may feel depressed ,whenever at this time, the dream in our heart can always comfort us, encourage us ,and support us to move ahead . Young!Fortunately, I am young now. Just due to it, I know that nothing is impossible.I firmly believe that nothing can stand in my way. If I cant realize my dream,it result from that I havent work harder enough and I wont find other e_cuses. If no people believe you, you can make it to prove that you are right. If you think the god haventblessed you and there is no truth here, you can become the god and create the truth. My breath swallows the sky and make the yellow river overflow, my sword is famous in Kyushu and it can collapse the five sacred mountains. At some time in the past I also had am bitious words and I had some achievements. Each achievement results from my hard work. I always believe that If you want to have more achievements than others, you must work harder. In some e_tent, the dream is the hope. If you can insist on doing something, the victory will come.Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. Hold fast to dreams, for when dreams go, life is a barren field frozen with snow. So my dear friends, think of your old and maybe dead dreams. Whatever it is, pick it up and make it alive from today. Lets--- move ----out!Thank you for your listening!英语演讲稿幽默主题三分钟5change ourselvesgood evening, honorable judges, ladies and gentlemen.it’s my greatpleasure to stand here to present my speech —change the world, change ourselves.it’s noticable that western holidays are becomingincreasingly popular day by day, while chinese traditional festivals are being somewhat neglected. not long before about 10 doctors in beijing university and qinghua unversity announced that we should reject the invasion of western holidays ,because they regard western holidays as an challenge against our traditional festivals and culture.frankly speaking, i don’t quite agree with them.indeed, we should never neglect or even discard our traditonal festivals as china boasts a brilliant history and splendid traditions. (e_amples).but why can’t we absorb the meaningful western holidays and culture.there are obvious reasons why some western holidays are so popular in china. on the one hand, some of the western holidays which we chinese don’t have are reasonable and meaningful, such as father’s day and april fool’s day etc. on the other hand,the prevalence of globalization enables western culture to prevail in china. overwhelmed by such a trend,chinese unconsiciously get involved in western holidays and culture.with the further development of the whole world, the cultural communication between different countries and nations becomes faster and more and more important. we are indeed from different nations, but we are the citizens of the same world,so the outstanding culture of different nations is the commom wealth of everyone on the earth.the only way for us to protect our traditional culture is to reject the foreign culture? the answer is definitely no. what we ought to do is to spare no effort to educate chinese to get to know and treasure our splendid traditions instead of rejecting foreign culture. only by educating can we set our confidence and belief towards our culture. only by educating can we preserve and promote the wealth that our ancesters left for us.at last i’d like to share a famouse saying of gandhi with all of you ,that is:if you want to change the world, then you must change yourself first.”。
幽默搞笑的英语演讲稿范文（通用6篇）
幽默搞笑的英语演讲稿幽默搞笑的英语演讲稿范文（通用6篇）演讲稿是一种实用性比较强的文稿，是为演讲准备的书面材料。
在现在的社会生活中，演讲稿对我们的作用越来越大，那么你有了解过演讲稿吗？以下是小编收集整理的幽默搞笑的.英语演讲稿范文（通用6篇），希望能够帮助到大家。
幽默搞笑的英语演讲稿1Dear teachers and schoolmates:I’m very happy to give a lecture in English here today. The title of speech is I Love English. As everyone knows,English is very important today.It has been used everywhere in the world.It has become the most common language on Internet and for international trade. If we can speak English well,we will have more chance to succeed.Because more and more people have taken notice of it,the number of the people who go to learn English has increased at a high speed. But for myself,I learn English not only because of its importance and its usefulness,but also because of my love for it.When I learn English, I can feel a different way of thinking which gives me more room to touch the world.When I read English novels,I can feel the pleasure from the book which is different from reading the translation.When I speak English, I can feel the confident from my words.When I write English,I can see the beauty which is not the same as our Chinese… I love English,it gives me a colorful dream.I hope I can travel around the world one day. With my good English, I can make friends with many people from different contries.I can see many places of great intrests.I dream that I can go to London,because it is the birth place of English. I also want to use my good English to introduce our great places to the English spoken people,I hopethat they can love our country like us.I know, Rome was not built in a day. I believe that after continuous hard study, one day I can speak English very well. If you want to be loved, you should learn to love and be lovable. So I believe as I love English everyday , it will love me too. I am sure that I will realize my dream one day! Thank you!幽默搞笑的英语演讲稿2Good morning/afternoon!First thing first, I gotta say,wow,its funny thing to be given a chance like that.Trurh be told,I really got a little bit nervous before I stand right here ,so called stage fright.If you look specifically on me .You may find my hands shaking,pretty assembles the guy who suffered from Pakinsons disease,and legs wobbling ,like I caught so-called ball leg. Okay,lets stop going around the bush and get back to my topic today.I really like to talk a funny story I have just heard.A lady called Lucy emigrated to United States several years ago.Her spoken English is not that fluent .And one day,she is just sitting on the couch with his U.S friends Mandy watching Sit-Com.A noise of bump had the attention of Mandy,which led her to go out of the house trying to figure out what had happened.Can you imagine that Mandy go straight out with merely a sweater.So Lucy shouted at her,"Lucy ,turn your clothes on." What suprised her most,beyond her wildest imagination, is that almost all the male in this country took their head out of the window.Admittedly,Lucy made a mistake here .The word spitted means Mandy is totally naked to the reason that male looked out of the window.The right sentence shall be,"put your clothing on."The story inspires you to take a careful look on the vast difference between eastern and western culture.Thats full of it,thank you for your time!幽默搞笑的英语演讲稿3Good evening ,Ladies and Gentlemen:Thank you very much for choosing to come in such a cold night.Today my topic is about choice and process.A research shows that a man has to make 73 choices one day.With so many choices one day, people easily get so confused and afraid of making wrong choice that they hesitate and finally miss the true part of life. In my opinion, the following part is of much more importance than the choice. There is no absolute right or wrong choice but wonderful or boring life, which the process makes the difference.Life is a box of chocolate,you never know what you will get. Forrest Gump made no decision by and for himself but he accomplished great success with his strong will in the process. The process is not the road itself but the attitudes and feelings ,the caution, courage and persistance we have as we encounter new experience and unexpected obstacles. Take myself as an example, I changed my major when I became a postgraduate. After the choice,days have been harsh for me.I cannot understand the new lessons at all. For they are closely related to mathmatics which I learned nothing about before. However wuth the belief that this is the great chance for me to experience new ideas and challenge myself,I persisted. I asked for help from every channel and reorgonized my life. Gradually I could understand some parts and even found maths interesting.Moreover, I learned to act instead of complaining. In retrospect,the choice left no trace in my mind but the happiness and bitterness of the past four months becomes an unforgetable experience in my life.No matter what the choice is, enjoy the process. In the process, your potential will be inspired and new discoveries,improvement and progress will come to you. These are the most beautiful sceneries and only on the way can you see it.These make your life colorful.There is no need and I donnot want to judge whether it right or wrong for me to be here,but I congratulate to myself for I gain and enjoy this fantastic experience. So my dear friends,never worry about your choice and enjoy the process. I am sure you will get something new and intersting tonight after you chose to come here.Thank you!