TED2013 Meg Jay20岁,不可挥霍的光阴

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(完整版)TED英语演讲稿：二十岁是不可以挥霍的光阴

TED英语演讲稿：二十岁是不可以挥霍的光阴5天内超过60万次浏览量的最新TED演讲“二十岁一去不再来”激起了世界各地的热烈讨论，资深心理治疗师 Meg Jay 分享给20多岁青年人的人生建议：(1)不要为你究竟是谁而烦恼，去赚那些说明你是谁的资本。

(2)不要把自己封锁在小圈子里。

(3)记住你可以选择自己的家庭。

Meg说：“第一，我常告诉二十多岁的男孩女孩，不要为你究竟是谁而烦恼，开始思考你可以是谁，并且去赚那些说明你是谁的资本。

现在就是最好的尝试时机，不管是海外实习，还是创业，或者做公益。

第二，年轻人经常聚在一起，感情好到可以穿一条裤子。

可是社会中许多机会是从远关系开始的，不要把自己封锁在小圈子里，走出去你才会对自己的经历有更多的认识。

第三，记住你可以选择自己的家庭。

你的婚姻就是未来几十年的家庭，就算你要到三十岁结婚，现在选择和什么样的人交往也是至关重要的。

简而言之，二十岁是不能轻易挥霍的美好时光。

”这段关于20岁青年人如何看待人生的演讲引起了许多TED粉丝的讨论，来自TEDx组织团队的David Webber就说：Meg指出最重要的一点便是青年人需要及早意识到积累经验和眼界，无论是20岁还是30岁，都是有利自己发展的重要事。

”When I was in my 20s, I saw my very first psychotherapyclient. I was a Ph.D. student in clinical psychology at Berkeley. She was a 26-year-old woman named Alex.记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。

当时我是Berkeley临床心理学在读博士生。

我的第一位顾客是名叫Alex的女性，26岁。

Now Alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and a big slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my office and kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems. Now when I heard this, I was so relieved. My classmate got an arsonist for her first client. (Laughter) And I got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys. This I thought I could handle.第一次见面Alex穿着牛仔裤和宽松上衣走进来，她一下子栽进我办公室的沙发上，踢掉脚上的平底鞋，跟我说她想谈谈男生的问题。

TED演讲稿

5天内，超过60万次浏览量的最新TED演讲“二十岁一去不再来”激起了世界各地的热烈讨论。

Meg Jay身为临床心理治疗师，专门为20多岁的青年人提供各种咨询服务，她说：“当我还在念Ph.D.的时候遇到了第一位病人，一个26岁的女生向我倾诉她的爱情困惑。

对于二十多岁的年轻男女来说，这也是再常见不过的了，所以我很自然地就陷入了附和的状态，随着她说,’三十岁会是新的二十岁’。

事实也确实如此，事业发展，家庭建立，甚至死亡都是很遥远的事情。

二十多岁花不完的就是时间，为爱情困惑下显得没什么大不了。

” 然而Meg的导师可不这么认为，他告诫Meg,“如果二十多岁的女孩难以走出错误的恋爱关系，那么很有可能日后她将进入错误的婚姻。

”二十岁，常常被挂在嘴边的青春，常常被称为“再不疯狂就老了”的甜蜜光阴，在临床心理学来说又是人成长定性的重要时段，这十年将为日后几十年的职业和家庭树立了方向。

许多人活到三十岁，四十岁感慨希望更早得到的人生智慧在Meg看来完全可以告知刚刚起步的青年人，因为那些所谓功成名就的人通常都在35岁左右迈入人生最关键的阶段，而二十多岁正是打基础的重要时间，人的大脑或者身体成熟度都在这段时间达到最高值。

如果说孩童5岁前是智力开发的重要时刻，那么20多岁则是成人后发展的重要基石。

Meg说，“要想获得成功，首先要有个计划，其次你要活得足够长看到计划实现。

而那些以为二十多岁就是用来虚掷光阴的人正在消耗他们有所建树的时间成本，为了不投契的恋人苦恼，为了小事纠结，直到站在三十岁的门槛，猛然醒悟自己的未来还一片迷茫，身边人都安定下来，为了和大家保持一致，于是赶紧抓住身边的一个人结婚就好像大家在玩抢板凳的游戏。

”二十多岁的人，常常困惑自己没有“身份定位”，好像可以做很多事情，但又没有足够的资历去担当任何事。

二十多岁的人，常常抱怨或者感叹：家庭出身无法选择。

二十多岁的人，看别人的生活都很精彩，看自己的生活乏然无味。

Meg说：“第一，我常告诉二十多岁的男孩女孩，不要为你究竟是谁而烦恼，开始思考你可以是谁，并且去赚那些说明你是谁的资本。

TED英语演讲稿：二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴(附翻译)

TED英语演讲稿：二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴〔附翻译〕when i was in my 20s, i saw my very first psychotherapy client. i was a ph.d. student in clinical psychology at berkeley. she was a 26-year-old woman named alex. now alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and a big slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my office and kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems. now when i heard this, i was so relieved. my classmate got an arsonist for her first client. (laughter) and i got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys. this i thought i could handle.but i didn't handle it. with the funny stories that alex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road. "thirty's the new 20," alex would say, and as far as i could tell, she was right. work happened later, marriage happened later, kids happened later, even death happened later. twentysomethings like alex and i had nothing but time.but before long, my supervisor pushed me to push alex about her love life. i pushed back.i said, "sure, she's dating down, she's sleeping with a knucklehead, but it's not like she's going to marry the guy."and then my supervisor said, "not yet, but she might marry the next one. besides, the best time to work on alex's marriage is before she has one."that's what psychologists call an "aha!" moment. that was the moment i realized, 30 is not the new 20. yes, people settle down later than they used to, but that didn't make alex's 20s a developmental downtime. that made alex's 20s a developmental sweet spot, and we were sitting there blowing it. that was when i realized that this sort of benign neglect was a real problem, and it had real consequences, not just for alex and herlove life but for the careers and the families and the futures of twentysomethings everywhere.there are 50 million twentysomethings in the united states right now. we're talking about 15 percent of the population, or 100 percent if you consider that no one's getting through adulthood without going through their 20s first.raise your hand if you're in your 20s. i really want to see some twentysomethings here. oh, yay! y'all's awesome. if you work with twentysomethings, you love a twentysomething, you're losing sleep over twentysomethings, i want to see — okay. awesome, twentysomethings really matter.so i specialize in twentysomethings because i believe that every single one of those 50 million twentysomethings deserves to know what psychologists, sociologists, neurologists and fertility specialists already know: that claiming your 20s is one of the simplest, yet most transformative, things you can do for work, for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world.this is not my opinion. these are the facts. we know that 80 percent of life's most defining moments take place by age 35. that means that eight out of 10 of the decisions and experiences and "aha!" moments that make your life what it is will have happened by your mid-30s. people who are over 40, don't panic. this crowd is going to be fine, i think. we know that the first 10 years of a career has an exponential impact on how much money you're going to earn. we know that more than half of americans are married or are living with or dating their future partner by 30. we know that the brain caps off its second and last growth spurt in your 20s as it rewires itself for adulthood, which means that whatever it is you want to change about yourself, now is the time to change it. we know that personality changes more during your 20s than at any other time in life,and we know that female fertility peaks at age 28, and things get tricky after age 35. so your 20s are the time to educate yourself about your body and your options.so when we think about child development, we all know that the first five years are a critical period for language and attachment in the brain. it's a time when your ordinary, day-to-day life has an inordinate impact on who you will become. but what we hear less about is that there's such a thing as adult development, and our 20s are that critical period of adult development.but this isn't what twentysomethings are hearing. newspapers talk about the changing timetable of adulthood. researchers call the 20s an extended adolescence. journalists coin silly nicknames for twentysomethings like "twixters" and "kidults." it's true. as a culture, we have trivialized what is actually the defining decade of adulthood.leonard bernstein said that to achieve great things, you need a plan and not quite enough time. isn't that true? so what do you think happens when you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say, "you have 10 extra years to start your life"? nothing happens. you have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition, and absolutely nothing happens.and then every day, smart, interesting twentysomethings like you or like your sons and daughters come into my office and say things like this: "i know my boyfriend's no good for me, but this relationship doesn't count. i'm just killing time." or they say, "everybody says as long as i get started on a career by the time i'm 30, i'll be fine."but then it starts to sound like this: "my 20s are almost over, and i have nothing to show for myself. i had a better résumé the day after i graduated from college."and then it starts to sound like this: "dating in my 20s was like musical chairs. everybody was running around and having fun, but thensometime around 30 it was like the music turned off and everybody started sitting down. i didn't want to be the only one left standing up, so sometimes i think i married my husband because he was the closest chair to me at 30."where are the twentysomethings here? do not do that.okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake, the stakes are very high. when a lot has been pushed to your 30s, there is enormous thirtysomething pressure to jump-start a career, pick a city, partner up, and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time. many of these things are incompatible, and as research is just starting to show, simply harder and more stressful to do all at once in our 30s.the post-millennial midlife crisis isn't buying a red sports car. it's realizing you can't have that career you now want. it's realizing you can't have that child you now want, or you can't give your child a sibling. too many thirtysomethings and fortysomethings look at themselves, and at me, sitting across the room, and say about their 20s, "what was i doing? what was i thinking?"i want to change what twentysomethings are doing and thinking.here's a story about how that can go. it's a story about a woman named emma. at 25, emma came to my office because she was, in her words, having an identity crisis. she said she thought she might like to work in art or entertainment, but she hadn't decided yet, so she'd spent the last few years waiting tables instead. because it was cheaper, she lived with a boyfriend who displayed his temper more than his ambition. and as hard as her 20s were, her early life had been even harder. she often cried in our sessions, but then would collect herself by saying, "you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends."well one day, emma comes in and she hangs her head in her lap, and she sobbed for most of the hour. she'd just bought a new address book,and she'd spent the morning filling in her many contacts, but then she'd been left staring at that empty blank that comes after the words "in case of emergency, please call ... ." she was nearly hysterical when she looked at me and said, "who's going to be there for me if i get in a car wreck? who's going to take care of me if i have cancer?"now in that moment, it took everything i had not to say, "i will." but what emma needed wasn't some therapist who really, really cared. emma needed a better life, and i knew this was her chance. i had learned too much since i first worked with alex to just sit there while emma's defining decade went parading by.so over the next weeks and months, i told emma three things that every twentysomething, male or female, deserves to hear.first, i told emma to forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital. by get identity capital, i mean do something that adds value to who you are. do something that's an investment in who you might want to be next. i didn't know the future of emma's career, and no one knows the future of work, but i do know this: identity capital begets identity capital. so now is the time for that cross-country job, that internship, that startup you want to try. i'm not discounting twentysomething exploration here, but i am discounting exploration that's not supposed to count, which, by the way, is not exploration. that's procrastination. i told emma to explore work and make it count.second, i told emma that the urban tribe is overrated. best friends are great for giving rides to the airport, but twentysomethings who huddle together with like-minded peers limit who they know, what they know, how they think, how they speak, and where they work. that new piece of capital, that new person to date almost always comes from outside the inner circle. new things come from what are called our weak ties, our friends of friends of friends. so yes, half of twentysomethings are un- or under-employed.but half aren't, and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group. half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbor's boss is how you get that un-posted job. it's not cheating. it's the science of how information spreads.last but not least, emma believed that you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends. now this was true for her growing up, but as a twentysomething, soon emma would pick her family when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own. i told emma the time to start picking your family is now. now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle down than 20, or even 25, and i agree with you. but grabbing whoever you're living with or sleeping with when everyone on facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress. the best time to work on your marriage is before you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work. picking your family is about consciously choosing who and what you want rather than just making it work or killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you.so what happened to emma? well, we went through that address book, and she found an old roommate's cousin who worked at an art museum in another state. that weak tie helped her get a job there. that job offer gave her the reason to leave that live-in boyfriend. now, five years later, she's a special events planner for museums. she's married to a man she mindfully chose. she loves her new career, she loves her new family, and she sent me a card that said, "now the emergency contact blanks don't seem big enough."now emma's story made that sound easy, but that's what i love about working with twentysomethings. they are so easy to help. twentysomethings are like airplanes just leaving lax, bound for somewhere west. right after takeoff, a slight change in course is the difference between landing in alaska or fiji. likewise, at 21 or 25 or even 29, one good conversation,one good break, one good ted talk, can have an enormous effect across years and even generations to come.so here's an idea worth spreading to every twentysomething you know. it's as simple as what i learned to say to alex. it's what i now have the privilege of saying to twentysomethings like emma every single day: thirty is not the new 20, so claim your adulthood, get some identity capital, use your weak ties, pick your family. don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do. you're deciding your life right now. thank you. (applause)译文：记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。

