留学文书个人陈述语言干涩表达错误(会计类)

语言干涩表达错误（会计类）
PERSONAL STATEMENT

by Li Qiang

该文原稿语言干涩，且很多地方表达错误，或不合作者本意。试看第一段剖析。

A senior student at the business school headed by China's tough Prime Minister, I will graduate next year with a diploma to be conferred by the Quebec Association of Certified General Accountants in Canada in the first joint educational program of its kind between China and a foreign country. To build up a great career upon this rare privilege, I am now applying for advanced studies in your quality program, hoping that I can someday become one of China's top accounting experts.（原文初看不是很差，但语言晦涩干巴，经不起推敲。改后稿行文简洁流畅，第一段开门见山，把该作者最精彩的地方一下子推倒最前景上，使人立即对申请者刮目相看。）

At Tsinghua, the country's most valued cradle of advanced talents that houses my favored School of Business Management, I have been head and shoulders above（远远超出） most of my fellow students in my class of 122. I ranked among the top 2 per cent in macroeconomics, top 3 per cent in microeconomics, top 5 per cent in international finance, and top 2 per cent in international trading. My performance in mathematics has been particularly strong, with my GPA in related courses probably the very best in the class. The CGA diploma requires completion of 12 courses taught in English, of which I have finished eight, with a GPA better than that of most others.

My distinguished academic performance won me the privilege of being chosen as the only Special-Training Student in my class of 122 to join the university's Program for the Gifted. Through this elite program, I participated in a challenging research project headed Professor Chun Xiyang, head of the school's accounting department. The project was aimed at finding the best way to control cost at the North China Petrochemical Corporation, one of the country's best known companies. As part of my research, I studied the corporate management systems in the United States, Japan, Britain and Germany, and analyzed the structure of Chinese companies. By the time I finished my part of the project to Professor Chun's satisfaction, I had not only broadened my knowledge but also acquired the ability, unique among China's undergraduate students, to conduct research independently.

Taking advantage of the university's emphasis on cultivating independent thinking and practical research abilities, I have actively engaged in a variety of research activities. I teamed up with several students to investigate into China's township enterprises and wrote a research paper under the guidance of our professors. With the help of my professor in public finance, I studied the country's taxation system that is designed to divide revenues between central and provincial governments, and I did this in comparison with the taxation regimes

of America and France. My article, China's Taxation Reform, analyzed the possible approaches of improving that system. In my third academic year, I wrote The Accounting Structure in Share-holding Enterprises, an article that dealt with the solutions to the problems in the accounting system of the said companies. In my second year, I worked as an intern at China Industrial and Commercial Bank and acquainted myself thereby with the prevalent accounting practices of the country's financial institutions. Such involvement in practical research has added both depth and breadth to my learning of accounting.

Much of my academic achievements can be credited to my solid command of the English, which has allowed me to read international accounting journals with ease. Among my regular readings are Accounting Review, Accountancy, Public Finance Review, and others. I have translated Proposed Statement of Financial Accounting Concepts. My English proficiency is also reflected in the scores I obtained in various English tests such as TOEFL (633, 10/97), GRE general (total 2220, verbal 660, 93%; quantitative 790, 98%; analytical 770, 96%), and GMAT (740, 99%; verbal 40, 92%; quantitative 50, 99%). I am sure that, with such language skills, I can pursue advanced studies in an English-speaking environment.

In recognition of my outstanding academic record, the university has selected me to enter into graduate studies without the usually mandatory admission exams, a privilege given to only a few of the very best students each year. I have, however, decided to turn down the offer. I believe I will be able to learn more on the accounting/finance program by pursuing graduate studies in your university. Your program of graduate research and studies is known to be holding a leading position in the field. Under the guidance of your distinguished faculty and with the benefit of your remarkable research facilities, I am sure I will be able to ground myself solidly in my chosen career. After my Ph.D. studies, I plan to return to Tsinghua, where I shall devote myself to a lifetime of teaching and research.