2016专四作文讲评及写作指导

一、2016年专业四级写作题目概况
（一）测试要求：写一篇200个单词左右的作文，考试时间45分钟，计20分。

（二）2016年专四作文评分标准：
1.summary（6分）
ments （12分）
A.思想与表达（ideas and arguments）7分（满分7分，其中6-7分优秀，4-5分良好，3分一般，1-2分较差。

）
（1）思想内容（content）
内容切题；内容充实；观点明确；论据支持论点；有独到见解。

（2）表达效果（effectiveness）
表达清晰；有说服力。

（3）篇章组织结构（rhetorical organization）
每段有主题句；句间衔接自然；段间过渡自然；第一部分明确提出观点；最后一部分自然得出结论；段落排列合理。

B.语言运用能力（language use）5分（满分5分，其中5分优秀，3-4分良好，2分一般，1分较差。

）
（1）准确性（correctness）
语法正确；句子结构正确；固定搭配正确；用词准确。

（2）丰富性（richness）
词汇丰富；句子形式多样。

（3）得体性（appropriateness）
语气恰当；语言地道。

3.写作规范mechanics（2分）（满分2分，其中2分优秀，1.5分良好，1分一般，0.5分较差）
单词拼写正确；标点符号正确；大小写正确；书写美观；卷面整洁。

范文1
When it comes to whether parents should take their children to spend holidays during term-time, views on the issue vary from person to person.（引入话题） Parents claim that by doing so, they can save a lot of money born of busy school holidays. Educational officials strongly oppose this tendency on the ground that it encourages truancy, which in turn damages a child’s education.（两种观点）As a result, UK’s education authorities are now banning parents from taking their children for holidays during term-time to save money.（概括材料）
From my perspective, the merits of banning term-time holidays outweigh its demerits.（陈述观点）To begin with, taking tough measures on this kind of truancy is conducive to the normal teaching process, one of the key elements to guarantee kid’s academic performance.（理由一）As we know, currently, teachers have the discretion to approve a certain time of absence from school for each child. By definitely abolishing the right of head teachers to “authorize absence” from the classroom, those teachers can rarely be pestered by parents who want to take children to go on a holiday just to save money, which severely disrupts teaching process.（具体论证一）What ’s more, without strict penalties imposed on the parents who lead to their kid’s playing truant, those parents can gradually view asking for holiday leave as a right.（理由二）Once this cultural expectation is formed, the level of truancy will dramatically increase.（假设论证二）
Accordingly, the growing trend of term-time holidays should be banned with no delay.（重申论点）In this way, teachers can impart knowledge without disturbance and parents will be deterred from saving money at the expense of sacrificing their kid’s e ducation.
范文2
New research has shown that almost four out of ten parents in the UK have taken their children out of school to go on holidays.（描述背景）Cost is the main reason given by parents for sacrificing their children’s education. Parents are to be banned,
however, by UK’s Education Authority, from taking their children out of school to go during term time.（总结材料。

围绕两点：cost, ban）
Should local authorities stagger school holidays to enable families with children to take advantage of travel bargains? Or is it wrong for parents to jeopardize their children’s education for the sake of a cheaper holiday? As far as I am concerned, education is more important. （提出观点）Firstly, children’s education must come first. A cheap holiday during the school season shouldn’t be the reason to take a child out of school. Some parents are not willing to sacrifice or schedule their lives in terms of their children’s needs. This kind of attitude will influence their children deeply.It’s no wonder so many kids are not interested in school and don’t take their study seriously.（论据一）Secondly, school isn’t day care center. It’s an educational institution that needs every student to follow its rules. Taking a child on holiday when school is in session will disturb the order of the school. （论据二）Besides, it is disruptive for the child, because he will have to catch up when he returns.（论据三）
All in all, taking children out of school for a cheaper holiday is irresponsible behavior.（总结前文）Those parents would risk being fined financially and morally. It’s not only kids that need to grow up——a lot of parents need to as well.
二、2016专四写作部分问题分析
（一）作文审题问题。

1.不熟悉专四改革后的写作题目设计特点，只看材料即刻着手写作，忽略了对材料的分析和概括。

2.题目要求学生：You should comment on whether parents should take children out of school for holidays during term time in order to save money。

有相当一部分学生对题目中提到的家长是否应该利用假期带领孩子出游的观点进行了详细的论证，但是他们忽略了题目要求的最后一个重要信息：in order to save money，导致学生在论述个人观点时根本没有涉及save money。

（二）语篇衔接问题。

在写作过程中如果忽视语篇的衔接，就会导致句子和句子之间的逻辑混乱、层次不分明、不能有力地论证观点。

例如：
I am inclined to ban the term time holidays. It can save money. Children are based on the belief that to prove study skills. Schools are a good place for children to practice…（非连贯句）
I am inclined to ban the term time holidays because it can save money. For one thing, children can improve their study skills at school which is a good place for children to practice their abilities…（连贯句）
（三）语言功底问题：句式单一，语法错误，词汇误用，用词缺乏变化。

I support such thing by the government. Education plays a very important role in
a person’s development in earlier years. Without education, there may be more social problems, and the poor people have fewer chances to move upward the social ladder.（句式单一，用词简单）
I am in support of such move by the government because education lies in the heart of a person’s development in earlier years. Lack of education could severely aggravate social disparity and deprive the poor of the chance of moving upward the social ladder.（句式多样，用词得体）
例句中的lie in the heart of，lack of education，aggravate，deprive等用词比起原文要正式，句型也出现多样变化，更有效地表达了观点。