二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴TED英语演讲

二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴TED英语演讲When I was in my 20s, I saw my very first psychotherapy client. I was a Ph.D. student in clinical psychology at Berkeley. She was a 26-year-old woman named Alex. Now Alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and a big slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my officeand kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems. Now when I heard this, I was so relieved. My classmate got an arsonist for her first client. (Laughter) And I got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys. This I thought I could handle.But I didn't handle it. With the funny stories thatAlex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road. "Thirty'sthe new 20," Alex would say, and as far as I could tell,she was right. Work happened later, marriage happened later, kids happened later, even death happened later. Twentysomethings like Alex and I had nothing but time.But before long, my supervisor pushed me to push Alex about her love life. I pushed back.I said, "Sure, she's dating down, she's sleeping with a knucklehead, but it's not like she's going to marry the guy."And then my supervisor said, "Not yet, but she might marry the next one. Besides, the best time to work onAlex's marriage is before she has one."That's what psychologists call an "Aha!" moment. That was the moment I realized, 30 is not the new 20. Yes, people settle down later than they used to, but that didn't make Alex's 20s a developmental downtime. That made Alex's 20s a developmental sweet spot, and we were sitting there blowing it. That was when I realized that this sort of benign neglect was a real problem, and it had real consequences, not just for Alex and her love life but for the careers and the families and the futures of twentysomethings everywhere.There are 50 million twentysomethings in the United States right now. We're talking about 15 percent of the population, or 100 percent if you consider that no one's getting through adulthood without going through their 20s first.Raise your hand if you're in your 20s. I really want to see some twentysomethings here. Oh, yay! Y'all's awesome.If you work with twentysomethings, you love a twentysomething, you're losing sleep over twentysomethings, I want to see — Okay. Awesome, twentysomethings really matter.So I specialize in twentysomethings because I believe that every single one of those 50 million twentysomethings deserves to know what psychologists, sociologists, neurologists and fertility specialists already know: that claiming your 20s is one of the simplest, yet most transformative, things you can do for work, for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world.This is not my opinion. These are the facts. We know that 80 percent of life's most defining moments take place by age 35. That means that eight out of 10 of the decisions and experiences and "Aha!" moments that make your life what it is will have happened by your mid-30s. People who are over 40, don't panic. This crowd is going to be fine, I think. We know that the first 10 years of a career has an exponential impact on how much money you're going to earn. We know that more than half of Americans are married or are living with or dating their future partner by 30. We know that the brain caps off its second and last growth spurt in your 20s as it rewires itself for adulthood, which means that whatever it is you want to change about yourself, now is the time to change it. We know that personality changes more during your 20s than at any other time in life, and we know that female fertility peaks at age 28, and things get tricky after age 35. So your 20s are the time to educate yourself about your body and your options.So when we think about child development, we all know that the first five years are a critical period for language and attachment in the brain. It's a time when your ordinary, day-to-day life has an inordinate impact on who you will bee. But what we hear less about is that there's such a thing as adult development, and our 20s are that critical period of adult development.But this isn't what twentysomethings are hearing. Newspapers talk about the changing timetable of adulthood. Researchers call the 20s an extended adolescence. Journalists coin silly nicknames for twentysomethings like "twixters" and "kidults." It's true. As a culture, we have trivialized what is actually the defining decade of adulthood.。

TED英语演讲稿二十岁是不可以挥霍的光阴3

TED英语演讲稿二十岁是不可以挥霍的光阴(4)TED英语演讲稿：二十岁是不可以挥霍的光阴So over the next weeks and months, I told Emma three things that every twentysomething, male or female, deserves to hear.所以接下去的几个星期几个月，我告诉Emma三件事，所有20多岁的男生女生都值得听一听。

First, I told Emma to forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital. By get identity capital, I mean do something that adds value to who you are. Do something that's an investment in who you might want to be next.首先，我告诉Emma忘掉她的自我认识危机，去获得一些身份认定的资本。

身份资本是指做增加自我价值的事。

为自己下一步想成为的样子做一些事一些投资。

I didn't know the future of Emma's career, and no one knows the future of work, but I do know this: Identity capital begets identity capital. So now is the time forthat cross-country job, that internship, that startup you want to try.我不知道Emma的工作将来是什么样的，也没人知道将来的工作是什么样的，但是我知道：身份资本会创造出更多身份资本。

青春励志演讲稿：二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴_励志演讲稿_

青春励志演讲稿：二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴这段关于20岁青年人如何看待人生的演讲引起了许多TED粉丝的讨论，来自TEDx组织团队的David Webber就说：Meg指出最重要的一点便是青年人需要及早意识到积累经验和眼界，无论是20岁还是30岁，都是有利自己发展的重要事。

”30岁不是一个新的20岁，生活决定权在于你自己。

记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。

当时我是Berkeley临床心理学在读博士生。

我的第一位顾客是名叫Alex的女性，26岁。

第一次见面Alex穿着牛仔裤和宽松上衣走进来，她一下子栽进我办公室的沙发上，踢掉脚上的平底鞋，跟我说她想谈谈男生的问题。

当时我听到这个之后松了一口气。

因为我同学的第一个顾客是纵火犯，而我的顾客却是一个20出头想谈谈男生的女孩。

我觉得我可以搞定。

但是我没有搞定。

Alex不断地讲有趣的事情，而我只能简单地点头认同她所说的，很自然地就陷入了附和的状态。

Alex说：“30岁是一个新的20岁。

”没错，我告诉她“你是对的”。

工作还早，结婚还早，生孩子还早，甚至死亡也早着呢。

像Alex和我这样20多岁的人，什么都没有但时间多的是。

但不久之后，我的导师就要我向Alex的感情生活施压。

我反驳说：“当然她现在正在和别人交往，她现在和一个傻瓜男生睡觉，但看样子她不会和他结婚的。

”而我的导师说：“不着急，她也许会和下一个结婚。

但修复Alex婚姻的最好时期，是她还没拥有婚姻的时期。

”这就是心理学家说的“顿悟时刻”。

正是那个时候我意识到，30岁不是一个新的20岁。

的确，和以前的人相比，现在人们更晚才安定下来，但是这不代表Alex就能长期处于20多岁的状态。

更晚安定下来，应该使Alex的20多岁成为发展的黄金时段，而我们却坐在那里忽视这个发展的时机。

从那时起我意识到，这种善意的忽视，确实是个问题，它不仅给Alex 本身和她的感情生活带来不良后果，而且影响到处20多岁的人的事业、家庭和未来。

TED英语演讲稿：二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴(附翻译)

