不积跬步无以至千里,不积小流无以成江河

（题目呢？）

Now we are often see（are，see都是动词，一句话怎么能有2个谓语呢？）

youngster s，注意单词的准确性，正确用法是in public places=在公共场合）.{本句正确的表达：N ow we often see young men （or youngsters）smooking in public places .本句值得表扬的是：用了who引导的定语啊，但是切记谓语、谓语啊} Mybe they think it is a interestion.（interestion有“兴趣”的意思，但是它不常用做可数名词，常用的是pleasure；它的动词及用法是，interset+动词ing形式，）。{本句可表达为：They think smooking is a pleasure；Mybe they think it is a pleasure }How stuip（silly也行）they are. It is reported that there have（此处可用there be 句型的，干嘛用have呢？）80 thousand（用法有问题，注意一下啊，“成千上万的thousands of”）people dieing from smoking all over the world.

Smoking is not only result in many cancers,but also make the condition of youngster worse and worse.（此句何意？？is本就是动词后面还和result、make搭配着用，直接是错误的，“no t only…but also…的用法”迅速掌握，要不就别用，用错了不得分啊；）{本句正确表达：Smoking not only result s in many cancers，but also ,,,,,,}Besides,in order to have enough

money to buy cigarettes,they can(Some youngers) take away others money,including their parent s. As we all know ,if the addicts has no cigarettes they will can not stand the pain.(As we all know , smookers can't go on with their work without cigarettets.众所周知，抽烟的人没有烟就不能继续他们的工作。)So,please give up smoking,and you will have a new life!(Smoking is our dangerous enemy. Please give upsmoking as soon as possible. 抽烟是我们危险的敌人，请尽快戒烟吧！)

注意：请注意文中我能改过的地方，一定要引起重视啊。不

积跬步无以至千里，不积小流无以成江河。知识是一点一点积累的啊，

问题一：not only…but also…的用法

用于连接两个表示并列关系的成分，着重强调后者，其意为“不仅……而且……”；其中的also有时可以省略。如：

She not only plays well, but also writes music.

她不仅很会演奏，而且还会作曲。

He not only writes his own plays, he also acts in them.

他不仅是自编剧本, 还饰演其中的角色。

Not only men but also women were chosen.

不仅仅是男的，女的也有被选中的。

He works not only on weekdays but on Sundays as well.

他不仅平时工作，星期日也工作。

Not only the students but also their teacher is enjoying the film.

不仅学生们在欣赏这部影片，他们的老师也在欣赏这部影片。

说明：若连接两个成分作主语，其谓语通常与靠近的主语保持一致。如：

Not only you but also he has to leave. 不只是你，他也得离开。

若连接两个句子，not only后面的句子要用倒装，如：

Not only did he speak more correctly, but he spoke more easily. 他不仅说得更正确，而且讲得更不费劲了。

问题二：一个句子出现两个谓语及主谓一致的问题，你的原句” Smoking is not only result in many cancers,应该去掉is，并且在result 后面加“s”。

问题三：注意the+比较级的用法哟

问题四：如果我是阅卷老师，30分的作文你只能的15分左右。问题五：注意作文结构，要适当的分段，分段知道吧，一般以3-4段为最佳，切记不可超过4段）

范文：

请戒烟吧

现在我们经常会看到年轻人在公共场所抽烟。他们认为抽烟是一种乐趣。他们多么愚蠢呀! 报道显示全世界每年有几百万人死于吸烟。抽烟会引起许多疾病。

抽烟还会让年轻人的情况更糟糕。为了得到抽烟所需的钱，一些学生从自己父母的口袋里拿钱；一些同学甚至会偷别人的钱。

众所周知，抽烟的人没有烟就不能继续他们的工作。而且他们抽的越多，他们的身体九月不好。

抽烟是我们危险的敌人，请尽快戒烟吧！

Please Give up Smoking（这是题目啊，不可少，注意重视加阴影的地方，你最好背下来，背范文中好的句子好处就在于以后可以化用，并且不容易出错，切记。切记）

Now we often see young men smooking in public places .（see sb doing sth，也可以用你用的定语从句，N ow we often see young men（or youngsters）smooking in public places我觉得定语从句还比这句好些）They think smooking is a pleasure . How silly they are !

Reports show several millions of people die from smoking all over the world every year .（It is reported that there are several millions of people die from smoking all over the