幽默搞笑的英语演讲稿4Mary was an English girl, but she lived in Rome. She was six years old. Last year her mother said to her, “You’re six years old now, Mary, and you’re going to begin going to a school here. You’re going to like it very much, because it’s a nice school.”“Is it an English school” Mary asked.” Yes, it is,” her mother said. Mary went to the school, and enjoyed her lessons. Her mother always took her to school in the morning and brought her home in the afternoon. Last Monday her mother went to the school at 4 o’clock, and Mary ran out of her class. “We’ve got a new girl in our class today, Mummy,” she said. “She’s six years old too, and she’s very nice, but she isn’t English. She’s German.” “Does she speak English” Mary’s mother asked.” No, but she laughs in English,” Mary said happily.幽默搞笑的英语演讲稿5Ladies and Gentlemen , Good afternoon! I68m very glad tostand here and give you a short speech. today my topic is “youth”. I hope you will like it , and found the importance in your youth so that more cherish it.First I want to ask you some questions: 1、Do you know what is youth? 2、 How do you master your youth?YouthYouth is not a time of life, it is a state of mind it is not rosy cheeks , red lips and supple knees, it is a matter of the emotions : it is the freshness it is the freshness of the deep springs of life .Youth means a temperamental predominance of courage over timidity of the appetite , for adventure over the love of ease. This often exists in a man of 60 more than a boy of 20 . Nobody grows old merely by a number of years . We grow old by deserting our ideals.Years wrinkle the skin , but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul . Worry , fear , self –distrust bows the heart and turns the spirit back to dust .Whether 60 of 16 , there is in every human being 67s heart the lure of wonders, the unfailing childlike appetite of what68s next and the joy of the game of living . In the center of your heart and my heart there68s a wireless station : so long as it receives messages of beauty , hope ,cheer, courage and power from men and from the infinite, so long as you are young .When the aerials are down , and your spirit is covered with snows of cynicism and the ice of pessimism, then you are grown old ,even at 20 , but as long as your aerials are up ,to catch waves of optimism , there is hope you may die young at 80.That68s all ! Thank you!幽默搞笑的英语演讲稿6Earn english not only because of its importance and itsusefulness,but also because of my love for it.when i learn english, i can feel a different way of thinking which gives me more room to touch the world.when i read english novels,i can feel the pleasure from the book which is different from reading the translation.when i speak english, i can feel the confident from my words.when i write english,i can see the beauty which is not the same as our chinese...I love english,it gives me a colorful dream.i hope i can travel around the world one day. with my good english, i can make friends with many people from different contries.i can see many places of great intrests.i dream that i can go to london,because it is the birth place of english.I also want to use my good english to introduce our great places to the english spoken people,i hope that they can love our country like us.I know, rome was not built in a day. i believe that after continuous hard study, one day i can speak english very well. if you want to be loved, you should learn to love and be lovable. so i believe as i love english everyday , it will love me too.I am sure that i will realize my dream one day!Thank you!。
大学幽默英语演讲稿篇3
大学幽默英语演讲稿篇3Love Your MotherWhy are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom?"Because I'm a woman," she told him."I don't understand," he said.His Mom just hugged him and said,"And you never will, but that's O.K.".......Later the little boy asked his father,"Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?"."All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say......The little boy grew up and became a man,still wondering why women cry.Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?"GOD answered......"When I made woman,I decided she had to be special.I made her shouldersstrong enough to carrythe weight of the world, yet,made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...I gave her the inner strengthto endure childbirthand the rejectionthat many times will comeeven from her own children.I gave her a hardnessthat allows herto keep going and take careof her family and friends,even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue withoutcomplaining....I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly....She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faultsand I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....For all of this hard work,I also gave her a tear to shed.It is hers to usewhenever needed andit is her only weakness....When you see her cry,tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even thoughshe may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.She is special!Please send this to women you know, and those with mothers,sisters, and special women in their lives.But, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.Each day is a mountain that must be climbed; with courage each step gets easier.Love your Mother Alwaysand keep her Smiling。
大学励志幽默演讲稿英语
Ladies and Gentlemen,Good morning/afternoon/evening! It is an honor to stand before you today to share with you a tale of my college experience. Now, before you start thinking that I'm about to bore you with a serious speech about academic achievements and life lessons, let me assure you, this is going to be a humorous journey filled with laughter, tears, and a touch of chaos. So, buckle up and prepare for an unconventional path to success!First, let me introduce myself. My name is [Your Name], and I am a graduate of [Your University/College]. I came here with high hopes, a dream, and a backpack full of enthusiasm. But, little did I know, college was about to teach me some valuable life lessons, wrapped in a layer of humor and a pinch of madness.Lesson 1: The Art of Time ManagementCollege is a place where you learn that time is your most precious commodity. It's like a magician's trick, constantly vanishing before your eyes. One moment you're sitting in a lecture hall, and the next, you're trying to remember what the professor said during the last 50 minutes. Here's a pro tip: never trust your phone's alarm to wake you up for an early morning class. It's like relying on a cat to play with a laser pointer—it's just a waste of time and energy.I remember one time, I had an early morning exam. I woke up at 7:00 AM, showered, dressed, and took out my notes. I sat down at my desk, ready to conquer the world. But