托福TPO第26套综合写作真实批改报告-极智批改网

托福TPO第26套综合写作真实批改报告

订单编号：131130809110221684736

题型：托福综合写作

题目：TPO第26套

原文字数：183

批改时间：2013年08月09日11：02

There are three main points made in this lecture to 1contradicts those discussed in2previous reading part.Firstly,the arguer denies the 3possibiliy that zebra mussels which has reached 4in North America from their original habitat in Europe would be a serious threat to freshwater fish populations in all of North America.As the arguer says,the invasion now could be stopped by controlling the ships which helped spread it out by taking on ballast water.The ships can be required to refresh the ballast water before landing 5on 6the North America,so that the mussels can be thrown away and would not become7invasion in North America.

Secondly,the arguer disapproves of the 8oppion that there are no predators for mussels in their new habitats.Hesugguests that there exists9kinds of local birds which will change their own habits and eat those mussels.

At last,the speaker 10considers that the mussels would not necessarily be negative to the new habitats. Instead,they can become positive

factors11.Because they can provide nutrients for the live creatures 12in bottom sea and feeding them.

错误归类分析：

选词错误：

1：批改解释：Poor diction. 修改建议：counter.

冠词错误：

2: 批改解释：an article is missing. 修改建议：the.

6: 批改解释：Not needed. 修改建议：Omit.

7: 批改解释：an article is missing. 修改建议：an.

拼写错误(SPL)：

3: 批改解释：spelling error. 修改建议：possibility.

8: 批改解释：Wrong spelling. 修改建议：opinion.

介词错误：

4: 批改解释：Poor use of preposition. 修改建议：Omit.

5: 批改解释：Poor choice of preposition. 修改建议：in.

单词缺失：

9: 批改解释：a word is missing. 修改建议：different.

大小写错误：

11: 批改解释：Capitalization error. 修改建议：because.

格式错误：

12: 批改解释：Poor phrasing. 修改建议：at the bottom of the sea.

得分3.0分（满分5分）

任务完成情况Development and Details

充分阐述听力材料中的观点，并指出其与阅读短文的关系

Presented the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading.

文章组织和结构Organization & Structure

能够表现出听力材料和阅读材料中的观点以及他们的关系。结构连贯清晰Clear, coherent structure stating the points in each passage and their relationship.

论点扩展和细节运用Development & Details

准确阐说两个材料中的每个观点及它们的关系

Accurate presentation of each point in both passages and their relationship.

能运用标准的书面英语，包括语法，词汇，拼写及标点

Command of the elements of Standard Written English, incl. grammar, word usage, spelling, and punctuation.

整体评分Holistic Assessment

表达清晰、文章连贯流畅

Level of clarity, cohesion and fluency in the presentation of the text.

总评

You have developed a good analysis of the argument given. The introduction is good but needs further development. “The two pieces present information about Zebra mussel, however, the listening offers counter arguments to the reading passage.”. This is a simple but more advanced introduction. Develop a thes is statement at the end of the introduction. “Though the reading presents worthy views about Zebra Mussels, without good substantiation, it is rendered dilute by the lecture.”. The analysis in the main body is logically well structured. It is commendable that you presented the arguments in the reading before the counter arguments in the lecture. You ought to put the views in separate paragraphs however short, for clear organization. Try to develop good topic sentences at the beginning of the main body paragraphs. The essay lacks a conclusion. There are some grammar errors that need to be addressed. These include formation errors like “in bottom sea.” Make a review of the articles and avoid poor diction. These have affected the coherence of the essay. Try to employ some advanced sentence structures and more vocabulary where possible.

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