Ted演讲稿脆弱的力量
ted演讲稿脆弱的力量
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ted演讲稿脆弱的力量那我就这么开始吧：几年前，一个为我讲演活动的策划人打电话给我，她在电话里说：“我真很苦恼该如何在宣传单上介绍你”。
我心想，这有什么苦恼呢?她继续道：“你看，我听过你的演讲，我觉得我可以称你为研究者。
可我担心的是，如果我这么称呼你，没人会来听，因为大家普遍认为研究员是很无趣而且脱离现实。
”这说的很对。
然后她说：“但是我非常喜欢你的演讲，你的讲演就跟讲故事一样很吸引人。
我想来想去，还是觉得称你为讲故事的人比较妥当”。
而那个做学术的、感到不安的我脱口而出道：“你要叫我什么?”她说：“我要称你为讲故事的人。
”我心想：“为什么不干脆叫魔法小精灵?”我说：“让我考虑一下。
”我试着鼓起勇气。
我对自己说，我是一个讲故事的人。
我是一个从事定性研究的科研人员。
我收集故事，这就是我的工作。
或许故事就是有灵魂的数据。
或许我就是一个讲故事的人。
于是我说：“听着，要不你就称我为做研究兼讲故事的人。
”她大笑着说：”哈哈，没这么个说法呀。
“所以我是个做研究兼讲故事的人，我今天想跟大家谈论的：我们要谈论的话题是关于拓展认知。
我想给你们讲几个故事是关于我的一份研究工作，这份研究从本质上拓宽了我个人的认知，也确确实实改变了我生活、爱、工作还有教育孩子的方式。
我的故事从这里开始：当我还是个年轻的博士研究生的时候，第一年,一位研究教授对我们说：“事实是这样的，如果有一个东西你无法测量，那么它就不存在。
”我心想他只是在哄哄我们这些小孩子吧。
我说：“真的么?”他说：“这是理所当然的。
”你知道我有一个社会工作的学士文凭，一个社会工作的硕士文凭，我当时在读的是一个社会工作的博士文凭，所以我整个学术生涯都被人所包围，他们大抵相信生活是一团乱麻，接受它。
而我的观点则倾向于，生活是一团乱麻，解开它，把它整理好，再归类放入有条理的盒子里。
我当时认为我领悟到了我的方向，找到了我的工作，有能力自己去创一番事业。
脆弱的力量演讲稿
脆弱的力量 演讲稿尊敬的听众朋友们：大家好！今天，我很荣幸站在这里，与大家分享一个关于“脆弱的力量”的话题。
在这个看似强大、实则充满不确定性的世界里，我们每个人都在努力寻求自己的定位和价值。
而脆弱，恰恰是我们在这个过程中不可避免的一种状态。
那么，脆弱究竟有没有力量？它又能带给我们什么启示呢？让我们一起探讨这个问题。
我们需要明确一个概念：什么是脆弱？脆弱，通常被认为是一种弱点、缺陷或不足。
然而，在心理学和哲学领域，脆弱也被视为一种勇敢、真实和诚实的态度。
正如法国哲学家萨特所说：“脆弱是一种美德。
”那么，脆弱的力量又从何而来呢？我想，脆弱的力量首先体现在我们面对困境时的勇气和决心。
生活中，每个人都会遇到挫折和困难，而这些挫折和困难往往会让我们显得脆弱。
但是，恰恰是在这个脆弱的时刻，我们才能够真正认识到自己的不足，从而激发出内心的力量。
这种力量，让我们敢于面对现实，敢于接受自己的不完美，敢于勇敢地迈出下一步。
脆弱的力量体现在我们与他人建立真诚关系的过程中。
在这个充满竞争的社会里，人们往往害怕暴露自己的脆弱，担心被他人嘲笑或利用。
然而，正是这种脆弱，让我们与他人建立起真挚的情感联系。
当我们敢于展示自己的脆弱时，我们也能够更好地理解和接纳他人，从而建立起更加紧密的人际关系。
再者，脆弱的力量体现在我们自我成长和变革的过程中。
在面对自己的脆弱时，我们才能够真正认识到自己的需求和渴望，进而激发内在的动力去追求成长和改变。
正如美国作家卡森·麦卡勒斯所说：“只有当我们承认自己的脆弱时，我们才能够找到真正的力量。
”这种力量，推动我们不断突破自己，成为更好的自己。
当然，脆弱的力量并非一帆风顺。
在展示脆弱的过程中，我们可能会遭受他人的误解、质疑甚至攻击。
然而，这并不意味着我们应该回避脆弱，相反，我们应该学会如何在脆弱中成长，如何在困境中寻找力量。
这需要我们具备一种重要的能力——自我调节和自我修复的能力。
如何才能拥有这种能力呢？我们需要学会接纳自己的脆弱。
TED演讲-脆弱的力量演讲稿中文翻译
TED演讲:脆弱的力量演讲稿中文翻译篇一：脆弱的力量演讲稿脆弱的力量演讲稿今天我要讲一份研究，这份研究从本质上拓宽了我个人的认知，也确确实实改变了我的生活、爱、工作还有教育孩子的方式。
我是个社会学的学士、硕士和博士，我被人所包围，大家都认同:“生活是一团乱麻，接受它。
”而我的观点倾向于:“生活是一团乱麻，解开它，把它整理好，再归类放入便当盒里。
”我对乱成一团、难以处理的问题感兴趣，我想要把它们弄清楚，我想要理解它们，我想侵入那些我认为重要的东西，把它们摸透，然后用浅显易懂的方式呈献给每一个人。
所以我的起点是“关系”。
当你从事了10年的社会工作，你必然会发现，关系是我们活着的原因。
它赋予了我们生命的意义。
无论你跟谁交流，我们发现，关系是一种感应的能力——生物神经上，我们是这么被设定的。
所以我从关系开始。
下面这个场景我们再熟悉不过了，你的上司给你做工作评估，她告诉了你37点你做得相当棒的地方，还有一点——成长的空间？然后你满脑子都想着那一点成长的空间，不是吗？当你跟人们谈论爱情，他们告诉你的是一件让他们心碎的事；当你跟人们谈论归属感，他们告诉你的是最让他们痛心的被排斥的经历；当你和他们谈论关系，他们跟你讲的是如何被断绝关系的故事。
终于，在开始研究六周以后，我遇到了这个闻所未闻的东西，它揭示了关系——以一种我不理解也从没见过的方式。
ted演讲脆弱的力量（最新版）
ted演讲脆弱的力量ted演讲脆弱的力量ted演讲脆弱的力量I just need some strategies. It just is hat it is. And I said, Oh my God, this is going to suck. And it did, and it didn t.And it took about a year.And you kno ho there are peoplethat, hen they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important,that they surrender and alk into it.A: that s not me,and B: I don t even hang out ith people like that.And e perfect, most dangerously,our children.Let me tell you hat e think about children.They re hardired for struggle hen they get here.And hen you hold those perfect little babies in your hand,our job is not to say, Look at her, she s perfect.My job is just to keep her perfect --make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade. That s not our job.Our job is to look and say, You kno hat? You re imperfect, and you re ired for struggle,but you are orthy of love and belonging. That s our job.Sho me a generation of kids raised like that,and e ll end the problems I think that e see today.We pretend that hat e dodoesn t have an effect on people.We do that in our personal lives.We do that corporate --hether it s a bailout, an oil spill,a recall --e pretend like hat e re doingdoesn t have a huge impact on other people.I ould say to panies, this is not our first rodeo, people.We just need you to be authentic and realand say, We re sorry.We ll fix it. But there s another ay, and I ll leave you ith this.This is hat I have found:to let ourselves be seen,deeply seen,vulnerably seen;to love ith our hole hearts,even though there s no guarantee --and that s really hard,and I can tell you as a parent, that s excruciatingly difficult --to practice gratitude andjoyin those moments of terror,hen e re ondering, Can I love you this much?Can I believe in this this passionately?Can I be this fierce about this? just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing hat might happen,to say, I m just so grateful,because to feel this vulnerable means I m alive. And the last, hich I think is probably the most important,is to believe that e re enough.Because hen e ork from a place,I believe, that says, I m enough, then e stop screaming and start listening,e re kinder and gentler to the people around us,and e re kinder and gentler to ourselves. ted演讲脆弱的力量我只需要一些策略。
Ted 演讲稿 脆弱的力量
Brene Brown：The power of vulnerabilitySo, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event. And she called, and she said, "I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flier." And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?" And she said, "Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant." (Laughter)And I was like, "Okay." And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller. So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller." And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, "You're going to call me a what?" And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller." And I was like, "Why not magic pixie?" (Laughter) I was like, "Let me think about this for a second." I tried to call deep on my courage. And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller. I'm a qualitative researcher. I collect stories; that's what I do. And maybe stories are just data with a soul. And maybe I'm just a storyteller. And so I said, "You know what? Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller." And she went, "Haha. There's no such thing."(Laughter) So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today -- we're talking about expanding perception -- and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research thatfundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.And this is where my story starts. When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year I had a research professor who said to us, "Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist." And I thought he was just sweet-talking me. I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely." And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the "life's messy, love it." And I'm more of the, "life's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box." (Laughter) And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me -- really, one of the big sayings in social work is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work." And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A's. That was my mantra. So I was very excited about this. And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics. But I want to be able to make them not messy. I want to understand them. I want to hack into these things I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.So where I started was with connection. Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it's all about. It doesn't matter whether you talk to peoplewho work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is -- neurobiologically that's how we're wired -- it's why we're here. So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection. Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome, and one thing -- an "opportunity for growth?" (Laughter) And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you ask people about belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded. And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.So very quickly -- really about six weeks into this research -- I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen. And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is. And it turned out to be shame. And shame is really easily understood as the fear ofdisconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection? The things I can tell you about it: it's universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it. What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough," -- which we all know that feeling: "I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough." The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability. And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick. I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out,I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it. So I was ready, and I was really excited.As you know, it's not going to turn out well. (Laughter) You know this. So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time. But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to -- and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research. My one year turned into six years: thousands of stories,hundreds of longinterviews, focus groups. At one point, people were sending me journal pagesand sending me their stories -- thousands of pieces of data in six years. And I kind of got a handle on it.I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works. I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay -- and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness -- that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness -- they have a strong sense of love and belonging --and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging. That's it.They believe they're worthy. And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better. So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk. So I had a manila folder, and I had aSharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to my mind were whole-hearted. These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness. So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data. In fact, I did it first in a four-day very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents.What's the theme? What's the pattern? My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just like writing and in my researcher mode.And so here's what I found. What they had in common was a sense of courage. And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute. Courage, the original definition of courage,when it first came into the English language -- it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart --and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part -- as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do thatfor connection.The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -- as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.They thought this was fundamental.I personally thought it was betrayal. I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job -- you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena, for the explicit reason to control and predict. And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting. This led to a little breakdown -- (Laughter) -- which actually looked more like this. (Laughter) And it did. I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening. A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you it was a breakdown. And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist. Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, "I think I need to seesomebody.Do you have any recommendations?" Because about five of my friends were like, "Wooo. I wouldn't want to be your therapist." (Laughter) I was like, "What does that mean?" And they're like, "I'm just saying, you know. Don't bring your measuring stick." I was like, "Okay."So I found a therapist. My first meeting with her, Diana -- I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down. And she said, "How are you?" And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay." She said, "What's going on?" And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S. meters are good. (Laughter) And so I said, "Here's the thing, I'm struggling." And she said, "What's the struggle?" And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem, and I need some help." And I said, "But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit." (Laughter) "I just need some strategies." (Laughter) (Applause)Thank you. So she goes like this. (Laughter) And then I said, "It's bad, right?" And she said, "It's neither good nor bad." (Laughter) "It just is what it is." And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck."(Laughter)And it did, and it didn't. And it took about a year. And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it. A: that's not me, and B: I don't even hang out with people like that. (Laughter) For me, it was a yearlong street fight. It was a slugfest. Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were making, and what are we doing with vulnerability. Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No. So this is what I learned. We numb vulnerability -- when we're waiting for the call. It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, "How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?" And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses. Because I wanted to know what's out there. Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married; initiating sex with my husband; initiating sex with my wife; being turned down; asking someone out; waiting for the doctor to call back;getting laid off; laying off people -- this is the world we livein. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.And I think there's evidence -- and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it's a huge cause -- we are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history. The problem is -- and I learned this from the research -- that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can't say, here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. I don't want to feel these. I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. (Laughter) I don't want to feel these. And I know that's knowing laughter. I hack into your lives for a living. God. (Laughter) You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb. And it doesn't just have to be addiction. The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain. Religion has gone from abelief in faith and mystery to certainty. I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up. That's it. Just certain. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. This is what politics looks like today. There's no discourse anymore. There's no conversation. There's just blame. You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort. We perfect. If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn't work. Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks. (Laughter) Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, "Wow." (Laughter)And we perfect, most dangerously, our children. Let me tell you what we think about children.They're hardwired for struggle when they get here. And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, "Look at her, she's perfect. My job is just to keep her perfect -- make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade."That's not our job. Our job is to look and say, "You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." That's our job. Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we'll end the problems I think that we see today. We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people. We do that in our personal lives.We do that corporate -- whether it's a bailout, an oilspill, a recall -- we pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people. I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people. We just need you to be authentic and real and say, "We're sorry. We'll fix it."But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this. This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee -- and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult -- to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive." And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough," then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves. That's all I have. Thank you.(Applause)。