TED英语演讲稿：二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴（附翻译）when i was in my 20s, i saw my very first psychotherapy client. i was a ph.d. student in clinical psychology at berkeley. she was a 26-year-old woman named alex. now alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and a big slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my office and kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems. now when i heard this, i was so relieved. my classmate got an arsonist for her first client. (laughter) and i got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys. this i thought i could handle.but i didn't handle it. with the funny stories that alex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road. "thirty's the new 20," alex would say, and as far as i could tell, she was right. work happened later, marriage happened later, kids happened later, even death happened later. twentysomethings like alex and i had nothing but time.but before long, my supervisor pushed me to push alex about her love life. i pushed back.i said, "sure, she's dating down, she's sleeping with a knucklehead, but it's not like she's going to marry the guy."and then my supervisor said, "not yet, but she might marry the next one. besides, the best time to work on alex's marriage is before she has one."that's what psychologists call an "aha!" moment. that was the moment i realized, 30 is not the new 20. yes, peoplesettle down later than they used to, but that didn't make alex's 20s a developmental downtime. that made alex's 20s a developmental sweet spot, and we were sitting there blowing it. that was when i realized that this sort of benign neglect was a real problem, and it had real consequences, not justfor alex and her love life but for the careers and the families and the futures of twentysomethings everywhere.there are 50 million twentysomethings in the united states right now. we're talking about 15 percent of the population, or 100 percent if you consider that no one's getting through adulthood without going through their 20s first.raise your hand if you're in your 20s. i really want to see some twentysomethings here. oh, yay! y'all's awesome. if you work with twentysomethings, you love a twentysomething, you're losing sleep over twentysomethings, i want to see —okay. awesome, twentysomethings really matter.so i specialize in twentysomethings because i believethat every single one of those 50 million twentysomethings deserves to know what psychologists, sociologists, neurologists and fertility specialists already know: that claiming your 20s is one of the simplest, yet most transformative, things you can do for work, for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world.this is not my opinion. these are the facts. we know that 80 percent of life's most defining moments take place by age 35. that means that eight out of 10 of the decisions and experiences and "aha!" moments that make your life what it is will have happened by your mid-30s. people who are over 40, don't panic. this crowd is going to be fine, i think. we know that the first 10 years of a career has an exponential impact on how much money you're going to earn. we know that morethan half of americans are married or are living with or dating their future partner by 30. we know that the brain caps off its second and last growth spurt in your 20s as it rewires itself for adulthood, which means that whatever it is you want to change about yourself, now is the time to change it. we know that personality changes more during your 20s than at any other time in life, and we know that female fertility peaks at age 28, and things get tricky after age 35. so your 20s are the time to educate yourself about your body and your options.so when we think about child development, we all knowthat the first five years are a critical period for language and attachment in the brain. it's a time when your ordinary, day-to-day life has an inordinate impact on who you will become. but what we hear less about is that there's such a thing as adult development, and our 20s are that critical period of adult development.but this isn't what twentysomethings are hearing. newspapers talk about the changing timetable of adulthood. researchers call the 20s an extended adolescence. journalists coin silly nicknames for twentysomethings like "twixters" and "kidults." it's true. as a culture, we have trivialized what is actually the defining decade of adulthood.leonard bernstein said that to achieve great things, you need a plan and not quite enough time. isn't that true? so what do you think happens when you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say, "you have 10 extra years to start your life"? nothing happens. you have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition, and absolutely nothing happens.and then every day, smart, interesting twentysomethings like you or like your sons and daughters come into my office and say things like this: "i know my boyfriend's no good forme, but this relationship doesn't count. i'm just killing time." or they say, "everybody says as long as i get started on a career by the time i'm 30, i'll be fine."but then it starts to sound like this: "my 20s are almost over, and i have nothing to show for myself. i had a betterrésumé the day after i graduated from college."and then it starts to sound like this: "dating in my 20s was like musical chairs. everybody was running around and having fun, but then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned off and everybody started sitting down. i didn't want to be the only one left standing up, so sometimes i think i married my husband because he was the closest chair to me at 30."where are the twentysomethings here? do not do that.okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake, the stakes are very high. when a lot has been pushed to your 30s, there is enormous thirtysomething pressure to jump-start a career, pick a city, partner up, and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time. many of these things are incompatible, and as research is just starting to show, simply harder and more stressful to do all at once in our30s.the post-millennial midlife crisis isn't buying a red sports car. it's realizing you can't have that career you now want. it's realizing you can't have that child you now want, or you can't give your child a sibling. too many thirtysomethings and fortysomethings look at themselves, and at me, sitting across the room, and say about their 20s, "what was i doing? what was i thinking?"i want to change what twentysomethings are doing and thinking.here's a story about how that can go. it's a story about a woman named emma. at 25, emma came to my office because she was, in her words, having an identity crisis. she said she thought she might like to work in art or entertainment, but she hadn't decided yet, so she'd spent the last few years waiting tables instead. because it was cheaper, she lived with a boyfriend who displayed his temper more than his ambition. and as hard as her 20s were, her early life had been even harder. she often cried in our sessions, but then would collect herself by saying, "you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends."well one day, emma comes in and she hangs her head in her lap, and she sobbed for most of the hour. she'd just bought a new address book, and she'd spent the morning filling in her many contacts, but then she'd been left staring at that empty blank that comes after the words "in case of emergency, please call ... ." she was nearly hysterical when she looked at me and said, "who's going to be there for me if i get in a car wreck? who's going to take care of me if i have cancer?"now in that moment, it took everything i had not to say, "i will." but what emma needed wasn't some therapist who really, really cared. emma needed a better life, and i knew this was her chance. i had learned too much since i first worked with alex to just sit there while emma's defining decade went parading by.so over the next weeks and months, i told emma three things that every twentysomething, male or female, deserves to hear.first, i told emma to forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital. by get identity capital, i mean do something that adds value to who you are. do something that's an investment in who you might want to benext. i didn't know the future of emma's career, and no one knows the future of work, but i do know this: identitycapital begets identity capital. so now is the time for that cross-country job, that internship, that startup you want to try. i'm not discounting twentysomething exploration here, but i am discounting exploration that's not supposed to count, which, by the way, is not exploration. that's procrastination. i told emma to explore work and make it count.second, i told emma that the urban tribe is overrated. best friends are great for giving rides to the airport, but twentysomethings who huddle together with like-minded peers limit who they know, what they know, how they think, how they speak, and where they work. that new piece of capital, that new person to date almost always comes from outside the inner circle. new things come from what are called our weak ties, our friends of friends of friends. so yes, half of twentysomethings are un- or under-employed. but half aren't, and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group. half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbor's boss is how you get that un-posted job. it's not cheating. it's the science of how information spreads.last but not least, emma believed that you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends. now this was true for her growing up, but as a twentysomething, soon emma would pick her family when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own. i told emma the time to start picking your family is now. now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle down than 20, or even 25, and i agree with you. but grabbing whoever you're living with or sleeping with when everyone on facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress. the best time to work on your marriage is before you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work. picking your family is aboutconsciously choosing who and what you want rather than just making it work or killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you.so what happened to emma? well, we went through that address book, and she found an old roommate's cousin who worked at an art museum in another state. that weak tie helped her get a job there. that job offer gave her the reason to leave that live-in boyfriend. now, five years later, she's a special events planner for museums. she's married to a man she mindfully chose. she loves her new career, she loves her new family, and she sent me a card that said, "now the emergency contact blanks don't seem big enough."now emma's story made that sound easy, but that's what i love about working with twentysomethings. they are so easy to help. twentysomethings are like airplanes just leaving lax, bound for somewhere west. right after takeoff, a slight change in course is the difference between landing in alaska or fiji. likewise, at 21 or 25 or even 29, one good conversation, one good break, one good ted talk, can have an enormous effect across years and even generations to come.so here's an idea worth spreading to every twentysomething you know. it's as simple as what i learned to say to alex. it's what i now have the privilege of saying to twentysomethings like emma every single day: thirty is not the new 20, so claim your adulthood, get some identity capital, use your weak ties, pick your family. don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do. you're deciding your life right now. thank you. (applause)译文：记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时,我才20多岁。