then, my phone buzzed. It was a notification from my favorite social media app. Ten minutes later, I realized I had been scrolling through endless memes and failed to review a single page of notes. The exam was a disaster, but at least I got to know the other students' study habits quite well.Lesson 2: The Power of Group WorkIn college, you will be bombarded with group projects. They are the ultimate test of your patience, teamwork, and, let's be honest, your ability to deal with quirky personalities. I remember one group project where we had a member who believed in channeling his inner superhero. Hewould show up to meetings dressed as Batman, complete with a cape and a utility belt. We were all impressed, but we had to concentrate on the assignment at hand.The project was due in two weeks, and we had a strict deadline. However, our superhero had a different plan. He wanted to create the ultimate presentation, complete with special effects and a dramatic musical score. We tried to reason with him, but he was determined. The day before the presentation, we found out that he had spent the entire week recording sound effects and writing a script. The result? A hilarious, butslightly delayed, presentation that left the professor scratching his head.Lesson 3: The Perils of All-nightersCollege is also a place where you learn that all-nighters are your worst enemy. They come in all shapes and sizes, from writing papers to preparing for exams. I remember one all-nighter where I decided to write my final paper on the history of pizza. I had read countless articles, watched countless YouTube videos, and even had a conversation with a pizzaiolo. The paper was a masterpiece, but the next day, I was so exhausted that I accidentally ordered a pepperoni pizza instead of a margherita, and I didn't even notice the difference.Lesson 4: The Importance of FriendshipLastly, college is a place where you make lifelong friends. They are the ones who will support you, laugh with you, and, most importantly,survive with you through the darkest of times. I remember one particular friend who had a knack for finding the most unusual items on campus. One day, he came back from class with a piece of driftwood that looked like a perfect pencil. He spent the next week carving it into a miniature sculpture. It was quirky, it was unique, and it was a symbol of our friendship.So, here we are, at the end of this unconventional path to success. College has taught us that life is not about having everything perfect;it's about embracing the imperfections, laughing at our mistakes, and cherishing the moments that make us who we are.As we move forward, let's remember that success is not measured by the grades we receive or the titles we hold. It's measured by the lessons we learn, the friendships we make, and the memories we create. So, to all the future graduates, here's to us, to our quirky professors, to our unforgettable group projects, and to the laughter that will forever be etched in our hearts.Thank you for listening, and remember, life is a journey filled with laughter, tears, and a touch of chaos. Embrace it, love it, and never forget to laugh at yourself.Thank you!。
大学生英语搞笑演讲稿
Ladies and Gentlemen,Good morning/afternoon/evening! It is my great pleasure to stand before you today and share with you a little-known secret of the college life: the Unofficial English Proficiency Test. Yes, you heard me right – a test that is not officially recognized but is as challenging and nerve-wracking as any standardized exam. So, let’s dive into the world of humor and discover the funniest aspects of this so-called test.Firstly, let’s talk about pronunciation. Now, I know we all studied phonetics and phonology in our English classes, but somehow, when it comes to speaking, we all become pronunciations experts. For example, have you ever tried to pronounce the word “beef” in front of your native-speaking friends? Watch out for the look of horror on their faces as they try to understand why you just said “beef” with a clear “ph” sound. Or how about the time you tried to say “tomato” and ended up with a “tomahto” accent? These little mispronunciations can turn a simple conversation into a comedy show.Next, let’s discuss the art of translation. Remember when you first started learning English and tried to translate everything directly from your native language? It was like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. For instance, when you want t o say “I am hungry,” you end up saying, “I am starve.” Or when you want to express your excitement, you excitedly announce, “I am very happy!” It’s as if you’re trying to convey the same emotion but in a completely different language. It’s a hilarious process, but we all go through it.Now, let’s talk about idioms. Idioms are those quirky phrases that native speakers use without even thinking about their meaning. As a non-native speaker, we struggle to understand them and often end up with some funny situat ions. For example, when someone says, “It’s raining cats and dogs,” you might think it’s literally raining cats and dogs, only to realize later that it just means it’s raining heavily. Or when someone says, “It’s raining men,” you might imagine a sudden do wnpour of handsome gentlemen, only to find out that it’s actually a song about a girl who wishes it would rain men. These idioms can make us sound like a walking dictionary of misunderstandings.Moving on, let’s not forget about the infamous “English accent.” We all try to mimic the accent of our favorite TV show or movie character, but it never seems to work out. Have you ever tried to talk like a British accent and ended up with a mix of American, Indian, and Australian? Or how about trying to talk like a movie star and realizing you sound like a valley girl? It’s a constant struggle to get that perfect accent, and it’s all in good fun.Another fun aspect of the Unofficial English Proficiency Test is the grammar challenges. Grammar rules can be complex, and as students, we often make mistakes. Have you ever tried to use the past perfect tense and ended up with a past tense sentence? Or how about the time you mixed up your subject-verb agreement and made a native speaker scratch their head in confusion? These grammar blunders can lead to some awkward moments, but they also make us appreciate the language even more.And let’s not forget about the dreaded “conversation” part of the test. Have you ever tried to initiate a conversation with a native speaker and ended up with a silent pause, both of you staring at each other, trying to think of something to say? It’s like trying to find common ground on a foreign planet. But don’t worry, we all go through it. It’s all part of the learning process, and with time, th ose awkward silences turn into engaging conversations.In conclusion, the Unofficial English Proficiency Test is a hilarious and challenging aspect of our college lives. It tests our pronunciation, translation skills, idiomatic understanding, accent, grammar, and conversation abilities. While it may be nerve-wracking at times, it also brings us together and teaches us the importance of patience, humor, and persistence. So, let’s embrace the Unofficial English Proficiency Test and enjoy the journey of learning this wonderful language.Thank you for your attention, and remember, in the world of English, mistakes are just lessons waiting to happen. Happy learning, everyone![Applause]。
简单的英语幽默演讲稿范文3篇
简单的英语幽默演讲稿范文3篇（实用版）编制人：__________________审核人：__________________审批人：__________________编制单位：__________________编制时间：____年____月____日序言下载提示：该文档是本店铺精心编制而成的，希望大家下载后，能够帮助大家解决实际问题。
