美国脱口秀十大热门话题

美国脱口秀十大热门话题
本文的脱口秀指NBC的Conan、Jay Leno和Jimmy Fallon，CBS的David Letterman和Craig Ferguson，还有ABC的Jimmy Kimmel。

美国晚间脱口秀开场主持人先来Monologue，就是讲时事笑话，以下十个笑点比较常用，特举例说明。

0. 小布什很傻1. 克林顿花心2. 奥巴马爱秀3. 切尼很好
战 4. 拜登很墨迹
5. 佩林很幼稚
6. 拉里金很老
7. 福克斯很右
8. NBC收视差
9. 中国很强大
基本上算是按内容总结一下我翻译过的Monologue
0. 小布什很傻
―Former Vice President Dick Cheney is working on his memoirs. People say when the book comes out President Bush is not going to be happy. Not because the book is critical of Bush, but because it‘s one of those books that‘s
all words.‖ -Conan O‘Brien
前副总统切尼在写回忆录，大家认为布什对这本书不会高兴，不是因为这本书批评了布什，而是因为这是一本全是字的书。

―Anybody here from Minnesota? Congratulations, you have a brand new senator, our old friend, Al Franken. Al is an interesting guy. Went from being a comedian to politician. George Bush — the other way around.‖ – David Letterman
有来自明尼苏达的吗？恭喜，你们有了个新的参议员，我们的老朋友Al Franken，他可是个特搞笑的人，完成了从搞笑家到政治家的转变，布什，恰恰相反。

―President Obama giving a lot of very important speeches. He gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to succeed they need to work hard and study hard. Then today, former President George W. Bush presented the rebuttal.‖ –Conan O‘Brien
奥巴马做了很多重要演讲，今晚他讲了医保问题，昨天他给了学生一个演讲，说要想成功就得努力学习努力工作，今天，布什站出来，用自己给了个反例。

The University of Chicago, where President Obama once taught law, they want to house the Barack Obama presidential library. The library will be just like President George W. Bush‘s library, except it will have books.
芝加哥大学，奥巴马曾经教书的地方，决定建一座奥巴马图书馆，跟布什图书馆差不多，但是里面有书。

1. 克林顿花心
―In a speech to the C linton Global Initiative yesterday, President Obama thanked Bill Clinton for the extraordinary difference he has made since leaving the White House. Clinton then stood up and thanked President Obama for keeping Hillary so busy.‖ – Jimmy Fallon
昨天在克林顿的Global Initiative年会上，奥巴马对克林顿离开白宫后所做的努力表示感谢，克林顿也感谢奥巴马让希拉里一直这么忙。

―Former President Bill Clinton was recently asked about his wife Hillary‘s 11-day trip to Africa. And he said, ‗I wish she were home.‘ Then he said, ‗By which, I mean, I wish her home was Africa.‘‖ -Conan O‘Brien
前总统克林顿最近谈到妻子希拉里11天的非洲行时说，我希望她能待在家。

接着补充到：我是指，我希望非洲是她的家。

Yesterday in New York, President Obama had lunch with former President Clinton. Afterwards, Clinton told Obama,
―Remember, if Hillary asks, we had lunch and dinner, then I slept over at your place.‖
昨天奥巴马和克林顿在纽约共进午餐，饭后，克林顿跟奥巴马说，如果希拉里问的话，就说我们一起吃了午餐和晚餐，晚上我在你家睡的。

It‘s a great day for America, everybody. Yes, it is. It is our Secretary of State‘s birthday. It is Hillary Clinton‘s birthday. Happy birthday, Hillary. President Obama asked her wh at she wanted, she said, ―Your job.‖
今天是重要的日子，我们国家国务卿希拉里的生日，奥巴马问她想要什么生日礼物，希拉里说：你的工作。

Bill Clinton is planning a romantic candlelight dinner tonight. Then he‘ll go home and see Hillary.
克林顿准备了一顿烛光晚餐，吃完他就回家见希拉里。

Did you hear this? Hillary Clinton busted her elbow. Apparently, she slipped and hit the floor when she went home to her husband early, unannounced.
听说了吗？希拉里伤了胳膊，他提前没告诉克林顿就回家结果滑到摔倒了地板上。

2. 奥巴马爱秀
By the way, the Emmys was the only Sunday television program that President Obama was not on yesterday.
艾美颁奖典礼是昨晚奥巴马唯一没出现的节目。

―It was big night on television tonight. And instead of showing President Obama‘s healthcare speech that was on tonight, Fox aired its season premiere of ‗So You Think
You Can Dance.‘ I guess they wanted to give viewers a choice betwe en hearing what‘s wrong with our country
and watching what‘s wrong with our country.‖ – Jimmy Fallon
今晚电视屏幕有重头戏，除了FOX，所有公共电台都会播出奥巴马关于医保的演讲，FOX决定播出新一季的―舞林大会‖，这样观众可以选择是听我们国家哪里出了问题还是看我们
国家哪里出了问题。

