黄西美国记者年会上的脱口秀演讲稿.docx

黄西美国记者年会上的脱口秀演讲稿

Goodevening, everyone. My nameis Joe Wong. But to most people, I amknown

and the answer as "Who?" "Hu" is actually my mother's maiden name, to

my credit card security question.

各位晚上好，我是Joe Wong（黄西）。但是对很多人来说，听到我的名字，

会问“谁” ?Who（同音“ Hu”）恰恰是我妈的娘家姓，也是我信用卡安全问题

的答案。

But joking aside, I just want to reassure everybody that I am invited here tonight.

但是玩笑归玩笑，我想让大家放心我今晚的确是受到邀请来的。（这里是隐指

Salah 夫妇闯入白宫欢迎晚宴的新闻）

I grew up in China. Who wouldn't?

我在中国长大。谁不是呢？（这是用自己的自大讽刺美国人的自大）

As my childhood memories are totally ruined by my childhood.

WhenI was in elementary school, as part of the curriculum, I have to work at a rice

paddy, right next to a quarry where they use explosives to break rocks. And that is

where I learned that light travels faster than sound, which is almost as slow as a

flying rock.

而我童年的所有记忆都被我的童年给毁了。读小学的时候，作为课程的一部分，我要去稻田里劳动，稻田的旁边是一个采石场，他们用炸药炸石头。也就是在那

里，我知道了光的传播速度要比声音快，而声音的速度就和石头飞的速度差不多慢。

My dad was a grumpy guy, but occasionally he would tried to cheer me up

with jokes. But he doesn't do it right. WhenI was seven, one day he said

to me, "Hi, son, why is tofu better than centralized socialist

economy?" So, five minutes later, I said, "Why?"He said, "Because

I said so!"

我爸爸是个脾气很怪的人，但偶尔他也想用笑话来逗我玩儿。可是他又做不好。我七岁的时候，有一天他问我，“嘿，儿子，你说为什么豆腐比社会主义计划经

济要好？”（风马牛不相及）我想了五分钟，然后问他“为什么呢？”，他说“因

为我说好就是好！”（笑点在于：豆腐，计划经济以及极端的父权。豆腐和经济放

在一起本来就没有可比性，就好像这种“我说了算”的父权也根本不可理喻，让人

又好气又好笑）

I came to the United States when I was 24, to study at Rice University

in Texas.That wasn't a joke, until now.

我 24 岁的时候来到美国，在Texas 的 Rice University求学。这不是个笑话，

不过现在是了。

And I was driving that a used car with a lot of bumper stickers that are

impossible to peel off. And one of them said, "If you don't speak English, go

home!" And I didn't notice it for two years.

我当时开了辆二手车，保险杠上贴了好多贴纸（就类似我们的“熊出没注意”

那种），贴的很牢，就根本不可能撕下来。其中一张写着“如果你不说英文，就滚

回家去”。（，这句话有歧视外来移民的意味）而我两年后才看到它。

And like many other immigrants, we wanted our son to becomethe president

of this country. And we try to make him bilingual, you know, Chinese at

home and English in the public. Which is really a tough to do, because

many times I had to say to him in public, "Hi,listen,if you don't speak English, go home!"

和很多其他的移民一样，我们都希望自己的儿子能成为这个国家的总统。于是我们努力让他们说两种语言，在家说中文，在外说英文。但操作起来其实挺困难，

很多时候我不得不在公共场合对他说：“嘿，听着，如果你不说英文，就滚回家去。”（这里说明了该句子是一种教训儿子的口气）

And he was said to me, "Hi, Dad, Why do I have to learn two languages?"

I said, "Son, once you become the president of the Unite States, you will have to sign legislative bills in English, and talk to debt collectors

in Chinese!"