01Can We Make Friends 英语沟通技巧

1. Can We Make Friends

Today we’ll learn how to make a proper introduction. I found there are many students know how to speak. Many students are very fluent in the English after the conversation starts. But many of them d on’t know how to ….(actually) start a conversation. So we are going to talk about how to give a proper introduction. And there are two kinds of introductions. One is how to introduce two other people to each other. And the other is how to introduce yourself to a person. There are actually 2 ways that we introduce ourselves. Sometimes it’s in a very nature situation. For example, i n a business meeting, a church, a class or even in someone’s home you feel natural to introduce yourself. But a lot of students especially in China they want to practice English with foreigners. And when they go out they are not in a natural starting for a conversation. And they really want to know if I see a foreigner and I don’t know that person how can I introduce myself to that person. So we are going to talk abo ut that today. Most important thing is ….done naturally. You have to learn how to approach sb. And you lean to know how to begin a conversion without scaring them away. And sometime that happens. I’ve met a lot of Chinese People come up want to talk to me. And frankly, it did scare me away. In some cases and someone will good think we are talk about that? Most Students maybe most people in China know how to say hello. In fact everywhere I go I hear people say”hello! hello! hello!”. If you have a chance to walk with me on the street of China you would here from the background the people say:”hello.” And it’s very strange. You don’t start with that. So what we need to know is when we should say hello and what situations should we say hello and when should we use other things. When you see somebody, you want to talk to them. Don’t just shout hello. That makes someone very uncomfortable. And don’t walk through a stranger and grab them and say:” can we make friends?” I’ve actually had this happen to me before in China. And it doesn’t make you feel like you want to make friends. So when you say somebody you want to have a conversation with them. One of the first things you need to do is look at them and sees if they appear busy. Like he is walking really fast or something like that don’t make them stop. If you want to introduce yourself to a complete stranger it’s much better in a natural situation or they are not, when they don’t have anything else to do. For example standing in a line of McDonald's, sitting on a subway, or on the public bus they don’t have anything else to do. And it’s really a good opp ortunity to talk to somebody. But again if he looks busy they are caring a brief case in a hurry they look like they are late, don’t stop them. Don’t even bother them. Now one of the things you will encounter in China is some of the foreigners come here have come to study Chinese. And they prefer talking to you in Chinese. When you see them you say Hi, they may say “nihao”. And they may continue the conversion in C hinese. If that happens, don’t bother them with English. Don’t for ce some to do that. OK. When you speak to them in Chinese you are helping them. And they want to join that. Who knows? That could develop your friendship. And later you maybe would practice English with them. I’ve actually had this happen to me when I first came to China and I was walk in a small school. I remember many many times I want to study I want to read my Chinese textbooks. And In my school I was the only foreign teacher. So as you can imagine, everybody want to practice English with me. So the only way I could practice Chinese was to take my textbook and get in a bus and go into the city. But almost every time that happen I will sit in the bus, studying my Chinese book and someone would sit beside me and say: ”Excuse me, can I practice English with you?” and It’s not a good way to start a friendships. So if they want to practice Chinese with you, you can let them do that. OK? It a good start with a natural reason for the conversation. When you speak someone in Chinese you don’t just walk up to every stranger to start talking. In lots a good reason, you may scare them away if you suddenly in front of their face. So the best way you have a reason if they look like they need help. You see some people look at a map or they are look around that they look like they are lost. It’s really a good opp ortunity to go up and simply says: Is there anything I can help you with or can I help you find something. And even more natural situation is when you need

help. I’ve had Chine se people who were not from Beijing or I live now, come up to me and ask me how do you get to the subway station? How do you get to the zoo? Sometimes use Chinese, sometimes use English. And maybe you can ask them a question. So that will be OK too. But just make sure a natural situation that works much better. Don’t start. And I heard Chinese to do this. It’s really not good a start with simply saying may I have your name. That would scare them away. They would probably think i t’s none of your business. You can’t start with this: where are you from? A lot of Chinese Students ask me. They say Michael, when you meet somebody what do you say first? I’ll say hello or hi. It’s best to start with eye contract, look at them. And if they don’t look back they are probably too busy to talk. So begin with eye contract and smile, if they look back at you, they will contract you with eye contract and smile. The door is open. And you can continue. If not, don’t continue. But what of the first thing you can ask about. Let me start with something I prefer you don’t start with. And that is why did you come to China? I have had complex strangers simply walk up to me and say: hello, if I say hello back. They would say: Why did you come to China? Tha t makes us feel like we should not be in China. So don’t start asking them why they are in China. Now when you get to the name part, the best part thing is to give your name first. You can say: hi, my name is Michael, My name is John, My name is Mary. And then if they offered to get their name back, then something get started. If they don’t, just drop it. Don’t continue. One of the first questions I ask people, because even though I am a foreigner, when I see foreigners in China. I like to know, you know, where they are from or things like that. So my first question is just some simply: where are from? After of course hello, the smile and the eye contract. But I like to say where are you from is a natural question. It’s a normal question. It doesn’t make them feel uncomfortable. And what I like about these questions is it can lead into a longer conversation. For example if I say where are from and someone says I’m from Germany. I can say: Oh I heard that’s a beautiful country. Can you tell me about Germany? Or someone says I’m from Chicago. You can say: oh are you a fan of the Chicago bulls? Or the Chicago bulls is doing well this season. A lot of things like that. So if you plan to meet people from other countries, it’ll really be good for you to study a little bit Geography. Or something you have in common.

I found that I can start conversion very easily with people. If we can think something we have in common or something I know about them or their place. So the moment that I say to the Chicago person, “are you a Chicago？Chicago bulls fan?” they are open for conversation. She can’t with to tell me about the Chicago bulls. So, sometimes conversation starts with that. I’ve actually start conversations just by seeing something. For example, a T-shirt. And I have the name of university. And I may know someone who….there. Or I know a professor there. And I can say: Oh do you know professor so and so. Or OK that university is a very warm place. So you must be very cold for you be here in Beijing or something like that. So look for opportunities and they are there right front of you. After you give your name and the other person gives you their name, you could simply say: nice to meet you, or something like that. Now we are going to talk about introducing two people to each other they don’t know each other.H ello, Michael. Hi, Bill, this is my friend Crystal.

Crystal ,this is Bill. Nice to meet you.Nice to meet you too.So when we introduce two people, there are many different things we can say. It depends on our relationship to them. For example, you can say: John, this is my friend Mary. Mary, this is my co-worker, John. If you want one of the friend your co-worker. Sometimes you may be introducing a foreigner to a friend. For example, you may say, hi, Bill, this is my classmate Lily, Susan and Chris. This is my friend from Australia, Bill, or my Australia friend Bill. Whatever you do, if you introduce a foreign friend, don’t say this is my foreign friend. It sounds a little bit rude in our cultures. It better you just say he is my friend or he is my friend from Australia or where he happens to be. Whenever you make an introduction of yourself or of two other people, the most important thing is to just be natural and be yourself. And who knows, after that, a real friendship will develop. In the next lecture, we’ll talk about chatting with friends.