老外最精彩的一句话网络笑话,基本上都无法翻译(二)

94、If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
95、A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
63、Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
73、Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
74、Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
75、With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
81、Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
82、I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
92、Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
93、Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
58、A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
59、Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
60、My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
51、Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
52、I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
89、If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
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90、To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
96、Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
97、You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
83、We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
84、Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
85、Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
98、The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.
99、When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
55、Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
56、Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
57、There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
61、My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
62、A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
64、When in doubt, mumble.
65、I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
66、Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
67、If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
68、A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
69、Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
100、Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
53、The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
54、It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
78、You're never too old to learn something stupid.
79、A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
86、Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
87、I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
88、I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
76、I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
77、Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."
80、I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
91、You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
70、Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.