拥抱他人,拥抱自己 TED 演讲稿

Embracing otherness. When I first heard this theme, I thought, well embracing otherness is embracing myself. And the journey to that place of understanding and acceptance has been an interesting one for me, and it's given me an insight into the whole notion of self, which I think is worth sharing with you today. We each have a self, but I don't think that we're born with one. You know how newborn babies believe they're part of everything; they're not separate. Well that fundamental sense of oneness is lost on us very quickly. It's like that initial stage is over -- oneness: infancy, unformed, primitive. It's no longer valid or real. What is real is separateness. And at some point in early babyhood, the idea of self starts to form. Our little portion of oneness is given a name, is told all kinds of things about itself. And these details, opinions and ideas become facts, which go towards building ourselves, our identity. And that self becomes the vehicle for navigating our social world. But the self is a projection based on other people's projections. Is it who we really are? Or who we really want to be, or should be?

拥抱他人。当我第一次听到这个主题时，我觉得拥抱他人，就是拥抱我自己。对于我来说，通往理解和接纳的路是十分有意思的，并且让我对“自我”这一概念有了深刻的理解。我想这值得在今天和你们分享。我们都有一个自我，但我并不认为这是与生俱来的。你看那些刚出生的小婴儿，他们认为自己属于任何事物，他们并不是脱离的。这种最基本的同一性会很快从我们身上消失，如同最初始的状态已经结束。同一性：婴儿期、未成形的、原始的，将不复存在，取而代之的是分离。在婴儿期的某一点，关于自我的意识开始萌芽。我们同一性的一小部分被赋予了一个名字，被告知关于它自己的任何事情。这些细节、观点和想法变成事实，这些都帮我们形成自我，以及自己的身份。然后这个自我就成为一个工具，用来探索周围的这个世界。但是这个自我实际上是一个以其他人的投影为基础的投影。这就是真正的我们吗？是我们真正想成为，或者应该成为的人吗？

I grew up on the coast of England in the 70s. My dad is white from Cornwall, and my mom is black from Zimbabwe. Even the idea of us as a family was challenging to most people. But nature had its wicked way, and brown babies were born. But from about the age of five, I was aware that I didn't fit. I was the black atheist kid in the all-white catholic school run by nuns. I was an anomaly. And my self was rooting around for definition and trying to plug in. Because the self likes to fit, to see itself replicated, to belong. That confirms its existence and its

importance. And it is important. It has an extremely important function. Without it, we literally can't interface with others. We can't hatch plans and climb that stairway of popularity, of success. But my skin color wasn't right. My hair wasn't right. My history wasn't right. My self became defined by otherness, which meant that, in that social world, I didn't really exist. And I was other before being anything else -- even before being a girl. I was a noticeable nobody.

我于上世纪七十年代生长在英格兰的海岸边。我父亲是来自康沃尔的白人，我母亲是来自津巴布韦的黑人。对于许多人来说，是无论如何也想不到我们是一家人。但大自然自有意想不到的一面，棕色的孩子出生了。但自从五岁开始，我就察觉出我的格格不入。我是一个信奉无神论的黑人孩子，在一个由修女运转的白人天主学校，我是一个另类。我的自我在不断寻找一个定义，并试图将自己套入定义。因为自我都是愿意去融入，看到自己被复制，有归属感。那能确认自我的存在感和重要性，这很重要。这有一个极端重要的功能。没有一个对自我的定义，我们简直不能和其他人交流。我们无法制定计划，无法爬上潮流和成功的阶梯。但我的肤色不对。我的发色不对。我的来历不对。我的自我被他人定义，这意味着在社会上我并不存在。我首先被定义为一个另类，甚至先于被定义为一个女孩。我是一个引人注意的没有人。

We've created entire value systems and a physical reality to support the worth of self. Look at the industry for self-image and the jobs it creates, the revenue it turns over. We'd be right in assuming that the self is an actual living thing. But it's not; it's a projection, which our clever brains create in order to cheat ourselves from the reality of death. But there is something that can give the self ultimate and infinite connection -- and that thing is oneness, our essence. The self's struggle for authenticity and definition will never end unless it's connected to its creator -- to you and to me. And that can happen with awareness -- awareness of the reality of oneness and the projection of self-hood. For a start, we can think about all the times when we do lose ourselves. It happens when I dance, when I'm acting. I'm earthed in my essence, and my self is suspended. In those moments, I'm connected to everything -- the ground, the air, the sounds, the energy from the audience. All my senses are alert and alive in much the same way as an infant might feel -- that feeling of oneness.