几则英语小笑话

几则英语小笑话

1．Fine for Parking

"Tell me again," asked the judge, "why you parked there?" The driver rose and answered respectfully(尊敬地), "Because, Your Honor, it said 'Fine for Parking'" (note: "fine" has two meanings 1) good 2) pay some money for doing something wrong.

［1］可以停车

“再跟我说一遍，”法官问道，“你为什么在那里停车？”司机站起身，恭敬地说，“因为，法官大人，那上面写着…fine for parking －可以停车‟”（注：fine 有两个意思，⒈好的；⒉为做错事而交钱）。

2. Self-help

I went into a bookstore the other day and asked the woman behind the counter where the self-help section was. She said, "If I told you, that would defeat the whole purpose." (note: "self-help" has two meanings 1) you take without paying 2) you can choose as you like)

［2］自己动手

一天我走进一家书店，问柜台后面的女子，self-help－自助区在哪里。她说，“如果我告诉你，那还卖书干什么？”（注：self-help有两个意思，⒈拿东西不给钱；⒉随意挑选）。

3.I Couldn't Digest So Many Apples

Doctor gravely(严肃地): "If you want to enjoy a long life, each time you feel like a drink. Eat an apple instead."

Patient: "Sorry, I couldn't digest (消化）so many apples."

［3］我吃不了那么多苹果

医生严肃地说，“如果你想活得长久，每次想喝酒时，就吃个苹果。”

病人回答，“对不起，我吃不了那么多苹果。”

4.Is This a Question

A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a question? " A student wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer." The students received an "A" on the exam.

［4］这是个问题吗？

一位大学生在哲学课上参加第一次考试。卷子上写着一行字，“这是一个问题吗？”学生写道，“如果那是一个问题，那么这就是一个答案。”学生考试得了优。

5.A Dollar Per Point

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.

［5］每分一美元

一天，教授正在让学生进行一次大测验。他把测验题都发了下去，回到桌子后等着。测验一结束，学生们把题目都交了回来。教授注意到一位学生的测验题后附了100美元，还有一张字条，“每分一美元。”下一堂课时，教授把题目都发回来了，那位学生拿回了自己的测验题和64美元零钱。

6.My Father's Ashes

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it. She walks back in. He says: "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He goes, "Geez...oooh....I..." She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray(烟灰缸)." (note: "ashes" has two meanings 1) a container for holding the burned cigarette. 2) a box for holding the burned dead body.)

［6］我父亲的烟灰

一个男子第一次去女朋友家，被带进了客厅。女朋友去厨房弄点喝的饮料，他就一个人站在那里。他看见在壁炉架上有一个漂亮的小花瓶，他把花瓶拿了起来，正看着，女友进来了。男子说，“这是什么？”女友回答，“哦，是我父亲的ashes－烟灰。“他说，”嘿，啊，我……”女友又说，“是，他太懒了，都懒得到厨房去拿个烟灰缸。”（注：ashes有两个意思，⒈盛烧香烟的容器；⒉装死人灰烬的盒子）

7.I Drop my Weight From Skipping

Mr. Smith was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost 5 pounds." When Mr. Smith returned, he had lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" Mr. Smith nodded. "I'll tell you 'though, I thought I was going to drop dead by the end of that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping! (note: "skip" has two meanings 1) jump 2) stop doing something)

［7］跳跃减肥

史密斯先生极端肥胖，医生让他节食。“我让你连续两天正常吃饭，然后skip－跳过一天。重复这个过程两周的时间。下一次我见到你，你能瘦5磅。”史密斯先生再回到医生那里时，他瘦了差不多20磅。“呦，太让人惊讶了！“医生说，”你按我的医嘱做的？“史密斯先生点点头，“可是，我得跟你说，我以为到第三天的时候，我就要死了。”“你是说，因为饿吗？”“不是，因为蹦的！”（注：skip有两个意思，⒈跳、蹦；⒉不做某事）

8.Now We Run

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"［8］现在我们跑吧