演讲稿 关于脆弱的力量演讲稿
关于脆弱的力量演讲稿现任TED掌门人克里斯安德森说：一次演讲令人惊奇的地方在于，你可以用几分钟的时间启发人们的思想。
这几分钟能把人从观众转变为参与者。
关键词是灵感，它更像火花、催化剂，让你参与到比自己更伟大的事情中去。
下面小编为大家整理关于脆弱的力量演讲稿，希望能帮到你。
脆弱的力量，我恨脆弱几年前，一个活动策划人打电话给我，因为我当时要做一个演讲。
她在电话里说：我真很苦恼该如何在宣传单上介绍你。
我心想怎么会苦恼呢? 她继续道：你看，我听过你的演讲，我觉得我可以称你为研究者，可我担心的是，如果我这么称呼你，没人会来听，因为大家普遍认为研究员很无趣而且脱离现实。
然后她说：但是我喜欢你的演讲，就跟讲故事一样很吸引人。
我想来想去，还是觉得称你为讲故事的人比较妥当。
而那个做学术的感到不安的我脱口而出道：你要叫我什么?她说：我要称你为讲故事的人。
我心想：为什么不干脆叫魔法小精灵?(笑声)我说：让我考虑一下。
我试着鼓起勇气。
我对自己说，我是一个讲故事的人。
我是一个从事定性研究的科研人员。
我收集故事这就是我的工作。
或许故事就是有灵魂的数据。
或许我就是一个讲故事的人。
于是我说：听着，要不你就称我为做研究兼讲故事的人。
她说：哈哈，没这么个说法呀。
所以我是个做研究兼讲故事的人，我今天想跟大家谈论的我们要谈论的话题是关于拓展认知。
我想给你们讲几个故事是关于我的一份研究的，这份研究从本质上拓宽了我个人的认知，也确确实实改变了我生活、爱、工作还有教育孩子的方式。
1、关系是我们活着的原因我的故事从这里开始。
当我还是个年轻的博士研究生的时候，第一年，有位研究教授对我们说：事实是这样的，如果有一个东西你无法测量，那么它就不存在。
我心想他只是在哄哄我们这些小孩子吧。
我说：真的么?他说：当然。
你得知道我有一个社会工作的学士文凭，一个社会工作的硕士文凭，我在读的是一个社会工作的博士文凭，所以我整个学术生涯都被人所包围，他们大抵相信生活是一团乱麻，接受它。
ted脆弱的力量 文本
ted脆弱的力量文本TED脆弱的力量TED是一场全球性的演讲活动，旨在传播思想、启发人们，并推动世界变得更美好。
在这场活动中，有很多关于“脆弱”的演讲，这些演讲涉及到人类的情感、生命和环境等方面。
在这篇文章中，我们将探讨TED中关于“脆弱的力量”的演讲。
第一部分：情感上的脆弱1.1 弗朗西斯卡•马克斯韦尔：爱与损失弗朗西斯卡•马克斯韦尔是一位作家和摄影师，她曾经在TED上发表过一场名为《爱与损失》的演讲。
她通过自己亲身经历的父亲去世和自己患病的经历，表达了人类情感上的脆弱性。
她说：“我们都是如此脆弱，如此具有情感，如此容易受到伤害。
”1.2 安德鲁•所罗门：抑郁症不是你自己造成的安德鲁•所罗门是一位作家和精神健康倡导者，他在TED上发表过一场名为《抑郁症不是你自己造成的》的演讲。
他通过自己亲身经历的抑郁症，探讨了人类情感上的脆弱性和社会对精神健康问题的看法。
他说：“我们都是如此脆弱，如此容易受到情感和心理创伤。
”第二部分：生命上的脆弱2.1 约安娜•克鲁泽：生命中最重要的事情约安娜•克鲁泽是一位医生和作家，她在TED上发表过一场名为《生命中最重要的事情》的演讲。
她通过自己作为医生对癌症患者的治疗经验，探讨了人类生命上的脆弱性和珍视生命的重要性。
她说：“我们都是如此脆弱，如此容易受到疾病和意外事件影响。
”2.2 布兰登•斯托尔：我的越野滑雪事故布兰登•斯托尔是一位极限运动员，在TED上发表过一场名为《我的越野滑雪事故》的演讲。
他通过自己在越野滑雪中的意外事故，探讨了人类生命上的脆弱性和面对挑战的勇气。
他说：“我们都是如此脆弱，但我们也有能力克服困难。
”第三部分：环境上的脆弱3.1 艾伦•萨维奇：地球日艾伦•萨维奇是一位环保倡导者和电影制片人，他在TED上发表过一场名为《地球日》的演讲。
他通过展示地球上各种生物和环境问题，探讨了人类对环境破坏的影响和环境上的脆弱性。
他说：“我们需要意识到我们生活在一个脆弱的星球上。
关于脆弱的力量演讲稿_演讲稿范文_
关于脆弱的力量演讲稿现任TED掌门人克里斯·安德森说：“一次演讲令人惊奇的地方在于，你可以用几分钟的时间启发人们的思想。
这几分钟能把人从观众转变为参与者。
关键词是‘灵感’，它更像火花、催化剂，让你参与到比自己更伟大的事情中去。
”下面小编为大家整理关于脆弱的力量，希望能帮到你。
脆弱的力量，我恨脆弱几年前，一个活动策划人打电话给我，因为我当时要做一个演讲。
她在电话里说：“我真很苦恼该如何在宣传单上介绍你。
” 我心想怎么会苦恼呢? 她继续道：“你看，我听过你的演讲，我觉得我可以称你为研究者，可我担心的是，如果我这么称呼你，没人会来听，因为大家普遍认为研究员很无趣而且脱离现实。
”然后她说：“但是我喜欢你的演讲，就跟讲故事一样很吸引人。
我想来想去，还是觉得称你为讲故事的人比较妥当。
”而那个做学术的感到不安的我脱口而出道：“你要叫我什么?”她说：“我要称你为讲故事的人。
”我心想：“为什么不干脆叫魔法小精灵?”(笑声)我说：“让我考虑一下。
”我试着鼓起勇气。
我对自己说，我是一个讲故事的人。
我是一个从事定性研究的科研人员。
我收集故事——这就是我的工作。
或许故事就是有灵魂的数据。
或许我就是一个讲故事的人。
于是我说：“听着，要不你就称我为做研究兼讲故事的人。
”她说：“哈哈，没这么个说法呀。
”所以我是个做研究兼讲故事的人，我今天想跟大家谈论的——我们要谈论的话题是关于拓展认知。
我想给你们讲几个故事是关于我的一份研究的，这份研究从本质上拓宽了我个人的认知，也确确实实改变了我生活、爱、工作还有教育孩子的方式。
1、关系是我们活着的原因我的故事从这里开始。
当我还是个年轻的博士研究生的时候，第一年，有位研究教授对我们说：“事实是这样的，如果有一个东西你无法测量，那么它就不存在。
”我心想他只是在哄哄我们这些小孩子吧。
我说：“真的么?”他说：“当然。
”你得知道我有一个社会工作的学士文凭，一个社会工作的硕士文凭，我在读的是一个社会工作的博士文凭，所以我整个学术生涯都被人所包围，他们大抵相信生活是一团乱麻，接受它。
Ted 演讲稿 脆弱的力量讲课稿
Brene Brown：The power of vulnerabilitySo, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event. And she called, and she said, "I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flier." And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?" And she said, "Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant." (Laughter)And I was like, "Okay." And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller. So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller." And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, "You're going to call me a what?" And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller." And I was like, "Why not magic pixie?" (Laughter) I was like, "Let me think about this for a second." I tried to call deep on my courage. And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller. I'm a qualitative researcher. I collect stories; that's what I do. And maybe stories are just data with a soul. And maybe I'm just a storyteller. And so I said, "You know what? Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller." And she went, "Haha. There's no such thing."(Laughter) So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today -- we're talking about expanding perception -- and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research thatfundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.And this is where my story starts. When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year I had a research professor who said to us, "Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist." And I thought he was just sweet-talking me. I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely." And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the "life's messy, love it." And I'm more of the, "life's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box." (Laughter) And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me -- really, one of the big sayings in social work is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work." And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A's. That was my mantra. So I was very excited about this. And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics. But I want to be able to make them not messy. I want to understand them. I want to hack into these things I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.So where I started was with connection. Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it's all about. It doesn't matter whether you talk to peoplewho work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is -- neurobiologically that's how we're wired -- it's why we're here. So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection. Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome, and one thing -- an "opportunity for growth?" (Laughter) And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you ask people about belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded. And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.So very quickly -- really about six weeks into this research -- I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen. And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is. And it turned out to be shame. And shame is really easily understood as the fear ofdisconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection? The things I can tell you about it: it's universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it. What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough," -- which we all know that feeling: "I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough." The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability. And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick. I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out,I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it. So I was ready, and I was really excited.As you know, it's not going to turn out well. (Laughter) You know this. So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time. But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to -- and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research. My one year turned into six years: thousands of stories,hundreds of longinterviews, focus groups. At one point, people were sending me journal pagesand sending me their stories -- thousands of pieces of data in six years. And I kind of got a handle on it.I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works. I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay -- and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness -- that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness -- they have a strong sense of love and belonging --and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging. That's it.They believe they're worthy. And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better. So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk. So I had a manila folder, and I had aSharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to my mind were whole-hearted. These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness. So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data. In fact, I did it first in a four-day very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents.What's the theme? What's the pattern? My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just like writing and in my researcher mode.And so here's what I found. What they had in common was a sense of courage. And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute. Courage, the original definition of courage,when it first came into the English language -- it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart --and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part -- as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do thatfor connection.The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -- as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.They thought this was fundamental.I personally thought it was betrayal. I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job -- you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena, for the explicit reason to control and predict. And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting. This led to a little breakdown -- (Laughter) -- which actually looked more like this. (Laughter) And it did. I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening. A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you it was a breakdown. And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist. Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, "I think I need to seesomebody.Do you have any recommendations?" Because about five of my friends were like, "Wooo. I wouldn't want to be your therapist." (Laughter) I was like, "What does that mean?" And they're like, "I'm just saying, you know. Don't bring your measuring stick." I was like, "Okay."So I found a therapist. My first meeting with her, Diana -- I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down. And she said, "How are you?" And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay." She said, "What's going on?" And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S. meters are good. (Laughter) And so I said, "Here's the thing, I'm struggling." And she said, "What's the struggle?" And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem, and I need some help." And I said, "But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit." (Laughter) "I just need some strategies." (Laughter) (Applause)Thank you. So she goes like this. (Laughter) And then I said, "It's bad, right?" And she said, "It's neither good nor bad." (Laughter) "It just is what it is." And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck."(Laughter)And it did, and it didn't. And it took about a year. And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it. A: that's not me, and B: I don't even hang out with people like that. (Laughter) For me, it was a yearlong street fight. It was a slugfest. Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were making, and what are we doing with vulnerability. Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No. So this is what I learned. We numb vulnerability -- when we're waiting for the call. It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, "How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?" And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses. Because I wanted to know what's out there. Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married; initiating sex with my husband; initiating sex with my wife; being turned down; asking someone out; waiting for the doctor to call back;getting laid off; laying off people -- this is the world we livein. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.And I think there's evidence -- and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it's a huge cause -- we are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history. The problem is -- and I learned this from the research -- that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can't say, here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. I don't want to feel these. I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. (Laughter) I don't want to feel these. And I know that's knowing laughter. I hack into your lives for a living. God. (Laughter) You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb. And it doesn't just have to be addiction. The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain. Religion has gone from abelief in faith and mystery to certainty. I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up. That's it. Just certain. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. This is what politics looks like today. There's no discourse anymore. There's no conversation. There's just blame. You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort. We perfect. If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn't work. Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks. (Laughter) Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, "Wow." (Laughter)And we perfect, most dangerously, our children. Let me tell you what we think about children.They're hardwired for struggle when they get here. And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, "Look at her, she's perfect. My job is just to keep her perfect -- make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade."That's not our job. Our job is to look and say, "You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." That's our job. Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we'll end the problems I think that we see today. We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people. We do that in our personal lives.We do that corporate -- whether it's a bailout, an oilspill, a recall -- we pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people. I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people. We just need you to be authentic and real and say, "We're sorry. We'll fix it."But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this. This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee -- and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult -- to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive." And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough," then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves. That's all I have. Thank you.(Applause)。