文档下载后可定制修改，请根据实际需要进行调整和使用，谢谢!并且，本店铺为大家提供各种类型的实用资料，如职场文书、书信函件、教学范文、演讲致辞、心得体会、学生作文、合同范本、规章制度、工作报告、其他资料等等，想了解不同资料格式和写法，敬请关注!Download tips: This document is carefully compiled by this editor.I hope that after you download it, it can help you solve practical problems. The document can be customized and modified after downloading, please adjust and use it according to actual needs, thank you!Moreover, this store provides various types of practical materials for everyone, such as workplace documents, correspondence, teaching samples, speeches, insights, student essays, contract templates, rules and regulations, work reports, and other materials. If you want to learn about different data formats and writing methods, please pay attention!简单的英语幽默演讲稿范文3篇简单的英语幽默演讲稿范文1good morning/evening/afternoon， ladies and gentlemen ：today， my speech is about talents，in my opionion， talents are indispensable in nowadays society.as is known to all that the fight among countries is actually the fight among talents。
幽默又有意义的英语发言稿
幽默又有意义的英语发言稿篇一:幽默的英语演讲稿英语演讲幽默开场白作为一个演讲者,我从观众那只得到过两种抱怨:一种是我讲话声音太大了,他们无法入睡;第二种是我讲得时间太长了,他们无法一直清醒。
作为一个讲演者,他的演讲总拿来和林肯的哥得堡演讲[一个著名的演讲]相比较。
当他演讲结束时,也有悲伤、眼泪和悲痛——特别是计划委员会。
幽默注释:演讲者讲得太糟糕了,组织者哭得很伤心。
演讲结束时,宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若,优雅地点头微笑着,心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡poise is when youfinish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busyschedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smile graciously knowingfull well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.幽默注释:一些老干部退休后没什么事干,有人请他参加一些活动,他还假装很忙,好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。
过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张,但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。
此时此刻,我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体,真的起作用,我不再紧张了,但眼睛有些疲劳。
i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to thinkof the entire audience as being naked. and so, at this very moment, i’m standingup here imagining every one in this audience as being naked. and it really works.i no suffer from nervousness. eyestrain. yes幽默注释:把观众想象成裸体,意思是我不怕你们,就不紧张了。
幽默英文演讲稿范文5篇
幽默英文演讲稿范文5篇演讲稿可以用来沟通思想和感情，表达主见和见解;也可以用来介绍自己的学习、工作状况和阅历等，具有宣扬、鼓动、教育和观赏等作用。
下面是我整理的幽默英文演讲稿，欢迎大家阅读共享借鉴。
幽默英文演讲稿1Good morning everybody, I’m very glad to stand here and give you a short speech. We all know that Bingxin has a famous saying “we always admire the beauty of flowers but its sprout was watered by tears of struggle and rained by blood of sacrifice”. So fo r the majority, behind their success, are filled of sweat and tears. Eagle flying in the vast firmament, must be experienced the pain of countless times fall under the cliff, then hammered out a pair of volley wings. A shinning of pearls, inevitably suffer ed countless body friction and numerous waves’ shock. In this view, a real successful people, and he must experienced numerous times to stand up again and agin after failed, because without sweat and tears on the life road ,no one can casually get the beautiful flowers. Alfter a heavy fall Shi Tiesheng lost his legs, it must be a heavy blow for anyone. But he didnt lose faith in life, but use his brain and hands to show the infinite love of life;Beethoven was blind and deaf, but he still had written theHeroDestinynd so on a large number of music works, in his unfortunately life, he doggedly gripped the fate of the throat. They all had a fall, but they are strong enough to stand up, fight against fate and misfortune, finally they succeed. So for each of us, wrestling is not terrible, lose confidence and courage in life is the most terribe thing. In my opionion, the sweat and tears during the life’ journey are very important for us, they hone our will, and enrich our experience. As the saying goes, how can you see the rainbow without a rainy day, while you dont work hard and not struggle, how can you gain the successful flowers. All in all, the sweat and tears on the struggling road is inevitable, don’t look for shortcuts anymore, steadfast walk every step, we will succeed in the end. So belief yourself, nothing is impossile, just do it. Thank you for taking your time to listen to my speech, I hope in the near future we all can be successful.幽默英文演讲稿2The hours of a wise man are lengthened by his ideas as those of a fool are by his passions. The time of the one is long, because he does not know what to do with it; as is that of the other, because he distinguishes every moment of it with useful or amusing thoughts, or in other words, because the one is always wishing it away, and the other always enjoying it.How different is the view of past life, in the man who is grown old inknowledge and wisdom, from that of him who is grown in ignorance and folly? The latter is like the owner of a barren country, that fills his eye with the [1] prospect of naked hills and plains, which produce nothing either profitable or [2] ornamental; the other [3] beholds a beautiful and spacious landscape, divided into delightful gardens, green meadows, fruitful fields, and can scarce [4] cast his eye upon a single spot of his possessions, that is not covered with some beautiful plant or flower.幽默英文演讲稿3Matt and his wife lived in the country. Matt was very stingy and hated spending money. One day a fair came to the nearby town.Let’s go to the fair, Matt, his wife said. We haven’t been anywhere for a long time.Matt thought about this for a while. He knew he would have to spend money at the fair. At last he said, All right, but I’m not going to spend much money. We’ll look at things, but we won’t buy anything.They went to the fair and looked at all the things to buy. There were many things Matt’s wife wanted to buy, but he would not let her spend any money.Then, in a nearby field, they saw a small airplane.Fun flights! the notice said, $$ 10 for 10 minutes.Matt had never been in an airplane and he wanted to go on a fun flight. However, he didn’t want to have to pay for his wife, as well.I’ve only got $$ 10, he told the pilot. Can my wife come w ith me for free? The pilot wasn’t selling many tickets, so he said, I’ll make a bargain with you. If your wife doesn’t scream or shout, she can have a free flight. Matt agreed, and got into the small airplane with his wife.The pilot took off and made his airplane do all kinds of things. At one moment it was flying upside down.When the plane landed, the pilot said, 0. K. your wife didn’t make a sound. She can have her ride free.Thank you, Matt said. It wasn’t easy for her, you know, especially when she fell out.幽默英文演讲稿4There is a wonderful word which expresses the most original motions and desires among human-beings. With solving any kind of imperfections, our world has moved ahead. This is the word “innovation” that we cannot afford to lose.We chicaned every detail of the innovation. Thousands years before, we created fire when we took a stone to knock another one. Since Han Dynasty, four great inventions had been created and it is one of the greatest signs that China become to the ancient civilized country. And nowadays, thousands of software, products, architectures and public facilities have upgraded more than that about 100 years ago. So how did these happen? What will you do if you are not satisfied with your toolsanymore? What will you do if old mode cannot afford to develop in a company? There is no doubt that we should innovate no matter where we are and what we do. Not because of the design itself, but actually for its intended purpose.If there was no Apple, everyone could not imagine how to contact others easily and enjoy a better Internet surfing.If there was no Microsoft, perhaps we still worked in a dim office and duplicate some troublesome documents. If there was no Newton, and no theory of gravity, maybe I will win the Nobel Prize like Newton rather than just standing here. I have heard that three apple changed the world. The first one seduced Eve. The second one awakened Newton. The third one was in the hands of Steve Jobs. We sort of think the innovation of the world began with apple. I imagine lots of people want to become another Newton or Jobs right now with just one hand to change the world, right? Have the innovation to follow your heart. It somehow already reflects what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.Via questioning, we can start to innovate. Via innovating, we can start to create better lives. No innovation, no improvement. No improvement, no success. And no success, no civilization. Now, our time is limited, so dont waste it living someone elses life! Dont let the noise of others opinions drown out your own inner voice! Dont let yourself down! It isthe innovation that we cannot afford to lose!