不容错过的TED英语演讲稿：二十岁是不可以挥霍的光阴

不容错过的TED英语演讲稿：二十岁是不可以挥霍的光阴Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished guests, and all the TED enthusiasts around the world, it is my pleasure to share with you today a topic that concerns every single one of us– the precious time of our twenties.As the saying goes, “A penny saved is a penny earned.” Similarly, the time we waste is the time we lose, and thetime we save is the time we gain. In our twenties, we are ata critical stage of life where we are full of energy and enthusiasm, and most importantly, we have time on our side. However, if we don’t use this invaluable resource wisely, we will likely regret it for the rest of our lives.So, what exactly do I mean by not wasting our twenties?Let me share with you three fundamental aspects that we needto pay attention to in order to make the most of our twenties.The first aspect is education. Our twenties are the time when we lay the foundation for the rest of our lives. This is the perfect opportunity for us to gain knowledge, skills, and expertise in fields that we are passionate about. We canenroll in courses and programs that will help us advance inour careers or pursue further studies in areas that we are interested in. We can also learn from mentors and experts in our industries, attend workshops and conferences, and read extensively on subjects that we are curious about.The second aspect is personal development. Our twenties are also the time when we begin to establish our identity, values, and purpose in life. This is the time when we can explore our interests, passions, and talents, and develop our strengths and weaknesses. We can travel to new places, meet new people, and experience different cultures. We can volunteer for causes that we care about, engage in sports and hobbies that we enjoy, and challenge ourselves to try new things.The third aspect is relationships. Our twenties are the time when we form lasting connections with the people whowill share our lives. This is the time when we can build relationships with family, friends, colleagues, and mentors who will support us through the ups and downs of life. We can also seek out romantic relationships that are healthy and fulfilling, and learn how to navigate the complexities of love, intimacy, and commitment.But why is it so important that we do all these things in our twenties? Let me give you three reasons.Firstly, our twenties are the time when our brains arestill malleable and adaptable. This means that we are able to learn new skills and knowledge more easily and quickly thanat any other time in our lives. We are also more open-minded and flexible, which makes it easier for us to adapt to new situations and experiences.Secondly, our twenties are the time when we have the most energy and vitality. This means that we are able to work hard, play hard, and achieve more than we ever will again in our lives. We are also more resilient and able to recover from setbacks and failures, which gives us the confidence to take risks and try new things.Lastly, our twenties are the time when we have the most freedom and independence. This means that we are able to make decisions and take actions that will shape our lives foryears to come. We are also less burdened by responsibilities and obligations, which gives us the space and time to focuson ourselves and our own growth.In conclusion, our twenties are a precious and valuable resource that we cannot afford to waste. We need to use this time wisely by investing in education, personal development, and relationships. By doing so, we will create a strong foundation for our future and live a life that is fulfilling, meaningful, and joyful. Remember, as the great philosopher Seneca said, “It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it.” Let us not waste our twenties, but instead make the most of this incredible opportunity. Thank you.。

TED英语演讲稿：二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴(附翻译)演讲稿.doc

TED英语演讲稿：二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴（附翻译）_演讲稿when i was in my 20s, i saw my very first psychotherapy client. i was a ph.d. student in clinical psychology at berkeley. she was a 26-year-old woman named alex. now alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and a big slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my office and kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems. now when i heard this, i was so relieved. my classmate got an arsonist for her first client. (laughter) and i got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys. this i thought i could handle.but i didn’t handle it. with the funny stories that alex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road. “thirty’s the new20,” alex would say, and as far as i could tell, she was right. work happened later, marriage happened later, kids happened later, even death happened later. twentysomethings like alex and i had nothing but time.but before long, my supervisor pushed me to push alex about her love life. i pushed back.i said, “sure, she’s dating down, she’s sleeping with a knucklehead, but it’s not like she’s going to marry the guy.”and then my supervisor said, “not yet, but she might marry the next one. besides, the best time to work on alex’s marriage is before she has one.”that’s what psychologists call an “aha!” moment. that was the moment i realized, 30 is not the new 20. yes, people settle down later than they used to, but that didn’t make alex’s 20s a d evelopmental downtime. that made alex’s 20s a developmental sweet spot, and we were sitting there blowing it. that was when i realized that this sort of benign neglect was a real problem, and it had real consequences, not just for alex and her love life but for the careers and the families and the futures of twentysomethings everywhere.there are 50 million twentysomethings in the united states right now. we’re talking about 15 percent of the population, or 100 percent if you consider that no one’s getti ng through adulthood without going through their 20s first.raise your hand if you’re in your 20s. i really want to see some twentysomethings here. oh, yay! y’all’s awesome. if you work with twentysomethings, you love a twentysomething, you’re losing sleep over twentysomethings, i want to see —okay. awesome, twentysomethings really matter.so i specialize in twentysomethings because i believe that every single one of those 50 million twentysomethings deserves to know what psychologists, sociologists, neurologists and fertilityspecialists already know: that claiming your 20s is one of the simplest, yet most transformative, things you can do for work, for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world.this is not my opinion. these are the facts. we know that 80 percent of life’s most defining moments take place by age 35. that means that eight out of 10 of the decisions and experiences and “aha!” moments that make your life what it is will have happened by your mid-30s. people who are over 40, d on’t panic. this crowd is going to be fine, i think. we know that the first 10 years of a career has an exponential impact on how much money you’re going to earn. we know that more than half of americans are married or are living with or dating their future partner by 30. we know that the brain caps off its second and last growth spurt in your 20s as it rewires itself for adulthood, which means that whatever it is you want to change about yourself, now is the time to change it. we know that personality changes more during your 20s than at any other time in life, and we know that female fertility peaks at age 28, and things get tricky after age 35. so your 20s are the time to educate yourself about your body and your options.so when we think about child development, we all know that the first five years are a critical period for language and attachment in the brain. it’s a time when your ordinary, day-to-day life has an inordinate impact on who you will become. but what we hear less about is that there’s s uch a thing as adult development, and our 20s are that critical period of adult development.but this isn’t what twentysomethings are hearing. newspapers talk about the changing timetable of adulthood. researchers call the 20s an extended adolescence. journalists coin silly nicknames for twentysomethings like “twixters” and “kidults.” it’s true. as a culture, we have trivialized what is actually the defining decade of adulthood.leonard bernstein said that to achieve great things, you need a plan and not quite enough time. isn’t that true? so what do you think happens when you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say, “you have 10 extra years to start your life”? nothing happens. you have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition, and absolutely nothing happens.and then every day, smart, interesting twentysomethings like you or like your sons and daughters come into my office and say things like this: “i know my boyfriend’s no good for me, but this relationship doesn’t count. i’m just killing time.” or they say, “everybody says as long as i get started on a career by the time i’m 30, i’ll be fine.”but then it starts to sound like this: “my 20s are almost over, and i have nothing to show for myself. i had a better résuméthe day after i graduated from college.”and then it starts to sound like this: “dating in my 20s was like musical chairs. everybody was running around and having fun, but then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned off andeverybody started sitting down. i di dn’t want to be the only one left standing up, so sometimes i think i married my husband because he was the closest chair to me at 30.”where are the twentysomethings here? do not do that.okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake, the stakes are very high. when a lot has been pushed to your 30s, there is enormous thirtysomething pressure to jump-start a career, pick a city, partner up, and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time. many of these things are incompatible, and as research is just starting to show, simply harder and more stressful to do all at once in our 30s.the post-millennial midlife crisis isn’t buying a red sports car. it’s realizing you can’t have that career you now want. it’s realizing you can’t have that child you now want, or you can’t give your child a sibling. too many thirtysomethings and fortysomethings look at themselves, and at me, sitting across the room, and say about their 20s, “what was i doing? what was i thinking?”i want to change what twentysomethings are doing and thinking.here’s a story about how that can go. it’s a story about a woman named emma. at 25, emma came to my office because she was, in her words, having an identity crisis. she said she thought she might like to wor k in art or entertainment, but she hadn’t decided yet, so she’d spent the last few years waiting tables instead. because itwas cheaper, she lived with a boyfriend who displayed his temper more than his ambition. and as hard as her 20s were, her early life had been even harder. she often cried in our sessions, but then would collect herself by saying, “you can’t pick your family, but you can pick your friends.”well one day, emma comes in and she hangs her head in her lap, and she sobbed for most of the hour. she’d just bought a new address book, and she’d spent the morning filling in her many contacts, but then she’d been left staring at that empty blank that comes after the words “in case of emergency, please call ... .” she was nearly hysterical when s he looked at me and said, “who’s going to be there for me if i get in a car wreck? who’s going to take care of me if i have cancer?”now in that moment, it took everything i had not to say, “i will.” but what emma needed wasn’t some therapist who really, really cared. emma needed a better life, and i knew this was her chance. i had learned too much since i first worked with alex to just sit there while emma’s defining decade went parading by.so over the next weeks and months, i told emma three things that every twentysomething, male or female, deserves to hear.first, i told emma to forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital. by get identity capital, i mean do something that adds value to who you are. do something that’s a n investment in who you might want to be next. i didn’t know thefuture of emma’s career, and no one knows the future of work, but i do know this: identity capital begets identity capital. so now is the time for that cross-country job, that internship, that startup you want to try. i’m not discounting twentysomething exploration here, but i am discounting exploration that’s not supposed to count, which, by the way, is not exploration. that’s procrastination. i told emma to explore work and make it count.second, i told emma that the urban tribe is overrated. best friends are great for giving rides to the airport, but twentysomethings who huddle together with like-minded peers limit who they know, what they know, how they think, how they speak, and where they work. that new piece of capital, that new person to date almost always comes from outside the inner circle. new things come from what are called our weak ties, our friends of friends of friends. so yes, half of twentysomethings are un- or under-employe d. but half aren’t, and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group. half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbor’s boss is how you get that un-posted job. it’s not cheating. it’s the science of how information spreads.las t but not least, emma believed that you can’t pick your family, but you can pick your friends. now this was true for her growing up, but as a twentysomething, soon emma would pick her family when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own. i told emma the time to start picking your family is now. now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle downthan 20, or even 25, and i agree with you. but grabbing whoever you’re living with or sleeping with when everyone on facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress. the best time to work on your marriage is before you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work. picking your family is about consciously choosing who and what you want rather than just making it work or killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you.so what happened to emma? well, we went through that address book, and she found an old roommate’s cousin who worked at an art museum in another state. that weak tie helped her get a job there. that job offer gave her the reason to leave that live-in boyfriend. now, five years later, she’s a special events planner for museums. she’s married to a man she mindfully chose. she loves her new career, she loves her new family, and she sent me a card that said, “now the emergency contact blanks don’t seem big enough.”now emma’s story made that sound easy, but that’s what i love about working with twentysomethings. they are so easy to help. twentysomethings are like airplanes just leaving lax, bound for somewhere west. right after takeoff, a slight change in course is the difference between landing in alaska or fiji. likewise, at 21 or 25 or even 29, one good conversation, one good break, one good ted talk, can have an enormous effect across years and even generations to come.so here’s an idea worth spreading to everytwentysomething you know. it’s as simple as what i learned to say to alex. it’s what i now have the privilege of saying to twentysomethings like emma every single day: thirty is not the new 20, so claim your adulthood, get some identity capital, use your weak ties, pick your family. don’t be defined by what you didn’t know or didn’t do. you’re deciding your life right now. thank you. (applause)译文：记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。