Ted演讲稿子脆弱地力量
Brene Brown： The power of vulnerabilitySo, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event. And she called, and she said, "I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flier." And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?" And she said, "Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant." (Laughter)And I was like, "Okay." And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller. So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller." And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, "You're going to call me a what?" And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller." And I was like, "Why not magic pixie?" (Laughter) I was like, "Let me think about this for a second." I tried to call deep on my courage. And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller. I'm a qualitative researcher. I collect stories; that's what I do. And maybe stories are just data with a soul. And maybe I'm just a storyteller. And so I said, "You know what? Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller." And she went, "Haha.There's no such thing."(Laughter) So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today -- we're talking about expanding perception -- and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.And this is where my story starts. When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year I had a research professor who said to us, "Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist." And I thought he was just sweet-talking me. I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely." And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the "life's messy, love it." And I'm more of the, "life's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box." (Laughter) And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me -- really, one of the big sayings in social work is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work." And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head andmove it over and get all A's. That was my mantra. So I was very excited about this. And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics. But I want to be able to make them not messy. I want to understand them. I want to hack into these things I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.So where I started was with connection. Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it's all about. It doesn't matter whether you talk to peoplewho work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is -- neurobiologically that's how we're wired -- it's why we're here. So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection. Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome, and one thing -- an "opportunity for growth?" (Laughter) And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you ask peopleabout belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded. And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.So very quickly -- really about six weeks into this research -- I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen. And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is. And it turned out to be shame. And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection? The things I can tell you about it: it's universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it. What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough," -- which we all know that feeling: "I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough." The thing that underpinned this was excruciatingvulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen. And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability. And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick. I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out,I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it. So I was ready, and I was really excited.As you know, it's not going to turn out well. (Laughter) You know this. So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time. But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to -- and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research. My one year turned into six years: thousands of stories,hundreds of long interviews, focus groups. At one point, people were sending me journal pagesand sending me their stories -- thousands of pieces of data in six years. And I kind of got a handle on it.I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works. I wrote a book, I published a theory, but somethingwas not okay -- and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness -- that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness -- they have a strong sense of love and belonging --and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging. That's it.They believe they're worthy. And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better. So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk. So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to mymind were whole-hearted. These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness. So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data. In fact, I did it first in a four-day very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents.What's the theme? What's the pattern? My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just like writing and in my researcher mode.And so here's what I found. What they had in common was a sense of courage. And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute. Courage, the original definition of courage,when it first came into the English language -- it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart --and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part -- as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thoughtthey should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do thatfor connection.The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -- as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.They thought this was fundamental.I personally thought it was betrayal. I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job -- you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena, for the explicit reason to control and predict. And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting. Thisled to a little breakdown -- (Laughter) -- which actually looked more like this. (Laughter) And it did. I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening. A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you it was a breakdown. And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist. Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, "I think I need to see somebody.Do you have any recommendations?" Because about five of my friends were like, "Wooo. I wouldn't want to be your therapist." (Laughter) I was like, "What does that mean?" And they're like, "I'm just saying, you know. Don't bring your measuring stick." I was like, "Okay."So I found a therapist. My first meeting with her, Diana -- I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down. And she said, "How are you?" And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay." She said, "What's going on?" And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S. meters are good. (Laughter) And so I said, "Here's the thing, I'm struggling." And she said, "What's the struggle?" And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, butit appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem, and I need some help." And I said, "But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit." (Laughter) "I just need some strategies." (Laughter) (Applause)Thank you. So she goes like this. (Laughter) And then I said, "It's bad, right?" And she said, "It's neither good nor bad." (Laughter) "It just is what it is." And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck."(Laughter)And it did, and it didn't. And it took about a year. And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it. A: that's not me, and B: I don't even hang out with people like that. (Laughter) For me, it was a yearlong street fight. It was a slugfest. Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were making, and what arewe doing with vulnerability. Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No. So this is what I learned. We numb vulnerability -- when we're waiting for the call. It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, "How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?" And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses. Because I wanted to know what's out there. Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married; initiating sex with my husband; initiating sex with my wife; being turned down; asking someone out; waiting for the doctor to call back;getting laid off; laying off people -- this is the world we live in. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.And I think there's evidence -- and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it's a huge cause -- we are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history. The problem is -- and I learned this from the research -- that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can't say, here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. I don't want to feel these. I'm goingto have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. (Laughter) I don't want to feel these. And I know that's knowing laughter. I hack into your lives for a living. God. (Laughter) You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb. And it doesn't just have to be addiction. The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain. Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty. I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up. That's it. Just certain. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. This is what politics looks like today. There's no discourse anymore. There's no conversation. There's just blame. You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort. We perfect. If there's anyone who wantstheir life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn't work. Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks. (Laughter) Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, "Wow."(Laughter)And we perfect, most dangerously, our children. Let me tell you what we think about children.They're hardwired for struggle when they get here. And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, "Look at her, she's perfect. My job is just to keep her perfect -- make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade."That's not our job. Our job is to look and say, "You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." That's our job. Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we'll end the problems I think that we see today. We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people. We do that in our personal lives.We do that corporate -- whether it's a bailout, an oil spill, a recall -- we pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people. I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people. We just needyou to be authentic and real and say, "We're sorry. We'll fix it."But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this. This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee -- and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult -- to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive." And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough," then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.That's all I have. Thank you.(Applause)。
Ted演讲稿脆弱的力量