3. 切尼很好战
Some Republicans are saying they want Dick Cheney,
that‘s right, Dick Cheney, to run for president in 2012. Of course, you have to remember that when they said this, Cheney was torturing them.
一些共和党人希望切尼参加2012大选，当然你要知道这些人这么说是因为切尼正在对他们刑讯逼供。

―Hey, wait a minute, you know on Sunday, it‘ll be 16 years that Paul and I and everybody else have been here at CBS on the ‗Late Show.‘ Sixteen years, ladies and gentlemen.
I‘ve been torturing people longer than Dick Cheney.‖ –David Letterman
等一下，这个周日是我在CBS的Late Show十六周年的纪念日，十六年了啊，同志们，我比切尼折磨人的年头还长啊。

4. 拜登很墨迹
He talked so lon g, even Joe Biden went, ―Enough!‖
卡扎菲讲的时间实在是太长了，连副总统拜登都站出来说，―停吧‖
Muammar Qaddafi was at the U.N. today. He gave a speech that was extremely long. It was rambling and filled with inappropriate comments. As soon as Qaddafi finished, Joe Biden came up and sai d, ―Teach me, master.‖
卡扎菲马拉松似的演讲，主题散乱而且胡说八道，他一讲完，拜登立刻跳上台：―师父，教教我吧‖
―This is actually a true story. It was in the news today. The latest slang dictionary reports that the word Obama means ‗cool,‘ as in ‗you are so Obama.‘ Also gaining popularity: the phras e ‘shut your Biden-hole.‘‖ –Conan O‘Brien
今天新闻上说，最新的俚语词典收录了Obama的一个新解释，酷，比如―你很奥巴马‖，另外一个引起注意的词，―闭上你的‗拜登‘眼‖。

Yesterday, President Obama was in New Orleans. A little boy asked President Obama, ―Why do people hate you?‖ Then the little boy turned to Joe Biden and said, ―I know why people hate you.‖
昨天，奥巴马在新奥尔良，有个小孩问他，为啥人们都恨你呢？然后小孩又转向拜登，我知道为啥人们都恨你。

―A very happy birthday to President Obama, who turns 48 tomorrow. As a special gift, Joe Biden is giving him 24 hours of complete silence.‖ – Jimmy Fallon
奥巴马生日过的很快乐，作为特殊礼物，副总统拜登24小时没说话。

5. 佩林很幼稚
―President Obama is in Russia. And we know this because Sarah Palin says she can see him from her house.‖ – David Letterman
奥巴马在俄罗斯访问，我们获悉这个消息是因为佩林从家里看到了他。

And then next month, Sarah Palin is going to Hong Kong for a speaking engagement in Hong Kong. She says she can almost see Hong Kong from her house.
下个月佩林将到香港演讲，她说她几乎能从家里看到香港。

Chinese are all very excited, though. They think they‘re getting Tina Fey.
中国人民很高兴，因为他们以为是Tina Fey要来。

―It‘s an emotional day. A lot of us are still mourning the loss of one of America‘s most entertaining figures, who left us all too soon. But don‘t worry, folks, Sarah Palin will be back. Comedians everywhere are praying.‖ – Conan
O‘Brien
这是伤感的一天，我们都在哀悼逝去的美国第一娱乐偶像MJ，他早早的离开了。

但是不要担心，兄弟们，佩林来了，全国的搞笑家们都在祈祷。

―Labor day weekend. Remember Sarah Palin, the former governor of Alaska? She‘s having a big cookout for all her family, all of her friends up there in Alaska. And people say, ‗Is she any good? Can she cook?‘ Remember last year she cooked John McCain‘s goo se? Remember that? Tremendous!‖ – David Letterman
劳动节长周末，还记得佩林吗？阿拉斯加前州长，她亲自下厨招待全家和亲朋好友，有人问：她厨艺咋样，她会煮啥? 嘿嘿，还记得去年她煮飞了麦凯恩到手的鸭子。

Hey, listen to this. You know the former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin? Boy, I know her. She‘s traveling all over the world now, speaking gigs. And she went to Hong Kong and gave a speech and people who heard the speech said it was articulate, it was well-prepared, it was compelling. It‘s a year late, but …
前阿拉斯加州长佩林在周游世界，在香港做了个演讲，演讲说的很清晰准备很充分，效果很好，可惜啊可惜，晚了一年。

And if it was that go od I‘m thinking it must have been Tina Fey.
如果真是说得那么好的话，那肯定是Tina Fey（给的演讲）。

―Sarah Palin‘s new autobiography doesn‘t come out until November, but it is already No. 1 on Amazon. And if you go to the website, it says, ‗People who bought this book also bought no other books in their entire life.‘‖ – Jimmy Fallon
佩林的自传将于11月份上架，但是已经在亚马逊上排第一名了，上面简介写着：买这本书的人都是一辈子没买过别的书的。

People see her as a candidate in 2012. Some people have started giving money to her campaign. For instance, she just received a very generous check from Barack Obama to run.
人们将佩林看做2012总统大选的热门人物，已经有人开始给她的选举捐钱了，比如，最近奥巴马捐了一大笔。