[TED]20岁-不可挥霍的光阴

记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。

当时我是Berkeley临床心理学在读博士生。

我的第一位顾客是名叫Alex的女性，26岁。

第一次见面Alex穿着牛仔裤和宽松上衣走进来，她一下子栽进我办公室的沙发上，踢掉脚上的平底鞋，跟我说她想谈谈男生的问题。

当时我听到这个之后松了一口气。

因为我同学的第一个顾客是纵火犯，而我的顾客却是一个20出头想谈谈男生的女孩。

我觉得我可以搞定。

但是我没有搞定。

Alex不断地讲有趣的事情，而我只能简单地点头认同她所说的，很自然地就陷入了附和的状态。

Alex说：“30岁是一个新的20岁”。

没错，我告诉她“你是对的”。

工作还早，结婚还早，生孩子还早，甚至死亡也早着呢。

像Alex和我这样20多岁的人，什么都没有但时间多的是。

但不久之后，我的导师就要我向Alex的感情生活施压。

我反驳说：“当然她现在正在和别人交往，她现在和一个傻瓜男生睡觉，但看样子她不会和他结婚的。

”而我的导师说：“不着急，她也许会和下一个结婚。

但修复Alex婚姻的最好时期是她还没拥有婚姻的时期。

”这就是心理学家说的“顿悟时刻”。

正是那个时候我意识到，30岁不是一个新的20岁。

的确，和以前的人相比，现在人们更晚才安定下来，但是这不代表Alex就能长期处于20多岁的状态。

更晚安定下来，应该使Alex的20多岁成为发展的黄金时段，而我们却坐在那里忽视这个发展的时机。

从那时起我意识到这种善意的忽视确实是个问题，它不仅给Alex本身和她的感情生活带来不良后果，而且影响到处20多岁的人的事业、家庭和未来。

现在在美国，20多岁的人有五千万，也就是15%的人口，或者可以说所有人口，因为所有成年人都要经历他们的20多岁。

如果你现在20多岁，请举手。

我很想看到有20多岁的人在这里。

哦，很好。

如果你和20多岁的人一起工作，你喜欢20多岁的人，你因为20多岁的人辗转难眠，我想看到你们。

很棒，看来20多岁的人确实很受重视。

因此我专门研究20多岁的人，因为我坚信这五千万的20多岁的人，每一个人都应该去了解那些心理学家、社会学家、神经学家和生育专家已经知道的事实：你的20多岁是极简单却极具变化的时期之一。

TED演讲稿中英文对照范文《20岁光阴不再来》

When I was in my 20s, I saw my very first psychotherapyclient. I was a Ph.D. student in clinical psychology at Berkeley. She was a 26-year-old woman named Alex.Now Alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and a big slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my office and kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems. Now when I heard this, I was so relieved. My classmate got an arsonist for her first client.当我20⼏岁时，我见到了我的第⼀个需要精神疗法的病⼈。

当时我是⼀个在伯克利⼤学读临床⼼理学的Ph.D学⽣。

她是⼀位叫Alex的26岁⼥性。

第⼀次会⾯时Alex穿了⽜仔裤以及略微不修边幅的上⾐，进来后直接坐到我办公室中的沙发上，踢掉她的鞋⼦，然后跟我说她是来跟我讲男性问题的。

当我听到这个时，我松了⼀⼜⽓。

我的⼀个同学的第⼀个病⼈是⼀个纵⽕犯。

And I got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys. This I thought I could handle. But I didn't handle it. With the funny stories that Alex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road."Thirty's the new 20," Alex would say, and as far as I could tell, she was right. Work happened later, marriage happened later, kids happened later, even death happened later.Twentysomethings like Alex and I had nothing but time.所以说，我有⼀个⼆⼗⼏岁的⼈想跟我谈谈男⽣。

TED英语演讲稿：二十岁是不可以挥霍的光阴

(2)不要把自己封锁在小圈子里。

(3)记住你可以选择自己的家庭。

Meg说：“第一，我常告诉二十多岁的男孩女孩，不要为你究竟是谁而烦恼，开始思考你可以是谁，并且去赚那些说明你是谁的资本。

现在就是最好的尝试时机，不管是海外实习，还是创业，或者做公益。

第二，年轻人经常聚在一起，感情好到可以穿一条裤子。

可是社会中许多机会是从远关系开始的，不要把自己封锁在小圈子里，走出去你才会对自己的经历有更多的认识。

第三，记住你可以选择自己的家庭。

你的婚姻就是未来几十年的家庭，就算你要到三十岁结婚，现在选择和什么样的人交往也是至关重要的。

简而言之，二十岁是不能轻易挥霍的美好时光。

”When I was in my 20s, I saw my very first psychotherapy client. I was a Ph.D. student in clinical psychology at Berkeley.She was a 26-year-old woman named Alex.记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。

