6分雅思大作文范文

精心整理

●?批改By Amber

本次批改严格按照ILETS大作文评分标准进行。ILETS大作文评分项：TR (论证扣题度), CC (连贯性及一致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源)。文末会进行总评及打分。

作文题目

More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life, but city life can be extremely difficult. Explain some of difficulties of living in a city. How can governments make urban life better for everyone?

学生原文

Nowadays, people are more likely to move to cities due to the fact that they believe that city life is much better than rural’s in terms of daily-life facilities. For example, convenient transports and advanced health services. However numerous problems caused by inadapting to city life are evident among people in particular less well educated ones.

It is true that developed cities give people a great chance to enjoy a better life in material ways and this cannot be reached in backward countrysides such as shopping at departments and entertaining in theme parks. It seems reasonable that people are in favor of migrating to metropolises. However, I think they have ignored some potential side effects of this act. One issue is that people might have difficulty in adapting to urban life. In other words, people who are used to live in tranquil and relaxing places might be reluctant to adjust their lifestyles in noisy and congested urban areas. Elders and children, for instance, are prefer to live in spacious suburb areas. From another perspective, city life is teeming with a wide variety of pollution such as smog, acid rain and noise pollution . Therefore, citizens are more likely to suffer from respiratory diseases. Moreover, it is quite common these days that citizens are easily to get stress and anxiety through frequent traffic congestion and that is apparently not recommendable for a healthy lifestyle. As a result, the living situation in cities could be relative harsh to some extent.

The possible solutions are always under discussion at both personal and government level. Some people suggested that government ought to check the amount of polluted discharged and force companies to process the effluent in order to reduce the pollution. Another effective measure is that governments should offer financial assistance to economically disadvatanged ones and provide various types of community activities. That can help citizens to relieve negative moods and encouraging them to slowdown their life pace. What is more, families' concerns should be proposed in particular for elderly and youth who are have difficulty in fit modern life. Despite some disadvantages of city life including pollution, congestion and rapid life pace, its contribution to enrich our lifestyle diversity cannot be denied and it is important to take full advantage of it by introducing strict regulations to restrict the pollutants emission.

●文中标识：

用词不当逻辑错误语法错误修改添加

Nowadays, people are more likely to move to cities due (意思不恰当，多为贬义，改为owing) to the fact that they believe that city life is much better than rural’s （词性不对，这是形容词，改为the one in rural areas） in terms of daily-life facilities. For example, convenient transports and advanced health services. （这不是一个句子，知识短语，应该跟前面一句合并，改为…facilities including convenient transportation and advanced health care system）However numerous problems