高中生学习写作训练作文

写作训练

湖北枣阳一中唐玉菊王锋赵清娥

书面表达（满分25）

每年高考，各个考点都会挤满陪考的家长。假如你是即将参加高考的李华，你的父母就此事写信征询你的意见，请你根据以下要点给父母写一封回信，谈谈自己的想法。

1. 不想因为自己高考而耽搁他们的工作；

2. 相信自己有独立处理事情、面对挑战的能力。

注意：1. 词数：100左右；

2．可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯。

. 参考词汇：高考the College Entrance Examination

Dear Mom and Dad,

___________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________

Yours sincerely

Li Hua 学生作文1：

Dear Mom and Dad,

I’m writing this letter with the purpose of telling my own opinion towards the issue.

There is a growing tendency among parents to accompany their children during the College Entrance Examination. This is due to the significance of the examination. However, in my opinion, you needn’t do like that. For one thing, a lot of work should be done. Therefore, it’s unnecessary for you to put off the work owing to my examination. For another thing, I believe I have the ability to deal with the problem by myself. To be precise, the College Entrance Examination is a big challenge that must be faced. In that case, I want to face it without your help.

I hope you can understand me and agree with my choice.

Your sincerely

Li Hua

评分：21分。

该学生作文属于第五档。

得分理由：

1.结构布局

本文为三段式作文：

第一段提出写信的目的。

第二段作者按照题目要求谈了自己对父母陪读的想法。此段内容覆盖了两个要点：①不想因为自己高考而耽搁他们的工作；②相信自己有独立处理事情、面对挑战的能力。

第三段简短紧凑。

1.亮点词汇

tendency, issue, due to, significance, owing to ,to be precise,in my opinion

3.亮点句式

There is a growing tendency among somebody to do something-----,the College Entrance Examination is a big challenge that must be faced

4过渡词的使用

however, for one thing, for another thing, therefore, in that case

优点：

1.书信的内容覆盖了要点。

2.作文采用三段式结构谋篇行文，文中很好地使用了过渡词。如：however, for one thing, for another thing, therefore , in that case等，过渡词的使用使得文章浑然一体，结构紧凑，行文流畅，层次分明。

3.该学生在文中使用了很多高级词汇如：issue ,due to ,significance, owing to 等；此外还有常用句型及好的句型如：There is a growing tendency among somebody to do something-----, It’ is +adj. for somebody to do something等；插入语的使用如：in my opinion, to be precise以及宾语从句和定语从句的使用如：I believe I have the ability to deal with the problem by myself. To be precise, the College Entrance Examination is a big challenge that must be faced.这些高级词汇，插入语，好句型，被动语态以及宾语从句和定语从句等复杂结构的使用不仅彰显了小作者的语言功底和写作技巧，也提高了作文的评分档次。

缺点：

1.文章第一段给人感觉有点太唐突,作者首段应提到父母的上次来信。

2.词汇方面有些许错误如：I am writing the letter with the purpose of telling my own opinion towards the issue.

3.书信属于应用文体，最后加上结束语更好些。

4.文中复杂结构使用得不是太多。

修改意见：

1.首段这样写更好些：In your last letter, you asked me if it was necessary for you to keep me company during the College Entrance Examination. Here I’m writing to you to voice my opinion about the issue----.