Brene Brown：The power of vulnerabilitySo, I'll start with this:?a couple years ago, an event planner called me?because I was going to do a speaking event.?And she called, and she said,?"I'm really struggling with how?to write about you on the little flier."?And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?"?And she said, "Well, I saw you speak,?and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think,?but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come,?because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant."?(Laughter)And I was like, "Okay."?And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk?is you're a storyteller.?So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller."?And of course, the academic, insecure part of me?was like, "You're going to call me a what?"?And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller."?And I was like, "Why not magic pixie?"?(Laughter)?I was like, "Let me think about this for a second."?I tried to call deep on my courage.?And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller.?I'm a qualitative researcher.?I collect stories; that's what I do.?And maybe stories are just data with a soul.?And maybe I'm just a storyteller.?And so I said, "You know what??Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller."?And she went, "Haha. There's no such thing."(Laughter)?So I'm a researcher-storyteller,?and I'm going to talk to you today --?we're talking about expanding perception --?and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories?about a piece of myresearch?that fundamentally expanded my perception?and really actually changed the way that I live and love?and work and parent.And this is where my story starts.?When I was a young researcher, doctoral student,?my first year I had a research professor?who said to us,?"Here's the thing,?if you cannot measure it, it does not exist."?And I thought he was just sweet-talking me.?I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely."?And so you have to understand?that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work,?and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work,?so my entire academic career?was surrounded by people?who kind of believed?in the "life's messy, love it."?And I'm more of the, "life's messy,?clean it up, organize it?and put it into a bento box."?(Laughter)?And so to think that I had found my way,?to found a career that takes me --?really, one of the big sayings in social work?is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work."?And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head?and move it over and get all A's.?That was my mantra.?So I was very excited about this.?And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me,?because I am interested in some messy topics.?But I want to be able to make them not messy.?I want to understand them.?I want to hack into these things?I know are important?and lay the code out for everyone to see.So where I started was with connection.?Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years,?what you realize?is that connection is why we're here.?It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.?This is what it's all about.?It doesn't matter whether you talk to peoplewho work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect,?what we know is that connection,?the ability to feel connected, is --?neurobiologically that's how we're wired --?it's why we're here.?So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection.?Well, you know that situation?where you get an evaluation from your boss,?and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome,?and one thing -- an "opportunity for growth?"?(Laughter)?And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right??Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well,?because, when you ask people about love,?they tell you about heartbreak.?When you ask people about belonging,?they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences?of being excluded.?And when you ask people about connection,?the stories they told me were about disconnection.So very quickly -- really about six weeks into this research --?I ran into this unnamed thing?that absolutely unraveled connection?in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen.?And so I pulled back out of the research?and thought, I need to figure out what this is.?And it turned out to be shame.?And shame is really easily understood?as the fear ofdisconnection:?Is there something about me?that, if other people know it or see it,?that I won't be worthy of connection??The things I can tell you about it:?it's universal; we all have it.?The only people who don't experience shame?have no capacity for human empathy or connection.?No one wants to talk about it,?and the less you talk about it the more you have it.?What underpinned this shame,?this "I'm not good enough," --?which we all know that feeling:?"I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough,?rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough,?promoted enough."?The thing that underpinned this?was excruciating vulnerability,?this idea of,?in order for connection to happen,?we have to allow ourselves to be seen,?really seen.And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability.?And so I thought, this is my chance?to beat it back with my measuring stick.?I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out,I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame,?I'm going to understand how vulnerability works,?and I'm going to outsmart it.?So I was ready, and I was really excited.As you know, it's not going to turn out well.?(Laughter)?You know this.?So, I could tell you a lot about shame,?but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time.?But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to --?and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned?in the decade of doing this research.?My one year?turned into six years:?thousands of stories,hundreds of longinterviews, focus groups.?At one point, people were sending me journal pagesand sending me their stories --?thousands of pieces of data in six years.?And I kind of got a handle on it.I kind of understood, this is what shame is,?this is how it works.?I wrotea book,?I published a theory,?but something was not okay --?and what it was is that,?if I roughly took the people I interviewed?and divided them into people?who really have a sense of worthiness --?that's what this comes down to,?a sense of worthiness --?they have a strong sense of love and belonging --and folks who struggle for it,?and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.There was only one variable?that separated the people who have?a strong sense of love and belonging?and the people who really struggle for it.?And that was, the people who have?a strong sense of love and belonging?believe they're worthy of love and belonging.?That's it.They believe they're worthy.?And to me, the hard part?of the one thing that keeps us out of connection?is our fear that we're not worthy of connection,?was something that, personally and professionally,?I felt like I needed to understand better.?So what I did?is I took all of the interviews?where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way,?and just looked at those.What do these people have in common??I have a slight office supply addiction,?but that's another talk.?So I had a manila folder, and I had aSharpie,?and I was like, what am I going to call this research??And the first words that came to my mind?were whole-hearted.?These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness.?So I wrote at the top of the manila folder,?and I started looking at the data.?In fact, I did it first?in a four-day?very intensive data analysis,?where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents.What's the theme? What's the pattern??My husband left town with the kids?because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing,?where I'm just like writing?and in my researcher mode.And so here's what I found.?What they had in common?was a sense of courage.?And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute.?Courage, the original definition of courage,when it first came into the English language --?it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart --and the original definition?was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.?And so these folks?had, very simply, the courage?to be imperfect.?They had the compassion?to be kind to themselves first and then to others,?because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people?if we can't treat ourselves kindly.?And the last was they had connection,?and -- this was the hard part --?as a result of authenticity,?they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be?in order to be who they were,?which you have to absolutely do thatfor connection.The other thing that they had in common?was this:?They fully embraced vulnerability.?They believed?that what made them vulnerable?made them beautiful.?They didn't talk about vulnerability?being comfortable,?nor did they really talk about it being excruciating --?as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing.?They just talked about it being necessary.?They talked about the willingness?to say, "I love you" first,?the willingness?to do something?where there are no guarantees,?the willingness?to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call?after your mammogram.?They're willing to invest in a relationship?that may or may not work out.They thought this was fundamental.I personally thought it was betrayal.?I could not believe I had pledged allegiance?to research, where our job --?you know, the definition of research?is to control and predict, to study phenomena,?for the explicit reason?to control and predict.?And now my mission?to control and predict?had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability?and to stop controlling and predicting.?This led to a little breakdown --?(Laughter)?-- which actually looked more like this.?(Laughter)?And it did.?I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening.?A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown,?but I assure you it was a breakdown.?And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist.?Let me tell you something: you know who you are?when you call your friends and say, "I think I need to seesomebody.Do you have any recommendations?"?Because about five of my friends were like,?"Wooo. I wouldn't want to be your therapist."?(Laughter)?I was like, "What does that mean?"?And they're like, "I'm just saying, you know.?Don't bring your measuring stick."?I was like, "Okay."So I found a therapist.?My first meeting with her, Diana --?I brought in my list?of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down.?And she said, "How are you?"?And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay."?She said, "What's going on?"?And this is a therapist who sees therapists,?because we have to go to those,?because their B.S. meters are good.?(Laughter)?And so I said,?"Here's the thing, I'm struggling."?And she said, "What's the struggle?"?And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue.?And I know that vulnerability is the core?of shame and fear?and our struggle for worthiness,?but it appears that it's also the birthplace?of joy, of creativity,?of belonging, of love.?And I think I have a problem,?and I need some help."?And I said, "But here's the thing:?no family stuff,?no childhood shit."?(Laughter)?"I just need some strategies."?(Laughter)?(Applause)Thank you.?So she goes like this.?(Laughter)?And then I said, "It's bad, right?"?And she said, "It's neither good nor bad."?(Laughter)?"It just is what it is."?And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck."(Laughter)And it did, and it didn't.?And it took about a year.?And you know how there are people?that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important,?that they surrender and walk into it.?A: that's not me,?and B: I don't even hang out with people like that.?(Laughter)?For me, it was a yearlong street fight.?It was a slugfest.?Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back.?I lost the fight,?but probably won my life back.And so then I went back into the research?and spent the next couple of years?really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted,?what choices they were making,?and what are we doing?with vulnerability.?Why do we struggle with it so much??Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability??No.?So this is what I learned.?We numb vulnerability --?when we're waiting for the call.?It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook?that says, "How would you define vulnerability??What makes you feel vulnerable?"?And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses.?Because I wanted to know?what's out there.?Having to ask my husband for help?because I'm sick, and we're newly married;?initiating sex with my husband;?initiating sex with my wife;?being turned down; asking someone out;?waiting for the doctor to call back;getting laid off; laying off people --?this is the world we livein.?We live in a vulnerable world.?And one of the ways we deal with it?is we numb vulnerability.And I think there's evidence --?and it's not the only reason this evidence exists,?but I think it's a huge cause --?we are the most in-debt,?obese,?addicted and medicated?adult cohort in U.S. history.?The problem is -- and I learned this from the research --?that you cannot selectively numb emotion.?You can't say, here's the bad stuff.?Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame,?here's fear, here's disappointment.?I don't want to feel these.?I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.?(Laughter)?I don't want to feel these.?And I know that's knowing laughter.?I hack into your lives for a living.?God.?(Laughter)?You can't numb those hard feelings?without numbing the other affects, our emotions.?You cannot selectively numb.?So when we numb those,?we numb joy,?we numb gratitude,?we numb happiness.?And then we are miserable,?and we are looking for purpose and meaning,?and then we feel vulnerable,?so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.?And it becomes this dangerous cycle.One of the things that I think we need to think about?is why and how we numb.?And it doesn't just have to be addiction.?The other thing we do?is we make everything that's uncertain certain.?Religion has gone from abelief in faith and mystery?to certainty.?I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up.?That's it.?Just certain.?The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are,?the more afraid we are.?This is what politics looks like today.?There's no discourse anymore.?There's no conversation.?There's just blame.?You know how blame is described in the research??A way to discharge pain and discomfort.?We perfect.?If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me,?but it doesn't work.?Because what we do is we take fat from our butts?and put it in our cheeks.?(Laughter)?Which just, I hope in 100 years,?people will look back and go, "Wow."(Laughter)And we perfect, most dangerously,?our children.?Let me tell you what we think about children.They're hardwired for struggle when they get here.?And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand,?our job is not to say, "Look at her, she's perfect.?My job is just to keep her perfect --?make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade."That's not our job.?Our job is to look and say,?"You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle,?but you are worthy of love and belonging."?That's our job.?Show me a generation of kids raised like that,?and we'll end the problems I think that we see today.?We pretend that what we do?doesn't have an effect on people.?Wedo that in our personal lives.We do that corporate --?whether it's a bailout, an oil spill,?a recall --?we pretend like what we're doing?doesn't have a huge impact on other people.?I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people.?We just need you to be authentic and real?and say, "We're sorry.?We'll fix it."But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this.?This is what I have found:?to let ourselves be seen,?deeply seen,?vulnerably seen;?to love with our whole hearts,?even though there's no guarantee --?and that's really hard,?and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult --?to practice gratitude and joy?in those moments of terror,?when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much??Can I believe in this this passionately??Can I be this fierce about this?"?just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen,?to say, "I'm just so grateful,?because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive."?And the last, which I think is probably the most important,?is to believe that we're enough.?Because when we work from a place,?I believe, that says, "I'm enough,"?then we stop?screaming and start listening,?we're kinder and gentler to the people around us,?and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.That's all I have. Thank you.(Applause)。