当时我是Berkeley临床心理学在读博士生。

我的第一位顾客是名叫Alex的女性，26岁。

TED英语演讲稿：二十岁是不可以挥霍的光阴

(2)不要把自己封锁在小圈子里。

(3)记住你可以选择自己的家庭。

Meg说：“第一，我常告诉二十多岁的男孩女孩，不要为你究竟是谁而烦恼，开始思考你可以是谁，并且去赚那些说明你是谁的资本。

现在就是最好的尝试时机，不管是海外实习，还是创业，或者做公益。

第二，年轻人经常聚在一起，感情好到可以穿一条裤子。

可是社会中许多机会是从远关系开始的，不要把自己封锁在小圈子里，走出去你才会对自己的经历有更多的认识。

第三，记住你可以选择自己的家庭。

你的婚姻就是未来几十年的家庭，就算你要到三十岁结婚，现在选择和什么样的人交往也是至关重要的。

简而言之，二十岁是不能轻易挥霍的美好时光。

当时我是Berkeley临床心理学在读博士生。

我的第一位顾客是名叫Alex的女性，26岁。

青春励志演讲稿：二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴_励志演讲稿_

”30岁不是一个新的20岁，生活决定权在于你自己。

记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。

当时我是Berkeley临床心理学在读博士生。

我的第一位顾客是名叫Alex的女性，26岁。

第一次见面Alex穿着牛仔裤和宽松上衣走进来，她一下子栽进我办公室的沙发上，踢掉脚上的平底鞋，跟我说她想谈谈男生的问题。

当时我听到这个之后松了一口气。

因为我同学的第一个顾客是纵火犯，而我的顾客却是一个20出头想谈谈男生的女孩。

我觉得我可以搞定。

但是我没有搞定。

Alex不断地讲有趣的事情，而我只能简单地点头认同她所说的，很自然地就陷入了附和的状态。

Alex说：“30岁是一个新的20岁。

”没错，我告诉她“你是对的”。

工作还早，结婚还早，生孩子还早，甚至死亡也早着呢。

像Alex和我这样20多岁的人，什么都没有但时间多的是。

但不久之后，我的导师就要我向Alex的感情生活施压。

我反驳说：“当然她现在正在和别人交往，她现在和一个傻瓜男生睡觉，但看样子她不会和他结婚的。

”而我的导师说：“不着急，她也许会和下一个结婚。

但修复Alex婚姻的最好时期，是她还没拥有婚姻的时期。

”这就是心理学家说的“顿悟时刻”。

正是那个时候我意识到，30岁不是一个新的20岁。

的确，和以前的人相比，现在人们更晚才安定下来，但是这不代表Alex就能长期处于20多岁的状态。

更晚安定下来，应该使Alex的20多岁成为发展的黄金时段，而我们却坐在那里忽视这个发展的时机。

从那时起我意识到，这种善意的忽视，确实是个问题，它不仅给Alex 本身和她的感情生活带来不良后果，而且影响到处20多岁的人的事业、家庭和未来。

TED英语演讲稿：二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴(附翻译)_1

TED英语演讲稿：二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴（附翻译）when i was in my 20s, i saw my very first psychotherapy client. i was a student in clinical psychology at berkeley. she was a 26-year-old woman named alex. now alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and a big slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my office and kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems. now when i heard this, i was so relieved. my classmate got an arsonist for her first client. (laughter) and i got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys. this i thought i could handle.but i didn't handle it. with the funny stories that alex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road. "thirty's the new 20," alex would say, and as far as i could tell, she was right. work happened later, marriage happened later, kids happened later, even death happened later. twentysomethings like alex and i had nothing but time.but before long, my supervisor pushed me to pushalex about her love life. i pushed back.i said, "sure, she's dating down, she's sleeping with a knucklehead, but it's not like she's going to marry the guy."and then my supervisor said, "not yet, but she might marry the next one. besides, the best time to work on alex's marriage is before she has one."that's what psychologists call an "aha!" moment. that was the moment i realized, 30 is not the new 20. yes, people settle down later than they used to, but that didn't make alex's 20s a developmental downtime. that made alex's 20s a developmental sweet spot, and we were sitting there blowing it. that was when i realized that this sort of benign neglect was a real problem, and it had real consequences, not just for alex and her love life but for the careers and the families and the futures of twentysomethings everywhere.there are 50 million twentysomethings in the united states right now. we're talking about 15 percent of the population, or 100 percent if you consider that no one's getting through adulthood without going through their 20s first.raise your hand if you're in your 20s. i really want to see some twentysomethings here. oh, yay! y'all's awesome. if you work with twentysomethings, you love a twentysomething, you're losing sleep over twentysomethings, i want to see —okay. awesome, twentysomethings really matter.so i specialize in twentysomethings because i believe that every single one of those 50 million twentysomethings deserves to know what psychologists, sociologists, neurologists and fertility specialists already know: that claiming your 20s is one of the simplest, yet most transformative, things you can do for work, for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world.this is not my opinion. these are the facts. we know that 80 percent of life's most defining moments take place by age 35. that means that eight out of 10 of the decisions and experiences and "aha!" moments that make your life what it is will have happened by your mid-30s. people who are over 40, don't panic. this crowd is going to be fine, i think. we know that the first 10 years of a career has an exponential impact on how much moneyyou're going to earn. we know that more than half of americans are married or are living with or dating their future partner by 30. we know that the brain caps off its second and last growth spurt in your 20s as it rewires itself for adulthood, which means that whatever it is you want to change about yourself, now is the time to change it. we know that personality changes more during your 20s than at any other time in life, and we know that female fertility peaks at age 28, and things get tricky after age 35. so your 20s are the time to educate yourself about your body and your options.so when we think about child development, we all know that the first five years are a critical period for language and attachment in the brain. it's a time when your ordinary, day-to-day life has an inordinate impact on who you will become. but what we hear less about is that there's such a thing as adult development, and our 20s are that critical period of adult development.but this isn't what twentysomethings are hearing. newspapers talk about the changing timetable of adulthood. researchers call the 20s an extendedadolescence. journalists coin silly nicknames for twentysomethings like "twixters" and "kidults." it's true. as a culture, we have trivialized what is actually the defining decade of adulthood.leonard bernstein said that to achieve great things, you need a plan and not quite enough time. isn't that true? so what do you think happens when you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say, "you have 10 extra years to start your life"? nothing happens. you have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition, and absolutely nothing happens.and then every day, smart, interesting twentysomethings like you or like your sons and daughters come into my office and say things like this: "i know my boyfriend's no good for me, but this relationship doesn't count. i'm just killing time." or they say, "everybody says as long as i get started on a career by the time i'm 30, i'll be fine."but then it starts to sound like this: "my 20s are almost over, and i have nothing to show for myself. i had a better résumé the day after i graduated from college."and then it starts to sound like this: "dating in my 20s was like musical chairs. everybody was running around and having fun, but then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned off and everybody started sitting down. i didn't want to be the only one left standing up, so sometimes i think i married my husband because he was the closest chair to me at 30."where are the twentysomethings here? do not do that.okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake, the stakes are very high. when a lot has been pushed to your 30s, there is enormous thirtysomething pressure to jump-start a career, pick a city, partner up, and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time. many of these things are incompatible, and as research is just starting to show, simply harder and more stressful to do all at once in our 30s.the post-millennial midlife crisis isn't buying a red sports car. it's realizing you can't have that career you now want. it's realizing you can't have that child you now want, or you can't give your child a sibling. too many thirtysomethings and fortysomethings look at themselves, and at me, sitting across the room,and say about their 20s, "what was i doing? what was i thinking?"i want to change what twentysomethings are doing and thinking.here's a story about how that can go. it's a story about a woman named emma. at 25, emma came to my office because she was, in her words, having an identity crisis. she said she thought she might like to work in art or entertainment, but she hadn't decided yet, so she'd spent the last few years waiting tables instead. because it was cheaper, she lived with a boyfriend who displayed his temper more than his ambition. and as hard as her 20s were, her early life had been even harder. she often cried in our sessions, but then would collect herself by saying, "you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends."well one day, emma comes in and she hangs her head in her lap, and she sobbed for most of the hour. she'd just bought a new address book, and she'd spent the morning filling in her many contacts, but then she'd been left staring at that empty blank that comes after the words "in case of emergency, please call ... ." shewas nearly hysterical when she looked at me and said, "who's going to be there for me if i get in a car wreck? who's going to take care of me if i have cancer?"now in that moment, it took everything i had not to say, "i will." but what emma needed wasn't some therapist who really, really cared. emma needed a better life, and i knew this was her chance. i had learned too much since i first worked with alex to just sit there while emma's defining decade went parading by.so over the next weeks and months, i told emma three things that every twentysomething, male or female, deserves to hear.first, i told emma to forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital. by get identity capital, i mean do something that adds value to who you are. do something that's an investment in who you might want to be next. i didn't know the future of emma's career, and no one knows the future of work, but i do know this: identity capital begets identity capital. so now is the time for that cross-country job, that internship, that startup you want to try. i'm notdiscounting twentysomething exploration here, but i am discounting exploration that's not supposed to count, which, by the way, is not exploration. that's procrastination. i told emma to explore work and make it count.second, i told emma that the urban tribe is overrated. best friends are great for giving rides to the airport, but twentysomethings who huddle together with like-minded peers limit who they know, what they know, how they think, how they speak, and where they work. that new piece of capital, that new person to date almost always comes from outside the inner circle. new things come from what are called our weak ties, our friends of friends of friends. so yes, half of twentysomethings are un- or under-employed. but half aren't, and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group. half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbor's boss is how you get that un-posted job. it's not cheating. it's the science of how information spreads.last but not least, emma believed that you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends. nowthis was true for her growing up, but as a twentysomething, soon emma would pick her family when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own. i told emma the time to start picking your family is now. now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle down than 20, or even 25, and i agree with you. but grabbing whoever you're living with or sleeping with when everyone on facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress. the best time to work on your marriage is before you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work. picking your family is about consciously choosing who and what you want rather than just making it work or killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you.so what happened to emma? well, we went through that address book, and she found an old roommate's cousin who worked at an art museum in another state. that weak tie helped her get a job there. that job offer gave her the reason to leave that live-in boyfriend. now, five years later, she's a special events planner for museums. she's married to a man she mindfully chose. she lovesher new career, she loves her new family, and she sent me a card that said, "now the emergency contact blanks don't seem big enough."now emma's story made that sound easy, but that's what i love about working with twentysomethings. they are so easy to help. twentysomethings are like airplanes just leaving lax, bound for somewhere west. right after takeoff, a slight change in course is the difference between landing in alaska or fiji. likewise, at 21 or 25 or even 29, one good conversation, one good break, one good ted talk, can have an enormous effect across years and even generations to come.so here's an idea worth spreading to every twentysomething you know. it's as simple as what i learned to say to alex. it's what i now have the privilege of saying to twentysomethings like emma every single day: thirty is not the new 20, so claim your adulthood, get some identity capital, use your weak ties, pick your family. don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do. you're deciding your life right now. thank you. (applause)译文：记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。

