Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people

The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.Robert R. Coveyou, Oak Ridge National Laboratory
Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it
themselves.Brendan Behan
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for
the rest of your life.Michael Sinz
Let us all bask in television's warm glowing warming glow.Homer Simpson
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had
been one.Groucho Marx
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any
copyright law on the planet.Mark Twain.
This is either a forgery or a damn clever original.Frank Sullivan.
When you see a married couple coming down the street, the one who is two or three steps ahead is the one that's mad.Helen Rowland
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes E W Dijkstra.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyse his delusions is called a philosopherAmbrose Bierce.
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written onSamuel Goldwyn.
I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.Eleanor Roosevelt
I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always
agree with them.George Bush.
You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and
sober!David Brent
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.Mark Twain
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.Rita Rudner
This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some country.Clint Eastwood.
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.Spike Milligan
There is still no cure for the common birthday. John Glenn.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.Mark Twain
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. Dave Edison.
In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it
into TV shows.Woody Allen
I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.David Letterman.
Write something, even if it's just a suicide note.Gore Vidal.
I was always unlawful; I broke the law when I was born because my parents weren't married.Bernard Shaw
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. Rodney Dangerfield.
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.Oscar Wilde
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet!Saint Augustine
Pavarotti is not vain, but conscious of being unique.Peter Ustinov.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.Lily Tomlin
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.George Burns
A violin is the revenge exacted by the intestines of a dead
cat.Ambrose Bierce
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.H. L. Mencken
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.W. C. Fields
I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.Carl Sandburg
The concert is a polite form of self induced torture.Henry Miller.
The first ninety minutes of a football match are the most important. Bobby Robson.
There ought to be one day just one when there is open season on senators.Will Rogers
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an
orange.Fred Allen
In Russia, if a male athelete loses he becomes a female athelete. Yakov Smirnoff.
I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.George Burns
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. David Letterman.
Any time there's a scandal, we always try and get rry Flynt
Never have more children than you have car windows.Erma Bombeck
I have orders to be awakened at any time in the case of a national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.Ronald Reagan.
Wagner's music is better than it sounds. Mark Twain
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done
just as easily lying down.Woody Allen
This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.Oscar Wilde
Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.Dick Brandon
Writing in C or C++ is like running a chain saw with all the safety guards removed.Bob Gray
Never do today that which will become someone else's responsibility tomorrow.David Brent
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and
that one word is 'to be prepared'. George W Bush
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too
famous.Robert Benchley (Robert Benchley by Nathaniel Benchley, 1955)
Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire? The one nearest the door of course.Bernard Shaw
I don't believe in mathematics.Albert Einstein
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.Lucille Ball
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female. Desmond Morris.
He moves like a parody between a majorette girl and Fred Astaire. Truman Capote on Mick Jagger
I have always had the feeling I could do anything and my dad told me
I could. I was in college before I found out he might be wrong. Ann Richards.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they
foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit. Eric Porterfield.
Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.Marilyn vos Savant
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.Mark Twain
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.Woody Allen
There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never!Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.Oscar Wilde
I am not a heavy drinker. I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.Noel Coward
A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.Mae West
Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera.James Stephens.
People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff. I
like to tell them I have the heart of a small boy -- and I keep it in a jar on my desk.Stephen King
That's the Irish people all over - they treat a joke as a serious thing, and a serious thing as a joke.Sean O'Casey
Sarah Brightman couldn't act scared on the New York subway at 4
o'clock in the morning.Joel Segal.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning that's as good as they're going to feel all day.Frank Sinatra
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction. Steven Wright
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. Kin Hubbard.
Who the [heck] wants to hear actors talk?H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.
He who laughs last didn't get the joke.
Software Engineering is that part of Computer Science which is too difficult for the Computer Scientist.F. L. Bauer
I can tell you're lying. Your lips are moving.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers. Author.
Id luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.Bette Davis
I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.Dennis Miller
Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way?Freddie Mercury on Billy Idol
Attention to health is life greatest hindrance.Plato
If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching actors on television talk about their personal lives.Marlon Brando
The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.Al Gore
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If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.Groucho Marx
Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.Dave Barry
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.Woody Allen
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.Emo Philips
Submitted by Amy GrayEvery one begs for freedom, but when they get it they do something stupid.
Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of
widths.Steven Wright
A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending, and they should be as close together as possible.George Burns
Nooo! You don't have the Nottingham Twang!Eddie Izzard
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden. Eric Morecambe.
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.Woody Allen
I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.Emo Philips
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter
bullet.Dave Barry
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.Steven Wright
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.George Burns
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.Steven Wright。