Ted 演讲稿 脆弱的力量
Brene Brown：The power of vulnerabilitySo, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event. And she called, and she said, "I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flier." And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?" And she said, "Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant." (Laughter)And I was like, "Okay." And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller. So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller." And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, "You're going to call me a what?" And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller." And I was like, "Why not magic pixie?" (Laughter) I was like, "Let me think about this for a second." I tried to call deep on my courage. And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller. I'm a qualitative researcher. I collect stories; that's what I do. And maybe stories are just data with a soul. And maybe I'm just a storyteller. And so I said, "You know what? Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller." And she went, "Haha.There's no such thing."(Laughter) So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today -- we're talking about expanding perception -- and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.And this is where my story starts. When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year I had a research professor who said to us, "Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist." And I thought he was just sweet-talking me. I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely." And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the "life's messy, love it." And I'm more of the, "life's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box." (Laughter) And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me -- really, one of the big sayings in social work is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work." And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head andmove it over and get all A's. That was my mantra. So I was very excited about this. And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics. But I want to be able to make them not messy. I want to understand them. I want to hack into these things I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.So where I started was with connection. Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it's all about. It doesn't matter whether you talk to peoplewho work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is -- neurobiologically that's how we're wired -- it's why we're here. So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection. Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome, and one thing -- an "opportunity for growth?" (Laughter) And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you ask peopleabout belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded. And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.So very quickly -- really about six weeks into this research -- I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen. And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is. And it turned out to be shame. And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection? The things I can tell you about it: it's universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it. What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough," -- which we all know that feeling: "I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough." The thing that underpinned this was excruciatingvulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen. And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability. And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick. I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out,I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it. So I was ready, and I was really excited.As you know, it's not going to turn out well. (Laughter) You know this. So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time. But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to -- and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research. My one year turned into six years: thousands of stories,hundreds of long interviews, focus groups. At one point, people were sending me journal pagesand sending me their stories -- thousands of pieces of data in six years. And I kind of got a handle on it.I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works. I wrote a book, I published a theory, but somethingwas not okay -- and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness -- that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness -- they have a strong sense of love and belonging --and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging. That's it.They believe they're worthy. And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better. So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk. So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to mymind were whole-hearted. These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness. So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data. In fact, I did it first in a four-day very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents.What's the theme? What's the pattern? My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just like writing and in my researcher mode.And so here's what I found. What they had in common was a sense of courage. And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute. Courage, the original definition of courage,when it first came into the English language -- it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart --and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part -- as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thoughtthey should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do thatfor connection.The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -- as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.They thought this was fundamental.I personally thought it was betrayal. I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job -- you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena, for the explicit reason to control and predict. And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting. Thisled to a little breakdown -- (Laughter) -- which actually looked more like this. (Laughter) And it did. I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening. A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you it was a breakdown. And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist. Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, "I think I need to see somebody.Do you have any recommendations?" Because about five of my friends were like, "Wooo. I wouldn't want to be your therapist." (Laughter) I was like, "What does that mean?" And they're like, "I'm just saying, you know. Don't bring your measuring stick." I was like, "Okay."So I found a therapist. My first meeting with her, Diana -- I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down. And she said, "How are you?" And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay." She said, "What's going on?" And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S. meters are good. (Laughter) And so I said, "Here's the thing, I'm struggling." And she said, "What's the struggle?" And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, butit appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem, and I need some help." And I said, "But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit." (Laughter) "I just need some strategies." (Laughter) (Applause)Thank you. So she goes like this. (Laughter) And then I said, "It's bad, right?" And she said, "It's neither good nor bad." (Laughter) "It just is what it is." And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck."(Laughter)And it did, and it didn't. And it took about a year. And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it. A: that's not me, and B: I don't even hang out with people like that. (Laughter) For me, it was a yearlong street fight. It was a slugfest. Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were making, and what arewe doing with vulnerability. Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No. So this is what I learned. We numb vulnerability -- when we're waiting for the call. It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, "How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?" And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses. Because I wanted to know what's out there. Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married; initiating sex with my husband; initiating sex with my wife; being turned down; asking someone out; waiting for the doctor to call back;getting laid off; laying off people -- this is the world we live in. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.And I think there's evidence -- and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it's a huge cause -- we are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history. The problem is -- and I learned this from the research -- that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can't say, here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. I don't want to feel these. I'm goingto have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. (Laughter) I don't want to feel these. And I know that's knowing laughter. I hack into your lives for a living. God. (Laughter) You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb. And it doesn't just have to be addiction. The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain. Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty. I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up. That's it. Just certain. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. This is what politics looks like today. There's no discourse anymore. There's no conversation. There's just blame. You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort. We perfect. If there's anyone who wantstheir life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn't work. Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks. (Laughter) Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, "Wow."(Laughter)And we perfect, most dangerously, our children. Let me tell you what we think about children.They're hardwired for struggle when they get here. And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, "Look at her, she's perfect. My job is just to keep her perfect -- make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade."That's not our job. Our job is to look and say, "You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." That's our job. Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we'll end the problems I think that we see today. We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people. We do that in our personal lives.We do that corporate -- whether it's a bailout, an oil spill, a recall -- we pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people. I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people. We just needyou to be authentic and real and say, "We're sorry. We'll fix it."But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this. This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee -- and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult -- to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive." And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough," then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.That's all I have. Thank you.(Applause)。
布琳布朗ted演讲稿
布琳布朗ted演讲稿布琳布朗ted演讲稿为大家整理社会研究教授布琳布朗在XX年在ted上的精彩演讲，脆弱的力量，我恨脆弱!演讲中她说出了自己的观点，脆弱的力量。
关系是我们活着的原因，下面是小编整理的布琳布朗ted演讲稿布琳布朗ted演讲稿几年前，一个活动策划人打电话给我，因为我当时要做一个演讲。
她在电话里说：“我真很苦恼该如何在宣传单上介绍你。
”我心想怎么会苦恼呢?她继续道：“你看，我听过你的演讲，我觉得我可以称你为研究者，可我担心的是，如果我这么称呼你，没人会来听，因为大家普遍认为研究员很无趣而且脱离现实。
”然后她说：“但是我喜欢你的演讲，就跟讲故事一样很吸引人。
我想来想去，还是觉得称你为讲故事的人比较妥当。
”而那个做学术的感?ahref="http:///"target="_blank"class="keyli nk">讲话驳奈彝芽诙?ldquo;你要叫我什么?”她说：“我要称你为讲故事的人。
”我心想：“为什么不干脆叫魔法小精灵?”(笑声)我说：“让我考虑一下。
”我试着鼓起勇气。
我对自己说，我是一个讲故事的人。
我是一个从事定性研究的科研人员。
我收集故事——这就是我的工作。
或许故事就是有灵魂的数据。
或许我就是一个讲故事的人。
于是我说：“听着，要不你就称我为做研究兼讲故事的人。
”她说：“哈哈，没这么个说法呀。
”所以我是个做研究兼讲故事的人，我今天想跟大家谈论的——我们要谈论的话题是关于拓展认知。
我想给你们讲几个故事是关于我的一份研究的，这份研究从本质上拓宽了我个人的认知，也确确实实改变了我生活、爱、工作还有教育孩子的方式。
1、关系是我们活着的原因我的故事从这里开始。
当我还是个年轻的博士研究生的时候，第一年，有位研究教授对我们说：“事实是这样的，如果有一个东西你无法测量，那么它就不存在。
”我心想他只是在哄哄我们这些小孩子吧。
我说：“真的么?”他说：“当然。
Ted 演讲稿 脆弱的力量