幽默英文演讲稿5Good morning teachers and fellow students. Today we would like to introduce a few favorite books to you.My favorite book is (Italian: Cuore). This is a diary written by an Italian boy Enrico. The diary is about his life and study. It included various touching stories that happened around Enrico, the mottos taught by his parents, as well as the wonderful ten monthly stories told by his teacher during the class. Every word in the chapter describes the word love. From patriotism to friendship, and to the love between parents and child -- really touching.This novel taught me how to love, and how to learn from love. I really like this book very much. How about you? What is your favorite book? My favorite book is . Have you read it before?Oh, I haven’t read this book before. What is it about?Well, it is a story of a rich girl who maintained her noble character after the bankruptcy of her father. The story is happy ending.Can you tell us why you love this book so much?Sure. It is because the story taught us to be brave and to face the challenges and difficulties with courage. I am deeply impressed by the strength and perseverance of the little princess in the story. I have decided to learn from her from now on.Oh I see, the story sounds very good. I cannot wait to read this book as well.幽默英文演讲稿范文。
英语大学生搞笑演讲稿
Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed faculty, fellow students,Good morning/afternoon/evening! It is my great pleasure to stand before you today and share with you some of the most hilarious moments and unforgettable experiences that I have encountered during my college life. College is a period of growth, learning, and, most importantly, fun. So, let's embark on a comical journey through the world of college life!1. The Great Introduction FiascoOne of the most unforgettable moments in my college life was the first day of orientation. We were all excited to meet our new classmates, but little did we know that the introduction session was going to turn intoa complete disaster. As we went around the room, each student had to introduce themselves and share something interesting about themselves.One student, let's call him John, introduced himself as a "master chef" and went on to tell us about his culinary skills. He even demonstratedby cooking a piece of toast in the middle of the room. Unfortunately,the bread slipped from his hands, and it landed on the head of the student sitting next to him. The whole room burst into laughter, andpoor John ended up with a big, greasy spot on his forehead. From thatday on, we lovingly called him "The Toast Master."2. The Great Library EscapeCollege libraries are often considered sacred places where students goto study and work. However, sometimes, even the most serious of students can't resist a little bit of mischief. One day, during an exam period, a group of us decided to stage a "library escape."We hid in the library's storage room and then, using a rope and some clever planning, we managed to climb out of a window and escape to the nearby park. The entire campus was abuzz with rumors of a "library ghost" and a "mysterious escape." When we returned to the library, we were greeted with a mixture of shock and laughter from the librarians. From that day on, we were known as the "Library Outlaws."3. The Great College Fashion ShowFashion is a significant part of college life, and every year, our college hosts a fashion show where students can showcase theircreativity and style. One year, a group of us decided to take thefashion show to a whole new level.We created a hilarious runway show that included costumes made fromtoilet paper, paper plates, and even a giant sponge. The audience was roaring with laughter as we paraded down the runway, each one morebizarre than the last. The highlight of the show was when one of our classmates decided to walk down the runway in a cardboard box, complete with a fake mustache and sunglasses. The fashion show was a huge success, and we were crowned the "Most Original Fashion Group" of the year.4. The Great College PartyCollege parties are always a source of great fun and unforgettable memories. One particular party stands out in my mind as the "Great College Party."We had rented out a campus building for the night, and the entire place was transformed into a massive party venue. The music was blaring, the drinks were flowing, and everyone was having a great time. However, things took a turn for the bizarre when a group of students decided to start a dance-off in the middle of the party.The dance-off included some of the most ridiculous dance moves you can imagine, such as the "Toilet Paper Shuffle" and the "Spongebob Squarepants." The entire room was in stitches as we watched our classmates battle it out for the title of "Best Dancer." In the end, the winner was a student who performed a dance that involved hopping on one foot while wearing a tutu. The party ended with a bang, and we all went home with aching feet and smiles on our faces.5. The Great College ProjectFinally, let's talk about the great college project. College projectscan be stressful and challenging, but they also provide opportunitiesfor creativity and laughter. One memorable project was a group project where we had to create a commercial for a fictional product.We decided to create a commercial for "The World's Best Sleep Aid." The commercial was a complete disaster. We had a scene where a student was trying to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes, he started talkingin his sleep. Another scene featured a student trying to take a nap in class, but he ended up falling asleep on the desk and drooling on his notes. The commercial was so funny that our professor couldn't help but laugh, and we ended up getting an "A" for our creative approach.In conclusion, college life is filled with laughter, tears, and unforgettable moments. The experiences we have during this time shape us into the adults we will become. So, let's embrace the joy of college life, and remember to laugh at ourselves and others along the way.Thank you for listening, and may your college journey be filled with as much laughter as mine has been![Applause]。
大学幽默英语演讲稿3篇_英语演讲稿_
大学幽默英语演讲稿3篇随着经济全球化进程的加快,英语演讲在各个领域的作用越来越大。
下面小编整理了大学幽默英语，供你阅读参考。