TED演讲：20岁,不可挥霍的光阴双语

TED演讲：20岁，不可挥霍的光阴双语这是一篇由网络搜集整理的关于TED演讲：20岁，不可挥霍的光阴（双语）的文档，希望对你能有帮助。

Meg Jay：二十几岁，不可挥霍的光阴：When I was in my 20s, I saw my very first psychotherapy client. I was a Ph.D. student in clinical psychology at Berkeley. She was a 26-year-old woman named Alex. Now Alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and a big slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my office and kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems. Now when I heard this, I was so relieved. My classmate got an arsonist for her first client. (Laughter) And I got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys. This I thought I could handle.But I didn't handle it. With the funny stories that Alex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road. "Thirty's the new 20," Alex would say, and as far as I could tell, she was right. Work happened later, marriage happened later, kids happened later, even death happened later. Twentysomethings like Alex and I had nothing but time.But before long, my supervisor pushed me to push Alex about her love life.I pushed back.I said, "Sure, she's dating down, she's sleeping with a knucklehead, but it's not like she's going to marry the guy."And then my supervisor said, "Not yet, but she might marry the next one.Besides, the best time to work on Alex's marriage is before she has one."That's what psychologists call an "Aha!" moment. That was the moment I realized, 30 is not the new 20. Yes, people settle down later than they used to, but that didn't make Alex's 20s a developmental downtime. That made Alex's 20s a developmental sweet spot, and we were sitting there blowing it. That was when I realized that this sort of benign neglect was a real problem, and it had real consequences, not just for Alex and her love life but for the careers and the families and the futures of twentysomethings everywhere.There are 50 million twentysomethings in the United States right now. We're talking about 15 percent of the population, or 100 percent if you consider that no one's getting through adulthood without going through their 20s first.Raise your hand if you're in your 20s. I really want to see some twentysomethings here. Oh, yay! Y'all's awesome. If you work with twentysomethings, you love a twentysomething, you're losing sleep over twentysomethings, I want to see —Okay. Awesome, twentysomethings really matter.So I specialize in twentysomethings because I believe that every single one of those 50 million twentysomethings deserves to know what psychologists, sociologists, neurologists and fertility specialists already know: that claiming your 20s is one of the simplest, yet most transformative, things you can do for work, for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world.This is not my opinion. These are the facts. We know that 80 percent oflife's most defining moments take place by age 35. That means that eight out of 10 of the decisions and experiences and "Aha!" moments that make your life what it is will have happened by your mid-30s. People who are over 40, don't panic. This crowd is going to be fine, I think. We know that the first 10 years of a career has an exponential impact on how much money you're going to earn. We know that more than half of Americans are married or are living with or dating their future partner by 30. We know that the brain caps off its second and last growth spurt in your 20s as it rewires itself for adulthood, which means that whatever it is you want to change about yourself, now is the time to change it. We know that personality changes more during your 20s than at any other time in life, and we know that female fertility peaks at age 28, and things get tricky after age 35. So your 20s are the time to educate yourself about your body and your options.So when we think about child development, we all know that the first five years are a critical period for language and attachment in the brain. It's a time when your ordinary, day-to-day life has an inordinate impact on who you will become. But what we hear less about is that there's such a thing as adult development, and our 20s are that critical period of adult development.But this isn't what twentysomethings are hearing. Newspapers talk about the changing timetable of adulthood. Researchers call the 20s an extended adolescence. Journalists coin silly nicknames for twentysomethings like "twixters" and "kidults." It's true. As a culture, we have trivialized what is actually the defining decade of adulthood.Leonard Bernstein said that to achieve great things, you need a plan and not quite enough time. Isn't that true So what do you think happens when you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say, "You have 10 extra years to start your life" Nothing happens. You have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition, and absolutely nothing happens.And then every day, smart, interesting twentysomethings like you or like your sons and daughters come into my office and say things like this: "I know my boyfriend's no good for me, but this relationship doesn't count. I'm just killing time." Or they say, "Everybody says as long as I get started on a career by the time I'm 30, I'll be fine."But then it starts to sound like this: "My 20s are almost over, and I have nothing to show for myself. I had a better résumé the day after I graduated from college."And then it starts to sound like this: "Dating in my 20s was like musical chairs. Everybody was running around and having fun, but then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned off and everybody started sitting down. I didn't want to be the only one left standing up, so sometimes I think I married my husband because he was the closest chair to me at 30."Where are the twentysomethings hereDo not do that.Okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake, the stakes are very high. When a lot has been pushed to your 30s, there is enormous thirtysomethingpressure to jump-start a career, pick a city, partner up, and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time. Many of these things are incompatible, and as research is just starting to show, simply harder and more stressful to do all at once in our 30s.The post-millennial midlife crisis isn't buying a red sports car. It's realizing you can't have that career you now want. It's realizing you can't have that child you now want, or you can't give your child a sibling. Too many thirtysomethings and fortysomethings look at themselves, and at me, sitting across the room, and say about their 20s, "What was I doing What was I thinking"I want to change what twentysomethings are doing and thinking.Here's a story about how that can go. It's a story about a woman named Emma. At 25, Emma came to my office because she was, in her words, having an identity crisis. She said she thought she might like to work in art or entertainment, but she hadn't decided yet, so she'd spent the last few years waiting tables instead. Because it was cheaper, she lived with a boyfriend who displayed his temper more than his ambition. And as hard as her 20s were, her early life had been even harder. She often cried in our sessions, but then would collect herself by saying, "You can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends."Well one day, Emma comes in and she hangs her head in her lap, and she sobbed for most of the hour. She'd just bought a new address book, and she'd spent the morning filling in her many contacts, but then she'd been left staring at that empty blank that comes after the words "In case of emergency, please call ... ."She was nearly hysterical when she looked at me and said, "Who's going to be there for me if I get in a car wreck Who's going to take care of me if I have cancer"Now in that moment, it took everything I had not to say, "I will." But what Emma needed wasn't some therapist who really, really cared. Emma needed a better life, and I knew this was her chance. I had learned too much since I first worked with Alex to just sit there while Emma's defining decade went parading by.So over the next weeks and months, I told Emma three things that every twentysomething, male or female, deserves to hear.First, I told Emma to forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital. By get identity capital, I mean do something that adds value to who you are. Do something that's an investment in who you might want to be next. I didn't know the future of Emma's career, and no one knows the future of work, but I do know this: Identity capital begets identity capital. So now is the time for that cross-country job, that internship, that startup you want to try. I'm not discounting twentysomething exploration here, but I am discounting exploration that's not supposed to count, which, by the way, is not exploration. That's procrastination. I told Emma to explore work and make it count.Second, I told Emma that the urban tribe is overrated. Best friends are great for giving rides to the airport, but twentysomethings who huddle together with like-minded peers limit who they know, what they know, how they think, how they speak, and where they work. That new piece of capital, that new person to datealmost always comes from outside the inner circle. New things come from what are called our weak ties, our friends of friends of friends. So yes, half of twentysomethings are un- or under-employed. But half aren't, and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group. Half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbor's boss is how you get that un-posted job. It's not cheating. It's the science of how information spreads.Last but not least, Emma believed that you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends. Now this was true for her growing up, but as a twentysomething, soon Emma would pick her family when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own. I told Emma the time to start picking your family is now. Now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle down than 20, or even 25, and I agree with you. But grabbing whoever you're living with or sleeping with when everyone on Facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress. The best time to work on your marriage is before you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work. Picking your family is about consciously choosing who and what you want rather than just making it work or killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you.So what happened to EmmaWell, we went through that address book, and she found an old roommate's cousin who worked at an art museum in another state. That weak tie helped her get a job there. That job offer gave her the reason to leave that live-in boyfriend. Now, five years later, she's a special events planner for museums. She's marriedto a man she mindfully chose. She loves her new career, she loves her new family, and she sent me a card that said, "Now the emergency contact blanks don't seem big enough."Now Emma's story made that sound easy, but that's what I love about working with twentysomethings. They are so easy to help. Twentysomethings are like airplanes just leaving LAX, bound for somewhere west. Right after takeoff, a slight change in course is the difference between landing in Alaska or Fiji. Likewise, at 21 or 25 or even 29, one good conversation, one good break, one good TED Talk, can have an enormous effect across years and even generations to come.So here's an idea worth spreading to every twentysomething you know. It's as simple as what I learned to say to Alex. It's what I now have the privilege of saying to twentysomethings like Emma every single day: Thirty is not the new 20, so claim your adulthood, get some identity capital, use your weak ties, pick your family. Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do. You're deciding your life right now. Thank you. (Applause)中文：记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。

20几岁不可挥霍的光阴(中英对照)

20几岁不可挥霍的光阴（Meg Jay）记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。

当时我是Berkeley 临床心理学在读博士生。

我的第一位顾客是名叫Alex 的女性，26 岁。

一名26岁的女士，名叫亚历克斯，第一次诊聊时，亚历克斯穿着牛仔裤和宽大松垮的上衣走进我的办公室，一屁股坐在沙发上，剃掉她的平底鞋，然后告诉我她要谈谈男人问题。

听到这，我大松一口气，我同学的第一个客户是个纵火犯，而我的是个20多岁的姑娘要聊男人问题，我想这我肯定应付得了，但是我没有。

对于亚历克斯带来的有趣的故事，我所用的缓兵之计很简单，便是随意附和。

Alex 说：“30 岁是一个新的20 岁”。

没错，我告诉她“你是对的”。

工作还早，结婚还早，生孩子还早，甚至死亡也早着呢。

像Alex 和我这样20 多岁的人，什么都没有但时间多的是。

但没过多久，我的导师催促我，让我向Alex 的感情生活施压,我拒绝了。

我说：“没错，她的对象的确很差劲，她在和一个傻瓜交往，但是没有迹象她要嫁给他。

”然后我导师说：“现在也许她还不会嫁给这个傻瓜,但可能会继续嫁给下个（傻瓜）。

再说，给亚历克斯有帮助的建议的最好时机是在她结婚之前。

”那就是心理学家所谓的“顿悟”时刻。

那一刻我意识到，30岁不是一个新的20岁。

没错，现在人们结婚的年龄比以前大一些，但这并没有使亚历克斯的20岁成为发展的搁浅期，这使亚历克斯的20岁成为发展的关键时期，而我们却在挥霍它。

那一刻我意识到这种善意的忽视是个严重的问题，而且是有后果，不仅对亚历克斯和她的感情生活，而是对所有处在20多岁年龄的人的事业、家庭及未来。

现在，美国有五千万20多岁的人，也就是说我们在讨论总人口的15%，，或者可以说所有人口，因为所有成年人都要经历他们的20 多岁。

我专长于20多岁的青年是因为我相信这五千万20多岁的人都应该知道心理学家、社会学家、神经学家和生育专家已经知道的事：你的20 多岁是极简单却极具变化的时期之一。

Meg Jay 20岁,不可挥霍的光阴

Meg Jay 20岁，不可挥霍的光阴临床心理学家Meg Jay表示：二十几岁对于一个人异常重要，在这段时期内人的性格和世界观趋于完整，而如果你在 30 岁之前，还没有树立自己完整而独立的世界观，你就注定会失败。