Brene Brown：The power of vulnerabilitySo, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event. And she called, and she said, "I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flier." And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?" And she said, "Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant." (Laughter)And I was like, "Okay." And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller. So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller." And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, "You're going to call me a what?" And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller." And I was like, "Why not magic pixie?" (Laughter) I was like, "Let me think about this for a second." I tried to call deep on my courage. And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller. I'm a qualitative researcher. I collect stories; that's what I do. And maybe stories are just data with a soul. And maybe I'm just a storyteller. And so I said, "You know what? Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller." And she went, "Haha. There's no such thing."(Laughter) So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today -- we're talking about expanding perception -- and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research thatfundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.And this is where my story starts. When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year I had a research professor who said to us, "Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist." And I thought he was just sweet-talking me. I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely." And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the "life's messy, love it." And I'm more of the, "life's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box." (Laughter) And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me -- really, one of the big sayings in social work is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work." And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A's. That was my mantra. So I was very excited about this. And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics. But I want to be able to make them not messy. I want to understand them. I want to hack into these things I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.So where I started was with connection. Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it's all about. It doesn't matter whether you talk to peoplewho work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is -- neurobiologically that's how we're wired -- it's why we're here. So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection. Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome, and one thing -- an "opportunity for growth?" (Laughter) And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you ask people about belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded. And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.So very quickly -- really about six weeks into this research -- I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen. And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is. And it turned out to be shame. And shame is really easily understood as the fear ofdisconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection? The things I can tell you about it: it's universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it. What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough," -- which we all know that feeling: "I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough." The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability. And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick. I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out,I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it. So I was ready, and I was really excited.As you know, it's not going to turn out well. (Laughter) You know this. So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time. But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to -- and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research. My one year turned into six years: thousands of stories,hundreds of longinterviews, focus groups. At one point, people were sending me journal pagesand sending me their stories -- thousands of pieces of data in six years. And I kind of got a handle on it.I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works. I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay -- and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness -- that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness -- they have a strong sense of love and belonging --and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging. That's it.They believe they're worthy. And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better. So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk. So I had a manila folder, and I had aSharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to my mind were whole-hearted. These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness. So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data. In fact, I did it first in a four-day very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents.What's the theme? What's the pattern? My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just like writing and in my researcher mode.And so here's what I found. What they had in common was a sense of courage. And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute. Courage, the original definition of courage,when it first came into the English language -- it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart --and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part -- as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do thatfor connection.The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -- as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.They thought this was fundamental.I personally thought it was betrayal. I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job -- you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena, for the explicit reason to control and predict. And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting. This led to a little breakdown -- (Laughter) -- which actually looked more like this. (Laughter) And it did. I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening. A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you it was a breakdown. And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist. Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, "I think I need to seesomebody.Do you have any recommendations?" Because about five of my friends were like, "Wooo. I wouldn't want to be your therapist." (Laughter) I was like, "What does that mean?" And they're like, "I'm just saying, you know. Don't bring your measuring stick." I was like, "Okay."So I found a therapist. My first meeting with her, Diana -- I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down. And she said, "How are you?" And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay." She said, "What's going on?" And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S. meters are good. (Laughter) And so I said, "Here's the thing, I'm struggling." And she said, "What's the struggle?" And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem, and I need some help." And I said, "But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit." (Laughter) "I just need some strategies." (Laughter) (Applause)Thank you. So she goes like this. (Laughter) And then I said, "It's bad, right?" And she said, "It's neither good nor bad." (Laughter) "It just is what it is." And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck."(Laughter)And it did, and it didn't. And it took about a year. And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it. A: that's not me, and B: I don't even hang out with people like that. (Laughter) For me, it was a yearlong street fight. It was a slugfest. Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were making, and what are we doing with vulnerability. Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No. So this is what I learned. We numb vulnerability -- when we're waiting for the call. It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, "How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?" And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses. Because I wanted to know what's out there. Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married; initiating sex with my husband; initiating sex with my wife; being turned down; asking someone out; waiting for the doctor to call back;getting laid off; laying off people -- this is the world we livein. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.And I think there's evidence -- and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it's a huge cause -- we are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history. The problem is -- and I learned this from the research -- that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can't say, here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. I don't want to feel these. I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. (Laughter) I don't want to feel these. And I know that's knowing laughter. I hack into your lives for a living. God. (Laughter) You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb. And it doesn't just have to be addiction. The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain. Religion has gone from abelief in faith and mystery to certainty. I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up. That's it. Just certain. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. This is what politics looks like today. There's no discourse anymore. There's no conversation. There's just blame. You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort. We perfect. If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn't work. Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks. (Laughter) Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, "Wow." (Laughter)And we perfect, most dangerously, our children. Let me tell you what we think about children.They're hardwired for struggle when they get here. And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, "Look at her, she's perfect. My job is just to keep her perfect -- make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade."That's not our job. Our job is to look and say, "You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." That's our job. Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we'll end the problems I think that we see today. We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people. We do that in our personal lives.We do that corporate -- whether it's a bailout, an oilspill, a recall -- we pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people. I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people. We just need you to be authentic and real and say, "We're sorry. We'll fix it."But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this. This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee -- and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult -- to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive." And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough," then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves. That's all I have. Thank you.(Applause)。
Ted演讲稿脆弱的力量
Brene Brown：The power of vulnerabilitySo, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event. And she called, and she said, "I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flier." And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?" And she said, "Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant." (Laughter)And I was like, "Okay." And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller. So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller." And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, "You're going to call me a what?" And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller." And I was like, "Why not magic pixie?" (Laughter) I was like, "Let me think about this for a second." I tried to call deep on my courage. And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller. I'm a qualitative researcher. I collect stories; that's what I do. And maybe stories are just data with a soul. And maybe I'm just a storyteller. And so I said, "You know what? Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller." And she went, "Haha. There's no such thing."(Laughter) So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today -- we're talking about expanding perception -- and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research thatfundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.And this is where my story starts. When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year I had a research professor who said to us, "Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist." And I thought he was just sweet-talking me. I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely." And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the "life's messy, love it." And I'm more of the, "life's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box." (Laughter) And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me -- really, one of the big sayings in social work is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work." And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A's. That was my mantra. So I was very excited about this. And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics. But I want to be able to make them not messy. I want to understand them. I want to hack into these things I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.So where I started was with connection. Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it's all about. It doesn't matter whether you talk to peoplewho work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is -- neurobiologically that's how we're wired -- it's why we're here. So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection. Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome, and one thing -- an "opportunity for growth?" (Laughter) And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you ask people about belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded. And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.So very quickly -- really about six weeks into this research -- I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen. And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is. And it turned out to be shame. And shame is really easily understood as the fear ofdisconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection? The things I can tell you about it: it's universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it. What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough," -- which we all know that feeling: "I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough." The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability. And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick. I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out,I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it. So I was ready, and I was really excited.As you know, it's not going to turn out well. (Laughter) You know this. So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time. But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to -- and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research. My one year turned into six years: thousands of stories,hundreds of longinterviews, focus groups. At one point, people were sending me journal pagesand sending me their stories -- thousands of pieces of data in six years. And I kind of got a handle on it.I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works. I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay -- and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness -- that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness -- they have a strong sense of love and belonging --and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging. That's it.They believe they're worthy. And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better. So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk. So I had a manila folder, and I had aSharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to my mind were whole-hearted. These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness. So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data. In fact, I did it first in a four-day very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents.What's the theme? What's the pattern? My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just like writing and in my researcher mode.And so here's what I found. What they had in common was a sense of courage. And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute. Courage, the original definition of courage,when it first came into the English language -- it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart --and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part -- as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do thatfor connection.The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -- as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.They thought this was fundamental.I personally thought it was betrayal. I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job -- you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena, for the explicit reason to control and predict. And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting. This led to a little breakdown -- (Laughter) -- which actually looked more like this. (Laughter) And it did. I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening. A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you it was a breakdown. And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist. Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, "I think I need to seesomebody.Do you have any recommendations?" Because about five of my friends were like, "Wooo. I wouldn't want to be your therapist." (Laughter) I was like, "What does that mean?" And they're like, "I'm just saying, you know. Don't bring your measuring stick." I was like, "Okay."So I found a therapist. My first meeting with her, Diana -- I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down. And she said, "How are you?" And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay." She said, "What's going on?" And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S. meters are good. (Laughter) And so I said, "Here's the thing, I'm struggling." And she said, "What's the struggle?" And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem, and I need some help." And I said, "But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit." (Laughter) "I just need some strategies." (Laughter) (Applause)Thank you. So she goes like this. (Laughter) And then I said, "It's bad, right?" And she said, "It's neither good nor bad." (Laughter) "It just is what it is." And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck."(Laughter)And it did, and it didn't. And it took about a year. And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it. A: that's not me, and B: I don't even hang out with people like that. (Laughter) For me, it was a yearlong street fight. It was a slugfest. Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were making, and what are we doing with vulnerability. Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No. So this is what I learned. We numb vulnerability -- when we're waiting for the call. It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, "How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?" And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses. Because I wanted to know what's out there. Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married; initiating sex with my husband; initiating sex with my wife; being turned down; asking someone out; waiting for the doctor to call back;getting laid off; laying off people -- this is the world we livein. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.And I think there's evidence -- and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it's a huge cause -- we are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history. The problem is -- and I learned this from the research -- that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can't say, here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. I don't want to feel these. I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. (Laughter) I don't want to feel these. And I know that's knowing laughter. I hack into your lives for a living. God. (Laughter) You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb. And it doesn't just have to be addiction. The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain. Religion has gone from abelief in faith and mystery to certainty. I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up. That's it. Just certain. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. This is what politics looks like today. There's no discourse anymore. There's no conversation. There's just blame. You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort. We perfect. If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn't work. Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks. (Laughter) Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, "Wow." (Laughter)And we perfect, most dangerously, our children. Let me tell you what we think about children.They're hardwired for struggle when they get here. And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, "Look at her, she's perfect. My job is just to keep her perfect -- make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade."That's not our job. Our job is to look and say, "You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." That's our job. Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we'll end the problems I think that we see today. We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people. We do that in our personal lives.We do that corporate -- whether it's a bailout, an oilspill, a recall -- we pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people. I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people. We just need you to be authentic and real and say, "We're sorry. We'll fix it."But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this. This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee -- and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult -- to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive." And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough," then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves. That's all I have. Thank you.(Applause)。
TED演讲--脆弱的力量
The power of vulnerability-----Brené Brown脆弱的力量So, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event.那我就这么开始吧：几年前，一个活动策划人打电话给我，因为我当时要做一个演讲。
And she called, and she said, "I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flyer."她在电话里说：“我真很苦恼该如何在宣传单上介绍你。
”And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?" 我心想，怎么会苦恼呢？And she said, "Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant."她继续道：“你看，我听过你的演讲，我觉得我可以称你为研究者，可我担心的是，如果我这么称呼你，没人会来听，因为大家普遍认为研究员很无趣而且脱离现实。
”And I was like, "Okay." And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller. So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller."我说：“好吧。
整理Ted：Brené Brown脆弱的力量
脆弱的力量我的起点研究是关系（connection）。
关系是我们活着的原因，它赋予了我们生命的意义。
关系是一种感应的能力。
生命神经上，我们是这样被设定的。
所以我就从关系开始。
在研究中，出现了一种我不理解也从来没见过的方式，它揭示了关系。
它最终被鉴定为耻辱感，即害怕被断绝关系。
如果别人知道了或看到了，会认为我们不值得交往。
我要告诉你的是，这种现象很普遍；我们都会有（这种想法）。
没有体验过耻辱的人不具有人类的同情或关系。
滋生耻辱感的是一种我不够好的心态，我们都知道这种滋味。
我不够（苗条、有钱、漂亮、聪明……）而支撑这种心态的是一种刻骨铭心的脆弱。
关键在于，要想产生关系，我们必须让自己被看见，真真切切的被看见。
我想要弄清楚耻辱是怎么运转的，然后我要智取胜过它。
在从事研究的数十年中，我预计的一年，变成了六年，成千上万个故事，成千上百个采访，焦点集中。
有时候人们发给我期刊报道，发给我他们的故事，不计其数的数据就在这六年中。
我大概掌握了它。
我大概理解了这就是耻辱以及它的运转方式。
我把我采访过的人分成两类：即具有自我价值感的人（自我价值感说到底他们用于去爱并且拥有强烈的归属感。
）和苦苦挣扎的人，总是怀疑自己是否足够好的人。
区分两者即敢于去爱并拥有强烈归属感的人和苦苦挣扎认为自己不够好的人唯一的变量那就是那些敢于去爱并拥有强烈归属感的人相信他们值得被爱，值得享有归属感。
就这么简单。
他们相信自己的价值。
而对于我，那个阻碍人与人关系最困难的部分是我们对于自己不值得享有这种关系的恐惧。
无论是从个人还是职业上，我都觉得我有必要去更深入的了解它。
所以接下来，我找出所有的采访记录找出那些体现自我价值的，那些持有这种观念的记录，这些人的共同点在哪儿。
为这个研究起名字，我最先想到的是全心全意（whole-hearted）。
这是一群全心全意，靠着一种强烈的自我价值感在生活的人们。
所以我在牛皮纸夹的上端这样写道。
事实上，我开始是用四天的时间集中分析数据。
脆弱的力量ted演讲稿
脆弱的力量ted演讲稿在TED演讲中，我们经常能够听到各种各样的主题，而其中一些演讲可能会涉及到“脆弱的力量”。
这个主题看似矛盾，但实际上却是一个深刻而有趣的话题。
脆弱并不意味着无能或软弱，相反，它可能是我们内在力量的一种表现，是我们人类的一种特质。
首先，让我们来思考一下什么是脆弱的力量。
脆弱并不是指易碎或脆弱不堪，而是指柔软、敏感、细腻的一种状态。
在这种状态下，我们可能更容易被伤害，更容易受到外界的影响，但同时也意味着我们更加敏感、更加有同情心、更加能够感知和理解他人的情感。
这种敏感性和同情心正是脆弱的力量所在。
在日常生活中，我们可能会遇到各种各样的挑战和困难，有时候我们会觉得自己很脆弱，无法承受外界的压力。
然而，正是这种脆弱让我们更加敏感，更加能够理解他人的痛苦和困境。
正是因为我们的脆弱，我们才能够感同身受，与他人建立更加深刻的情感联系。
这种同情心和理解力正是脆弱的力量所在。
脆弱的力量还体现在我们对于美好事物的追求和感知能力上。
正是因为我们的脆弱，我们才能够更加细腻地感受到生活中的美好，更加深刻地理解艺术、音乐、文学等。
我们的脆弱让我们成为了更加有灵性的人，能够更加深刻地体会到生活的意义和美好。
然而，脆弱的力量并不意味着我们要放弃坚强和勇气。
相反，正是因为我们的脆弱，我们才需要更加努力地去保护自己，去坚守内心的信念。
我们需要学会如何在脆弱和坚强之间取得平衡，如何在外界的压力下保持内心的平静和坚定。
这种坚韧和勇气正是脆弱的力量所在。
在人类的发展历程中，我们经常会看到一些脆弱的力量所带来的积极影响。
比如，一些伟大的艺术家、作家、音乐家，正是因为他们的脆弱，才能够创作出那些感人至深的作品，让人们感受到生活的美好和深刻。
正是因为我们的脆弱，我们才能够更加深刻地理解人类的情感和情感世界。
总的来说，脆弱的力量并不是一种软弱或无能，而是一种内在的力量和特质。
它让我们更加敏感、更加有同情心，更加能够感知和理解他人的情感。
ted演讲稿脆弱的力量
ted演讲稿脆弱的力量欢迎来到，以下是聘才XX为大家搜索整理的，欢迎大家阅读。
ted演讲稿脆弱的力量那我就这么开始吧：几年前，一个为我讲演活动的策划人打电话给我，她在电话里说：“我真很苦恼该如何在宣传单上介绍你”。
我心想，这有什么苦恼呢?她继续道：“你看，我听过你的演讲，我觉得我可以称你为研究者。
可我担心的是，如果我这么称呼你，没人会来听，因为大家普遍认为研究员是很无趣而且脱离现实。
”这说的很对。
然后她说：“但是我非常喜欢你的演讲，你的讲演就跟讲故事一样很吸引人。
我想来想去，还是觉得称你为讲故事的人比较妥当”。
而那个做学术的、感到不安的我脱口而出道：“你要叫我什么?”她说：“我要称你为讲故事的人。
”我心想：“为什么不干脆叫魔法小精灵?”我说：“让我考虑一下。
”我试着鼓起勇气。
我对自己说，我是一个讲故事的人。
我是一个从事定性研究的科研人员。
我收集故事，这就是我的工作。
或许故事就是有灵魂的数据。
或许我就是一个讲故事的人。
于是我说：“听着，要不你就称我为做研究兼讲故事的人。
”她大笑着说：”哈哈，没这么个说法呀。
“所以我是个做研究兼讲故事的人，我今天想跟大家谈论的：我们要谈论的话题是关于拓展认知。
我想给你们讲几个故事是关于我的一份研究工作，这份研究从本质上拓宽了我个人的认知，也确确实实改变了我生活、爱、工作还有教育孩子的方式。
我的故事从这里开始：当我还是个年轻的博士研究生的时候，第一年,一位研究教授对我们说：“事实是这样的，如果有一个东西你无法测量，那么它就不存在。
”我心想他只是在哄哄我们这些小孩子吧。
我说：“真的么?”他说：“这是理所当然的。
”你知道我有一个社会工作的学士文凭，一个社会工作的硕士文凭，我当时在读的是一个社会工作的博士文凭，所以我整个学术生涯都被人所包围，他们大抵相信生活是一团乱麻，接受它。
而我的观点则倾向于，生活是一团乱麻，解开它，把它整理好，再归类放入有条理的盒子里。
我当时认为我领悟到了我的方向，找到了我的工作，有能力自己去创一番事业。
ted演讲-脆弱的力量演讲稿中文翻译
ted演讲-脆弱的力量演讲稿中文翻译精品文档TED演讲:脆弱的力量演讲稿中文翻译今天我要讲一份研究，这份研究从本质上拓宽了我个人的认知，也确确实实改变了我的生活、爱、工作还有教育孩子的方式。
我是个社会学的学士、硕士和博士，我被人所包围，大家都认同:“生活是一团乱麻，接受它。
”而我的观点倾向于:“生活是一团乱麻，解开它，把它整理好，再归类放入便当盒里。
”我对乱成一团、难以处理的问题感兴趣，我想要把它们弄清楚，我想要理解它们，我想侵入那些我认为重要的东西，把它们摸透，然后用浅显易懂的方式呈献给每一个人。
所以我的起点是“关系”。
当你从事了10年的社会工作，你必然会发现，关系是我们活着的原因。
它赋予了我们生命的意义。
无论你跟谁交流，我们发现，关系是一种感应的能力——生物神经上，我们是这么被设定的。
所以我从关系开始。
下面这个场景我们再熟悉不过了，你的上司给你做工作评估，她告诉了你37点你做得相当棒的地方，还有一点——成长的空间,然后你满脑子都想着那一点成长的空间，不是吗,当你跟人们谈论爱情，他们告诉你的是一件让他们心碎的事;当你跟人们谈论归属感，他们告诉你的是最让他们痛心的被排斥的经历;当你和他们谈论关系，他们跟你讲的是如何被断绝关系的故事。
终于，在开始研究六周以后，我1 / 45精品文档遇到了这个闻所未闻的东西，它揭示了关系——以一种我不理解也从没见过的方式。
所以我停止了研究，对自己说，我得弄清楚这到底是什么。
它最终被鉴定为耻辱感。
耻辱感很容易理解，即害怕被断绝关系。
有没有一些关于我的事，如果别人知道了或看到了，会认为我不值得交往。
我想告诉你们的是:没有体验过耻辱的人，不具有人类的同情或关系。
没人想谈论自己的糗事，你谈论得越少，表明你越感到可耻。
滋生耻辱感的，是一种“我不够好”的心态。
我们都知道这是个什么滋味:我不够苗条、不够有钱、不够漂亮、不够聪明、职位不够高。
而支撑这种心态的，是一种刻骨铭心的脆弱。
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Brene Brown：The power of vulnerabilitySo, I'll start with this:?a couple years ago, an event planner called me?because I was going to do a speaking event.?And she called, and she said,?"I'm really struggling with how?to write about you on the little flier."?And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?"?And she said, "Well, I saw you speak,?and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think,?but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come,?because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant."?(Laughter)And I was like, "Okay."?And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk?is you're a storyteller.?So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller."?And of course, the academic, insecure part of me?was like, "You're going to call me a what?"?And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller."?And I was like, "Why not magic pixie?"?(Laughter)?I was like, "Let me think about this for a second."?I tried to call deep on my courage.?And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller.?I'm a qualitative researcher.?I collect stories; that's what I do.?And maybe stories are just data with a soul.?And maybe I'm just a storyteller.?And so I said, "You know what??Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller."?And she went, "Haha. There's no such thing."(Laughter)?So I'm a researcher-storyteller,?and I'm going to talk to you today --?we're talking about expanding perception --?and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories?about a piece of myresearch?that fundamentally expanded my perception?and really actually changed the way that I live and love?and work and parent.And this is where my story starts.?When I was a young researcher, doctoral student,?my first year I had a research professor?who said to us,?"Here's the thing,?if you cannot measure it, it does not exist."?And I thought he was just sweet-talking me.?I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely."?And so you have to understand?that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work,?and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work,?so my entire academic career?was surrounded by people?who kind of believed?in the "life's messy, love it."?And I'm more of the, "life's messy,?clean it up, organize it?and put it into a bento box."?(Laughter)?And so to think that I had found my way,?to found a career that takes me --?really, one of the big sayings in social work?is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work."