英语笑话中英互译

1.How much English can you speak?

"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how

unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."

The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"

The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

2

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

He said, "What?"

3

Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting room.

"Doctor," he said, "you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago."

"Good heavens, man!" said the doctor. "Why have you waited so long? Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?"

"To tell you the truth, Doctor," the poor man replied, "I didn't need the money so badly then."

4

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that". Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

5

A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.

"All right, son," asked the father, "What does that show you?"

"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms." "法官先生,我的当事人被指控偷窃,这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约,几乎不认路。而且,他只会说几

个英语单词。"

法官看了看被告,问道："你会说多少英文？"

被告抬起头,说："把你的钱包给我!"

丈夫给妻子看了一项调查结果,为了向她证明女人比

男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000个字

而女人每天使用30000个。

妻子想了一会儿说,女人每天说的字数是男人的两倍,

因为她们必须重复已经说过的话。

他问："什么？"

一个看起来很难受的穷人走进大夫的诊室。

"大夫!"他说,"帮帮我!一个月前我吞了一分硬币!"

"天哪,"大夫说,"早干嘛去了？你当时怎么不来看？" "实话告诉您吧,大夫,"穷人说,"我当时还不缺钱!"

史密斯小姐发现她的一名学生在操场上向别人做鬼脸，便去轻责他。

这位主日学校的老师甜甜地微笑着，说："博比，我

小的时候，有人告诉我如果我做鬼脸，我的脸就会

僵硬，永远都那么丑。"

博比抬头看了看老师，说："史密斯小姐，你可别说

没人警告过你啊。"

一位父亲打算让自己的儿子知道酒精有多么可怕。

他把分别把两只虫子放到一杯清水和一杯威士忌里

做对比。清水里虫子安然无恙，结果威士忌里的虫

子蜷缩了几下就挂掉了。

"所以，儿子啊，"父亲问道，"得出什么结论？" "恩，这说明，你只要喝酒的话，肚里就不会长虫了！"