在这个点击过百万的TED演讲中，Meg Jay分享给20多岁青年人的人生建议：“第一，我常告诉二十多岁的男孩女孩，不要为你究竟是谁而烦恼，开始思考你可以是谁，并且去赚那些说明你是谁的资本。

现在就是最好的尝试时机，不管是海外实习，还是创业，或者做公益。

第二，年轻人经常聚在一起，感情好到可以穿一条裤子。

可是社会中许多机会是从远关系开始的，不要把自己封锁在小圈子里，走出去你才会对自己的经历有更多的认识。

第三，记住你可以选择自己的家庭。

你的婚姻就是未来几十年的家庭，就算你要到三十岁结婚，现在选择和什么样的人交往也是至关重要的。

简而言之，二十岁是不能轻易挥霍的美好时光。

”When I was in my 20s, I saw my very first psychotherapy client. I was a Ph.D. student in clinical psychology at Berkeley. She was a 26-year-old woman named Alex.记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。

当时我是Berkeley临床心理学在读博士生。

我的第一位顾客是名叫Alex的女性，26岁。

TED英语演讲稿：二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴(附翻译)

TED英语演讲稿：二十几岁不可挥霍的光阴（附翻译）when i was in my 20s, i saw my very first psychotherapy client. i was a ph.d. student in clinical psychology at berkeley. she was a 26-year-old woman named alex. now alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and a big slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my office and kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems. now when i heard this, i was so relieved. my classmate got an arsonist for her first client. (laughter) and i got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys. this i thought i could handle.but i didn't handle it. with the funny stories that alex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road. "thirty's the new 20," alex would say, and as far as i could tell, she was right. work happened later, marriage happened later, kids happened later, even death happened later. twentysomethings like alex and i had nothing but time.but before long, my supervisor pushed me to push alex about her love life. i pushed back.i said, "sure, she's dating down, she's sleeping with a knucklehead,but it's not like she's going to marry the guy."and then my supervisor said, "not yet, but she might marry the next one. besides, the best time to work on alex's marriage is before she has one."that's what psychologists call an "aha!" moment. that was the moment i realized, 30 is not the new 20. yes, people settle down later than they used to, but that didn't make alex's 20s a developmental downtime. that made alex's 20s a developmental sweet spot, and we were sitting there blowing it. that was when i realized that this sort of benign neglect was a real problem, and it had real consequences, not just for alex and her love life but for the careers and the families and the futures of twentysomethings everywhere.there are 50 million twentysomethings in the united states right now. we're talking about 15 percent of the population, or 100 percent if you consider that no one's getting through adulthood without going through their 20s first.raise your hand if you're in your 20s. i really want to see some twentysomethings here. oh, yay! y'all's awesome. if you work withtwentysomethings, you love a twentysomething, you're losing sleep over twentysomethings, i want to see —okay. awesome, twentysomethings really matter.so i specialize in twentysomethings because i believe that every single one of those 50 million twentysomethings deserves to know what psychologists, sociologists, neurologists and fertility specialists already know: that claiming your 20s is one of the simplest, yet most transformative, things you can do for work, for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world.this is not my opinion. these are the facts. we know that 80 percent of life's most defining moments take place by age 35. that means that eight out of 10 of the decisions and experiences and "aha!" moments that make your life what it is will have happened by your mid-30s. people who are over 40, don't panic. this crowd is going to be fine, i think. we know that the first 10 years of a career has an exponential impact on how much money you're going to earn. we know that more than half of americans are married or are living with or dating their future partner by 30. we know that the brain caps off its second and lastgrowth spurt in your 20s as it rewires itself for adulthood, which means that whatever it is you want to change about yourself, now is the time to change it. we know that personality changes more during your 20s than at any other time in life, and we know that female fertility peaks at age 28, and things get tricky after age 35. so your 20s are the time to educate yourself about your body and your options.so when we think about child development, we all know that the first five years are a critical period for language and attachment in the brain. it's a time when your ordinary, day-to-day life has an inordinate impact on who you will become. but what we hear less about is that there's such a thing as adult development, and our 20s are that critical period of adult development.but this isn't what twentysomethings are hearing. newspapers talk about the changing timetable of adulthood. researchers call the 20s an extended adolescence. journalists coin silly nicknames for twentysomethings like "twixters" and "kidults." it's true. as a culture, we have trivialized what is actually the defining decade of adulthood.leonard bernstein said that to achieve great things, you need a planand not quite enough time. isn't that true? so what do you think happens when you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say, "you have 10 extra years to start your life"? nothing happens. you have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition, and absolutely nothing happens.and then every day, smart, interesting twentysomethings like you or like your sons and daughters come into my office and say things like this: "i know my boyfriend's no good for me, but this relationship doesn't count. i'm just killing time." or they say, "everybody says as long as i get started on a career by the time i'm 30, i'll be fine."but then it starts to sound like this: "my 20s are almost over, and i have nothing to show for myself. i had a better résuméthe day after i graduated from college."and then it starts to sound like this: "dating in my 20s was like musical chairs. everybody was running around and having fun, but then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned off and everybody started sitting down. i didn't want to be the only one left standing up, so sometimes i think i married my husband because he was the closestchair to me at 30."where are the twentysomethings here? do not do that.okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake, the stakes are very high. when a lot has been pushed to your 30s, there is enormous thirtysomething pressure to jump-start a career, pick a city, partner up, and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time. many of these things are incompatible, and as research is just starting to show, simply harder and more stressful to do all at once in our 30s.the post-millennial midlife crisis isn't buying a red sports car. it's realizing you can't have that career you now want. it's realizing you can't have that child you now want, or you can't give your child a sibling. too many thirtysomethings and fortysomethings look at themselves, and at me, sitting across the room, and say about their 20s, "what was i doing? what was i thinking?"i want to change what twentysomethings are doing and thinking.here's a story about how that can go. it's a story about a woman named emma. at 25, emma came to my office because she was, in her words, having an identity crisis. she said she thought she might like towork in art or entertainment, but she hadn't decided yet, so she'd spent the last few years waiting tables instead. because it was cheaper, she lived with a boyfriend who displayed his temper more than his ambition. and as hard as her 20s were, her early life had been even harder. she often cried in our sessions, but then would collect herself by saying, "you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends."well one day, emma comes in and she hangs her head in her lap, and she sobbed for most of the hour. she'd just bought a new address book, and she'd spent the morning filling in her many contacts, but then she'd been left staring at that empty blank that comes after the words "in case of emergency, please call ... ." she was nearly hysterical when she looked at me and said, "who's going to be there for me if i get in a car wreck? who's going to take care of me if i have cancer?"now in that moment, it took everything i had not to say, "i will." but what emma needed wasn't some therapist who really, really cared. emma needed a better life, and i knew this was her chance. i had learned too much since i first worked with alex to just sit there while emma's defining decade went parading by.so over the next weeks and months, i told emma three things that every twentysomething, male or female, deserves to hear.first, i told emma to forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital. by get identity capital, i mean do something that adds value to who you are. do something that's an investment in who you might want to be next. i didn't know the future of emma's career, and no one knows the future of work, but i do know this: identity capital begets identity capital. so now is the time for that cross-country job, that internship, that startup you want to try. i'm not discounting twentysomething exploration here, but i am discounting exploration that's not supposed to count, which, by the way, is not exploration. that's procrastination. i told emma to explore work and make it count.second, i told emma that the urban tribe is overrated. best friends are great for giving rides to the airport, but twentysomethings who huddle together with like-minded peers limit who they know, what they know, how they think, how they speak, and where they work. that new piece of capital, that new person to date almost always comes from outside the inner circle. new things come from what are called our weakties, our friends of friends of friends. so yes, half of twentysomethings are un- or under-employed. but half aren't, and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group. half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbor's boss is how you get that un-posted job. it's not cheating. it's the science of how information spreads.last but not least, emma believed that you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends. now this was true for her growing up, but as a twentysomething, soon emma would pick her family when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own. i told emma the time to start picking your family is now. now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle down than 20, or even 25, and i agree with you. but grabbing whoever you're living with or sleeping with when everyone on facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress. the best time to work on your marriage is before you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work. picking your family is about consciously choosing who and what you want rather than just making it work or killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you.so what happened to emma? well, we went through that address book, and she found an old roommate's cousin who worked at an art museum in another state. that weak tie helped her get a job there. that job offer gave her the reason to leave that live-in boyfriend. now, five years later, she's a special events planner for museums. she's married to a man she mindfully chose. she loves her new career, she loves her new family, and she sent me a card that said, "now the emergency contact blanks don't seem big enough."now emma's story made that sound easy, but that's what i love about working with twentysomethings. they are so easy to help. twentysomethings are like airplanes just leaving lax, bound for somewhere west. right after takeoff, a slight change in course is the difference between landing in alaska or fiji. likewise, at 21 or 25 or even 29, one good conversation, one good break, one good ted talk, can have an enormous effect across years and even generations to come.so here's an idea worth spreading to every twentysomething you know. it's as simple as what i learned to say to alex. it's what i now have the privilege of saying to twentysomethings like emma every single day:thirty is not the new 20, so claim your adulthood, get some identity capital, use your weak ties, pick your family. don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do. you're deciding your life right now. thank you. (applause)译文：记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。

TED2013 Meg Jay20岁,不可挥霍的光阴

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