?And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head?and move it over and get all A's.?That was my mantra.?So I was very excited about this.?And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me,?because I am interested in some messy topics.?But I want to be able to make them not messy.?I want to understand them.?I want to hack into these things?I know are important?and lay the code out for everyone to see.So where I started was with connection.?Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years,?what you realize?is that connection is why we're here.?It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.?This is what it's all about.?It doesn't matter whether you talk to peoplewho work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect,?what we know is that connection,?the ability to feel connected, is --?neurobiologically that's how we're wired --?it's why we're here.?So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection.?Well, you know that situation?where you get an evaluation from your boss,?and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome,?and one thing -- an "opportunity for growth?"?(Laughter)?And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right??Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well,?because, when you ask people about love,?they tell you about heartbreak.?When you ask people about belonging,?they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences?of being excluded.?And when you ask people about connection,?the stories they told me were about disconnection.So very quickly -- really about six weeks into this research --?I ran into this unnamed thing?that absolutely unraveled connection?in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen.?And so I pulled back out of the research?and thought, I need to figure out what this is.?And it turned out to be shame.?And shame is really easily understood?as the fear ofdisconnection:?Is there something about me?that, if other people know it or see it,?that I won't be worthy of connection??The things I can tell you about it:?it's universal; we all have it.?The only people who don't experience shame?have no capacity for human empathy or connection.?No one wants to talk about it,?and the less you talk about it the more you have it.?What underpinned this shame,?this "I'm not good enough," --?which we all know that feeling:?"I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough,?rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough,?promoted enough."?The thing that underpinned this?was excruciating vulnerability,?this idea of,?in order for connection to happen,?we have to allow ourselves to be seen,?really seen.And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability.?And so I thought, this is my chance?to beat it back with my measuring stick.?I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out,I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame,?I'm going to understand how vulnerability works,?and I'm going to outsmart it.?So I was ready, and I was really excited.As you know, it's not going to turn out well.?(Laughter)?You know this.?So, I could tell you a lot about shame,?but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time.?But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to --?and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned?in the decade of doing this research.?My one year?turned into six years:?thousands of stories,hundreds of longinterviews, focus groups.?At one point, people were sending me journal pagesand sending me their stories --?thousands of pieces of data in six years.?And I kind of got a handle on it.I kind of understood, this is what shame is,?this is how it works.?I wrotea book,?I published a theory,?but something was not okay --?and what it was is that,?if I roughly took the people I interviewed?and divided them into people?who really have a sense of worthiness --?that's what this comes down to,?a sense of worthiness --?they have a strong sense of love and belonging --and folks who struggle for it,?and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.There was only one variable?that separated the people who have?a strong sense of love and belonging?and the people who really struggle for it.?And that was, the people who have?a strong sense of love and belonging?believe they're worthy of love and belonging.?That's it.They believe they're worthy.?And to me, the hard part?of the one thing that keeps us out of connection?is our fear that we're not worthy of connection,?was something that, personally and professionally,?I felt like I needed to understand better.?So what I did?is I took all of the interviews?where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way,?and just looked at those.What do these people have in common??I have a slight office supply addiction,?but that's another talk.?So I had a manila folder, and I had aSharpie,?and I was like, what am I going to call this research??And the first words that came to my mind?were whole-hearted.?These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness.?So I wrote at the top of the manila folder,?and I started looking at the data.?In fact, I did it first?in a four-day?very intensive data analysis,?where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents.What's the theme? What's the pattern??My husband left town with the kids?because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing,?where I'm just like writing?and in my researcher mode.And so here's what I found.?What they had in common?was a sense of courage.?And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute.?Courage, the original definition of courage,when it first came into the English language --?it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart --and the original definition?was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.?And so these folks?had, very simply, the courage?to be imperfect.?They had the compassion?to be kind to themselves first and then to others,?because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people?if we can't treat ourselves kindly.?And the last was they had connection,?and -- this was the hard part --?as a result of authenticity,?they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be?in order to be who they were,?which you have to absolutely do thatfor connection.The other thing that they had in common?was this:?They fully embraced vulnerability.?They believed?that what made them vulnerable?made them beautiful.?They didn't talk about vulnerability?being comfortable,?nor did they really talk about it being excruciating --?as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing.?They just talked about it being necessary.?They talked about the willingness?to say, "I love you" first,?the willingness?to do something?where there are no guarantees,?the willingness?to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call?after your mammogram.?They're willing to invest in a relationship?that may or may not work out.They thought this was fundamental.I personally thought it was betrayal.?I could not believe I had pledged allegiance?to research, where our job --?you know, the definition of research?is to control and predict, to study phenomena,?for the explicit reason?to control and predict.?And now my mission?to control and predict?had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability?and to stop controlling and predicting.?This led to a little breakdown --?(Laughter)?-- which actually looked more like this.?(Laughter)?And it did.?I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening.?A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown,?but I assure you it was a breakdown.?And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist.?Let me tell you something: you know who you are?when you call your friends and say, "I think I need to seesomebody.Do you have any recommendations?"?Because about five of my friends were like,?"Wooo. I wouldn't want to be your therapist."?(Laughter)?I was like, "What does that mean?"?And they're like, "I'm just saying, you know.?Don't bring your measuring stick."?I was like, "Okay."So I found a therapist.?My first meeting with her, Diana --?I brought in my list?of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down.?And she said, "How are you?"?And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay."?She said, "What's going on?"?And this is a therapist who sees therapists,?because we have to go to those,?because their B.S. meters are good.?(Laughter)?And so I said,?"Here's the thing, I'm struggling."?And she said, "What's the struggle?"?And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue.?And I know that vulnerability is the core?of shame and fear?and our struggle for worthiness,?but it appears that it's also the birthplace?of joy, of creativity,?of belonging, of love.?And I think I have a problem,?and I need some help."?And I said, "But here's the thing:?no family stuff,?no childhood shit."?(Laughter)?"I just need some strategies."?(Laughter)?(Applause)Thank you.?So she goes like this.?(Laughter)?And then I said, "It's bad, right?"?And she said, "It's neither good nor bad."?(Laughter)?"It just is what it is."?And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck."(Laughter)And it did, and it didn't.?And it took about a year.?And you know how there are people?that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important,?that they surrender and walk into it.?A: that's not me,?and B: I don't even hang out with people like that.?(Laughter)?For me, it was a yearlong street fight.?It was a slugfest.?Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back.?I lost the fight,?but probably won my life back.And so then I went back into the research?and spent the next couple of years?really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted,?what choices they were making,?and what are we doing?with vulnerability.?Why do we struggle with it so much??Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability??No.?So this is what I learned.?We numb vulnerability --?when we're waiting for the call.?It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook?that says, "How would you define vulnerability??What makes you feel vulnerable?"?And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses.?Because I wanted to know?what's out there.?Having to ask my husband for help?because I'm sick, and we're newly married;?initiating sex with my husband;?initiating sex with my wife;?being turned down; asking someone out;?waiting for the doctor to call back;getting laid off; laying off people --?this is the world we livein.?We live in a vulnerable world.?And one of the ways we deal with it?is we numb vulnerability.And I think there's evidence --?and it's not the only reason this evidence exists,?but I think it's a huge cause --?we are the most in-debt,?obese,?addicted and medicated?adult cohort in U.S. history.?The problem is -- and I learned this from the research --?that you cannot selectively numb emotion.?You can't say, here's the bad stuff.?Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame,?here's fear, here's disappointment.?I don't want to feel these.?I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.?(Laughter)?I don't want to feel these.?And I know that's knowing laughter.?I hack into your lives for a living.?God.?(Laughter)?You can't numb those hard feelings?without numbing the other affects, our emotions.?You cannot selectively numb.?So when we numb those,?we numb joy,?we numb gratitude,?we numb happiness.?And then we are miserable,?and we are looking for purpose and meaning,?and then we feel vulnerable,?so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.?And it becomes this dangerous cycle.One of the things that I think we need to think about?is why and how we numb.?And it doesn't just have to be addiction.?The other thing we do?is we make everything that's uncertain certain.?Religion has gone from abelief in faith and mystery?to certainty.?I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up.?That's it.?Just certain.?The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are,?the more afraid we are.?This is what politics looks like today.?There's no discourse anymore.?There's no conversation.?There's just blame.?You know how blame is described in the research??A way to discharge pain and discomfort.?We perfect.?If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me,?but it doesn't work.?Because what we do is we take fat from our butts?and put it in our cheeks.?(Laughter)?Which just, I hope in 100 years,?people will look back and go, "Wow."(Laughter)And we perfect, most dangerously,?our children.?Let me tell you what we think about children.They're hardwired for struggle when they get here.?And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand,?our job is not to say, "Look at her, she's perfect.?My job is just to keep her perfect --?make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade."That's not our job.?Our job is to look and say,?"You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle,?but you are worthy of love and belonging."?That's our job.?Show me a generation of kids raised like that,?and we'll end the problems I think that we see today.?We pretend that what we do?doesn't have an effect on people.?Wedo that in our personal lives.We do that corporate --?whether it's a bailout, an oil spill,?a recall --?we pretend like what we're doing?doesn't have a huge impact on other people.?I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people.?We just need you to be authentic and real?and say, "We're sorry.?We'll fix it."But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this.?This is what I have found:?to let ourselves be seen,?deeply seen,?vulnerably seen;?to love with our whole hearts,?even though there's no guarantee --?and that's really hard,?and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult --?to practice gratitude and joy?in those moments of terror,?when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much??Can I believe in this this passionately??Can I be this fierce about this?"?just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen,?to say, "I'm just so grateful,?because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive."?And the last, which I think is probably the most important,?is to believe that we're enough.?Because when we work from a place,?I believe, that says, "I'm enough,"?then we stop?screaming and start listening,?we're kinder and gentler to the people around us,?and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.That's all I have. Thank you.(Applause)。