大学幽默英语演讲稿篇1Good morning teachers and fellow students. Today we would like to introduce a few favorite books to you.My favorite book is (Italian: Cuore). This is a diary written by an Italian boy Enrico. The diary is about his life and study. It included various touching stories that happened around Enrico, the mottos taught by his parents, as well as the wonderful ten "monthly" stories told by his teacher during the class. Every word in the chapter describes the word "love". From patriotism to friendship, and to the love between parents and child -- really touching.This novel taught me how to love, and how to learn from love.I really like this book very much. How about you? What is your favorite book?My favorite book is . Have you read it before?Oh, I haven’t read this book before. What is it about?Well, it is a story of a rich girl who maintained her noble character after the bankruptcy of her father. The story is happy ending.Can you tell us why you love this book so much?Sure. It is because the story taught us to be brave and to face the challenges and difficulties with courage. I am deeply impressed by the strength and perseverance of the little princess in the story. I have decided to learn from her from now on.Oh I see, the story sounds very good. I cannot wait to read this book as well.大学幽默英语演讲稿篇2Mary was an English girl, but she lived in Rome. She was six ye ars old. Last year her mother said to her, “You’re six years old now, Mary, and you’re going to begin going to a school here. You’re going to like it very much, because it’s a nice school.” “Is it an English school” Mary asked.” Yes, it is,” her mother said. Mary went to the school, and enjoyed her lessons. Her mother always took her to school in the morning and brought her home in the afternoon. Last Monday her mother went to the school at 4 o’clock, and Mary ran out of her class. “We’ve got a new girl in our class today, Mummy,” she said. “She’s six years old too, and she’s very nice, but she isn’t English. She’s German.” “Does she speak English” Mary’s mother asked.” No, but she laughs in English,” Mary said happily.大学幽默英语演讲稿篇3Love Your MotherWhy are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom?"Because I'm a woman," she told him."I don't understand," he said.His Mom just hugged him and said,"And you never will, but that's O.K.".......Later the little boy asked his father,"Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?"."All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say......The little boy grew up and became a man,still wondering why women cry.Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?"GOD answered......"When I made woman,I decided she had to be special.I made her shouldersstrong enough to carrythe weight of the world, yet,made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...I gave her the inner strengthto endure childbirthand the rejectionthat many times will comeeven from her own children.I gave her a hardnessthat allows herto keep going and take careof her family and friends,even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue withoutcomplaining....I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly....She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faultsand I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....For all of this hard work,I also gave her a tear to shed.It is hers to usewhenever needed andit is her only weakness....When you see her cry,tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even thoughshe may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.She is special!Please send this to women you know, and those with mothers,sisters, and special women in their lives.But, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.Each day is a mountain that must be climbed; with courage each step gets easier.Love your Mother Alwaysand keep her Smiling。
幽默搞笑的英语演讲稿
幽默搞笑的英语演讲稿（经典版）编制人：__________________审核人：__________________审批人：__________________编制单位：__________________编制时间：____年____月____日序言下载提示：该文档是本店铺精心编制而成的，希望大家下载后，能够帮助大家解决实际问题。
文档下载后可定制修改，请根据实际需要进行调整和使用，谢谢!并且，本店铺为大家提供各种类型的经典范文，如工作心得、读书心得、个人总结、工作计划、讲话致辞、合同协议、条据书信、规章制度、应急预案、其他范文等等，想了解不同范文格式和写法，敬请关注!Download tips: This document is carefully compiled by this editor. I hope that after you download it, it can help you solve practical problems. The document can be customized and modified after downloading, please adjust and use it according to actual needs, thank you!Moreover, our store provides various types of classic sample articles, such as work experience, reading experience, personal summary, work plan, speech, contract agreement, policy letter, rules and regulations, emergency plan, other sample articles, etc. If you want to learn about different formats and writing methods of sample articles, please pay attention!幽默搞笑的英语演讲稿幽默搞笑的英语演讲稿1Dear teachers and schoolmates:I’m very happy to give a lecture in English here today.The title of speech is I Love English.As everyone knows，English is very important today.It has been used everywhere in the world.It has become the most common language on Internet and for international trade.If we can speak English well，we will have more chance to succeed.Because more and more people have taken notice of it，the number of the people who go to learn English has increased at a high speed.But for myself，I learn English not only because of its importance and its usefulness，but also because of my love for it.When I learn English，I can feel a different way of thinking which gives me more room to touch the world.When I read English novels，I can feel the pleasure from the book which is different from reading the translation.When I speak English，I can feel the confident from my words.When I write English，I can see the beauty which is not the same as our Chinese。
英语演讲稿幽默主题三分钟范文
英语演讲稿幽默主题三分钟范文演讲稿也叫演讲词，它是在较为隆重的仪式上和某些公众场所发表的讲话文稿。
演讲稿是进行演讲的依据，是对演讲内容和形式的规范和提示，它体现着演讲的目的和手段，演讲的内容和形式。
一起来看看英语演讲稿幽默主题三分钟，欢迎查阅！英语演讲稿幽默主题三分钟1Very happy and we feel we are one together - young teachers heroic feelings， My name is Ling， graduation Yidu teacher.I was crying my choice too，have work for me sad too，because I embarked on a career like I did not do a very poor teacher，I cry many times my choice，they can In countless grief I have been comforted， when I saw both of that is full of naive，but eager to swim in the ocean of knowledge a child， my sinking， floating calm the mind， and slowly I also learn from practice feel the teachers pride， he was like a Spring Silkworms，like the dedication of their own candles no regrets， I have seen it countless teachers no regrets。
and with their youth and lives to defend the sanctity of the teaching profession， but also what they use their own actions，with traces of life， inspired by those of us who come after， I have reluctantly enamel reluctantly，by the reluctance to wholeheartedly love this job，because I have seen that life will go beyond the utilitarian，although meals for life， But the living is not for eating， living in the possession of many small minded，short-term birth in eternity， while the teachers are such a career.I know that a teacher tired， bitter， but to their own ideal，I still would like to pursue， to the surging waves of fighting， tosinister mountain climbing， there may be storms， a storm，the road may be bumpy， but I still would use laughter， with songs to fill ups and downs， I will meet with the merry laughter of the rising sun， I will be flying the heart to face my work and life.Yes ah!英语演讲稿幽默主题三分钟2How to Be PopularMost people would like to be popular with others, but not everyone can achieve this goal. What is the secret to popularity? In fact, it is very simple. The first step is to improve our appearance. We should always make sure that we stay in good shape and dress well. When we are healthy and well-groomed, we will not only look better but also feel better. In addition, we should smile and appear friendly. After all, our facial e_pression is an important part of our appearance. If we can do this, people will be attracted to our good looks and impressed by our confidence.Another important step is developing more consideration for others. We should always put others first and place their interests before our own. It's also important to be good listeners; in this way people will feel comfortable enough to confide in us. However, no matter what we do, we must not gossip. Above all, we must remember to be ourselves, not phonies. Only by being sincere and respectful of others can we earn their respect. If we can do all of the above, I am sure popularity will come our way.