Her book is No. 1 on right now. Stephen King actually has the No. 2 book. Very scary new book called
―Sarah Palin Becomes President.‖
佩林新书在Amazon上排名第一，排名第二的书是斯蒂芬金写的一本恐怖小说，名字叫：佩林成为美国总统
6. 拉里金很老
―Well, of course, this Sunday is Easter. Of course, Easter is that very, very holy day when Christians around the world honor a 2,000-year-old Jewish man who is not Larry King.‖ –Conan O‘Brien
这周日是复活节，复活节是全世界基督徒用来纪念2000多岁的那个不是拉里金的犹太人的节日。

Lou Dobbs quit his show at CNN. I know! Everyone at the network was shocked. Larry King said, ―Who‘s Lou Dobbs? What the hell is CNN?‖
Lou Dobbs 从CNN辞职了，每个员工都感到震惊，只有拉里金问，谁是Lou Dobbs，CNN是什么？
―The Washington Post reports today that Barack Obama wants to select Sanjay Gupta to be surgeon general. Yeah, Obama said the CNN doctor must be pretty good, because he‘s kept Larry King alive all these years.‖ –Conan O‘Brien 华盛顿邮报报道奥巴马提名Sanjay Gupta为卫生部长，奥巴马说这个来自CNN的医生一定很了不起，因为她让拉里金活了那么长时间。

7. 福克斯很右
Well, yesterday, President Obama was interviewed by a reporter from Fox News. Yeah. And you could tell the reporter was from Fox News because the first question was, ―How do you think you‘re doing as president on a scale from minus one to minus 10?‖
昨天奥巴马接受FOX新闻台一个记者的采访，我们知道那是FOX新闻的记者因为他问了这么一个问题：-1到-10，总统先生，你给你的表现打多少分？
The White House has announced that they no longer recognize Fox as a news organization, which puts them about eight years behind the rest of us.
白宫宣布不承认FOX是一个新闻机构，白宫比我们反应慢了8年。

―The White Hous e has approved a new plan to pay —
they‘re going to pay members of the Taliban to change sides and support the U.S. And if it works there, they‘re going to try it with Fox News.‖ – Jay Leno
白宫通过一个新计划-花钱收买塔利班成员，让他们叛变投靠美国。

如果这招奏效的话，就将其用在Fox新闻台。

Not such a great day for Hillary Clinton. She fell down, broke her elbow. You know, Fox News is going to be all
over this story. This proves the Democrats are weak. Reagan fell over 10 times, didn‘t even break his hair.
今天希拉里克林顿不怎么走运，她跌了一跤摔到了手肘，Fox 电视台又要开始小题大做了，这证明了民主党太弱了，里根摔过十几次，毫发未损。

8. NBC收视差
Well, this terror stuff is back in the news. Earlier today, the feds issued a new terror alert. They said terrorists are looking at hitting successful entertainment centers, so you folks at NBC are perfectly safe.
又有恐怖袭击警报，今天早些时候，政府发布安全警报，说恐怖分子要袭击一些比较成功的娱乐中心，所以我们在NBC 这里是安全的。

―The latest polls show that President Obama‘s approval ratings have slumped to an all-time low, which explains Obama‘s new Secret Service code name, ‗NBC.‘‖ – Conan O‘Brien
最新民调显示奥巴马支持率创历史新低，这解释了总统的新的秘密服务代号：NBC
More unrest in Iran as the government continues to crack down on protesters. And to disperse crowds, Iranian police used tear gas, water cannons and the NBC primetime lineup.
伊朗骚乱愈演愈烈，政府继续镇压抗议者，为了驱散人群，伊朗警察动用了催泪瓦斯，高压水枪和NBC的黄金时间节目阵容
9. 中国很强大
Labor Day is the great American holiday where we honor American workers by going out and buying products made in China.
劳动节，是劳动者的节日，我们通过购买中国制造的东西来纪念这一天。

Earlier today, President Obama delivered a speech to America‘s schoolchildren. And he encouraged them to work hard and study hard. Yeah, then he said if that doesn‘t work, grab the seat next to the Asian kid.
今天早些时候，奥巴马对全国学生讲话，他说：你们要刻苦学习，当然，如果做不到的话，考试的时候找一个亚洲学生，坐在他旁边。

―The President also said that kids — he told them if they study hard, the United States will continue to prosper. Then he added, ‗But just to be safe, bone up on your Chinese.‘‖ – Jimmy Fallon
总统好说，如果大家都刻苦学习，美国将持续的繁荣昌盛，不过，为了安全起见，你们还是多练练汉语吧。

―Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke will serve four more years, or until the United States becomes a colony of China.‖– David Letterman
美联储主席伯南克将连任，直到美国成为中国的殖民地。

Yesterday, President Obama made a big speech. He welcomed the members of the U.N. General Assembly to New York, and he said, ―I‘d like to encourage you to do some shopping while you‘re here.‖ I think it worked because China immediately bought eight banks, two car companies, and the state of Wyoming.
昨天奥巴马在联合国大会上发表演说，他鼓励联合国的理事国们在这能购物一下，刚说完中国就决定买了八个银行，两个汽车厂和怀俄明州。