英语演讲稿幽默主题三分钟3Good morning/evening/afternoon, ladies and gentlemen : Today, my speech is about talents,in my opionion, talents are indispensable in nowadays society. as is known to all that thefight among countries is actually the fight among talents.First, i'd like to define the word"talent" in my idea, a talent is one person who is good at or e_pertised in some or multiple areas. nowadays, as the world developing goes on , if one country want to rank top or do a good job in the world, the country must have many talents.for e_ample, china, the biggest developing country in the world, in the past 100 years, is always invaded by other countries, why ,the reason is that china at that time had not so many talents. if they had anti-intrusion leader talents in the war, needless to say,they would have beat those big powers.if they had talents in weapons manufacturing, nodody dares to provoke us.however, nowadays, it's a totally different situation, china has become powerfulin all over the world, why ? because there are many talents serving the country, the civilians become more and more literated.more and more people go to university,more and more people come to receive further education. so what is that in return,talents in army protect our country from invasion, talents in commerce help make our economy keep in improving, talents in aerospace make the world see chinese manned spacecraft flying. talents in sports make china rank the first in the olympic games……To sum up, talents will play a more and more impoetant role in the world, if one country intends to flourish, he must foster talents as many as they can ,that's all,thank you.英语演讲稿幽默主题三分钟4Good afternoon,ladies and gentlemen!I’m very honored to stand here and give you a short speech! To begin with ,I want to ask a question .Does everybody dream a good dream last night? Actually ,today I want to talk about dream with you. Of course, What I want to talk is not a dream you havelast night,but a dream—— about life.Everyone has dreams about life, different dreams at different life stage,and we need dreams to support us. Dreams are like the stars we never reach in the sky,but like most mariners,we can chart our course by them. With the dream,we have a direction,with a direction, we were no longer confused.With the dream, there is hope,With hope, we have the strength to fight.I have a dream: To be a doctor.，because doctor may relieve the pain of patients. May let the human change the health. At the same time, I believed that, those who help others may be able to obtain joyfully. Therefore, I hoped in the near future ,I might be a doctor.But I know，life is tough,and there are always ups and downs, maybe we fail in the way to our aims,and we may feel depressed ,whenever at this time, the dream in our heart can always comfort us, encourage us ,and support us to move ahead .Young!Fortunately, I am young now. Just due to it, I know that nothing is impossible.I firmly believe that nothing can stand in my way. If I can't realize my dream,it result from that I haven't work harder enough and I won't find other e_cuses. If no people believe you, you can make it to prove that you are right. If you think the god haven't blessed you and there is no truth here, you can become the god and create the truth. "My breath swallows the sky and make the yellow river overflow, my sword is famous in Kyushu and it can collapse the five sacred mountains." At some time in the past I also had am bitious words and I had some achievements. Each achievement results from my hard work. I always believe that "If you want to have more achievements than others, you must work harder." In some e_tent, the dream is the hope. If you can insiston doing something, the victory will come.Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. Hold fast to dreams, for when dreams go, life is a barren field frozen with snow. So my dear friends, think of your old and maybe dead dreams. Whatever it is, pick it up and make it alive from today. Let's--- move ----out!Thank you for your listening!英语演讲稿幽默主题三分钟5change ourselvesgood evening, honorable judges, ladies and gentlemen.it’s my greatpleasure to stand here to present my speech—change the world, change ourselves.it’s noticable that western holidays are becoming increasingly popular day by day, while chinese traditional festivals are being somewhat neglected. not long before about 10 doctors in beijing university and qinghua unversity announced that we should reject the invasion of western holidays ,because they regard western holidays as an challenge against our traditional festivals and culture.frankly speaking, i don’t quite agree with them.indeed, we should never neglect or even discard our traditonal festivals as china boasts a brilliant history and splendid traditions. (e_amples).but why can’t we absorb the meaningful western holidays and culture.there are obvious reasons why some western holidays are so popular in china. on the one hand, some of the western holidays which we chinese don’t have are reasonable and meaningful, such as father’s day and april fool’s day etc. on the other hand,the prevalence of globalization enables western culture to prevail in china. overwhelmed by such a trend,chineseunconsiciously get involved in western holidays and culture.with the further development of the whole world, the cultural communication between different countries and nations becomes faster and more and more important. we are indeed from different nations, but we are the citizens of the same world, so the outstanding culture of different nations is the commom wealth of everyone on the earth.the only way for us to protect our traditional culture is to reject the foreign culture? the answer is definitely no. what we ought to do is to spare no effort to educate chinese to get to know and treasure our splendid traditions instead of rejecting foreign culture. only by educating can we set our confidence and belief towards our culture. only by educating can we preserve and promote the wealth that our ancesters left for us.at last i’d like to share a famouse saying of gandhi with all of you ,that is:if you want to change the world, then you must change yourself first.”。
大学英语幽默演讲稿
Ladies and Gentlemen,Good morning/afternoon! It is truly an honor to stand before you today and share with you some of the humorous aspects of university life. As we all know, university is a time of immense growth, both academically and personally. However, amidst the rigorous studies, deadlines, and countless assignments, there are moments that make us laugh, roll our eyes, and sometimes even cringe. So, let's embark on a comical journey through the ups and downs of university life.Firstly, let's talk about the notorious "midnight oil" sessions. You know, those sleepless nights when we realize we have left our assignments until the last minute. Imagine this scene: it's 11:59 PM, and you're surrounded by a mountain of papers, laptops, and coffee cups. Your eyes are red, your brain is foggy, and you're trying to decipher the meaning of the most complicated equations or essays. Suddenly, your phone buzzes with a message from your friend: "Hey, you ready for the exam tomorrow?" You reply, "I'm more ready to take a nap than to take the exam, but what can I do? I need to pass this class!" And with that, you pour another cup of coffee and dive back into the abyss of academic struggle. These moments, while exhausting, are the perfect breeding ground for humor and camaraderie among students.Next, let's delve into the world of online classes. Oh, the joy of waking up at 8 AM to attend a lecture from the comfort of your bed! The best part? No one can see you in your pajamas, and you can easily multi-task by scrolling through social media, eating snacks, and even doing laundry. However, there's always that one moment when your professor decides to use the chat function, and suddenly you're answering questions about your favorite book or movie while trying to hide your disheveled appearance. The struggle is real, my friends!Now, let's talk about the legendary "study group." These are the gatherings where you think you're going to study, but somehow end up watching an entire season of your favorite TV show or discussing the merits of different ice cream flavors. The beauty of the study grouplies in the fact that everyone is in the same boat, and it's okay to be a little bit lazy and unproductive. In fact, sometimes, these moments ofrelaxation and camaraderie are what keep us going through the tough times.Moving on to the iconic "all-nighters." There's something magical about staying up all night, fueled by caffeine and determination, to complete a project or prepare for an exam. You know you're in the zone whenyou're able to quote entire chapters of textbooks from memory or when you've mastered the art of typing with one eye closed. However, there's also the inevitable crash the next day. You walk into class, feelinglike a zombie, trying to keep your eyes open, and suddenly your professor asks, "Who knows the difference between a noun and a verb?" You raise your hand, and as you speak, you realize you've been speaking in tongues for the past 10 minutes. The class erupts in laughter, and you can't help but join in, knowing that you're not alone in this mess.Now, let's talk about the infamous "exam week." This is the time when you're surrounded by mountains of textbooks, notes, and flashcards.You're in a constant state of panic, trying to memorize every single piece of information. And then, there's the exam itself. You sit there, your heart pounding, and you realize that you have no idea what you're doing. Suddenly, a thought crosses your mind: "Wait, I thought I studied for this?" You glance around the room, and you see everyone else looking equally clueless. In that moment, you realize that you're all in this together, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed. After all, as long as you pass, it's all worth it.Lastly, let's not forget about the ever-so-entertaining "house parties." These are the events where you're guaranteed to meet interesting people, have a few too many drinks, and possibly make a fool of yourself. You'll find yourself dancing on tables, singing karaoke, and telling your deepest, darkest secrets to complete strangers. These moments, while slightly embarrassing, are what make university life unforgettable. They're the moments that bring us together, create lasting friendships, and make us laugh until we cry.In conclusion, university life is filled with countless humorous moments that make us laugh, cringe, and sometimes even roll our eyes. From sleepless nights to online classes, study groups to all-nighters, andexams to house parties, these moments shape us into the individuals we are today. So, as we continue on this comical journey through university life, let's embrace the humor, cherish the memories, and remember that no matter how tough things get, there's always something to laugh about.Thank you, and may your university life be filled with more laughter than tears!。
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新初中幽默英语演讲稿love your mother 爱你的母亲why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom?你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈. because im a woman, she told him.因为我是女人,她告诉他.i dont understand, he said.我不明白.他回答his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........妈妈拥抱了他说,你永远也不会明白,但没关系... later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?.后来小男孩问他的父亲妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣,这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的... the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候, 他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭.finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, whydo women cry so easily?最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣? god answered......上帝回答:when i made woman,i decided she had to be special.i made her shouldersstrong enough to carrythe weight of the world, yet, 当我创造女人的时候,我决定把她造的很特别,篇二：大学英语演讲稿范文《大学英语演讲稿例文》lucky for me, life in university is rich and colorful. with more free time,wecan do many more things besides study, such as joining societies clubs, and takingpart-time jobs. suchdrinkin coke is wonderful, despite the undesirble consequent hiccups. its bitter,sour and peppery, but also sweet. and youll even feel excited after gulping down aglass. a college experience university life is like drinking coke. im experiencing it. and i know, i enjoyit!我一直在大学呆了一年多。
我儿时,我才意识到大学生活就像喝可乐。
的生活经历口味、酸、甜、苦、辣。
我从省,离这儿很远。
我常常想念妈妈的亲戚、朋友,在我的家乡。
然而,我经常见到。
那么孤独总是会陪伴我。
我很难过,我无法和在一起。
幸运的是,我在大学生活是多彩的。
有更多的闲暇,可以做更多的事情除了学习,如加入社团俱乐部,打工。
的活动,使的生活多彩,而且还能帮助改进各样的技能。
大学是社会,里学到的微缩有利于今后的生活。
的人生之路不会一帆风顺。
挫折是无法的。
失败的的考试,跟男孩女孩的朋友,或者拒绝由有前途的公司,会让的挫折。
有时候,觉得很沮丧,甚至大哭起来。
喝可乐是美妙的,undesirble随之打嗝。
这是苦的,酸和暴躁,而且甜。
你甚至可以感觉到激动下一杯。
全身后,大学的经验是成长的一。
哭泣,微笑着,坠入爱河,受伤,离开,学习,然后做的人。
大学生活就像喝可乐。
我的感受。
我知道,我喜欢它!篇三：中英文幽默演讲幽默演讲——调侃自己（中英对照）演讲者如何调侃自己创新句子：你们或者睡觉，或者不睡，只要不打呼噜，我就接着讲。
幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。
演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡。
poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for takingtime out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smilegraciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffeefrom breakfast.幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。
过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。
此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。
i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to thinkof the entire audience as being naked. and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked. and it reallyworks. i no suffer from nervousness. eyestrain. yes.幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。
创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常紧张。
我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。
personally, i havenever been conceited --- and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that.幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。
创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我。
我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。
let me put this into plain english. i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。
创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。
if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the onlyone i know.幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。
创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。
演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。
making a speech is like watering a lawn. you’re satisfied if just a quarter ofit sinks in.幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。
幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。
创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么。
开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看2台的节目。
before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited fortelevision. i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the gameon channel 2.幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。
可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。
第二个原因是那个人病了，所以就打电话把我找来了。
幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。
创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？有人有舞台恐惧症，我没有；舞台不会怎么样我，是观众快把我吓死了！ some peoplesuffer from stage fright. i don’t. the stage doesn’t bother me at all. it’s theaudience that scares the hell out of me!幽默注释：stage fright舞台恐惧症，而不是舞台吓唬我。
我们每个人都希望能在某一时刻把时钟拨回去。
如果我能够把时钟拨回去 at one timeor another, i think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock. i know ifi could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, i’d be the happiest person in this room.because that’s when i left my speech on the kitchen table. 幽默注释：自己上台前还在刻苦练习，演讲稿落家里了，讲错了希望观众包涵。
我不想吹牛，但上次我演讲时所有的观众都站了起来，他们再也没有坐下，直到走到他们的汽车那儿。
i don’t want to brag, but the last time i did this it brought the audience toits feet. and they never sat down again until they reached their cars.幽默注释：观众听他演讲，都站起来走了，他还在吹牛呢。